View Full Version : braindead survives massive overdose
I have been missing for a while i am still ill. i took a massive overdose the docs said would kill a horse. i spent 3days in ICU breathing through a tube then a week in general hospital to make sure the toxins were clear, after 3 weeks in mental unit till my release yesterday. I NOW TAKE NO ad.s only 6 mg lorazepam a day ,has i was told no ads work on me for my illness, they now say i dont have bipolar 1 but an acute form of clinical depression from childhood trauma. i now have to attend weeks of intense therapy (good look on that 1 i don't believe in it) i slept for most of the 3 week in mental unit and lost 10 pounds in weight. i have had my anal fissure operated on and feel the benefits after initial morphine was needed after my arse was a war zone/ SO i didnt die again after a pint of different AD,S topped by 2 inch topping of cider maybe 400 pills of all sorts from Cymbalta to olanzapine ect ect all initially adding to my suicide attempt . i am home but weak has a baby i had to have vomit removed from my lungs. i miss the nurses coming to me in the night and stroking my neck and hair a memory worth a million. WHAT NOW ??????? who can say i dont feel suicidal but i dont feel right either:confused:
Hi , not sure what the hell to say about what you've done or been through , I've watched my daughter and partner go through the same thing and it was horrendous, you are still here for what ever reason so maybe it's just meant to be , another chance to sort things out and start living , it can happen my daughter was so close to death the docs told us to prepare for the worst but she came through and her life is very different now , I hope you find a way out of the darkness too .
Take care .
I have been missing for a while i am still ill. i took a massive overdose the docs said would kill a horse. i spent 3days in ICU breathing through a tube then a week in general hospital to make sure the toxins were clear, after 3 weeks in mental unit till my release yesterday. I NOW TAKE NO ad.s only 6 mg lorazepam a day ,has i was told no ads work on me for my illness, they now say i dont have bipolar 1 but an acute form of clinical depression from childhood trauma. i now have to attend weeks of intense therapy (good look on that 1 i don't believe in it) i slept for most of the 3 week in mental unit and lost 10 pounds in weight. i have had my anal fissure operated on and feel the benefits after initial morphine was needed after my arse was a war zone/ SO i didnt die again after a pint of different AD,S topped by 2 inch topping of cider maybe 400 pills of all sorts from Cymbalta to olanzapine ect ect all initially adding to my suicide attempt . i am home but weak has a baby i had to have vomit removed from my lungs. i miss the nurses coming to me in the night and stroking my neck and hair a memory worth a million. WHAT NOW ??????? who can say i dont feel suicidal but i dont feel right either:confused:
What the devil are you trying to do, Brian? Suppose that's one way to come off your meds! :wacko:
But seriously, I knew it was a bad omen when you disappeared and didn't reply to an email I sent. Those SNRI meds were bad news from the outset. You were up and down like a yo-yo and I think your psych should have acted a lot sooner by stopping them.
Hope this can be a new start, old boy. As Buster said, you survived for a reason and hope you can now get on and make the best of the hand you've been dealt.
Wish you a speedy recovery.
MyNameIsTerry
11-11-17, 02:13
That's one hell of a bad ride, Brian. Wishing you all the best.
I agree with KK, the Duloxetine wasn't pleasant for you, going up in dosage was bouncing you off the walls. I remember how I felt on 60mg, never felt anything like it to be honest. Feeling like you are supressing a scream all day long isn't very pleasant.
They really need to sort themselves out over your diagnosis. You've had so much contact with them for all these meds over the years and they are only just working it out now? No wonder you don't trust them.
I'm just glad you have people around you loking out for you. I bet you will be getting licked no stop for hours when you get back home to your dogs. And you've got your kids & grandkids who will want to get you home too. Take your time, you've ran the gauntlet.
Geez Brian:hugs: I was also wondering if you were OK, I missed your posts.
I could never understand why you were on those meds anyway but I know you had faith in what the docs told you. As Terry said, how disgraceful that the psychs got the diagnosis wrong despite seeing you so frequently. And you had the CPN visits as well...
I hope this is the start of much better times for you. Relentless agitation is torture-indescribable but devastating. I hope you have a strong supportive network around you now and that your wife is coping too.
Thanks guys i feel like a sack of shit to be honest. THE MENTAL HOSPITAL set up is a killer to live with. i take lorazepam at a certain time of day . 6 am 12pm 9pm now the hospital cannot keep to those time has they are way to busy so i was bouncing off the walls at times waiting ,that alone put a massive strain on my health. Plus 1 visit with a phycologist throws a spanner in the works . i understand the med stop but how they come up with the rest i half a hour is a stab in the dark to me . I dont believe any of the BLEEDERS i think they just take a guess with your life then go off to lunch.My tolerance to lorazepam is very high after 45 years . i said put the loz up if your leaving me with nothing they said no you're on max now ,i said yes to you i am but not to me. ENGLAND say 4mg a day AMERICA say 10 my a day. Yes that would put a normal person to sleep for a week but not me my body is wired to lorazepam why carnt they see that. i wanted 8 mg a day i could function very well on that even 10mg the AMERICAN max would be a breeze and maby keep me stable for another 10 years, but o no they want to give me therapy the very thing i hate. IN reality, they have given me nothing . LET ME JUST SAY you dont always plan suicide you just get to a point and think F*** it . i was sat watching tv on my own with my dog buddy at 11pm and it enter,s your brain like a nothing at all. You turn into a robot its that simple
MyNameIsTerry
11-11-17, 12:10
It sounds a bit stupid to me considering you've been on that through a psychiatrist and dropping it is only going to add to issues, especially without tapers for very obvious reasons. Surely they should be trying to stabilise?
I've read that about suicide, Brian. Like something in the mind just clicks and you become quite single minded about it. I've never been there so I wouldn't understand how it feels.
I find it bizarre that they can't keep up with your Benzo schedule in a hospital. How on earth would they cope in a standard hospital ward where they dose people up with all sorts of things throughout the day?
I think you're right about a hour one psychologist. It's easy when you're not the one having to deal with the mental pain.
Hey Braindead gee that's bad what you have been through so sorry to hear this but you have survived and there is a reason for this you may not know it yet :) I totally understand that you feel comfortable on the right meds but seriously coupled with the Right Therapy can help too. I would explain the child hood trauma to the right people in full so you can get the help you deserve! And remember you dog buddy who is there for you and loves you for being you :) Take it easy mate ATB
The truth of the matter is that the complex stuff is a shot in the dark and mental health is still very poorly understood. Of course that's no consolation to you and others struggling with every second of every day. It's a job with lunch breaks and holidays for the psychs-not so for the patients.
It sounds a bit stupid to me considering you've been on that through a psychiatrist and dropping it is only going to add to issues, especially without tapers for very obvious reasons. Surely they should be trying to stabilise?
I've read that about suicide, Brian. Like something in the mind just clicks and you become quite single minded about it. I've never been there so I wouldn't understand how it feels.
I find it bizarre that they can't keep up with your Benzo schedule in a hospital. How on earth would they cope in a standard hospital ward where they dose people up with all sorts of things throughout the day?
I think you're right about a hour one psychologist. It's easy when you're not the one having to deal with the mental pain.
the staff change over,s mess the schedules for med times , they have to have there little talk about the night before before the patient gets a look in, god forbid you ask for your meds:lac: they say we only have 1 pair of hands
---------- Post added at 17:24 ---------- Previous post was at 17:14 ----------
Hey Braindead gee that's bad what you have been through so sorry to hear this but you have survived and there is a reason for this you may not know it yet :) I totally understand that you feel comfortable on the right meds but seriously coupled with the Right Therapy can help too. I would explain the child hood trauma to the right people in full so you can get the help you deserve! And remember you dog buddy who is there for you and loves you for being you :) Take it easy mate ATB
SURVIVED i would say another trauma added to a long list. mental hospitals are zoo,s nothing more , everyone in 1 unit from scits to the guy in the next bed who likes to masterbate wearing womens underwear i tipped him out his bed the perv ,the only good bit was two nurses took a shine to me and 1 was only 23 she would come in my bed section every hour through the night and stroke my face and hair , the other was a gym teacher in her off time, she was the locom med bringer and stick her well rounded arse in my face for no other reason but to give us both a hit:winks:
---------- Post added at 17:32 ---------- Previous post was at 17:24 ----------
i try to make light of my 3 day ICU 1 Week in general hospital and 3 weeks in the mental zoo, but i am wrecked and dont no what to do i only left the zoo for half a day in 3 weeks then the next thing your out on the street wasted . Sally comes on monday i am back in the care of the community BUT WHAT CAN SHE DO she is my nurse and my friend but her hands are tied. it broke her heart when i overdosed
The truth of the matter is that the complex stuff is a shot in the dark and mental health is still very poorly understood. Of course that's no consolation to you and others struggling with every second of every day. It's a job with lunch breaks and holidays for the psychs-not so for the patients.
the staff change over,s mess the schedules for med times , they have to have there little talk about the night before before the patient gets a look in, god forbid you ask for your meds:lac: they say we only have 1 pair of hands
---------- Post added at 17:24 ---------- Previous post was at 17:14 ----------
SURVIVED i would say another trauma added to a long list. mental hospitals are zoo,s nothing more , everyone in 1 unit from scits to the guy in the next bed who likes to masterbate wearing womens underwear i tipped him out his bed the perv ,the only good bit was two nurses took a shine to me and 1 was only 23 she would come in my bed section every hour through the night and stroke my face and hair , the other was a gym teacher in her off time, she was the locom med bringer and stick her well rounded arse in my face for no other reason but to give us both a hit:winks: Well tbh with you that OD like you said would have killed a horse but it didn't :) but know what you mean about them being like a zoo! Remember years ago when I was in hospital one guy had ECT he was friends he didn't even know me after he was zapped for ages after :eek: Nah each to their own lol not my bag either lol remember you are all in there cause you have a MH condition and those other things really happened to you lol not very professional though lol
the staff change over,s mess the schedules for med times , they have to have there little talk about the night before before the patient gets a look in, god forbid you ask for your meds:lac: they say we only have 1 pair of hands
SURVIVED i would say another trauma added to a long list. mental hospitals are zoo,s nothing more , everyone in 1 unit from scits to the guy in the next bed who likes to masterbate wearing womens underwear i tipped him out his bed the perv ,the only good bit was two nurses took a shine to me and 1 was only 23 she would come in my bed section every hour through the night and stroke my face and hair , the other was a gym teacher in her off time, she was the locom med bringer and stick her well rounded arse in my face for no other reason but to give us both a hit:winks:
i try to make light of my 3 day ICU 1 Week in general hospital and 3 weeks in the mental zoo, but i am wrecked and dont no what to do i only left the zoo for half a day in 3 weeks then the next thing your out on the street wasted . Sally comes on monday i am back in the care of the community BUT WHAT CAN SHE DO she is my nurse and my friend but her hands are tied. it broke her heart when i overdosed
I think you've seen quite enough filth, Brian! I'm not sure which was more difficult: surviving the OD or the "Zoo" :scared15:
You will gradually revert to your former self but agree with others that your mental health status needs reassessing and a proper plan of action established so you're more stable in the future.
in trouble with the wife last night , after coming out hospital Thursday made the mistake of trying to do to many jobs i had let slip in hospital, ie my giant aquarium the wife had tried her best to maintain but it wasn't up to my standard but i should have left it for a while. I lopped the dead palm trees leafs i grow in my microclimate garden and fleeced the trunks ready for the cold weather, it dropped below last night. ect ect ect , i was riding on adrenaline and not realising ////// what a prat . FRIDAY i was a total total wreck not the same man at all, it all came flooding back like a poison dagger i even had to up my larozapam 2mg to make out the day. Now THIS IS WHAT I WAS IN TROUBLE FOR , many will see why i fell into to this trap. MY daughter has bought me a bottle of wine to drink on 3 seperate nights ie 1 glass a night to help sleep last off , they had all gone to bed and i was dieing with anxiety ,i opened the wine poored a glass i instantly felt a drop in the shakes, YOU GOT IT i drank the bottle and for 2 hours felt cool , then it faded but i had no hangover or ill effects and whent to bed, sleep till usual crap 4 am and tossed and turned the rest of the night , sometimes i put in earphones and listen to music. MORNING comes in my house at 6am and there is an empty bottle of wine and i have a wife and daughter mad has hellcats, I WASNT HAVING THIS i said it was wine not a bottle of whiskey and if you want to swap heads with me anytime feel free to live in this hell. you cannot stick to a plan like 1 glass a night if you out your box you go with your gut feeling and that says i want 2 hours out this shit. NO MORE WINE ENTERS THIS HOUSE I AM TOLD a day to late i am afraid
I do see it but it's not TWG braindead Yes you are suffering but so are most of us on here in our own ways in my case I could reach for lots and lots of food to comfort me through out the bad times (used to do but I don't any longer) and suggest you get you life back on track you have plodded along now far too long and agree with others on this get reassessed ATB
I do see it but it's not TWG braindead Yes you are suffering but so are most of us on here in our own ways in my case I could reach for lots and lots of food to comfort me through out the bad times (used to do but I don't any longer) and suggest you get you life back on track you have plodded along now far too long and agree with others on this get reassessed ATB
reassessed by who. this is the nhs my shrink drownded me in meds the hospital shrink says take no AD they dont work on me. who am i suppose to turn to now GOD //////// well i dont believe in that farse , i tell you something about no ADs your penis becomes its old size: and you can ejaculate while having sex :yesyes:
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