jmk99
16-10-17, 22:23
Hey, I've been reading the articles on this site and it's great to find a large community of people that probably understand where I'm coming from.
Long story short, I've had various OCD/depressive/anxious moments throughout my childhood but the last 3 years or so they've got worse, minus the OCD.
My behaviour became highly erratic 3 years ago; I lost friends, I lost the ability to make new ones, I abused drugs heavily, I'd get high on MDMA and drive 120mph+ down the motorway, drank drove and generally showed a blatent disregard for my own or others safety. I'm ashamed about that.
My main symptoms right now are social anxiety, I was diagnosed with GAD, one doctor diagnosed me with depression whilst another thought it was just GAD, but I don't know what I'm feeling. Existing is a torment for me, the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed is suicide. I hold it together to go to work so I can pay my bills, but my quality of life is very low.
I was prescribed Sertraline, Citalopram, Duloxetine (came off them due to erectile dysfunction), Mirtazapine (made me angry and zombie like) and I'm currently on Pregabalin, which woke me from this coma like state for about 4 days but then wore off.
I can't concentrate, I can't remember, I enjoy nothing, and I'm exhausted all the time. Whether there's hope I don't know, but I feel like I'm being robbed of my late 20's. I have close friends and a loving family that are my saving grace really. I almost resent that, because I'd rather the easy way out.
I live on my own and I struggle to open up. Sorry for the negativity, but I'm just going down every support avenue I can. Meeting with my GP again shortly to re assess my medication. At my worst, I abused cocaine, MDMA, pills, cannabis, alcohol and everything else that would be the last thing I needed for my symptoms. Right now I've got diazapam (bought from a dealer, the doctor wouldn't prescribe me anymore) which I'm leaning on but trying to space out the doses where necessary to avoid addiction. I signed up to the online NHS talking therapy site (iesohealth.com) to try my hand at online CBT. I can't talk about my feelings without crying or fighting off a panic attack.
The diazpam kicked in as I was typing this so I feel a bit more relaxed, however it's fake pressed pills (not in the original packaging) so I don't really know what's in them.
I don't really know what to do at this point, I've signed up to a private GP who is very empathetic, so I'm hoping he can help me. But right now I feel like I'm in trouble.
Not sure if this is intro etiquette, but it's all out there.
Long story short, I've had various OCD/depressive/anxious moments throughout my childhood but the last 3 years or so they've got worse, minus the OCD.
My behaviour became highly erratic 3 years ago; I lost friends, I lost the ability to make new ones, I abused drugs heavily, I'd get high on MDMA and drive 120mph+ down the motorway, drank drove and generally showed a blatent disregard for my own or others safety. I'm ashamed about that.
My main symptoms right now are social anxiety, I was diagnosed with GAD, one doctor diagnosed me with depression whilst another thought it was just GAD, but I don't know what I'm feeling. Existing is a torment for me, the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed is suicide. I hold it together to go to work so I can pay my bills, but my quality of life is very low.
I was prescribed Sertraline, Citalopram, Duloxetine (came off them due to erectile dysfunction), Mirtazapine (made me angry and zombie like) and I'm currently on Pregabalin, which woke me from this coma like state for about 4 days but then wore off.
I can't concentrate, I can't remember, I enjoy nothing, and I'm exhausted all the time. Whether there's hope I don't know, but I feel like I'm being robbed of my late 20's. I have close friends and a loving family that are my saving grace really. I almost resent that, because I'd rather the easy way out.
I live on my own and I struggle to open up. Sorry for the negativity, but I'm just going down every support avenue I can. Meeting with my GP again shortly to re assess my medication. At my worst, I abused cocaine, MDMA, pills, cannabis, alcohol and everything else that would be the last thing I needed for my symptoms. Right now I've got diazapam (bought from a dealer, the doctor wouldn't prescribe me anymore) which I'm leaning on but trying to space out the doses where necessary to avoid addiction. I signed up to the online NHS talking therapy site (iesohealth.com) to try my hand at online CBT. I can't talk about my feelings without crying or fighting off a panic attack.
The diazpam kicked in as I was typing this so I feel a bit more relaxed, however it's fake pressed pills (not in the original packaging) so I don't really know what's in them.
I don't really know what to do at this point, I've signed up to a private GP who is very empathetic, so I'm hoping he can help me. But right now I feel like I'm in trouble.
Not sure if this is intro etiquette, but it's all out there.