Do you think health anxiety is a form of self harm?

[hopeful1]

As I left my GPs office the other day with another health complaint I said off the cuff as I left: i dont know why i torture myself like this. Because of my background (abused as a child, many disasters along the way and PTSD) I got myself wondering if i actually do this health anxiety thing as some form of self harm.Its as though i inwardly feel i dont deserve to have a happy life so i sabotage it. I am aware that health anxiety is prevalent in lots of people for all sorts of reasons but this comment came out of the blue from myself and got me thinking what the hell am i doing to myself. What do you think. Has anyone else had lightbulb moments?

[swajj]

No.

[O_O]

I guess it could be... I imagine it stems from different places for different people. I know that I sometimes worry I'm being punished or I'm cursed and that's why there's something wrong with my body (if there even is something wrong with it)!

[hopeful1]

I've tried to find an answer about my health anxiety for many years. It seems so unfair that some people glide through life without a care. I do feel like you that it's some form of punishment. I thought I was doing well not self harming as many people do with my past but perhaps this is self harm in a different form. Just a thought.

[Fishmanpa]

Self harm? Not in the technical physical sense but many of the behaviors such as Googling often cause severe self inflicted mental anguish and in that sense, it's self harm.

Positive thoughts

[daisyflower]

I agree with Fishmanpa that googling etc is like self harm to someone with health anxiety. We know it won't make us feel better in the long run but the short term relief that it 'may' bring (usually not, though) is enough to make us do it.
I have a phobia of doctors/tests and tend to avoid going for as long as possible. This could be classed as self harming as I refuse to go get worrying things checked out and yet sit at home, driving myself crazy with worry and making the symptoms worse.
It could also swing the other way; we value our bodies so much and want to keep living so badly that we are terrified of getting ill.

[melfish]

I wonder about this too. I've never had an urge to physically self-harm, but regularly put myself through the wringer mentally. I am very hard on myself, feel undeserving and never good enough, have a history of fearing rejection and abandonment (which I've largely worked through), all of which stemmed from having been adopted. Due to the timing of my latest and greatest battle with it, I do I wonder whether HA is an additional form of self-flagellation.

---------- Post added at 08:18 ---------- Previous post was at 08:18 ----------

*Adoption is terrible for mental health, folks, don't try it at home

[Mav]

Honestly, I never chose to be so anxious with my health (I mean I did but it felt like I had no choice in the matter) so it was no self induced harm so I don't think I could label my anxiety as self harm however, I know in the darkest times it was torturous and definitely harmful.

[budgie1979]

I never thought of it that way, because I have never had the urge to self-harm, but in a way both things tend to have a strong component of control. For me, HA is mostly about my desire to have control over every aspect of my life and inability to just accept that there are things I cannot control. Whereas with self-harm, I think people often do it as a way to feel in control over some aspect of their life when they otherwise feel helpless.

[hopeful1]

Thanks Fishmanpa for the CBT link, I've had a quick look and it looks quite amusing and informative at the same time, will work through it. It can't do anymore harm than I do to myself mentally already! I know how I got to this state, have seen counsellors regarding my past and have resolved a lot of issues except this health anxiety thing. It's the last hurdle I'm determined to beat. Fed up with it. Thanks.

[memeroot]

yes I think it can be.

it can also be a 'call for attention' - that sounds negative but is not meant that way...

a physical ailment gains support and the opportunity for recovery
often mental suffering gains neither.

if you are suffering mentally due to a lack of support or recognition its obvious that you would swap towards a physical ailment that immediately gives you both.

Your email is very specific towards that view

So no its not self harm its a request for attention - totally justifiably and necessary - but isn't going to solve the underlying issue which is mental not physical.

[Murdock]

I think mine stems from seeing my grandfather die of stomach cancer when I was a kid. They could have probably caught it in time but he refused an endoscopy (as he hated them) and managed to convince the GP to give him his usual anti-acids which masked the symptoms until it was too late. My counsellor thinks I’m possibly traumatised by it, and my GP thinks I’m suffering from underlying OCD. Whatever it is it sucks.

[hopeful1]

Memeroot interesting thought. Not sure i am attention seeking, usually i am quiet and a bit of a loner to be honest.... but you have made me think. I hate this image of a complete nutcase i have.... perhaps deep down it gives notorioty of sorts. Still thinking!

[swajj]

My psychiatrist believes that the roots of anxiety lie in fear of dying. He’s the expert so Ill go with that.

[Ellient]

My psychiatrist believes that the roots of anxiety lie in fear of dying. He’s the expert so Ill go with that.



100%

[MyNameIsTerry]

100%

Maybe for HAers, not so for the rest of us or GAD, PTSD, non HA/contamination OCDers, etc (well, some of those) wouldn't exist. Living is more my problem, death doesn't matter to me.

Self harm or self destructive?

It's not the self harm as defined. But it is definately self destructive. Self esteem is there where someone doesn't feel they deserve better. But it's less about that release the self harmer needs for me.

Depression is even moreso. Hating yourself, hating your situation. Low self esteem, low confidence, no self worth.

All of this can be found in many areas of mental health, and maybe not just at disorder level.

[melfish]

I don't care about dying. Only about suffering. Why would I care if I died in my sleep, or of a sudden stroke or ruptured aneurysm, or got run over and killed by a bus? I wouldn't know about it.

[Ellient]

I don't care about dying. Only about suffering. Why would I care if I died in my sleep, or of a sudden stroke or ruptured aneurysm, or got run over and killed by a bus? I wouldn't know about it.



Thats very true. I've always said I'd rather die instantly and not know anything about it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Dieing can be about different things. Leaving family behind and how it would hurt them, fear of not being here, fear of what comes after, fear of retribution from deities, the unknown, having not done enough or left a legacy, etc.

I'm not afraid of death because I have always seen it as just a natural process. My family are very much like that too so I've likely picked that up from them.

Pain, no one wants all that though! I'd much rather slip away in my sleep than in an agonising gonads in a combine harvester accident! :ohmy:

[Ellient]

Dieing can be about different things. Leaving family behind and how it would hurt them, fear of not being here, fear of what comes after, fear of retribution from deities, the unknown, having not done enough or left a legacy, etc.

I'm not afraid of death because I have always seen it as just a natural process. My family are very much like that too so I've likely picked that up from them.

Pain, no one wants all that though! I'd much rather slip away in my sleep than in an agonising gonads in a combine harvester accident! :ohmy:



I think I'd like to be old in no pain watching eastenders or something! I don't want any pain at all, I also wouldn't like my children or family seeing me suffer that's another thing I think about when I think about death although I don't have HA when I think about death it's more how the people around me would cope, I would hate the thought of my children and mother feeling pain over my death.

I guess everyones different though, but no matter what we fear, what we want, we all have to die one day, I don't see the point worrying why or when it'll happen.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think I'd like to be old in no pain watching eastenders or something!

I think I'll take the combine harvester after all! :D

What you just said will be what everyone would feel I would imagine, it's natural to consider loved ones. Compassionate people would rather be the last to go and suffer the pain of losing people, even though they would dread the pain of loss too, rather than the thought of their loved ones grieving for them. You hear old couples talk about that.

I have thoughts about it from time to time. Sometimes if I'm in low mood phases but otherwise it wouldn't enter my head. Obviously you read or see things that make you think about mortality & family, like a tragic accident or charity appeals on TV, which trigger thoughts but you don't dwell on them.

[Ellient]

I think I'll take the combine harvester after all! :D

What you just said will be what everyone would feel I would imagine, it's natural to consider loved ones. Compassionate people would rather be the last to go and suffer the pain of losing people, even though they would dread the pain of loss too, rather than the thought of their loved ones grieving for them. You hear old couples talk about that.

I have thoughts about it from time to time. Sometimes if I'm in low mood phases but otherwise it wouldn't enter my head. Obviously you read or see things that make you think about mortality & family, like a tragic accident or charity appeals on TV, which trigger thoughts but you don't dwell on them.



Well I do enjoy my eastenders so maybe just after the episode has finished would be slightly annoyed to go in the middle of it! ;)

Yes yes yes! I couldn't stand seeing any of my children or family members in pain either, there really is no better option so I take everything as it comes, I even get upset when my child has a cold, I just hate seeing him suffer, but it gives me reasons to cuddle him as he as grew out of that stage now it isn't cool to be with mum anymore!

I think a lot like you I wouldn't sit and think about death on a nice day out with friends or family but when you see tragic events or have a death close to you it makes you feel how real it really is(with HA or not)

When I first saw this thread I thought the selfharm mentioned was that some users will prod/dig themselves till bruised. I can't imagine doing that to myself and feel truly sorry for anyone who has.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well I do enjoy my eastenders so maybe just after the episode has finished would be slightly annoyed to go in the middle of it! ;)

Yes yes yes! I couldn't stand seeing any of my children or family members in pain either, there really is no better option so I take everything as it comes, I even get upset when my child has a cold, I just hate seeing him suffer, but it gives me reasons to cuddle him as he as grew out of that stage now it isn't cool to be with mum anymore!

I think a lot like you I wouldn't sit and think about death on a nice day out with friends or family but when you see tragic events or have a death close to you it makes you feel how real it really is(with HA or not)

When I first saw this thread I thought the selfharm mentioned was that some users will prod/dig themselves till bruised. I can't imagine doing that to myself and feel truly sorry for anyone who has.

So, it would be "duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh" and off you go! :D

Yes, seeing loved ones suffering is far worse than going through it yourself. I feel like that. You just feel powerless. Worse for parents I reckon as you want to be able to take all pain away. I feel like that when my dog gets ill. :woof it's the sad eyes.

There's plenty of people on this board that poke & prod lymph nodes to make them swell. Those who pull hair or pick skin tend to be on here or the OCD board here & there. Hand scrubbers on here or the OCD board but not many of them. There are real self harmers on here too.

[pulisa]

For me it's fear of the process of dying and how would anything get done if I were in hospital undergoing treatment. Also there would be the small matter of trying to keep my family functioning but they would survive and would probably get on better without me.

[budgie1979]

I don't care about dying. Only about suffering. Why would I care if I died in my sleep, or of a sudden stroke or ruptured aneurysm, or got run over and killed by a bus? I wouldn't know about it.

This exactly. There are things I fear about dying, but it's not the death itself. I fear pain. I fear an illness that will slowly kill me but rob me of dignity in the meantime and bankrupt my family. I fear that my husband would not be able to cope with my death (he has his own mental health issues). I fear not being "finished" with all the things I want to accomplish in life. I fear having to deal with a terminal illness alone.

[exbenzo]

I never thought of it that way, because I have never had the urge to self-harm, but in a way both things tend to have a strong component of control. For me, HA is mostly about my desire to have control over every aspect of my life and inability to just accept that there are things I cannot control. Whereas with self-harm, I think people often do it as a way to feel in control over some aspect of their life when they otherwise feel helpless.

Thank you for reminding us about things we can't control. This is really spot on in my case. Seeking reassurance as a short term reliever, as mentioned by another in this thread, also true for me, it's like my OCD (now more manageable, though).

Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that there are things I can't control. Whether I got lab test result with positive result or negative one, so what, right? I mean - don't misunderstand me - it's different if I lead destructive lifestyle which I myself know could bring detrimental effect to my health, but if I have already lead a healthy one (at least in my own opinion), in order to repay damages that I've done in the past (I'm a 17-year psych drugs sufferer)? I think one of the most important keys here is that words: There are things we can't control.

Thanks again.