Anxiety still burning away after 14 months.

[rainbow]

I haven't posted for a while as i've been trying to control my anxiety but I just feel like i'm not living properly. I'm super vigilant about any small sensation in my body and my thoughts are always about cancer.

Its not just about myself, I obsess over my children's health too. My daughter had an ongoing pain near her shoulder blade recently and I was googling sarcoma. I always go to the worst case scenario. I feel like I can't let my guard down and be truly happy incase I make something bad happen.

When i'm really sad become withdrawn and sad. My 14 year old daughter came up to me yesterday and gave me a huge hug, she said I seem sad. I don't know how to live with this anymore.

[cattia]

You sound a lot like me. I started on medication because I felt like I wasn't enjoying anything any more and wasn't really myself over the past twelve months. So far I don't feel any better but I have also started CBT. There has to be a way through this, I do hang onto the hope that I've had long spells of feeling good over the years and I just want to get back there.

[rainbow]

Hi, sorry that you feel this way too, it's so hard isn't it?

I've been on medication for about 13 years now an have had cbt twice in the past 8 years. I'm currently being assessed for more cbt but unfortunately i've only seen my therapist twice in the last 3 months, I had to cancel 2 appointments but every appointment I get seems to be a month apart. I hope when I get started on it properly I will start to feel better.

I also have a problem with things that I see as a bad sign, such as a single magpie, avoiding walking over 3 drains, I work on a checkout and if they put me on number 13 I worry that something bad will happen. I sound crazy! I've given myself a bad headache over the last few days from all the googling and worrying. I'm worn out with all of this.

[cattia]

Yes it's really exhausting :( I can only get telephone CBT on the NHS so I'm paying for private therapy which is expensive, I'm hoping it will be worth it. It's really horrible how physically worn out it all makes you feel. I think HA and OCD are quite closely linked in many ways too.

[rainbow]

Why can you only get phone cbt? Its awful that you're having to go private. How long have had HA?

I'm so tired out, my mind just doesn't stop, its like a running commentary all the time.

---------- Post added at 17:30 ---------- Previous post was at 17:28 ----------

I agree about the link between OCD and HA. I can become very obsessive about any symptoms that I get.

[Blonde123]

Please let me know how you get on with private cbt. I'm considering paying for private therapy as well.

[cattia]

In our area that's all they offer. I've had it before and I hated it because I don't like speaking on the phone at the best of times. Years ago I had face to face CBT. I only had six sessions but I found it really helpful. I've had HA since my twenties and I am now 40. I have not taken medication since I was in my late twenties but lately it's got worse so I'm trying it out again. I used to take prozac which really helped. Now I am on Sertraline and so far it's not helping much at all.