should i stay or should i go?

[PUGLETMUM]

:weep: here we go again! try to get out of the behaviour and the next minute you are having a nervous breakdown!!!:wacko:

is there anybody here who has travelled about 1 3/4 hrs from their home to stay away for a few nights when theyve been in a bad period?

i am due to go at 5pm but im already telling everyone im not going to be able to do it, so my daughter will go with gran & grandad and me and hubby will stay here in misery (his more than mine, as of course i will be doing what comes natural - avoiding)

i need to support/ kind words/ advice/anectodal evidence that this can be done - RAPID!!!!!:shrug:

a very anxious, miserable emma

[decker6869]

I say do it Emmas! you can do it, it cant hurt you. It can make you feel bad but it will pass and you will feel better for it! you have been supportive of me! i know you can do it!

When i was suffering from my panic back in 2004 i was always having to go places i would rather not have gone,but i fought my way through it then and thanks to you im finding the courage to fight through it again in 2007!! why justs today i actually lifted some weights for 8-10 minutes!! which considering ive been sedentary and unactive for 2 months speaks mountains for me!

I want you to give it your best shot! Panic/Anxiety cant hurt you! I call it the equivalent of a bad tummy ache! It is a Faux-disease that you need to kick in the rear end! Go for it!

and think, if you try but fail, you can say you tried and will do better next time. if you avoid your just re-enforcing the grip the fear/panic/anxiety has over you and giving it power over you. Take back your life, one step at a time and the first step is out that damn door and into that damn car and dammit you can do it!!!!

[Zek]

It's very easy for us (the people who are not going through what you are feeling) to give advice and how you should act / cope with this.

In my experience the worst thing that we can do is say 'No, I'm not doing it'. By doing this we make the situation worse, we start to reinforce the un-natural behaviour. Remember this behaviour is not totally natural. It is the extreme of our defense mechanism.

I know how you feel and what it is doing to you and to your partner. If I focus on what my partner is missing out on it helps me, this stops me fully concentrating on my inner feelings which always prevent me from doing things.

Recently (wednesday) I went on a one days workshop (through work). Believe me I worried and worried over this for a month, making myself ill when tuesday night came. I was getting the usual anxiety feeling of no control. When I got there everyone was there, I walked into a lions den so it felt. The first thing I did was sit down (in I might add the most uncomfortable chairs you'll ever see) and focus on my breathing. (I inhale - say to myself RELAX and exhale RELAXATION, I do this very slowly even if my heart is pounding). I was still having some affects of anxiety throughout the day but I was also telling myself 'I'm very proud of you, you are dealing with this very well'. All very positive thoughts and suggestions.

This did help me get through the day.

Now I'm not saying that I have fixed the problem / issues, I have made a step forward in unteaching the un-natural behaviour that is trying to rule my life. The more we do this the more the un-natural behaviour is pushed out of our lives.

I hope you went and that all is / was well.

[PUGLETMUM]

oh your so kind guys, this is what i NEED to hear, and i know that my lovely man is suffering soooo much.

why have i let this happen to myself over the last 7 years?!?!

i am so glad that you are feeling better and that i helped you decker, you keep going! but why oh why cant i help myself when i have to do something that ive been avoiding.

zek, you are 100% right and i wish you well

emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[funky chick]

Hi Emmas, My advice is to go hun although i do know how hard it is to decide that when going through bad patch as you say could you go and in your mind as a sort of comfort thought think well if im not good with anx i could always leave early with hubby and go home? just wondered if this would help by breaking it bit like a crutch if you like rather than looking at this as one big thing you then at least have an option, hope this makes sense and i havent waffled on too much! anyway if you do go remember the anx is just feelings that wont harm you and nothing bad will happen to you ok. Hope this helps a little and i wish you a nice time Emmas good luck in whatever you decide hun be thinking of you love Gail xxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Zek]

Emmas, you can help yourself just like you are helping other people on this forum deal / cope and improve on their lives.

You say you've had these anxiety / panic attacks now for seven years? I'm into my fouth year and expect to have these demons dealt with by the end of this year.

I don't know the type of person you are but like us all here we share one amazing similarity.

I'd like 'if possible' to hear from you as to what the anxiety / panic attacks are doing to you.

Below I will detail my experiences / feelings of what they do to me.
(This is the paper I gave to my doctor as spoken about in my recent thread)

Hard to control my emotions i.e wanting to cry for no apparent reason.
Feeling useless with no purpose in life.
The feeling of failure in all that I do.
I never used to talk so quietly, I’m unsure of myself, I now sometimes stutter or get my words wrong.
I find it hard to ‘feel’ happy about what happens in my life.
The feeling I’m going to pass out if I feel even the slightest amount of stress.
On average it takes 30 minutes to 3 hours to get to sleep. If I haven’t slept very well the night before I feel more anxious the next day.
In a normal week I will have at least 5 panic attacks or moments of anxiety in one day.
Quick to become angry and uncontrollable. On three occasions in the last 2 ½ years I have been so uncontrollable with anger I have been physically abusive towards my partner. No feeling that what I was doing at the time was against my beliefs. I never ‘ever’ have been physically abusive before my panic attacks / anxiety started.
When in the car, if at traffic lights or in a line of standing traffic. With cars behind I feel as if I’m going to fall asleep or pass out. I feel the strength drain from my legs, arms and I feel tense but unaware where. My heart races, I find it hard to concentrate, feel petrified.
Feeling of unbalance, as if I’m about to keel over, similar to vertigo. This happens if I’m shopping, standing in a queue or talking to someone. It can also happen when out walking the dog, walking through a shopping area outside.
Dreading having to go to meetings / courses ‘ which is part of my job’ or even taking time off from work so I do not need to attend, simply because I feel I cannot cope with any focus being put on me i.e. having to talk in a group.
Unable to sit still for periods of time, I then start to feel uncomfortable within myself and then I start to feel anxious. I find it hard to relax even when I’m in a safe environment such as at home.
I'm sorry it was so long but to get a good picture of what these attacks do to someone it needs to be explained fully.

[Lindalou64]

Emma.
When I was at my worst i mean worst,what helped me was knowing my husband had the understanding that we could return home if i needed to , and just knowing I could leave if i really had to always helped, not once did I leave, take things with you to distract you, I know you can do this its the anticapation right now.....i know ya feel like crap right now thinking about it but after all said and done your gonna be so happy ya went,Im sure if ya speak with ya hubby and say hey if I have to return your not gonna get all mad about it...Im sure he will agree and Im sure you wont have to come back just knowing.....best to ya.........Linda xx

[PUGLETMUM]

oh no ive just written big long reply to you all, then gone to see whether you are man or woman zek and lost it all!!!

i dont want to write it all out again im feeling a bit dizzy at the mo

but you are all stars and i love you, that was the most important part of the reply,

im going to TRY and go in the morning

i will write later maybe if im feeling better

emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[happyone]

Emma,
when I felt really bad back in October, we travelled to Fuerteventura! I was anxious and in a state but I decided to take the advice of someone from here.
'You will be anx at home, so why not get away from it and be anx in different surroundings!'
i can't say it was the best holiday in the world, but staying at home would have been worse as I would have felt so bad, which I think adds to the anx.

The following month, I went away with hubby for two nights. this was a huge deal for me, to be away from my kids for this long. I have always been convinced something would happen to me if I was away from them. I won't lie and say there were no problems but I overcame them. I got very anx on the return journey but we got over that by jumping off the coach and into a taxi.
I really believe avoidance is the worst path we can take as it just gets harder the longer we avoid.

Hope you do whatever is right for you!

happyone
xx

[PUGLETMUM]

thanks happyone,
the only snag is ive been avoiding since i was 14!!!!! this 7 year period is the worst and longest but i have this long behavioural history, which is why I BANG ON about avoidance all the time, maybe im hoping that by going on about it to every one else ill start to apply it to myself, but the sad truth is its as natural to me as breathing!

i know what you mean tho about feeling just as bad at home, because thats why nothing im doing is making me feel better because im actually STILL avoiding my current biggest phobia, being on own without constantly checking by phone. ive been doing this for years but now i can see how futile it is and how its kept me phobic

ill keep you all posted as to whether i do actually get my head straight and finally believe i CAN deal with this s***

emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[funky chick]

(((HUGS))) sending you hugs Emmas and thinking of you lots hope you feel better later on. love Gail xxxxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[bubbleblitt]

Hi Emma, I am so sorry that you are suffering like this.I am in a similar situation at the moment.I am due to fly to America ( I am terrified of flying!) in two weeks.I have flown lots of times in the past 20 years and it has always been very difficult but I have forced myself to do it.Now I am looking at the next flight and thinking -I don't want to do this again.It's full of dread and I am finding the more panic attacks I have the more they are wearing me down. I would cancel but am really anxious about letting everyone in my family down! I do hope that you feel better soon and whatever you decide you will have done well.You will have made a decision one way or another so don't beat yourself up over it. Let us know how you get on, Bubble