View Full Version : Friend diagnosed
With ovarian cancer and it's spread to her liver and lungs.
It's like a nightmare come true.
I'm trying my best to be part of the family's support system.
Inside I feel the flames of my own HA starting to burn. Paying extra attention to my body sensations.
How do I keep myself on an even keel and be strong for this family when they are going through the worst time of their lives?
Nancy, I think you have to keep telling yourself that this is all about giving your friend support and not about giving time and space to your HA. It's only natural that this will be a very testing time but compare your fears to your friend's very real and serious diagnosis and you will put your own fears in perspective. This is your friend's reality and I've no doubt that you will be a truly supportive friend in her time of need.
I'm really sorry to hear your friend has been diagnosed with cancer, I know how hard it can be to hear someone close has cancer and you often have fears of your own that is normal in everyone.
I think you can keep strong by maybe just talking to people on here and just being there for her and the family - it really is difficult to know what advice to give you but what I will say is to not google and don't research these cancers as that will only make it worse for you.
I hope you feel better soon and sorry for the little advice
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I it really is difficult to know what advice to give you but what I will say is to not google and don't research these cancers as that will only make it worse for you.
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Thank you, you are SO right. That's exactly what I have been doing. Googling ovarian cancer so I can understand better and thatis planting the fear in my head.
:-(
Nancy, I think you have to keep telling yourself that this is all about giving your friend support and not about giving time and space to your HA. It's only natural that this will be a very testing time but compare your fears to your friend's very real and serious diagnosis and you will put your own fears in perspective. This is your friend's reality and I've no doubt that you will be a truly supportive friend in her time of need.
This!
Thank you, you are SO right. That's exactly what I have been doing. Googling ovarian cancer so I can understand better and thatis planting the fear in my head.
:-(
When my nan had cancer I did the same I think it's a kind of natural response which triggers stuff in us, I wouldn't google ovarian cancer I have before for a thing at college I was doing and it's endless horror stories, you being there for her and supporting her family is enough you don't need knowledge on the cancers she has specialists etc that can help with that.
Just try not get into too much of a spiral as she needs you fully right now hope you feel better soon x
MyNameIsTerry
15-11-17, 01:45
I agree with all of the above advice.
I'm really sorry to hear this, Nancy. :hugs::flowers: This must be so hard to hear, everything must stop around you?
Everyone is going to react individually. For some with anxiety it's going to be a spike. It's very understandable. But right now this is a very raw situation and this current reaction may pass as your compassionate side kicks in wanting to do what you know you have to for your friend and their family.
If I recall rightly, you already do help others in a volunteering capacity. Is that right? If so, that only tells me more about your strong beliefs about helping people who are struggling/suffering and this side of you is bound to kick in. Other than being totally incapacitated by anxiety, I doubt you would give yourself a choice of anything else than to do the right thing.
As far as Googling goes, you have to be very careful with the numbers. Many of these %'s are based on older periods of time and don't reflect newer, more specific treatments (e.g. gene treatments). That's what my GF was told when her mum was diagnosed and it's what I read from official sources like the major cancer charities. The advice tey gave about such things? Speak to the care team, the consultant, etc as they have more up to date information and it's obvious when you think how complicated treating something like cancer is that it's about how the individual is responding and not about the expected result.
Above all, be there for them. If they know about your anxiety they will understand anyway but from those I know who have experienced these things in loved ones it's very important to keep normality. My parents being in their seventies have lost plenty of people now and this is the attitude they take to it. And my GF found it was what her mother needed too. And from an inspirational person I had the privelage of knowing who went through this, it gets very important to deal with the tears but to live now, really live and make it count.
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, Nancy :hugs: I can't say it better than everybody else on this thread, but wanted to send you my support.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My mother was diagnosed with OC earlier this year and it was tough. All you can do is be there to support your friend through this difficult period.
Sending up prayers for your friend. *hugs*
Thank you all I appreciate it more than you know.
Terry, you are remembering correctly about my volunteer work.
This friend is the person that heads up our Adopt-a-Family program and food pantry event. I work closely with her especially at this time of the year.
I wish I could turn my HA off, I feel all sorts of weird feelings in my abdomen today. I know it's anxiety driven but apparently my HA doesn't give a shit.
We're still getting info on her, don't know the course of treatment or if they will even offer her one. :-(
---------- Post added at 14:39 ---------- Previous post was at 14:33 ----------
Terry you are also correct about this being very raw. I hope that this horrible dread sick feeling calm down in time so I can think clearly about what I can do to help the family.
Sorry to hear about your friend. All I can tell you is just be there if needed. I found out you really find out who your friends are when you're diagnosed. I had people I never would have thought of as close friends, step up to the plate and some, I thought were close, completely disappear.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
16-11-17, 05:46
It's going to be a hell of a shock. With not knowing all the details (you can bet your HA will want all that too!) it must make you feel out of control too. I remember my GF was frustrated by this and just wanted to know what they could do & get on with it, the same for what she needed to do.
Anxiety is bound to latch on and I think you need to accept this and not get annoyed with yourself over it. It's not a failing and it won't stop you doing what you believe you need to in helping your friend through this awful time.
A hug, someone to talk to, some practical support, etc it's all important in times like this. Sometimes the simple things mean a lot to people.
You will find away around dealing with your own emotions over this and all these powerful, confusing emotions are bound to make anxiety harder to deal with but wanting to do things is more powerful than our anxiety forcing us into something, so I'm confident you will give it a kick.
You can always talk to us lot on here. Sadly so many around here seem to have experienced loss & tragedy in their lives. They will understand.
To answer your question, I think it can be helpful for someone with HA to actually see what real sick prople are like. I had someone I was close to die from a brain tumour during the time I was dealing with HA. I was convinced I had a brain tumour a couple of times. My doctor told me that if I did have a brain tumour I would be very sick but I wasn’t convinced. When I visited the person in hospital and saw how sick she was I knew that there was no way I could be as well as I am and have a brain tumour. I’m sorry about your friend.
To answer your question, I think it can be helpful for someone with HA to actually see what real sick prople are like. I had someone I was close to die from a brain tumour during the time I was dealing with HA. I was convinced I had a brain tumour a couple of times. My doctor told me that if I did have a brain tumour I would be very sick but I wasn’t convinced. When I visited the person in hospital and saw how sick she was I knew that there was no way I could be as well as I am and have a brain tumour. I’m sorry about your friend.
This is actually very true my nan had lymphoma the thing most posters fear on here and some of these posts sound so minor compared to how my nan was, at the time I developed a fear towards lymphoma naturally and I kept thinking I had it and this was after my first was born so was all over the place then I seen her and the fear went almost instantly, sorry to hear about your friend swajj.
I feel crushed by it all today. On the verge of tears. Tonight is an event meeting as we kick off our our Christmas adopt a family program. I was hoping she could come, she texted me earlier this morning to say she won't be able to.
MyNameIsTerry
16-11-17, 17:21
Some people just want to keep busy and some feel the full force of it. All you can do is be there for her. Keep her work running for her, she will appreciate the support allowing her time when she needs it without worrying if things are getting done.
You all need time to process it. She's been hit with a sledgehammer but as she works through her feelings hopefully she will understand what she wants for the time she has. Maybe she will be back doing her work until she can't anymore? Being a committed volunteer may become even more important to her now or she may want to spend more time with loved ones or doing things she wants to but perhaps it's just too raw right now to think?
There's nothing wrong with crying. Sometimes we need to release that emotion so don't feel you have to be strong all the time.
---------- Post added at 17:21 ---------- Previous post was at 17:11 ----------
I just want to add - I've been really lucky not to experience many of the awful situations people on NMP have been through. I don't know how it feels in these situations until my turn comes, I'm not talking from experience but just trying to find something to say to help or put a point out there for consideration as an outsider. It may come across otherwise but it's not the intention. Like everyone else on here, it's horrible to see people upset & isolated.
My mom was sick during the holidays ... it was awful. I think you have to listen to yourself. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, whatever! Also it's okay to enjoy yourself too at times. I think you do what you can. Don't push yourself to do what you cannot or emotionally feel too raw for. Do you have anybody who you can rely on for some support?
Yes, all of you :-)
Everyone here is reeling with this news, we're trying to support the family. It's not easy to find my "place".. something I can take care of. Hopefully in the days and weeks to come that will be more clear.
My HA is just itching to pop. I feel all kinds of weird scary things. I'm starting to believe my HA is rooted in cancer and what caused it is my father died of lung cancer when I was very young.
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 12:16
How are you getting on, Nancy?
Has your friend had any answers yet?
That sounds very plausible about the roots of your anxiety, that's a very traumatic experience. But I think you are someone who takes it on because you work in a caring environment dealing with vulnerable people which must be very testing of your mental strength and you don't let it stop you doing what you believe is right. You will do the same for your friend, you won't let your anxiety stop you doing what you believe in.
Thank you for asking Terry.
I'm doing ok, pulling away for a breather now and then.
She had a ct guided biopsy 2 days ago and goes for the follow-up tonight at 6. She's terrified. Tonight she will find out the treatment plan, unless there isn't one.
There are several of us girls handling the adopt a family Christmas program, it just doesn't feel like enough.
It must be absolutely terrifying for her. I do so hope that she is offered a treatment plan and as much professional support as she needs. Just being there for her emotionally will be so important-whatever you can do practically would also be so helpful. This will take its toll on you obviously so I hope you've also got people you can offload to. I am so sorry that your friend has this awful illness.
Thinking of you, Nancy, and hoping your friend gets a treatment plan tonight. She is in my thoughts. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be her, but I do know how it feels to be a loved one of somebody going through this and it can be paralyzing. I am sure the group of you taking on the adopt a family program means a lot to her, probably more than you realize. You do what you can, that's all. As Pulisa said, I hope you have some support too.
MyNameIsTerry
30-11-17, 03:04
Spotted you posting Nancy so wondered how you were coping. Plenty of people on here believe this place should be even more supportive in times like this so don't be afraid to reach out, you will get responses as people will remember what you are dealing with, especially the regulars.
The Christmas programme may seem even more important right now as it's part of her legacy to others. After the initial shocks I wonder if that will be how you all feel and you end up wanting it to succeed more than ever?
It must be very hard to come to terms with something so major. I hope she is getting the support she needs from those who are walking the same paths too, their incite will be invaluable I would imagine.
Fingers crossed for some good news for your friend. :hugs::flowers:
I'm not sure what to think now...
The biopsy of her liver was negative.
This was a ct scan guided biopsy and they took 4 samples.
They are now going to biopsy the tumors in her pelvis.
Huh, that's an unexpected turn of events. Did they have any explanations for it? I can't imagine a negative biopsy would be a bad thing? I wouldn't know what to think either!
I'm not sure what to think now...
The biopsy of her liver was negative.
This was a ct scan guided biopsy and they took 4 samples.
They are now going to biopsy the tumors in her pelvis.
Your friend as well as you are in my thoughts. Anyway we can support, we will.
MyNameIsTerry
01-12-17, 02:18
Biopsies aren't always the best way. When my GF's mum was being diagnosed her biopsies didn't prove anything so they continued testing, in her case it was a PET scan.
As far as what it means, what her care team are saying is the best advice to take. In a situation like hers they are going to be very upfront about it all.
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