Soooo... Anyone else had a premonition? Please help me.

[O_O]

Just wondering whether anybody else has "known" that they would die / had a certain condition. I don't just mean "what if" or "I feel like" or "I'm scared that". That's what my anxiety used to be like, and I'd do anything to be like that again!

I ask because the reason my fear and dread is so extreme at the moment and I can't function as a human being is because of one singular event, a "premonition".

I was going through a fairly complicated miscarriage, but I was coping fine. Until one point, two months ago. The doctor said I'd need a general anaesthetic to finish getting everything out. At that point, I knew I'd die if I went under general anaesthetic. I told the doctor this (quite calmly) and she obviously thought I was nuts and I spent the next two weeks desperately trying to find an alternative.

I ended up having an MVA under local anaesthetic. But since then, things keep going wrong. The MVA missed a bit of tissue, which came out by itself later. My HCG has been slow to drop. Now I have ovarian and uterine pains that I'm going to go to the doctor about.

I feel that I can't escape my fate. If that one event hadn't occured, I wouldn't be like I am now. How can I have such extreme health anxiety based on one event, one thing a doctor said, a "premonition", if it isn't true?

It's worse because to be honest I can't find anybody else who's experienced something like this. Please help me.

[snowflake293]

Just wondering whether anybody else has "known" that they would die / had a certain condition. I don't just mean "what if" or "I feel like" or "I'm scared that". That's what my anxiety used to be like, and I'd do anything to be like that again!

I ask because the reason my fear and dread is so extreme at the moment and I can't function as a human being is because of one singular event, a "premonition".

I was going through a fairly complicated miscarriage, but I was coping fine. Until one point, two months ago. The doctor said I'd need a general anaesthetic to finish getting everything out. At that point, I knew I'd die if I went under general anaesthetic. I told the doctor this (quite calmly) and she obviously thought I was nuts and I spent the next two weeks desperately trying to find an alternative.

I ended up having an MVA under local anaesthetic. But since then, things keep going wrong. The MVA missed a bit of tissue, which came out by itself later. My HCG has been slow to drop. Now I have ovarian and uterine pains that I'm going to go to the doctor about.

I feel that I can't escape my fate. If that one event hadn't occured, I wouldn't be like I am now. How can I have such extreme health anxiety based on one event, one thing a doctor said, a "premonition", if it isn't true?

It's worse because to be honest I can't find anybody else who's experienced something like this. Please help me.

I can relate to this so much, as you know I too suffered a miscarriage and I feared it was going to happen - and sadly it did, in the exact way I imagined as well :( It is so tough as our hormones are still racing around, and when you have anxiety and/or health anxiety anyway then something you fear actually happens - it can reinforce our irrational fears/phobias very significantly.

I am scared now that every fear I have from now on will come true. At the moment I am scared of the c-word in my womb/ovaries, stomach and breast. It is horrible, and the fears consume me.

I am seeing my GP on Thursday and I am absolutely bricking it. I go to a big health centre and it is very hit and miss as to whether or not you see a GP who is sympathetic to health anxiety. I am dreading needing tests!

Anyway I just wanted to say you aren't alone, and I understand. This WILL pass though, I promise. We can beat our fears. Our minds are so powerful, health anxiety is a horrible thing to live with but it is definitely possible to beat it :)

Big hugs x

[O_O]

I was scared the baby would be dead at the 12 week scan, and it was! However, the general anaesthetic thing was totally different :/ nobody else seems to have had something like that.

[Ellient]

I'm confused you said you knew you was going to die and you didn't surely that's a good thing? The tissue came out later which is perfectly normal and HCG drops slow because it's a hormone and yours is 5? That's basically normal, so nothing apart from having a miscarriage has gone wrong - your situation after the situation is very common and normal.

You have ovarian pains because your body is getting used to being not pregnant again preparing to ovulate again etc.

You must be driving yourself crazy sat in your mothers house not working you should try get a hobby maybe and then you will focus on something other than death.

Again sorry for your loss.



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[O_O]

I hope I just got really scared and it wasn't really a premonition.

I don't know whether to have the HCG test that's booked for tomorrow because I know that if it's still 5, or higher, I'll be pushed over the edge.

I also don't know if I should ask for a pelvic scan to see if they can see any more retained tissue, or check for cysts. I know I had a 4cm follicular cyst on my right ovary. They haven't been able to see my left ovary for a while. I'm scared I might have a corpus luteum cyst which could raise HCG.

I don't know what to do. I'm feeling panicked this morning. I am going to try to speak to the doctor.

[Annaboodle]

I hope I just got really scared and it wasn't really a premonition.

Of course it wasn't. There is no such thing as a premonition. You don't have "special powers" that enable you to foresee the future. Your anxiety is making you think you do. Work on reducing your anxiety and unpicking this thinking.

Everybody who is aware of things that can happen during pregnancy worries that a heartbeat won't be found at a scan. I'm very sorry for your loss. It happened to me at the 12 week scan too, but I don't think for a second that because I had been anxious about it and it then it happened and it turned out that I'd had a silent miscarriage that I somehow "knew" it was going to. This is magical thinking, which is something you might want to speak to a therapist about or just read up on yourself to understand it.

[O_O]

Of course it wasn't. There is no such thing as a premonition. You don't have "special powers" that enable you to foresee the future. Your anxiety is making you think you do. Work on reducing your anxiety and unpicking this thinking.

Everybody who is aware of things that can happen during pregnancy worries that a heartbeat won't be found at a scan. I'm very sorry for your loss. It happened to me at the 12 week scan too, but I don't think for a second that because I had been anxious about it and it then it happened and it turned out that I'd had a silent miscarriage that I somehow "knew" it was going to. This is magical thinking, which is something you might want to speak to a therapist about or just read up on yourself to understand it.

I've read a lot about people having premonitions that came true. I can barely find anything about false premonitions! It just felt so strong, and has affected me so badly. I hope so much it was just anxiety, or even some sort of brief psychotic event brought on by intense stress.

I just don't know whether I should have the HCG test tomorrow. If it's a bad result it will be more evidence that there's something conspiring against me.

Maybe I could see if the doctor would just give me a small amount of Xanax to take while I wait for the results. Do you think that would help with this feeling? Or I could take 10mg of diazepam, or maybe more. I only take diazepam very occasionally because I really try to avoid medication. Diazepam doesn't seem to have an enormous effect on my mood though.

[swajj]

I agree with the above statement that there is no such thing as a premonition. You are worrying over nothing.

[O_O]

I agree with the above statement that there is no such thing as a premonition. You are worrying over nothing.

It just scares me how I felt it so strongly. Definitely much more strongly than any previous health anxiety events, and to be honest I think more strongly than anyone else on these boards. Maybe even more than darkside and his oral cancer fears.

[O_O]

You say you had a premonition that you died when you were under GA. Did the thought just enter your mind, something like “I’ll die if I go under GA”. Because that’s anxiety.

Yes, it was kind of like that. It's not like I had a vision or anything, it was just an immediate "knowledge" when the doctor said that was the next step. I've always had some anxiety and obsessive tendencies, but nothing like this. The feeling was just so strong that I refused treatment and did literally everything I could to find an alternative procedure. And because of that feeling I'm still in a huge psychological mess two months on. It seems like such an odd thing to effectively have a mental breakdown over. Can anxiety and OCD really create a feeling like that? I'm struggling to find anybody else who's felt it.

[swajj]

At sometime you probably read or heard that GA carries some risks. So the seed was sown. Later on, when the possibility of having GA was raised, you remembered what you had seen or heard about GA. It felt so strong because it wasn’t new, it was familiar. Going right back to when you first learnt that GA can carry some risks. The thing is that the risk that something will go wrong under GA is extremely small. GA is very safe.

[O_O]

At sometime you probably read or heard that GA carries some risks. So the seed was sown. Later on, when the possibility of having GA was raised, you remembered what you had seen or heard about GA. It felt so strong because it wasn’t new, it was familiar. Going right back to when you first learnt that GA can carry some risks. The thing is that the risk that something will go wrong under GA is extremely small. GA is very safe.

I know it's generally safe, that's why it's strange that I'd react so strongly to the idea. Anyway, I feel like I'm just waiting now for more things to go wrong to reinforce this feeling. That's why I'm so scared of having the blood test tomorrow, in case the HCG hasn't dropped.

[Geepee]

I often have dreams and then wake with the symptoms of what I dreamt of. Please don't worry and I hope you find peace - I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.

[Annaboodle]

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time of it. I feel there is generally a lack of support for women going through miscarriages. Mine was a medical one. I wanted the GA option, but the only available slot was over two weeks away and I felt I couldn't just wait that long. At what I hoped was the end of the medical one they examined me and said that the placenta hadn't come out and I might have to be taken in under GA to finish the procedure. I remember feeling so exhausted and done in by that point and actually thinking, "Noo, I'll die if they put me under now" but of course that thought was totally irrational and just the result of a combination of my anxiety, exhaustion and emotional state. I would have been fine. They managed to remove the placenta without it in the end. Anyway, my point is that you can have these thoughts and believe them strongly in the moment but they are just that - horrible catastrophising thoughts in the midst of emotional turmoil. I find it helpful to think of them like that. Sorry, I'm not making a lot of sense. Still upsets me years later. I went on to have another baby in my early 40s by the way x

[O_O]

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time of it. I feel there is generally a lack of support for women going through miscarriages. Mine was a medical one. I wanted the GA option, but the only available slot was over two weeks away and I felt I couldn't just wait that long. At what I hoped was the end of the medical one they examined me and said that the placenta hadn't come out and I might have to be taken in under GA to finish the procedure. I remember feeling so exhausted and done in by that point and actually thinking, "Noo, I'll die if they put me under now" but of course that thought was totally irrational and just the result of a combination of my anxiety, exhaustion and emotional state. I would have been fine. They managed to remove the placenta without it in the end. Anyway, my point is that you can have these thoughts and believe them strongly in the moment but they are just that - horrible catastrophising thoughts in the midst of emotional turmoil. I find it helpful to think of them like that. Sorry, I'm not making a lot of sense. Still upsets me years later. I went on to have another baby in my early 40s by the way x

Thanks Anna, I hope that's all it was. It's just had such a profound effect on me and I've gone from normal(ish), functional and happy to extremely anxious, full of fear and dread, and non-functional at the flip of a switch.

Sorry you went through it. I took misoprostol first too, and thought it had worked, but I still had retained tissue. Some got stuck coming out and they had to yank it out with forceps! Unpleasant, but I was just happy because I thought it had been my womb prolapsing! Then even after that, the scan showed more retained tissue... which is when the GA incident occurred.