TheAdamBomb
16-10-17, 15:18
Hi,
This is my first post on here either ever or at least for a year. My apologies for it being so long, you might want to get some popcorn in.
Had a bad breakup back between August - December 2016 which caused my anxiety and depression to hit me hard. I worked hard and got myself back to a point where i felt much better about everything and discovered a lot about myself.
After a break I struggled to find another girlfriend and went on about 16 dates and the usual online dating etc. Then in June I met a woman absolutely beautiful and we hit it off really well and within weeks started spending all our time together. I discovered a few things about her while we were dating and found out she suffered from Anxiety and depression on and off for years and was even on the same medication as me.
We went to a motorbike festival which was great and she had a birthday party bbq which I went to with her and was really nice to see how many good friends she had.
However I found out more about her ex and what he had done to her (cheating with the woman next door and other stuff). And realised that it had effected her quite badly. On her birthday she started to cry a lot and go on that her ex didn't even bother wishing her a happy birthday and how much they had hurt her etc. Alarm bells kinda rang for me then but despite this she told me that she didn't love him and was ready to date when she did and was lucky to have found me. We continued seeing each other and I even after 3 months let her meet my son and they get on very well. Which was a huge thing for me. We made lots of plans about staying in a hotel in November and other stuff such as going away on the motorbikes next year, using her office to do my art etc.
Then during September things started to change, I noticed that she began to close up more and started to worry about us and pretty much worry about everything. I noticed that she was suffering from bad anxiety and convinced her to see her Doctor which she eventually did after a while of me asking her.
It then reached a point where it felt like she was pushing me away and sure enough out of the blue she said we needed to talk as she was worried about us. She said she couldn't cope with a relationship as she was struggling to cope and wasn't sure if it was due to her feeling anxious/depressed or not.
So despite me not wanting to we decided to stop but she wanted to remain in touch, the same day I told her how I feel and she she immediately asked me to come over for tea and told me that she didn't realise I felt that way and it made her cry (in a good way). She went back to being ok for a couple of days and asked me if I wanted to out for a meal. We went out and half way through I knew something wasn't right, she looked like she'd seen a ghost and said she felt really ill. Then when we got home to hers she was in a mess and crying again saying that she was really bad and didn't want me to wait for her while she was like this and said i could stay but probably best we didn't do anything, she was hurting so much from what was done to her before and doesn't know wether she could ever trust anyone again.
All I could say to her was that i understood how she felt and that I was there for her. The next day she decided to finally see the Doctor who increased her meds.
This went on for a bit with her wanting me but not wanting me, which started to set my anxiety off a little bit.
I then noticed that she was online on the dating site where we met. That obviously got me very anxious and I decided I needed to talk to her about it calmly of course.
I also decided which (did help me a lot) to write a letter explaining exactly how I felt for and how I was there for etc but also that I wouldn't be a doormat, mug etc. I tried to arrange to meet her to give her the letter and also tell her some very private personal issues of my own, but she started to cancel last minute. The third time she cancelled was a Sunday, she had booked a table at a restaurant locally and 30 minutes before sent me a message saying that she wanted to meet up after starting her new job. I kinda had enough as she was also online on the dating site at the same time as speaking to me so just had it in my head so decided to drive down to see her as she was refusing to speak to me. When I got there she was alone in her house look rather bad. The lights were off and no tv on and she was sitting under a blanket with a hot water bottle. I got her to talk a bit during the tears etc. She told me that the honest truth was that she was speaking to her friend (guy friend who is just a friend) as she had come off Facebook.
She said she needed space and was really anxious and worried about the new job starting.
I left her my letter and she said she'd read it and let me know what she thought.
Well that evening she told me it was the loveliest thing anyone had ever done and done and she was lucky to have met me. She said she would tell me in person what she thought as a message wouldn't do it justice.
So a week later we go out for a lovely meal, we had both been talking much more again and it was good. Until we got home. She started getting upset again and said that although the letter was amazing she felt she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment and needed to sort herself out, which I understand as she is definitely not good. So I told i'm here for her and can't wait etc. She said it was best not to stay as she was confused and didn't want to complicate things. So i went home.
Two days later she asks me over for dinner at hers and said I could stay, although nothing intimate happened. Which is fine as i'm a gentleman.
The next evening when looking at stuff on her laptop she had left the dating site open and logged in, my curiosity got the better of me as i knew something was off, and I saw messages to other men going on for weeks asking them on dates and giving her number to them. My heart sank I said nothing of it. So after a few days of depression and anger I confronted her and she denied it until i pointed out what I saw. We met and she said how broken she is and that nobody can fix her, she had been on the site but not gone on any dates with anyone. She said it gave her a temporary buzz and lift when she did it but told me how she knew her behavior was disgusting and was genuinely sorry for it. I kinda put it down to how she was but I have lost a bit of trust.
We have been out since with my son and had an amazing day but that evening again she changes and starts to tell me she can't do a relationship.
I'm sorry this is so long but i'm totally lost, It feels like shes pushing me away because of how she feels and at the same time she panicks. She said she feels strongly for me but doesn't want to hurt me or lead me on. and at the same time says shes scared of losing me. I don't know what to doand my mental state is taking a hit a bit now.
I hope someone understands.
Thanks
Adam
This is my first post on here either ever or at least for a year. My apologies for it being so long, you might want to get some popcorn in.
Had a bad breakup back between August - December 2016 which caused my anxiety and depression to hit me hard. I worked hard and got myself back to a point where i felt much better about everything and discovered a lot about myself.
After a break I struggled to find another girlfriend and went on about 16 dates and the usual online dating etc. Then in June I met a woman absolutely beautiful and we hit it off really well and within weeks started spending all our time together. I discovered a few things about her while we were dating and found out she suffered from Anxiety and depression on and off for years and was even on the same medication as me.
We went to a motorbike festival which was great and she had a birthday party bbq which I went to with her and was really nice to see how many good friends she had.
However I found out more about her ex and what he had done to her (cheating with the woman next door and other stuff). And realised that it had effected her quite badly. On her birthday she started to cry a lot and go on that her ex didn't even bother wishing her a happy birthday and how much they had hurt her etc. Alarm bells kinda rang for me then but despite this she told me that she didn't love him and was ready to date when she did and was lucky to have found me. We continued seeing each other and I even after 3 months let her meet my son and they get on very well. Which was a huge thing for me. We made lots of plans about staying in a hotel in November and other stuff such as going away on the motorbikes next year, using her office to do my art etc.
Then during September things started to change, I noticed that she began to close up more and started to worry about us and pretty much worry about everything. I noticed that she was suffering from bad anxiety and convinced her to see her Doctor which she eventually did after a while of me asking her.
It then reached a point where it felt like she was pushing me away and sure enough out of the blue she said we needed to talk as she was worried about us. She said she couldn't cope with a relationship as she was struggling to cope and wasn't sure if it was due to her feeling anxious/depressed or not.
So despite me not wanting to we decided to stop but she wanted to remain in touch, the same day I told her how I feel and she she immediately asked me to come over for tea and told me that she didn't realise I felt that way and it made her cry (in a good way). She went back to being ok for a couple of days and asked me if I wanted to out for a meal. We went out and half way through I knew something wasn't right, she looked like she'd seen a ghost and said she felt really ill. Then when we got home to hers she was in a mess and crying again saying that she was really bad and didn't want me to wait for her while she was like this and said i could stay but probably best we didn't do anything, she was hurting so much from what was done to her before and doesn't know wether she could ever trust anyone again.
All I could say to her was that i understood how she felt and that I was there for her. The next day she decided to finally see the Doctor who increased her meds.
This went on for a bit with her wanting me but not wanting me, which started to set my anxiety off a little bit.
I then noticed that she was online on the dating site where we met. That obviously got me very anxious and I decided I needed to talk to her about it calmly of course.
I also decided which (did help me a lot) to write a letter explaining exactly how I felt for and how I was there for etc but also that I wouldn't be a doormat, mug etc. I tried to arrange to meet her to give her the letter and also tell her some very private personal issues of my own, but she started to cancel last minute. The third time she cancelled was a Sunday, she had booked a table at a restaurant locally and 30 minutes before sent me a message saying that she wanted to meet up after starting her new job. I kinda had enough as she was also online on the dating site at the same time as speaking to me so just had it in my head so decided to drive down to see her as she was refusing to speak to me. When I got there she was alone in her house look rather bad. The lights were off and no tv on and she was sitting under a blanket with a hot water bottle. I got her to talk a bit during the tears etc. She told me that the honest truth was that she was speaking to her friend (guy friend who is just a friend) as she had come off Facebook.
She said she needed space and was really anxious and worried about the new job starting.
I left her my letter and she said she'd read it and let me know what she thought.
Well that evening she told me it was the loveliest thing anyone had ever done and done and she was lucky to have met me. She said she would tell me in person what she thought as a message wouldn't do it justice.
So a week later we go out for a lovely meal, we had both been talking much more again and it was good. Until we got home. She started getting upset again and said that although the letter was amazing she felt she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment and needed to sort herself out, which I understand as she is definitely not good. So I told i'm here for her and can't wait etc. She said it was best not to stay as she was confused and didn't want to complicate things. So i went home.
Two days later she asks me over for dinner at hers and said I could stay, although nothing intimate happened. Which is fine as i'm a gentleman.
The next evening when looking at stuff on her laptop she had left the dating site open and logged in, my curiosity got the better of me as i knew something was off, and I saw messages to other men going on for weeks asking them on dates and giving her number to them. My heart sank I said nothing of it. So after a few days of depression and anger I confronted her and she denied it until i pointed out what I saw. We met and she said how broken she is and that nobody can fix her, she had been on the site but not gone on any dates with anyone. She said it gave her a temporary buzz and lift when she did it but told me how she knew her behavior was disgusting and was genuinely sorry for it. I kinda put it down to how she was but I have lost a bit of trust.
We have been out since with my son and had an amazing day but that evening again she changes and starts to tell me she can't do a relationship.
I'm sorry this is so long but i'm totally lost, It feels like shes pushing me away because of how she feels and at the same time she panicks. She said she feels strongly for me but doesn't want to hurt me or lead me on. and at the same time says shes scared of losing me. I don't know what to doand my mental state is taking a hit a bit now.
I hope someone understands.
Thanks
Adam