Worrying I have upset people all the time

[snowflake293]

Hi everyone

I suffer with GAD, depression and health anxiety. I am currently signed off work as I had a crisis last week. I am back on medication now and starting to feel in control.

I just keep feeling like everyone 'hates' me or thinks I am stupid or 'doing it for attention'. I lost a baby in June at 9 weeks and my mental health has spiralled since then. People at work know about my losing the baby and also know I have mental health problems.

My bosses are being really supportive and telling me to take the time I need and that when I am ready to come back they will support me which is brilliant, but I can't stop feeling like I have done something terrible :( I feel like when I come back I am going to get in trouble! I feel guilty having time off as I have already had loads of time off due to losing the baby as it affected me so badly.

I really get on with woman I work closely with and things got tense between us before I got signed off. I did text her to apologise and she replied and said thanks and that I should take the time I need to get better and she will see me when I come back, but I text her again asking her how she is and I hope she has a nice weekend etc... and she hasn't replied. I am just so worried that I have done something terrible and I am not aware of it!

Now I am worrying that I have done something unknowingly to really upset her and my thoughts are just spiralling! I am worried she hates me and doesn't want to work with me any more. I love working with her and up until my mental health got worse everything was fine.

I am so paranoid at the moment and I feel sick a lot of the time worrying about going back to work. I just feel like everyone thinks I am an idiot.

Has anyone been in this situation before? What advice would you give me on handling these feelings?

Thanks x

[Velvet]

Hi snowflake and welcome.

I’m so sorry for your struggles right now.
I wanted to say that you are not alone in your thought patterns, lots of us with anxiety struggle with people and feeling anxious about them not liking us or being upset by us.
I know it helps me to know I am not alone.

It is awful for u to feel worried we have upset someone. I know from experience this usually isn’t the case, no consolation I know , when you feel real anxious ..
It can be any number of reasons why she has not replied, as I’m sure you know.
I have never found the answer to this, although with time I’ve learnt to manage it better and rationalise with it more. People genuinely are busy getting on with their lives,
I’ve had similar with messages and worried and got anxious so much...and I’ve receved a text days later..saying hope you are well,all of my thoughts and anxiety so wasted. Some people do wait days to reply...
Please try to be kind to yourself . You are what matters most. So difficult I know, but not impossible and keep the hope, things can improve. X

[snowflake293]

Thanks for your reply Velvet. I have been reading some of the posts on here and although it is sad that so many of us suffer, it comforts me to know I am not the only one who suffers like this.

I just can't stop thinking about it and feel like I have done/said something terrible. It isn't like her not to text back (we used to text each other a fair bit before I went off sick). I feel like she doesn't want me to contact her and I am so worried that something is terribly wrong. My manager has reassured me that all is good and that I need to focus on getting better, but I am worried when I get back to work I'll be sat down with them and told off :(

I have always had this fear of being told off/getting into trouble (probably stems from childhood or something) but I can't get these thoughts out of my head.

[Chick100]

Hi everyone

I suffer with GAD, depression and health anxiety. I am currently signed off work as I had a crisis last week. I am back on medication now and starting to feel in control.

I just keep feeling like everyone 'hates' me or thinks I am stupid or 'doing it for attention'. I lost a baby in June at 9 weeks and my mental health has spiralled since then. People at work know about my losing the baby and also know I have mental health problems.

My bosses are being really supportive and telling me to take the time I need and that when I am ready to come back they will support me which is brilliant, but I can't stop feeling like I have done something terrible :( I feel like when I come back I am going to get in trouble! I feel guilty having time off as I have already had loads of time off due to losing the baby as it affected me so badly.

I really get on with woman I work closely with and things got tense between us before I got signed off. I did text her to apologise and she replied and said thanks and that I should take the time I need to get better and she will see me when I come back, but I text her again asking her how she is and I hope she has a nice weekend etc... and she hasn't replied. I am just so worried that I have done something terrible and I am not aware of it!

Now I am worrying that I have done something unknowingly to really upset her and my thoughts are just spiralling! I am worried she hates me and doesn't want to work with me any more. I love working with her and up until my mental health got worse everything was fine.

I am so paranoid at the moment and I feel sick a lot of the time worrying about going back to work. I just feel like everyone thinks I am an idiot.

Has anyone been in this situation before? What advice would you give me on handling these feelings?

Thanks x

Dear snowflake.

I know exactly what you are going through, as I have been the same, it goes hand in hand with depression and anxiety and it is awful, but its not reality. I think its just another way our minds start to torment us with the worst possible things when we are tired, upset, ultra sensitised and anxious beyond belief. When you start to feel better you will see things for what they really are and will not be so wrapped up in torment and fear and worrying over every little thing you might have said or done, that more than likely didn´t upset anyone anyway.

You apologised to the lady you work with, and her answer back I think was very supportive and nothing to worry over. It sounds like she is on your side and still a friendly work colleague. Think it through snowflake and you will see that she was probably too busy to answer your second message, we all know what its like working and having a home and family too to care for, and she most likely is so caught up with that she didn´t have time, plus there was really no need to answer when your second message just inquired how she was and wished her a good weekend.

For now your best bet is to try and stop worrying about going back to work, I know that´s easier said than done,specially in the early stages of depression etc because you fear you will never get through it, but you will! and when you are ready you will be more able to face it, but it takes time to get to that point. Maybe you can also calm yourself with the knowledge that when you do get back, you can talk through what you feel you did to upset your college and either make amends or realise that you really didn´t upset her in any way, and you have been tormenting yourself over nothing.
Its so easy to get things out of true perspective when we are in the throws of all this, and I feel that´s whats happening to you right now.

I am so very sorry you lost your baby, and you are going through this awful time, but it will pass.

Take care of yourself snowflake and forget about work for now. xx:hugs:

[Velvet]

Thanks for your reply Velvet. I have been reading some of the posts on here and although it is sad that so many of us suffer, it comforts me to know I am not the only one who suffers like this.

I just can't stop thinking about it and feel like I have done/said something terrible. It isn't like her not to text back (we used to text each other a fair bit before I went off sick). I feel like she doesn't want me to contact her and I am so worried that something is terribly wrong. My manager has reassured me that all is good and that I need to focus on getting better, but I am worried when I get back to work I'll be sat down with them and told off :(

I have always had this fear of being told off/getting into trouble (probably stems from childhood or something) but I can't get these thoughts out of my head.

Yes what you say totally resonates with me. The dread and fear is awful around these things
Believe me, no one is going to tell you off back at work. No one thinks your an idiot, you are not well,

Have you had any therapy for your anxiety? I’m presuming your gp is involved and you can ask to be referred for cbt. I had cbt it was helpful for me , in the fact that it was informative when I got to the one to one stage, as there was a lot I didn’t know , being able to manage things is helpful and in my opinion knowledge of why we feel how we do helps.
You may know this already but you can self refer for cbt and mindfulness online. Or of course speak to your Gp. Things really can improve, it takes time, The important thing is to take care of you...

Forms such as this are good too, as you get to see how others cope in similar situations by reading the threads and interacting.

X

[snowflake293]

Thank you Chick :) That has really helped me rationalise it. I think deep down, I know it will be ok - but anxiety and depression twist everything dont they? I just feel like everyone is out to get me at times :(

I have an appointment on Tuesday to see about getting some talking therapy again so that will help.

Thanks again for your reply xx

---------- Post added at 09:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:56 ----------

Thanks Velvet x

[Velvet]

Agree with Chick too :)

Hope you can find some peace and have the time off to feel better.

Best wishes x

[snowflake293]

Thank you both so much. My anxiety is pretty bad today and I am 'hopping' from one worry to another :( I hate it. I know it will pass, but the fear feels so real. I am worrying about chest pains at the moment too... rationally I know it is the physical effect of being so anxious but my health anxiety means I worry I am dying! I am so tired of this x

[Velvet]

Thank you both so much. My anxiety is pretty bad today and I am 'hopping' from one worry to another :( I hate it. I know it will pass, but the fear feels so real. I am worrying about chest pains at the moment too... rationally I know it is the physical effect of being so anxious but my health anxiety means I worry I am dying! I am so tired of this x

It does feel so real yes.
Chest pain is somethin I have had in the past too, when really anxious...I’ve convinced myself too 😳 It’s awful, has happened to me a lot of times, I’m still here to tell the tale 😫 I know no matter what , we still believe it..
I try to distract myself now, with things that can work for me, we all have different things that help us distract from it, I guess what works for one doesn’t always work for another but a few of mine are...
Watch a movie, a pamper session, bubble bath etc, music, chat on the phone to a friend ..YouTube meditations are good, they have them specifically for anxiety ...hope it passes soon , we know it will, it’s just when....

Hugs to you :hugs:

[snowflake293]

It does feel so real yes.
Chest pain is somethin I have had in the past too, when really anxious...I’ve convinced myself too 😳 It’s awful, has happened to me a lot of times, I’m still here to tell the tale 😫 I know no matter what , we still believe it..
I try to distract myself now, with things that can work for me, we all have different things that help us distract from it, I guess what works for one doesn’t always work for another but a few of mine are...
Watch a movie, a pamper session, bubble bath etc, music, chat on the phone to a friend ..YouTube meditations are good, they have them specifically for anxiety ...hope it passes soon , we know it will, it’s just when....

Hugs to you :hugs:

Thank you xxx I know it will pass, I just find it so hard when it takes hold like this. I know I should go and do something else instead of sitting here worrying about it. I think I will have a nice bubble bath cause that always makes me feel better. I think the warm water helps relax me!