He's left me....

[candie]

Hi guys,
just wanted to post because i truly feel crap and need some advice if poss.
Anxiety and panic at an all time high after doing quite well of late:weep: ....

Well here goes...Ive been married for 3 and 1/2 years,my husband has had his fair share of problems-not anxiety related-and i feel like ive really been there for him despite going through my own anxiety nightmare but never felt he's been truly there for me.Ive tried everything i know how to try and resolve the issues in our marriage but nothings ever changed and i feel like he's taken advantage of my good nature.Done everything i possibly can to try and understand his situation and help in any way i can but i feel like he's took the p**s out of me for too long.
As an anxiety and pa sufferer i am very sensitive and i take things to heart and get upset really easily as many of you will understand so on wednesday i asked him to leave.He has left before a few times and its always been me whos made the first move to bring him back but i felt i was giving my all and getting nothing back in return.I felt like i have enough to deal with and just cant take any more:weep:

So here i am 5 days later feeling as if my worlds collapsed,havent heard anything from him and i havent contacted him either and this isnt about point scoring but i feel like he's treated me wrong and i feel like if our marriage is going to be saved then he should be the one to make the first move because i have done it so many times before.
Its taking everthing i have just to get through the day but trying to stay strong is killing me,my anxiety and panic are raging every minute of every day and i dont know how much more i can take.I'm dealing with that and also the fact that my husband has left and im devastated about that,what shall i do..?

I have good family and friends anytime i want them but i just feel so alone...i cant ring my husband(and dont feel as if i should) because i have a feeling he'll just reject me anyway as hes done before.I feel like my worlds collapsed,i dont know what to do with myself,the days(and nights) are just so long i just dont know where to turn.....:weep: :weep:
I'd be grateful of any advice and sorry about the long post...

love to all of you,a very miserable candie xxx

[stargazer]

Awww candy

You poor thing, don't know what to say but have this:hugs: We have a friend who was in a similar situation but eventually through lots of heartache this person finally spoke to his partner and is slowly slowly comming through speaking to his partner once a week and I think honey ring him it will help you try to do that sweetie:hugs:

[kazzie]

Hi Candie:flowers:

Maybe a few days apart is what you both need:shrug:

I would give it a few more days then ask to meet him and both be honest about your feelings

Not much help I know but dont know what else to suggest:shrug:

In the meanwhile have a :hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x

[Ellen70]

I really feel for you Candie. Anxiety and Panic are hard enough to handle without all of this stuff with your husband.
Now I have never been married but it does very much sound like your husband is more of a liability to you than an asset. Being with him is making your anxiety problems worse and dragging your self confidence and self respect right down. I think you are on one of those situatons when love is not enough - you love him but he certainly isn't showing you any love. It must be really hard to be on your own but I have lived alone for years and it isn't that bad. It can be lonely but I am sure you feel alone when with your husband too as he isn't showing you any affection.
It is up to you but don't contact him because he probably likes to know that you can't manage without him. The thing is you can manage without him, we all self sufficient only it is hard to see that at times.
Your husband may love you in his own way but love without respect and empathy isn't worth having.
Hang on in there and try and distract yourself from thoughts of phoning him. If you need to talk then ring a helpline like NoPanic or the samaritans. I have phoned the samaritans often and it is great to bawl your eyes out to someone who is impartial to your situation.

Wish I could help you in a more practical way but I will be thinking of you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Love yourself first and foremost,

Eibhlin :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

[Lindalou64]

im sorry to hear what your going through at this moment, i dont know what his issues are and why he left...alls i can say i wish you what you really want...sure your upset thats normal but im sure you will here from him.....like i said i really dont know your situation with ya hubby......but i wish you the best in what you decide and whats best................hang in there take care.........linda xx

[Zek]

I feel for you, I really do.

I'm currently in a similar position as you right now. My partner of three years left to stay with her parents on monday, well that is what I was told but I know now she is staying at a friends house.

Anxiety / Panic Attacks destroy us inside, they make us feel so alone even when there are loved ones around us. Tears inside, the feelings of loss and the lack of hope are the emotions I'm having and I'm sure you can relate to this.

If you love this person and think there is a future then do your damnedest to sort this out, get the person back and get rules made out for both of you.

I'm trying to give the best advice I can hoping that what I write to you will work for me.

Just know that the lonely road you walk right now is one shared.

[candie]

Hi everybody,
just wanted to say thankyou so much all of you for taking the time to reply,it means such a lot.Still feeling crap but a little more positive tonight... will keep you posted.

Love to all of you,Candie xxx

[breeze25]

Sorry your feeling so bad.

My husband has Ulcerative Colitis and it means he can be ill for months on end, and I am there for him constantly, when first started with my anxiety attacks I felt he wasn't there for me, guess its was hard for him to understand as he never had any, but then one day with his medication he was on (steroids) he had a mild panic attack in a supermarket, and from them on he had some kind of insight as to where I was coming from. He understands the panic attack, he still cant get round to understanding why a headache for me = tumour, but he is much better. I really hope things work out for you.

[belle]

Hi Candie...

Sorry you're going through this, in fact, i am too! My husband is completely unsupportive and reminds me daily of what he could be doing if he was single and not burdened with "someone like me".

Panic/anxiety is difficult to understand unless you experience it, but whoever the partner is, a little understanding would be good!!!!

Take each day as it comes and make sure when you talk to him, that he realises support is the key to recovery in the illness...

x

[yorkylover]

http://www.yourcoolprofile.com/Images/Hugs_And_Kisses/images/hugs-kisses--10.gif

[manmoor]

:hugs: CANDIE :hugs: XXX

[PUGLETMUM]

hi candie,

i am thinking of you and everyone who is struggling thru this at the mo, as i am also having a rough time and it is taking its toll on my relationship.

ive been having cbt and they show you all the ways that your thinking is making things worse, which is not to say that you are to 'blame'. but you will almost certainly be making thinking errors that are in no way helping your situation.

also i am also 'sensitive' and this in itself can lead to these problems id recommend a book from sheldon press about sensitivity not sure exactly what its called but there is only one i think on there, so just type in sheldon press and you go to their site if you want to look at their self-help books

another thing my therapist pointed out to me, which id come to realise more and more of late, is that we have this 'need' to be 'understood', when in reality NOBODY can understand what you are feeling unless they have experienced it.

so i would advise to you to vent your frustrations and sadness etc here so that you are not expecting too much of the people around you (your husband) to understand.

my husband is very unhappy with me at the moment and ive been clinging to his mum to help me get through because he is not able to support me right now, but now im feeling stronger through coming on here and sharing all of this with people who DO understand and even CARE, and im feeling the strength coming back to deal with how im feeling without having to cling to people who dont really have a clue what it feels like to be like this.

all the best to you

emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[zena]

Hi honey...I'm also very sorry to read your post.
I don't know what to say to you.
My hubby and me split up for 18 months and gradually through spesking and listening we were able to work things out and get back together.

Take one day at a time....things will come together slowly...don't put to much pressure on yourself.

You have done a very brave thing which takes courage to do...

Not much help I know but hang on in there.