Cocobro1015
06-11-17, 18:04
After an awesome summer mostly anxiety free, I’m finding myself descending back in to the anxiety spiral. I’ve had a mole bothering me for a long time. I’ve had it checked 3 times and each dermatologist said it was totally fine. It got to the point where in July I picked it off...I know...that’s bad. It grew back in like a month but didn’t really look any different than before, certainly not any bigger. The other day I started messing with it again and now there is like a tiny dark speck on it. I’m going in for a 6 month skin check today but I’m jut so nervous. If he says it’s ok I feel like it’s been beneficial to me to not remove it as all Summer I got pretty good at accepting and dealing with my anxiety rather than having the satisfaction of hearing benign biopsy results but I’m also afraid I’ll go deeper in to the spiral. Ughhh. I’ve dealt with HA for a long time but I swear nothing is worse than the skin obsession.
I rationally know everything is going to be ok. But it really sucks when you’re in the cycle where you can’t enjoy anything fully.
I will say though, between a good therapist, keeping busy, making small changes day to day, and also having to face the fear of uncertainty (not instantly removing the mole as I’ve done in the past), even though I’m feeling very anxious, I’m proud of the fact that this is not nearly as bad as my past HA fears.
I rationally know everything is going to be ok. But it really sucks when you’re in the cycle where you can’t enjoy anything fully.
I will say though, between a good therapist, keeping busy, making small changes day to day, and also having to face the fear of uncertainty (not instantly removing the mole as I’ve done in the past), even though I’m feeling very anxious, I’m proud of the fact that this is not nearly as bad as my past HA fears.