help please???

[borojames]

iv been suffering what im told is depression/anxiety and agoraphobia for a lot of years now and lost most of my adult years from age of 18 upwards due to what they call self medicating, basically when I first started having these attacks or what I feel are more like mix of attack and fit I was scared to go to doctors about it as it was over 20 years ago so assumed id be put in a padded cell and soon discovered alcohol helped, first 1 beer and as fine then needing more and more until well im sure you know, thats why most of my years are lost in this haze, even though under the influence I still managed to work all those years when really I should have been getting helps basically now I kicked alcohol abuse im left with a big hole and still have the same issues I was using alcohol for, constantly feel hollow inside and wondering if anybody gone through similar as therapists tell me I lost the years I should be been developing as an adult due to alcohol uses its as if I dont understand emotions etc, found an old guy I was helping dead one day when went to visit him and even though we were really close there was no emotion from me what so ever even viewing him before funeral and funeral itself there was nothing
any body any ideas on this please?

[Velvet]

Hi Borojames.
So Sorry to hear about your struggles and sorry about your friend.
In respect of your emotions connected to the passing of your friend,In my opinion we can all react very differently to how we imagine, in respect of someone dying. There isn’t a right way imo and we are all very individual in our reactions and emotions.Emotions can be delayed and come out much later on , appreciate what you are saying in respect of emotions overall and I’m sorry I can’t reflect on anything similar to help you, as far as a personal experience.
I see you have had therapy as that was what I was going to suggest to help you find out more. Do hope someone comes along here with experience of what you mention ..

All good wishes to you

Also sorry as I’ve had no personal experience of the other things you mention.
I’m no expert, but I’m sure lack of emotions can be caused by lots of different things.

[borojames]

thanks for the reply,i found him dead in front of his fire but this was a few years ago now and still no emotion from it, tend to find I do have emotion where animals are concerned though so its a strange one for me to try and work out
thanks again for taking time to reply

[Velvet]

thanks for the reply,i found him dead in front of his fire but this was a few years ago now and still no emotion from it, tend to find I do have emotion where animals are concerned though so its a strange one for me to try and work out
thanks again for taking time to reply

That’s no problem, I’m sure others will come along and reply too.

Such awful circumstances around your friend too. Really sorry.

I know you mention therapy, do you have anymore planned .it seems perhaps therapy may help. I know I find the knowledge that I gain at least makes me aware of why things are how they are.

Well done to you, it sounds like you have worked very hard to stop self medicating, I do hope things can improve for you in other ways and you find some guidance and support

[Maca44]

I'm now 53 but started drinking to control anxiety/panic attacks way back in my mid teens then before I knew it I was 28 when I went into rehab. Although my life changed after that the anxiety/panic attacks were always in the background but in recent years they have got almost unbearable so I got help. Started with CBT and the highlighted past trauma so I have been having weekly therapy all on the NHS. One thing I have discovered is that my mind emotion are still back in my teens so although 53 im still a kid in my head so just unable to cope well with the adult world. The therapy is taking me back to deal with the trauma and I have been getting very upset indeed but in a good way that is healing me, so it's all up and down at the moment but that saying "It might get worse before it gets better" is so true. Alcohol abuse robs you of being able to deal with anything so it catches up with you as it has me.

Hope you can relate to some of this and it is of some help.

[borojames]

thanks for the reply and yes I relate on so many levels to what you said