Always feel guilty

[dancerja77]

Lately my anxiety has stemmed around being a good person and not being a liar. I always feel the need to get reassurance from others which calms me down. For example, I am a nanny and a student. I usually work 11:30-6 on tuesdays because I have a class from 9:30-10:20. Well tomorrow my class got cancelled. The boy I watch usually goes to school, but he is sick this week. I could technically tell his mom that I can watch him, but I'm honestly so exhausted I could use the rest. I was sick all last night until about 3 am and went in at 7 am. I could use this time to rejuvenate and protect myself from getting sick. Am I a bad person for not telling her? She has a very flexible job that allows her to work from home. I also would like her to stay home with him so she can see how sick he really is. Why do I feel like this? Most people would brush it off, but I always feel guilty about things like this.

:(

[Matthewray]

Hello. I do not think you are a "bad" person from what I read. You do not wish ill intentions to this family. You are looking out for your best interest (which is what should always be first, you cant help anyone if you are sick). The family is in a very privileged position considering the mom can work from home. Not many people can do that. Sure you were dishonest but in reality she wouldn't have understood your reason for calling out in the first place cause she is only going to be concerned with her comfort (which is perfectly understandable). Good and bad comes down to intention, my friend. We may do things that offend people or aren't considered kosher to others but it's our intention that makes it bad or good. Did you purposely do it to harm this family? Doesn't seem like it. The fact that you stress over it tells me clearly you aren't a bad person. I know some real scum and they don't so much as bat an eye when they doing bad things. With that said you should consider working on the root of the problem, namely the anxiety about being in good standing morally with yourself. Always consider the intention of the action and not the effect of the action when determining if you are a good or bad person.

[higherlove]

I can really empathise with you on this. I really struggle with feelings of guilt also but I think it’s really important for you to remember that a bad person wouldn’t be concerned whether they are good or bad so that in itself would mean you’re not a bad person.. if that makes sense to anyone other than me.

For what it’s worth, you don’t sound at all like a bad person to me. Hope you got a good rest and are feeling better now :)

[swgrl09]

I can definitely empathize with you on this one. I have been working on guilting myself a lot in my own personal therapy. For me, it has been about learning that it is okay to put myself first. If I don't put myself first, I can't really and truly be helpful to others or if I can, it will be short-lived. It's perfectly okay to decide you can't do it!

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with swgrl. I think you are too hard on yourself and that it comes from being a good, caring person.

The amount of people, including the non anxious, I've come across who say the same about feeling bad about ringing in sick. Go back generations and you will find this attutude even more common as working non stop thorugh life wa seen as the thing you were supposed to do. Unemployment was badly frowned on back then hence why it's still got stigma today and people losing their jobs for no reason of their own still feel bad about it.

At the end of the day - you're not the parent. They are expected to move heaven & earth for their child.