View Full Version : Little sister beat me up, first panic attack
I'm a 20 year old man, who was left to look after my 11 year old sister while my parents were out. She decided to start play fighting with me. I thought it was in good fun and went along with it.
She gets me in this move where she wraps her thighs around my waist and squeezed hard. I'm surprised by how strong she is (since she weighs 75lbs) and submit but she says she won't let go until I say that "I'm her little b*tch". I couldn't remove her thighs and the pain is unreal, so I reluctantly repeated it. Instead of letting go, she now wants me to say "the only girl I can get is an ugly retard" referring to my autistic girlfriend. I try punching her, but she restrains my arms. Then finally I repeat the statement.
But that's not good enough for her, she wants me to repeat even more stuff. But I can't even breathe at this point from her crushing me, I get a panic attack and wet myself much to her amusement. I've never been so embarrassed in my life, I feel pathetic she's just a little girl yet she completely overpowered me.
I've talked to my parents about it, showed them the bruises on my ribs and the lack of remorse on her part but they blamed me for agreeing to fight with her and for hitting her. I can't even look her in the eyes anymore, not sure what to do. Since the fight, she's been trying to boss me around.
Hi micha sorry to hear this, hmm I don't mean to be blunt when I say this (some on here may think it was harmless fun, but I used to play fight as a child too and it wasn't anything like that) but this is bordering on the control side of things yes she is your sister but she ( I may be wrong) seems to be maybe a bit of a bully and the words she used was I guess hurtful too! Have a word with your mum ATB
Hi micha sorry to hear this, hmm I don't mean to be blunt when I say this (some on here may think it was harmless fun, but I used to play fight as a child too and it wasn't anything like that) but this is bordering on the control side of things yes she is your sister but she ( I may be wrong) seems to be maybe a bit of a bully and the words she used was I guess hurtful too! Have a word with your mum ATB
No, she definitely is a bully. I was eating cereal today, when she came downstairs and spat in the bowl. I swore at her and she slapped me across the face hard, then started talking about how she "owns" me or whatever.
I've spoke to my mum, she's not disciplining her. I've told her that I'm refusing to look after her anymore, I think I'm just going to try and avoid my sister.
No, she definitely is a bully. I was eating cereal today, when she came downstairs and spat in the bowl. I swore at her and she slapped me across the face hard, then started talking about how she "owns" me or whatever.
I've spoke to my mum, she's not disciplining her. I've told her that I'm refusing to look after her anymore, I think I'm just going to try and avoid my sister. Hi I didn't want to hurt your feelings I could see it a mile off I think even though she is your sister is stand up for your self mate that is disgusting what she had done and today is no better yeah control freak springs to mind you have enough on your plate with out this going on.could you not speak to your dad about this? I don't know,but maybe she is unhappy at school or just got in with the wrong crowd either way it cant continue If you need a private chat about just pm me Hope things will improve but I doubt it will ATB :)
Hi Micha
I agree with everything BigboyUK says here. This is controling behaviour of the worst kind. Avoid it at all costs or it will do you great harm. I don't think your parents are being fair. You are not to blame for the controling narcissistic behaviour of your sister. Your parents need to wise up to the behaviour problems with their daughter and DEAL WITH IT!!!!! :mad:
Hi Micha
Tha is disgusting behaviour and if your parents don't listen to you they are going to have one little shit of a diva on their hands and Im surprised shes not in trouble at school with an attitude like that. I have two kids and some may not agree but Im in favour of a crack round the head now and again. it never did me any harm and totally put me in my place. Why are your parents making you look after her? If I was you Id make myself unavailable, shes their child not yours! I have a 19 and 15 yr old and they are my children and Ive never expected the eldest to babysit. She needs to learn some respect, either that or get tough and sort her out!
Hi Micha
Tha is disgusting behaviour and if your parents don't listen to you they are going to have one little shit of a diva on their hands and Im surprised shes not in trouble at school with an attitude like that. I have two kids and some may not agree but Im in favour of a crack round the head now and again. it never did me any harm and totally put me in my place. Why are your parents making you look after her? If I was you Id make myself unavailable, shes their child not yours! I have a 19 and 15 yr old and they are my children and Ive never expected the eldest to babysit. She needs to learn some respect, either that or get tough and sort her out!
I think she could seriously hurt me if I hit her.
I told them I'm not looking after her, then they started saying how they'll send her to the childsminder. My sister later on started threatening me, telling me to babysit her and I caved and said I would. When it came time to babysit, I locked myself in my room and just watched a movie there. But of course my sister threatened to break my stuff if I didn't unlock the door and you can imagine what happened next.
---------- Post added at 09:46 ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 ----------
Hi Micha
I agree with everything BigboyUK says here. This is controling behaviour of the worst kind. Avoid it at all costs or it will do you great harm. I don't think your parents are being fair. You are not to blame for the controling narcissistic behaviour of your sister. Your parents need to wise up to the behaviour problems with their daughter and DEAL WITH IT!!!!! :mad:
I think I have to take some of the blame. She shouldn't be this much stronger than me at her age for one, it's pathetic she's just a kid.
I also didn't tell my parents that I urinated since it's too embarrassing, so maybe they don't know how serious it is? But I've told them that it's serious, so I don't know. I think they're still holding on to her 'innocent' image.
EmmerLooeez
15-11-17, 10:19
Micha,
I'm sorry that I don't have too much advice on this subject but I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. For you to have to endure that treatment by someone in your family and then for your parents to not take action after your conversation is absolutely horrible.
I am shocked that she spat in your cereal! How disgusting. Have you any other family members that you can talk to about this? I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The way that she belittled you and your girlfriend is heartbreaking.
I hope that things get easier for you, your parents need to up their game. If that was my daughter I would be thoroughly ashamed of her.
Sending love,
Emma xx
Micha,
I'm sorry that I don't have too much advice on this subject but I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. For you to have to endure that treatment by someone in your family and then for your parents to not take action after your conversation is absolutely horrible.
I am shocked that she spat in your cereal! How disgusting. Have you any other family members that you can talk to about this? I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The way that she belittled you and your girlfriend is heartbreaking.
I hope that things get easier for you, your parents need to up their game. If that was my daughter I would be thoroughly ashamed of her.
Sending love,
Emma xx
Thanks for the support. No other close family members, I have close friends but I think I would be too embarrassed to say anything.
It was disappointing that in the situation I would say that about my girlfriend, she hates being called names. Especially considering I knew my sister wasn't going to actually let go since she didn't the last time. Oh well.
Micha from what you sent me in a pm today I am telling you straight it has to STOP and right now sure you are trapped and don't know what to do. I think your mum and dad are deluded their sweet little girl could never do that. Iam not a violent person but no one would treat me like that it's going to take courage to tackle her but think it's got to be done. If things don't change it will only get much worse Iam pretty sure you don't want that to happen ATB
No, she definitely is a bully. I was eating cereal today, when she came downstairs and spat in the bowl. I swore at her and she slapped me across the face hard, then started talking about how she "owns" me or whatever.
I've spoke to my mum, she's not disciplining her. I've told her that I'm refusing to look after her anymore, I think I'm just going to try and avoid my sister.
This must be affecting how you feel at school, your school work , Schools have help maybe tell someone there... :hugs:
Iwant2bhealthy
16-11-17, 10:24
Micha, an 11 year old who does that to an adult is something I never heard of. Anyway a tip from someone who has been beaten by a sibling: when things get like that defend yourself by any means possible. My big brother would not leave me allone until I cried hysterically or until I hurted him. My parents also never did anything to defend me from the abuse.
Use elbows, teeth, knees, even your head if you need to. If you are being restrained from behind with somebody's legs, bend your body or (if that's not possible) your head as much forward as possible, and hit them in the face with the back of your head. Full strenght. If you can stand up or lift yourself up and fall on your back as hard as possible. They will have to loose the grip. This should distract them enough to let go for a moment, and allow you to escape. Bite if you have to, use your albows to hit if you have to.
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this situation...
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Hi Micha just read the pm you sent me this is very serious and is making you ill you now have to speak to some one in authority police, a trusted teacher, or lecturer if you are at college she sounds a nasty piece of work. Iam with Iwant2bhealthy on what they said you have to use what is necessary and get the voice recorder going it's the only way stay strong mate!! ATB
Micha, an 11 year old who does that to an adult is something I never heard of. Anyway a tip from someone who has been beaten by a sibling: when things get like that defend yourself by any means possible. My big brother would not leave me allone until I cried hysterically or until I hurted him. My parents also never did anything to defend me from the abuse.
Use elbows, teeth, knees, even your head if you need to. If you are being restrained from behind with somebody's legs, bend your body or (if that's not possible) your head as much forward as possible, and hit them in the face with the back of your head. Full strenght. If you can stand up or lift yourself up and fall on your back as hard as possible. They will have to loose the grip. This should distract them enough to let go for a moment, and allow you to escape. Bite if you have to, use your albows to hit if you have to.
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this situation...
Sent from my SM-G800H using Tapatalk
Appreciate the advice.
I wasn't being squeezed from behind, I was on my back and she was sideways to me. So her legs were going across my waist and I wouldn't be able to reach her face. She does this move a lot, sometimes on my neck. Do you know how to escape it? It seems impossible.
Iwant2bhealthy
16-11-17, 13:02
If she does it on your neck, try biting or hitting and scratching in case if your teeth can't reach. It has to be hard and it has to be continued until the grip lessens enough for you to escape.
Agressor positioned on one side leaves you the freedom to use the hand of the opposite side to hit and scratch. I have a hard time imaging the exact configuration you are describing (you on your back, her sideways) but I imagine that this way you can have at least one hand you can use to scratch and hit. Hit tender places, with soft tissues (chest, belly, face, fingers). You can also try reaching for the foot, and twisting one finger.
The most important thing: hit to free yourself from the gril, and immediately remove yourself from the situation alltogether!!! This means that you should just leave the house so the abuse cannot continue on the verbal and psychological level. Do not lock yourself in your room. Just leave! This way you take the agressor's power over you, and you avoid escalation.
I would strongly recommend you also to contact an organisation that helps domestic violence victims. They can navigate you through all the things you need to do to stop this. Stay safe!
Sent from my SM-G800H using Tapatalk
If she does it on your neck, try biting or hitting and scratching in case if your teeth can't reach. It has to be hard and it has to be continued until the grip lessens enough for you to escape.
Agressor positioned on one side leaves you the freedom to use the hand of the opposite side to hit and scratch. I have a hard time imaging the exact configuration you are describing (you on your back, her sideways) but I imagine that this way you can have at least one hand you can use to scratch and hit. Hit tender places, with soft tissues (chest, belly, face, fingers). You can also try reaching for the foot, and twisting one finger.
The most important thing: hit to free yourself from the gril, and immediately remove yourself from the situation alltogether!!! This means that you should just leave the house so the abuse cannot continue on the verbal and psychological level. Do not lock yourself in your room. Just leave! This way you take the agressor's power over you, and you avoid escalation.
I would strongly recommend you also to contact an organisation that helps domestic violence victims. They can navigate you through all the things you need to do to stop this. Stay safe!
Sent from my SM-G800H using Tapatalk While I agree with you on this don't forget in the eyes of the police they will see a 'sweet' and innocent girl with scratches and bites on her who are they going to believe so micha could be trouble even though it's not his fault I really feel for him folks :) ATB
Iwant2bhealthy
16-11-17, 15:23
Bigboy, that's why I'm saying that he should use force to free himself and immediately remove himself from the situation. We don't want him to beat up a kid, just to remove himself from a dangerous situation. :-)
Kids have a hard time seeing consequences of their action, and if a child tries to strangle you with their legs, you need to take action to prevent serious consequences for yourself but also for them.
People who work domestic violence cases have seen many things in their life, so believe me, they will not take sides before incestigating the situation.
As a side note. Micha, a child who behaves like your sister has serious issues, and needs help. Reporting a domestic violence can trigger actions that will help her to deal with her own issues. Obviously something is wrong at home or at school if she acts like that.
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Bigboy, that's why I'm saying that he should use force to free himself and immediately remove himself from the situation. We don't want him to beat up a kid, just to remove himself from a dangerous situation. :-)
Kids have a hard time seeing consequences of their action, and if a child tries to strangle you with their legs, you need to take action to prevent serious consequences for yourself but also for them.
People who work domestic violence cases have seen many things in their life, so believe me, they will not take sides before incestigating the situation.
As a side note. Micha, a child who behaves like your sister has serious issues, and needs help. Reporting a domestic violence can trigger actions that will help her to deal with her own issues. Obviously something is wrong at home or at school if she acts like that.
Sent from my SM-G800H using TapatalkYes and I get that but if the police see scratches and bite marks on her just so micha can defend him self wouldn't he be in trouble? I too think there are issues at home/or school what we don't know at the moment. And yes agencies will help too :) ATB
Iwant2bhealthy
16-11-17, 15:46
I understand your track of thoughts but I disagree. What matters is to break free and remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
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I understand your track of thoughts but I disagree. What matters is to break free and remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
Sent from my SM-G800H using Tapatalk Yes I understand your thoughts too, but disagree to a degree! Just hope micha can escape and quickly :) ATB
I'm saddened and in disbelief at this whole thread. You must stop caving in to demands and get away - it's the only way she will learn unfortunately.
I'm saddened and in disbelief at this whole thread. You must stop caving in to demands and get away - it's the only way she will learn unfortunately.
I'm trying to get away, I'm looking into hostels that's a serious option. I always tell myself to not cave into her demands, but when the moment comes I'm always too scared or the pain is too much and I feel like there's no other choice.
I'm saddened and in disbelief at this whole thread. You must stop caving in to demands and get away - it's the only way she will learn unfortunately.yeah same here KK I have seen many distressing threads since I have been a member but this one is the worst IMHO:weep: ATB
I'm trying to get away, I'm looking into hostels that's a serious option. I always tell myself to not cave into her demands, but when the moment comes I'm always too scared or the pain is too much and I feel like there's no other choice.
Understand how painful this must be for you, Micha. I really don't see another option here. If you stay near your sister she will continue to use subterfuge and aggression, which is unacceptable. Being away will give you time to recover from this ordeal and her time to perhaps reflect on her appalling behaviour.
One thing is for sure - she won't change on her own, as she is being enabled by your continued complicity and compliance. Why should she?
venusbluejeans
17-11-17, 00:01
As someone who looks after children I can see that this is very much not normal behaviour for an 11 year old. She needs help, there may be something behind it, maybe she is being bullied herself at school so is hearing all these things and thinks it is the norm.
There may also be something medical behind it so it needs checking out..... and no I don't know how she will get this help if your parents don't listen.
I am not sticking up for your sister at all but her behaviour is not right at all and needs looking into.
I would say you have to stick up for yourself, you are an adult..... No means no, tell your mum you aren't going to look after your sister alone anymore and stick to it. be strong and don't give in!! (yep I know it is hard) Remove yourself from the situation before the situation arises rather than using violence against her (that makes you as bad as her, you don't use violence to deal with violence otherwise she will just learn even more that it is acceptable!) and reitterate to your parents that your sister needs help.
As someone who looks after children I can see that this is very much not normal behaviour for an 11 year old. She needs help, there may be something behind it, maybe she is being bullied herself at school so is hearing all these things and thinks it is the norm.
There may also be something medical behind it so it needs checking out..... and no I don't know how she will get this help if your parents don't listen.
I am not sticking up for your sister at all but her behaviour is not right at all and needs looking into.
I would say you have to stick up for yourself, you are an adult..... No means no, tell your mum you aren't going to look after your sister alone anymore and stick to it. be strong and don't give in!! (yep I know it is hard) Remove yourself from the situation before the situation arises rather than using violence against her (that makes you as bad as her, you don't use violence to deal with violence otherwise she will just learn even more that it is acceptable!) and reitterate to your parents that your sister needs help.
I don't mean to sound heartless, but I really don't care if there's something behind it, I hope she is getting bullied. I've suggested she go to a school counselor and my parents wouldn't even let me explain why, I'm trying to voice record the assaults to show to them and maybe that would change their minds.
My sister says that I have to look after her, since she hates going to the childminder. She's choked me till I passed out twice recently, she says she'll do it again if she goes to the childminder.
She's choked me till I passed out twice recently, she says she'll do it again if she goes to the childminder.
This is a rather disturbing situation. That being said and with respect, how does a 20 year old man allow an 11 year old little girl to choke him until he passes out?!
Positive thoughts
This is a rather disturbing situation. That being said and with respect, how does a 20 year old man allow an 11 year old little girl to choke him until he passes out?!
Positive thoughts
She chokes me with her legs, she has a lot of lower body strength from gymnastics I guess. Here's a muscle comparison for just the legs (to protect identity)
https://imgur.com/a/HyZ7S
She's top pic, I'm bottom. We went to the gym together before all this happened, she leg pressed 3 times the amount I did. I think it's more to do with me being weak than her being strong to be honest.
venusbluejeans
17-11-17, 16:17
I don't mean to sound heartless, but I really don't care if there's something behind it, I hope she is getting bullied. I've suggested she go to a school counselor and my parents wouldn't even let me explain why, I'm trying to voice record the assaults to show to them and maybe that would change their minds.
My sister says that I have to look after her, since she hates going to the childminder. She's choked me till I passed out twice recently, she says she'll do it again if she goes to the childminder.
You are missing my point..... the point I am trying to make is that there maybe something behind how she is acting and her getting help will hopefully decrease the unwanted behaviour.
you hope she is getting bullied (because she is bullying you) life doesn't work like that... if she is getting bullied mentally or physically then she thinks this is the norm and will think nothing of then coming to bully you. because you will take it as she thinks that is what happens in life. To stop the behaviour you need to stop the source.... I mean that is what you want isn't it? for her to stop what she is doing?
If you are really serious about stopping this happening then you have to 'Man up' (excuse the pun) you have to look after yourself first, that doesn't mean using violence against her. it means standing up and saying no to her and your parents..... until you do this and make sure you mean it she will keep doing what she is doing.
This may even mean calling the police on your sister, call the samaritans see what they suggest if it is making your life a misery as you say.
At the end of the day she is a child and you are a man. stick up for yourself, move out if you have to ask your mum if you can put a lock on your door, just say No to them and mean it.
She chokes me with her legs, she has a lot of lower body strength from gymnastics I guess.
I'm sorry, unless she's doing some martial arts Bruce Lee jump and catching you by the neck, I just cannot imagine how this is happening or even how she gets you into a compromising position. :shrug: This is an 11 year old girl after all.
Regardless, I hope you find a resolution to your predicament and as Venus says... "man up".
Positive thoughts
OK, so the situation here is rare but there have been cases of domestic violence where big burly men have been physically beaten up by much smaller women and been afraid to report it for fear of a) not being believed and b) ridiculed. Some have even ended in murder, so I don't think suggestions of "manning up" are particularly helpful.
Neither is any sort of physical retaliation for the reasons mentioned above - beyond what's needed to escape the immediate situation. If Micha was to do harm to his sister today, what are the chances of him being believed by the authorities at this point? What do you think the sister is going to say?
That said, as an adult he is the one who must act. Tell someone in authority but outside the family - the police if necessary - and take steps to remove himself from the situation. Also document the behaviour - take photos of any injuries. Keep a diary. Print off this thread. Basically, collect evidence that builds a case should he ever need it.
Micha - I hope both you and your sister can get the help you need before the situation gets any worse. Good luck.
That said, as an adult he is the one who must act. Tell someone in authority but outside the family - the police if necessary - and take steps to remove himself from the situation. Also document the behaviour - take photos of any injuries. Keep a diary. Print off this thread. Basically, collect evidence that builds a case should he ever need it.
That's exactly what I meant by saying "Man up". Take responsibility for yourself. The camera is a great idea. Documentation would help immensely. A couple of webcams in strategic places would certainly capture any abuse taking place.
Positive thoughts
That's exactly what I meant by saying "Man up". Take responsibility for yourself. The camera is a great idea. Documentation would help immensely. A couple of webcams in strategic places would certainly capture any abuse taking place.
Positive thoughts This I have already mentioned to micha in a pm a while back so who knows whats happened now? ATB
MyNameIsTerry
23-11-17, 03:03
OK, so the situation here is rare but there have been cases of domestic violence where big burly men have been physically beaten up by much smaller women and been afraid to report it for fear of a) not being believed and b) ridiculed. Some have even ended in murder, so I don't think suggestions of "manning up" are particularly helpful.
Neither is any sort of physical retaliation for the reasons mentioned above - beyond what's needed to escape the immediate situation. If Micha was to do harm to his sister today, what are the chances of him being believed by the authorities at this point? What do you think the sister is going to say?
That said, as an adult he is the one who must act. Tell someone in authority but outside the family - the police if necessary - and take steps to remove himself from the situation. Also document the behaviour - take photos of any injuries. Keep a diary. Print off this thread. Basically, collect evidence that builds a case should he ever need it.
Micha - I hope both you and your sister can get the help you need before the situation gets any worse. Good luck.
Excellent post.
Use of the term "man up" in the case of an abused man by a female child is ill advised because we have to remember he is likely feeling emasculated and his self confidence & self esteem are low. Even well meaning but I hope he understands it was nothing negative in this case as everyone on here is shocked by what he is going through and supportive of him getting help.
The position Micha explained seems to be on floor level. So, he is getting into this position due to her abusive & manipulative demands just as she is doing to get him to babysit & out of his room. She knows she has the upper hand from a confidence perspective and exploits him. He must find it hard to talk about this or take action to address it so anything he does is a massive achievement.
I agree that Micha needs to be really careful when it comes to self defence. Biting & scratching may be something expected from a woman defending herself but not a man. And it depends where you do it. If you do that on her thighs, since they are crushing your waist, that could be concerning to police/parents if they are near to her private parts. Like you say, due to the age/sex difference there will be some immediate bias in the minds of those investigating and it worries me that this girl is so manipulative that she might not only deny everything but make something up that could put Micha in a terrible position.
Self defence needs to be in accordance with the expectations of British Law. If you fear for your life, they will understand the use or more force. But all force must be reasonable and based on the scale of the attack.
The recording devices are a good idea. Perhaps then his parents will take this seriously and take action?
Micha, I hope you contact a domestic abuse charity. They can help you far more than anyone here can. Maybe they can offer advice on escaping your home and any financial assistance you are entitled too.
God knows what this girl is going to turn into. In young children behaviour that is too advanced can often be from observing adults and not understanding their actions but this girl is surely too old for that? This suggests she has some rather serious mental health issues of her own. I don't buy that she is being bullied and then abusing her brother (and enjoying it), but that's up to the experts, and I wonder about disorders of personality forming.
I thought I'd give an update on what's been happening since. I had gotten a voice recording of her beating me. It's clear she's the aggressor on the recording, although it's not clear what the attack is. I was forced to lick her feet in the recording, which is clearly heard though.
Last Sunday, I decided to move out to a hostel and show my parents the recording before leaving. They thought it was 'roughhousing' but they finally disciplined her, she was grounded for the rest of the weekdays. However, I found that I couldn't live in the hostel long-term. I simply couldn't fall asleep there and really hated the place, I stayed for 3 nights and came back home.
That was when I was severly beaten by my sister. I was left with massive bruises like on my back here:
https://imgur.com/a/nfdwM
But also smaller ones on my ribs from her crushing me with her thighs until unconsciousness. And there was no way of escaping that, I tried everything. She's just more powerful. And I did start punching/scratching/pinching her thighs to no avail, her upper thigh is slightly bruised.
She said not to tell our parents and I'm going to do what she says. They'll end up half-punishing her again and she'll full-punish me.
---------- Post added at 15:04 ---------- Previous post was at 14:56 ----------
Micha, I hope you contact a domestic abuse charity. They can help you far more than anyone here can. Maybe they can offer advice on escaping your home and any financial assistance you are entitled too.
God knows what this girl is going to turn into. In young children behaviour that is too advanced can often be from observing adults and not understanding their actions but this girl is surely too old for that? This suggests she has some rather serious mental health issues of her own. I don't buy that she is being bullied and then abusing her brother (and enjoying it), but that's up to the experts, and I wonder about disorders of personality forming.
Can I do that anonymously or would I have to give my info?
Usually bullies are like that because they're motivated by insecurity, she's just motivated by sadism. The only times I see her happy is when she's exerting power over me. Mark my words, no amount of therapy is going to help this girl; it's nature, not nurture. Sorry for the rant, but I wonder about her disorders forming as well. Narcissism and sadism seem to be unavoidable ones. I know she's still young, but I don't see this changing at all.
I thought I'd give an update on what's been happening since. I had gotten a voice recording of her beating me. It's clear she's the aggressor on the recording, although it's not clear what the attack is. I was forced to lick her feet in the recording, which is clearly heard though.
Last Sunday, I decided to move out to a hostel and show my parents the recording before leaving. They thought it was 'roughhousing' but they finally disciplined her, she was grounded for the rest of the weekdays. However, I found that I couldn't live in the hostel long-term. I simply couldn't fall asleep there and really hated the place, I stayed for 3 nights and came back home.
That was when I was severly beaten by my sister. I was left with massive bruises like on my back here:
https://imgur.com/a/nfdwM
But also smaller ones on my ribs from her crushing me with her thighs until unconsciousness. And there was no way of escaping that, I tried everything. She's just more powerful.
She said not to tell our parents and I'm going to do what she says. They'll end up half-punishing her again and she'll full-punish me.
---------- Post added at 15:04 ---------- Previous post was at 14:56 ----------
Can I do that anonymously or would I have to give my info?
Usually bullies are like that because they're motivated by insecurity, she's just motivated by sadism. The only times I see her happy is when she's exerting power over me. Mark my words, no amount of therapy is going to help this girl; it's nature, not nurture. Sorry for the rant, but I wonder about her disorders forming as well. Narcissism and sadism seem to be unavoidable ones. I know she's still young, but I don't see this changing at all.
Hi micha why are you still giving in to her you must stop this and now can you move to a friends house for now would be a safer bet for now? As for the pic this is a assault on you mate you have to show the police this and your parents who now seem to believe you. As for therapy she can change and its up your parents to sort this out other wise she will really hurt some one you have my number give me call please thanks for the update and yes I would say you can give this info anonymously too. ATB
MyNameIsTerry
23-11-17, 17:22
Micha, domestic abuse charities deal with very sensitive situations so I'm sure they will be discrete. I don't know about how the law applies to them in regard to safeguarding but this should be explained on their websites. I really suggest you look some up and see if you feel able to call them. They can give you real advice on how to tackle this situation because you really need people who are trained & experienced in these situations.
What needs to be done here is what is best for you. The police are one avenue but support wise they likely won't be much help and you have some complexities in here due to your age differences that specialist support is vital for because your sister has some major problems and what your parents have done is still a denial that there is an issue. They have treated it as a bit too much rough play when this is real domestic abuse. Maybe they are afraid to confront it, I don't know, but your safety & health should be the first issue tackled. How the doctors & social workers unpick the mess your sister is in, that's another matter and likely a long term one.
You could call The Samaritans. You will be anonymous to them. They could signpost you to the right services. You could also see your GP although they will have safeguarding laws they may need to follow.
Iwant2bhealthy
23-11-17, 21:48
Micha, clearly everything you tried so far didn't work. What you didn't try was to get help from outside. And this is what every single person on this thread advises. Can you talk to your girlfriend and stay at her place temporarily? If she still lives with her parents talk to them. I know it seems like you have no choice, but you do!
I am telling you from the position of someone who has been in your shoes - THE ABUSE WON'T STOP. Do not rely on your parents. Contact the samaritans. And do it TODAY!
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Barnabas75
23-11-17, 22:49
As someone has already said get a recording device. You are doing her no favours by letting her carry on this way. Sh may think she can get away with it and try it on the wrong person one day and which could have bad reprecusions for her.
Hi micha why are you still giving in to her you must stop this and now can you move to a friends house for now would be a safer bet for now? As for the pic this is a assault on you mate you have to show the police this and your parents who now seem to believe you. As for therapy she can change and its up your parents to sort this out other wise she will really hurt some one you have my number give me call please thanks for the update and yes I would say you can give this info anonymously too. ATB
There's no choice, if I don't do what she says she chokes me out. When I fight back, she chokes me out. It's so dangerous being choked out all the time, there must be long-term effects of this and I don't want it.
I'm not going to the police and she would kill me if I told my parents again.
My girlfriend and I aren't ready to move in together and I wouldn't want to explain the situation to her. Maybe a couple of my friends would be good for a couple of days but as a long-term solution? Unlikely.
Okay, I'll call the Samaritans or a domestic abuse helpline. But I know they're going to try and convince me to report it, which I don't want to do.
There's no choice, if I don't do what she says she chokes me out. When I fight back, she chokes me out. It's so dangerous being choked out all the time, there must be long-term effects of this and I don't want it.
I'm not going to the police and she would kill me if I told my parents again.
My girlfriend and I aren't ready to move in together and I wouldn't want to explain the situation to her. Maybe a couple of my friends would be good for a couple of days but as a long-term solution? Unlikely.
Okay, I'll call the Samaritans or a domestic abuse helpline. But I know they're going to try and convince me to report it, which I don't want to do.
micha sorry there is a choice, you have said your self it's so dangerous being chocked all the time, I am going be blunt her do you want to end up in hospital??? You either have to go to the police and pour your heart out or sit down with mum and dad and show them the bruises on your back and tell them you have had enough, and as for your Gf you say you wouldn't want to explain to her, why not do you think you would not be believed by your Gf You have to do something now to end this cycle that's if you want to? ATB
Dying_Swan
26-11-17, 20:57
Hi Micha
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time with your sister. I was really concerned to read what is happening and along with others, I would urge you to report this to someone.
I'm also worried about your sister, which I know might feel hard to acknowledge if you are being treated this way, but she is a child and her behaviour is troubling. It's really important to make sure that both you and her are safe.
How about contacting your local children's social care? You can do that by ringing up your local council. They are specially trained to deal with all sorts of problems children face, and can signpost you to services for support.
Also, I would really encourage you to contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000, or you can email them: help@nspcc.org.uk. They should be able to give you further advice about how you can keep both yourself and your sister safe, and can point you in the direction of other services which might help you. Please do get in touch with them.
Best wishes
WorriedTex
27-11-17, 10:32
In situations like this you need to show dominance. If this happens again, it may seem drastic, but you gotta pin her down and yell at her never to do that. Don't hit, just restrain. Explain to her how you are the adult in the situation, and she is a child. Don't get down to her level again by agreeing to fight.
Recently she wrapped her thighs around my waist again and managed to crack one of my ribs and I passed out again. I told everyone I fell down the stairs. It's been 2 days and she hasn't beaten me up since, maybe she's getting bored? She's still bossing me around but she's not being physically violent.
If she does it again, I'll call the police this time. I've had enough.
In situations like this you need to show dominance. If this happens again, it may seem drastic, but you gotta pin her down and yell at her never to do that. Don't hit, just restrain. Explain to her how you are the adult in the situation, and she is a child. Don't get down to her level again by agreeing to fight.
She's a lot stronger than me, I can't physically do that. I feel like I'm her younger brother, she doesn't seem like a child at all.
venusbluejeans
27-11-17, 17:25
If she does it again, I'll call the police this time. I've had enough.
Sorry I am doubting you will as you would have done it by now, it will always be "if she does it again"..... If she has broken your rib then you should do it now and not wait.. show her you mean it.
Sorry I am doubting you will as you would have done it by now it will always be "if she does it again"..... If she has broken your rib then you should do it now and not wait.. show her you mean it. I doubt that too Venus! You now have to take action, what will happen next time, I dread to think I also think you are so scared of her bullies love power and control you have to rid them of these ATB
Barnabas75
27-11-17, 18:56
What if she grows up one day and seriously hurts someone of heaven forbid kills someone. Her behaviour is not normal. While she is young she has a better chance of getting help. It seems she has absolute control over you and no doubt if she sees it work on you she will try it on others. There must be something you can do even if its tough love. You dont want the guilt in the future if she does something bad and you never did anything about it. I would not like to be in your situation and I know it must be hard.
Sorry I am doubting you will as you would have done it by now, it will always be "if she does it again"..... If she has broken your rib then you should do it now and not wait.. show her you mean it.
If you broke a rib, you would be in extreme pain (had it happen once in my life). You should go to the hospital and have it x-rayed and recorded. That is, if you're serious about resolving your predicament.
Positive thoughts
If Martians landed in your home tomorrow, and witnessed all this, they would head straight back to Mars pronto!
I'm not being dismissive here, but you say you're "not ready" to move in with your girlfriend yet appear to be ready to tolerate physical and emotional abuse.
Whether it is a "little girl" or a 6ft-tall Women's World Championship wrestler, physical violence and abuse CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be tolerated.
I hope you will take action now!
She stole my phone, pretended to be me and texted my girlfriend that we're breaking up. They sent like 50 messages to each other throughout the day and my girlfriend believed it. My sister says she'll squeeze her thighs around my waist again if she finds out we're back together. My ribs are so fragile right now, it hurts to breathe. And her legs are so powerful, I mean she cracked my rib with her thighs I feel like I have to do what she says.
I'm too much of a coward to call the police, I know she'll find a way out of trouble and then get back to beating me up as she always does. There's no point, I'm not even my own person anymore, it's so bad I have to ask her permission to leave the house. I've been thinking of hanging myself in her room so she'll feel guilty. It's not just the bullying, I'm a complete loser.
So you're saying your 11yo little sister texted back and forth with your GF, broke up on your behalf and your gf believes it was you? Your 11yo little sister was able to convince an adult woman, your gf, that it was you actually texting? What can anyone here actually do? You've been advised the most practical way to approach this. I hope you find peace.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
28-11-17, 11:58
You are the only one that can stop this so you have to STOP it.
We cannot do anything from the other side of a keyboard.
It is up to you to take control.
She stole my phone, pretended to be me and texted my girlfriend that we're breaking up. They sent like 50 messages to each other throughout the day and my girlfriend believed it. My sister says she'll squeeze her thighs around my waist again if she finds out we're back together. My ribs are so fragile right now, it hurts to breathe. And her legs are so powerful, I mean she cracked my rib with her thighs I feel like I have to do what she says.
I'm too much of a coward to call the police, I know she'll find a way out of trouble and then get back to beating me up as she always does. There's no point, I'm not even my own person anymore, it's so bad I have to ask her permission to leave the house. I've been thinking of hanging myself in her room so she'll feel guilty. It's not just the bullying, I'm a complete loser. micha This getting beyond a joke now I seriously don't think you want this to stop yeah I am going to be blunt now MAKE THAT CALL TO THE POLICE no excuses you need to act now for everyone's sake. can you speak to your grand parents about this, did you phone the Samaritins??? You have to do something and fast ATB
---------- Post added at 12:12 ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 ----------
Ok lets look at this she is 11 years old so must be at school right now right? Contact your Gf via email or if you have a landline call your Gf Now explain it wasn't you txting her it was your bully of a sister. Call your mobile phone provider if you still haven't got your phone back and get them to block all out going calls as your phone has been stolen ok. You now have time to act before she gets home. I hope I am not wasting my time on this you have had ample opportunity to do some thing so do it and now. ATB
I'm sorry to say this but is this a genuine situation or a fantasist?
53 replies should be enough advice for anyone. There are lots of people here who need help.
I'm sorry to say this but is this a genuine situation or a fantasist?
53 replies should be enough advice for anyone. There are lots of people here who need help. Well if you have seen the pics that micha has posted then I would say yes but know what you are saying, either way it's very sad. ATB
No, I haven't seen pictures, BigBoyUK, and I don't mean to speak out of turn especially if someone is in genuine distress.
No, I haven't seen pictures, BigBoyUK, and I don't mean to speak out of turn especially if someone is in genuine distress.
You didn't and the pics don't show anything but some legs. One cannot determine strength via a photo anyway.
Bottom line is it's up to the OP at this point. This is an internet forum and there's only so much one can say or do behind the screen.
Positive thoughts
You haven't Lilliput so no worries :) ATB
---------- Post added at 19:39 ---------- Previous post was at 19:33 ----------
You didn't and the pics don't show anything but some legs. One cannot determine strength via a photo anyway.
Bottom line is it's up to the OP at this point. This is an internet forum and there's only so much one can say or do behind the screen.
Positive thoughts Not strictly true Fishmanpa there was one with bruises on his back did you see that one? its remotely possible that it may be self inflicted is there such a condition?? ATB
I am finding this whole thread unbelievable and with disturbing elements, especially people referring to an 11 year old child as a ‘sadist’ and a ‘narcissist’. If this is true, it warrants Social Services involvement as a matter of urgency. Also, it doesn’t hurt to bear in mind that people have different motives for posting on the internet.
venusbluejeans
28-11-17, 20:54
I think we have given you all the advice we really can on this one and we are all telling you the same thing. If you want this to end then you have to get it reported and get help for both you and her.
I won't be posting further on this thread unless it is an admin capacity as I feel we/I have said all we can. I wish you well for you resolving this issue.
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 02:40
It must take a lot of courage to take action against domestic abuse. Bringing in the police means some difficult questions and the impact onto the family in many cases. On that basis I don't think not taking action is proof of not wanting it to stop. Some suffer decades of abuse in marriages or partnerships and can't find the confidence to come forward even though it would stop the abuse. So much of abuse is mental and it's going to be no surprise how many suffer mental health problems because of it (domestic abuse victims are on NMP after all).
I also don't think anyone should jump to conclusions because of the unusual scenario. Things like this do happen, much stronger men are abused by much smaller women, it's as much mental as physical in nature. Power, control, etc the victum is conditioned to not seek help so it can continue.
Think about it, can you disprove it? If not, I think it's always better to be cautious because of the risk of further upsetting someone already so distressed.
Micha, please speak to a charity or support line aimed at domestic abuse. You need specialist help from those who understand it inside out. Perhaps we can still help with the panic, anxiety, depression side?
Of course and understand that so agree it's not easy for micha you also have to look at other points in this story. 1. He is not ready to move in with his Gf on that basis alone no problem, but he could stop over during this distressing time. 2. He has friends who he could have asked can I stay for a few days at yours? 3. One presumes she must go to school so he has plenty of time to get a plan of action going, but yes it must be hard and there are many suggestions already posted on this thread. ATB
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 11:18
I wonder what the friends & GF think though as I'm not sure he's mentioned it?
Didn't he say his GF has autism? Consideration to how it could affect her may be part of it depending on how intense it is?
Perhaps friends can give a few days but is it up to them? If they are the same age, they may live with parents or others of a similar age who may disagree with taking someone in. Some people are wary of taking others in, rightly or wrongly, as those few days become weeks & months.
So, I agree these angles should be pushed but without knowing some of these answers there may be some further brick walls he is hitting.
Maybe shelters? Are they another option?
Whether it can be done or not it's helpful for everyone to throw ideas out there so he can work that plan out as you say, Dave.
I wonder what has happened to micha be good to hear if it's got any better and it's resolved now? ATB
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