I feel guilty about fantasies?

[dancerja77]

I've been In a relationship for 2 years with someone I love. The guy I am with knows I am bi-curious. When I am alone I often watch women based porn because I like the idea of it. I don't think I would ever act on this. I love my boyfriend, I couldn't be with a woman. But for some reason the idea of being with a woman sexually, does. I feel very guilty about this because today during sex, I pictured a woman with me. I felt bad, and near the "end" I didn't think about that anymore. It's not any woman in particular, it's just the idea. I feel terrible, but at the same time, they're just thoughts right? This isn't cheating? I don't need to tell him? I'm afraid this would make him upset or feel like he can't satisfy me, which isn't true. Is this normal? Or should I feel bad about this???

[Fishmanpa]

When I was your age... a few years younger actually... I was in a relationship with a woman who felt much the same as you. I know because she openly discussed it with me. I knew she loved me so I told her to go for it....

Let's just say it was mutually satisfying for all and actually brought us closer.

If your feelings are that strong... Strong enough to post it in detail on the forum, perhaps it's something that needs to be discussed.

Positive thoughts

[ana]

The fact that you're sexually attracted to women as well as men doesn't make you a cheater. :) Acting on those feelings, however, does. If you're unhappy with your current partner or if you would prefer to be with someone else, be it another man or a woman, perhaps you should discuss it with your boyfriend. Honesty is always important in a relationship, and talking about the way you feel will help you regain some clarity as to what it is that you actually want.

[dancerja77]

It's totally not me wanting to be with anyone else, or not being in love, because I am! And that's why I feel guilty. I think he knows I've always been curious so I don't think he would be mad, I just wanted to know if it's normal, or if I should feel guilty?? I'm afraid if If i "confess" these thoughts, more will start to happen and then they will become intrusive and unwanted and I do NOT want that cycle to start.

[dancerja77]

I've been In a relationship for 2 years with someone I love. The guy I am with knows I am bi-curious. When I am alone I often watch women based porn because I like the idea of it. I am extremely happy with my boyfriend, I don't plan on acting on my thoughts, I love him and it troubles me that I have these thoughts.

I don't think I would ever act on this. I love my boyfriend, I couldn't be with a woman. But for some reason the idea of being with a woman sexually, does. I feel very guilty about this because today during sex, I pictured a woman with me. I felt bad, and near the "end" I didn't think about that anymore. It's not any woman in particular, it's just the idea. I feel terrible, but at the same time, they're just thoughts right? This isn't cheating? I don't need to tell him? I'm afraid this would make him upset or feel like he can't satisfy me, which isn't true. Is this normal? Or should I feel bad about this???

Bottom line, do I need to tell him? Or should I let it go. I don't necessarily think I need to always "confess" my thoughts. I'm sure he's thought about someone else a time or two and I get that it's normal and just imagination. I just don't want to be a liar if I don't tell.

I'm afraid if I start telling him my thoughts, I'll feel like I need to confess everything to him like I used too before I got over my OCD, and I don't want that to start again..

[nomorepanic]

Your posts have been merged together

[MyNameIsTerry]

Feeling compelled to confess when you have OCD themes could start a new theme as it will only be trying to reinforce the importance of being an issue so it's good you have questioned that to try and stop it before it starts.

People fantasise during sex, some may have an issue with, some may not. It's pretty infivifual. Some may see it as not being sufficient for their partner, others see it as just fantasy. Think of couples who have fantasy partners you are allowed as you will never meet them, like movie stars. Some people morally see that as not being in love enough, others see it as purely a bit of fun.

It could just be that it's something that is a turn on and therefore it adds to your sexual pleasure. A paraphilia, perhaps an optional one? It depends whether you are truly bi curious or just find it adds to the pleasure?

It's not cheating though, that's the negative thinking looking for an "in" to start off some worry through the powerful emotion of guilt/shame.

[ana]

Please don't feel guilty or beat yourself up over these thoughts. Like Terry says, people fantasise during sex and you don't want to start feeling shame over it. However, if your thoughts and feelings really bother you, perhaps you could share them with a friend or a family member if you're worried about talking to your boyfriend.
Just be happy and enjoy the relationship if you're happy in it and want to stay. :)