IT HAS ALL GONE WRONG, AGAIN

[sal]

Well so much for things seemly getting better, that has come to an abrupt hault.

Work has been getting really stressful and i could feel it starting to wear me down, so put a stop to that and have taken next week off. So at least i can recognise when its getting too much.

With regards to Aidy he has come on far too fast for me and now i just want to be on my own as i dont feel the same as him. So now comes the dilema of telling him that, which is obviously making me feel really anxious. Feel horrible that it has gone like this as i really thought we stood a chance but as much as i have thought about it i cant see it working out.

Managed to speak to Graham a few weeks ago and we sorted stuff out, he talked about what happened and we decided we could built a friendship now. I am feeling really bad today and as he always knew what to say i am going to email him at work as he is on night shift.

Head is spinning and feel like i falling fast down that slippery slope.

Sorry if it comes across like i am feeling really sorry for myself, but cant rationalise as feeling so anxious and keep asking myself when will i get it right or am i destined to be on my own forever.



Love Sal xxxxx

[vernon]

hi sal, no u r not set to be alone, I think your are scared to make any changes to your life and afraid to take that chance? Well Sal u go Kid take a chance it might just work and make u feel much better than being alone all the time? You know u hate being alone all the time sal so whats to lose? But sal u do what u think is right ok. take care my number 1 net G/F xxxx Vernon

[Sue]

Hi Sal,

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time.

I have read all your previous posts on this subject and it sounds a bit like you still have a bit of a thing for Graham (hope I have name right!)

Could this be the reason you dont feel the same way about Aidy as he does about you? Sorry if I am way off the mark here.

What ever the reason though, I think its best to tell him sooner rather than later if you know it will not work out.

Of course you will not be on your own for ever, you are too nice a person for that.

I hope you have a nice week off work and manage to relax a bit.

Sue

[Meg]

Sal ,


**Aidy he has come on far too fast for me and now i just want to be on my own **

Isn't there a compromise here somewhere !?! He slows down a bit and you get time to come to terms with it all.

Seems you both like each other and are needing to find a balance of time together to build this new relationship and time apart with familiar people like family and old friends.

Does it have to be either full on or totally off ?



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Merlinssister]

*hugs*

You have coped in the past, and you will do it again. Have faith.

MS

[sal]

Thanks for your replies.

I have asked him to slow it all down but he hasnt and i dont think there is that spark there that should be on my side. He seems to have totally fallen for me and when i look at it realistically i dont feel the same and not sure that i ever would.

We lead two completely different lifes. Sounds horrible but he would make a great friend but he would be too soft with me as a partner.

Telling him is going to be horrible and i dont think he is going to take it too well.



Love Sal xxxxx

[seh1980]

hi Sal,

It's not going to be easy to tell Aid that you don't feel the same as him but the sooner you do it, the better. He might be a little hurt at first but I'm sure that he will understand in the long-run. It's better to be honest with him now than wait until his feelings for you have increased even more.
No, of course you are not destined to be alone!! Your prince will come along someday soon...
You know where I am if you need to talk.

Sarah :D

[davebrum]

sal
sorryto hear you are having troubles sounds loke we have the same problem? any way this one is for you HUG and a wish that all improves for you
xx david

[Marc]

Aww Sal, I really feel for you ... life can be a real bitch can't it...
Things never seem to go right for long. - But you sound like a really nice caring girl and I'm sure things WILL get better!! - just have to try'n stay relaxed about it. Easy to say I know, but much harder to do.
Anyway, we all love you and wish you the very best, try to keep positive and keep talking to us about it ....

xx
Marc

[sal]

Hi Marc and Dave

Thanks for your replies it is good to hear it from a mans point of view.

We have texted each other tonight and basically he will ride with whatever i want which makes me feel even worse. I honestly feel i didnt deserve someone as nice as Aidy as i couldnt give him what he needed.

Sent email to Graham and no reply so that has brought me back into the picture as i always though we would be friends.

Bad day and night but sure i will bounce back and thanks mates.



Love Sal xxxxx

[sal]

The night got worse!!! Sent email to Graham as he asked and basically he has thrown it back in my face. Rang him at work and so much for keeping a friendship going he talked to me like i was ****. I asked if he had time could he come over and load some programmes on my computer and i did it in total friendship. He told me he might not have time so i said fine then he said he definately wouldnt have the time and it wasnt a good idea. Then said he had to go, maybe i am ahead of him onthis or he just wants to be a complete git. Then i have Aidy texting me and i have told him about Graham tonight and he totally understands and is wanting to support me through it. Maybe i have thought wrongly of him.

He has even told me he will be my friend with no pressure, guess i didnt deserve someone as special as him.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Jules31]

Hi Sal

Oh you poor thing, I bet you feel like things are never simple.

I hope you are feeling a bit better and you do deserve someone very special!!

I hope you got some sleep and are going to take it easy with yourself this week.

I'm here if you want to chat, just pm me.

Love




Jules

[mico]

Hi Sal

Sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle at the moment. The joys of life, eh? But I guess you already know that the decisions yours as to what you do next. Seems a shame about Aid, he does sound very sincere from what you've written here, but if there's no spark then there's no spark i guess. You could try laying low for a couple of weeks though, not having anything to do with anyone while you think about it, you'll probably have a much clearer perspective after then and will be able to make your mind up easier.

And Sal, I know you, and you ain't destined to be single for the rest of your life. There's plenty of time yet.

Hope it picks up for you soon.

mico

[nomorepanic]

Hey Sal

Sorry I am late in catching up with this.

I asked you before about Graham and you said that it was definitely off but I feel that you still hold a torch for him.

Aid sounds lovely but you are scaring him off cos you don't think you like him that much.

I think you need some time to sit back and do nothing for a while. Stay away from them both and give you time to think and decide what you want to do next. You can't do that whilst talking to both and getting mixed feedbacks.

Just stop all communication for 2 days say and then decide, and don't do anything in haste.

You know in your heart what you want and I know that you want love and friendship but you can have both.

Big hug mate:)
xx



Nicola

[sal]

Hi Nic

I did totally think i was over Graham but when he rejected just a friendship it hit me hard. I didnt think i could let him get to me again.

As for Aidy he is on nights this week so wont see him and i have the week off. Had an appointment booked with my doctor for 2 months so went along tonight which i really needed as feel i have come to a stand still. She did talk about changing my meds but isnt prepared to do it before christmas as she knows the change over will make me dip. She has given me an extra tablet to take for anxiety called Trifluoperazine but cant seem to find much info about it.

She told me if i wasnt feeling any better in the new year she would be inclined to swap my tablets to Mirtazepine, Venlafaxine or Escitalopram but she wants to see how i go.

I honestly hand on heart didnt think Graham could hurt me again but how he was last night just proves what a mockery it all way.

Have had a terrible day and am scared to go to bed as feel so low and dont want to lie awake thinking as my head is battered as it is.



Love Sal xxxxx

[seh1980]

Hi Sal,

You poor thing you!! It sounds like you are in the middle of a dilemma. It's good that you have a week off. It'll give you a chance to relax and get your thoughts together and work out exactly where you stand with both of them.
Ed leaves on Wednesday for Malaysia so I will be free after that. Come over for a cuppa and a chat - it might do us both the world of good!!

Sarah :D

[sal]

Hi Sarah

Thanks for that i will call over. I hope Ed has a lovely time, give him my best wishes and i will see you very soon.



Love Sal xxxxx

[pips]

Hi Sal,

Sorry just caught up hun,

Sorry you are feeling so crap babe.

I was in the same position as you. I was engaged to a chap who treated me really bad. Finally got the courage up to get out of it and start again. Really scared as I was in a new town as well as I had moved to be with him. Anyway stuck it out but still stayed friends with him as I didn't really know anyone else. Bad mistake though & kept getting hurt.

Then I met my hubby now. Who treated me like I was a princess. I couldn't cope I felt so bad and like I didn't deseve him at all. Wasn't sure whether it would work out or not. I decided I would stick it out though and take it slow. Stopped seeing my Ex as a friend. As it still hurt so much. Anyway I'm so glad I did stick it out now as it did work as I did fall in love and we got married.

Sorry about the waffle but what I'm trying to say is I think what will be will be. You know in you own heart if you could ever grow to love Aid. Don't end it just if the only reason you have is that you don't think you deserve him! cause you bloody well do mate LOL.

This week will help you be able to sort out alot of stuff. Take time out and do what you think is best for you.

I hope you do manage to sort things out whatever you decide. I know it's tough mate. Remember I'm always here if you need me.

Take Care, and I hope you feel better soon.

Love & Hugs PIP'S XX XX

[sal]

Hi Pips

Thanks for that mate. Just so confused about a lot of stuff and how Graham treated me when he asked to be friends just threw me. Aidy is a lovely guy and he has been great. I am going to call him at work tonight and have a chat with him.

Hope you are feeling a bit better. I always seem to take a nose dive this time of year.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Meg]

Sal,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling .. Are you currently having counselling/ threapy as I think that would benefit you more than the proposed drug changes .

This is a reactionary emotional response that needs to be worked through rather than supressed.


Trifluoperazine- how much are you prescribed ?

Love
Meg

[sal]

Hi Meg

No i am not having counselling at the moment but was thinking about getting back in touch with Jean my CBT counseller to see what we could sort out.

The doctor has prescirbed me 1 mg of Trifluoperazine to take one a day but max of three.

Cant really find much information out about what they do etc.

She gave me a choice of three tablets that she would think of changing me to if feeling no better, Mirtazepine, Venlafaxine or Escitalopram, but isnt looking to do that at present. She also gave me a months presciption of Temazepam to get me some sleep without using the wine.

I havent taken any yet and last night didnt have any lager and 3/4 bottle of wine which is a lot better for me as i have been drinking far too much as you know. I didnt sleep but got through the night so thats a bonus. I havent got Sam tonight so will have a few glasses of wine as always feel unsettled when i am like this on my own. But tomorrow night i am not going to get a bottle of wine so i will have none in the house and see how that goes.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Meg]

Sal ,

Getting in touch with Jean is a really good idea - see if you can't improve upon how you approach and cope with relationships before the New Year.

I am familiar with all these drugs and do believe in medication to help us short or long term by giving us a well needed space and motivation - but I am not a big believer in adding in drugs to cope with a clear reactional emotional process.

This relationship theme is recurrant in your life and Jean will probably be the best way of tackling it .

Glad to hear that you are going to try to limit your wine and lager - perhaps you and Debbie can help each other on this one...




Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[sal]

Hi Meg

Totally appreciate your advice and needed some reassurance.

Regarding medication i will think about it and havent taken the presription to the chemist yet.

As for relationships think my past has a lot to do with it and am scared of committing to someone that cares.

Have spoken to Aidy tonight and he is coming over on Thursday so we can talk.

Suppose why felt so happy with Graham was that i knew he had committments and couldnt affect my life but that isnt how to live is it.

Need time and will sort out how i feel and tell Aidy how i feel and can only see what happens from there.

Thanks for your advice.



Love Sal xxxxx