Worst panic attack of my life

[SadieK]

Hello all, just wondering if I'm going mad?! Has anyone else had this - I had such bad panic attacks in recent days that I actually thought I was going insane; one panic attack after another for 48 hours with total insomnia, no respite, no logic to them... Thinking of comforting things like my mother's house or a hug from my BF just made me feel unusually empty. I thought I was going to be put in a psychiatric ward after going to A&E in desperation, I was pacing and sweating and hysterical. I saw a doctor who gave me 10 low-dose diazepam and told me to see my GP and change my prescription for Paroxetine to a higher dose (currently 20mg) which I've now done. I was also prescribed beta blockers to stop the relentless palpatations. So now i feel lethargic and keep getting dizzy, and still v low. But no panics yet, just tears on tap!

I'm now just living in fear of being sectioned and my BF leaving me, and losing my high-pressured job (which i hate, but am desperate for the cash). Can anyone tell me if they've come through the other side and feel "sane" again? I've had a 6-week course of CBT and it only works when i'm low-level stressed. I don't want to go mad! If you have any stories of recovery and how you got there I would love to hear from you x :hugs:

[lior]

Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I can relate to how you're feeling - rather than panic, when I get really wound up I get suicidal. I remember feeling crazy - out of control, unrecognisable as 'me', totally desperate to get out of the state of mind.

I am out the other side, and my therapist says I'm not likely to get depressed again :)

I also did CBT and it only helped when I was low-level stressed. I've been through two bouts of depression/anxiety, and each time it took me six months to a year to start feeling ok again, with the help of citalopram and psychotherapy. However - CBT is useful in the long term, because once the intense feelings have faded, it helps me stay in the low-level stress zone rather than escalating to high stress. I still use CBT techniques now to prevent getting ill again.

You will find your own way through. Everyone finds their own unique way. Finding your own way will show you that you can save yourself. You CAN do this.

If your boyfriend leaves you, he's not right for you. If you get sectioned, it would be because it's helpful for you. If you lose your job, it would be a blessing in disguise. I have had some of these fears coming true, and other ones. Once your fears have come true, there is nothing left to fear. I found that even though the things I loved were taken away from me, I was still alive and there's so much more to life than the world I knew.

I DID have hours where I think I was mad - some kind of self destructive auto pilot that was almost impossible to get control of.

Two years later... I'm almost off citalopram (like 1 week away!!) and I'm not depressed. I haven't had a panic attack for at least a year.

You will get through this. :)

[swgrl09]

I just went through something pretty similar. I also was in a high stress job, am pregnant, and felt like I had a mental breakdown about a month ago. I was having panic attacks all the time, passing out from them, unable to sleep, shaking, couldn't eat, etc. I got back on medications and was given some klonopin to use in the meantime until they take effect. In the end, I had to decide to leave the job. Honestly I am terrified financially right now but I could not imagine going one more day and my and my baby's health is more important.

All I can say is give it time to let the dose increase work. It can take a while. Lior is right about the fears. I was terrified about not working and I'm not right now. I am still anxious about it, but I had to make a choice and I put my health first.

Give yourself some time to get through the crisis part of this. Do you have any sick time you can use from work?

[SadieK]

Lior, thanks so much for your reply. I've been so afraid - it's almost like the panic attacks have created a huge phobia of more panic attacks, and then it turns into an endless crazy cycle that I can't see a way out of - which is when I started to go out of my mind. I'm so glad that you're on the mend having been through it, and that there IS light at the end of the tunnel - it's so good to hear that. I'll keep reminding myself of what you said when I feel desperate. And I'll try to keep up the CBT - it's just so hard at the moment!

Thanks again Lior. :)

---------- Post added at 20:56 ---------- Previous post was at 20:35 ----------

Thank you so much, swgrl09 - I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time, and what you went through sounds exactly like what I've been feeling - total insomnia, no appetite, shaking uncontrollably, and I've been barely able to speak... I imagine it is even tougher if you're pregnant. I want to leave my stressful job, but the lucky thing is work have been really understanding and doctor has given me a sick note for next 7 days off. (God knows if I'll be able to go back afterwards?!?!) I just hope the medication works soon and will keep what you said in mind - it just takes a while to work, and then maybe the fears and feelings of madness will go away... I've just been so freaked out by it all. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. x

[swgrl09]

Yes, just take it one day at a time. That's what it has boiled down to for me. Each day do something small for yourself and see how you do. If a week goes by and you still feel terrible, reassess then. But until then don't think about that. Just focus on today. I know this is way easier said than done!!! :hugs:

[Mariaxxx]

Hi I used to suffer from panick attacks but they eventually went away..u r not going insane.. wishing you to get pass them soon

[SadieK]

Thank you Maria - it's so good to hear that people come out the other side and get their normality back, it's been petrifying - thanks so much xx

---------- Post added at 20:17 ---------- Previous post was at 20:15 ----------

thank you so so much swgrl09 x trying to take each day as it comes - so difficult isn;t it! But it's so comforting to have people like you out there, i hope one day i can reassure someone going through same thing... thank u

[Ethansmom]

I've been having panic attacks all day today (since I've woken up). I've been using Klonopin and deep breathing to get through it. I still feel the anxiousness and anxious thinking. It's like my brain cannot calm down. I hope to God I can wake up tomorrow and feel normal. I just stopped a medication that was making me feel awful, so I could be going through a bit of withdrawl (or just a rough patch). The med was a horrible experience for me.