View Full Version : Health anxiety about other people's health
I hope someone can help me – I have dreadful health anxiety about my husband. I don’t really worry about my own health.
If he has a headache, it’s a brain tumour.
If he gets indigestion, it’s stomach cancer.
An upset stomach must surely be pancreatic cancer,
And this week I’m panicking about prostate cancer.
This all started off when he had his piles banded, the surgeon did a colonoscopy just to be on the safe side, which thankfully came back ‘all clear’ but this clearly triggered something in my head, and now I’m imaging a different sort of cancer practically every week.
I’ve had counselling, which was very good – the counsellor taught me some techniques for deflecting the irrational thoughts. This worked well for a while, until he came home from work a few weeks ago with a headache (which was successfully treated with 2 paracetamol) and my fears have run riot ever since. I am considering more counselling, and possibly a trip to my GP (although I’d rather deal with this without medication).
Has anyone else suffered from anything like this, and how on earth do I get a grip?
Many people are like this Petal. Im the other way, if someone has something I start to give myself those symptoms, well that's how my anxiety started. Now every ache I get means Im ill with something. How about going back for counselling?
Hi , I'm like it with my partner I have HA myself but also drive myself and her insane thinking the worst case scenario, I do have pretty good reason as she has had several heart attacks and regular pneumonia, she wheezes and I'm thinking funeral , trouble is this has gone on for many years and I do feel Ive wasted so much time and life just worrying about what could happen , I saw a quote that said worrying is like preying for something you don't want and that pretty much sums it up , I did try cbt last year which did seem to be helping but my partner took an overdose half way through it which just confirmed in my head bad things would happen , the rational side of my brain knows that's just not true , just because we think the worst it doesn't make it happen but we both know that it's just convincing ourselves that's the problem , backed out of cbt again recently but I'm considering self referring again .
Take care :)
I did try cbt last year which did seem to be helping but my partner took an overdose half way through it which just confirmed in my head bad things would happen , the rational side of my brain knows that's just not true ,
I understand that: If you do something positive for yourself it means neglecting your loved one in some way, and bad things will follow as a consequence. Perhaps it's a form of PTSD but labels don't change how difficult it is to overcome.
I am deep in this right now. My son has had low grade fever for two days. HIs siblings both just got over colds. BUt, of course, I am worrying that he has something terrible, like encephalitis, or rabies, or hantavirus (it's that time of year, and I think I hear some critter in our attic, need to call the wildlife service). Yes, I know this is all close to impossible so I am not overboard, but that's where my mind wants to take me.
But, not to worry....I panic about myself too. CUrrently, I am focused on lung cancer, with a touch of the sarcoma (lingering doubt about MRI results on a benign soft tissue lump).
UGH. THis is hard stuff, but I think we need to do our best NOT to inflict this on other people.
You are not alone.
I don't have children yet but my greatest fear about having kids is that I will worry about than a million times more than I ever have myself, or pass this on to them.
I even obsess about my dogs' health in an HA way! Hey, they're my family, but still...sometimes I feel like I have no grip.
I'm the same way. It's mostly about my mom, and it started after my dad passed away a few years ago. The thought of her getting sick and me having no parents is scary; now that I think about it, it seems selfish to put it that way.
Most recently it was about her blood work. Her work was offering free blood work and she signed up. I immediately thought it was going to show that something was seriously wrong, but it came back perfect.
I feel like everyone worries about their loved one's health from time to time, but having health anxiety exacerbates it.
As for getting a grip: I don't know. I still haven't gotten a grip, although with medication and some therapy I've gotten better.
My husband is the total opposite of me. He says when your times up its up! He doesn't worry about his health or do anything about it. I wish I could be more like him!
Artist, I've just got a puppy and he's on his third bout of antibiotics for a cough. I'm worried about dogs now!!
I understand that: If you do something positive for yourself it means neglecting your loved one in some way, and bad things will follow as a consequence. Perhaps it's a form of PTSD but labels don't change how difficult it is to overcome.
Kk , it was mentioned at my assessment for cbt that I should be treated for ptsd, I've gone through a lot of traumatic events starting in childhood and my memories of them are very vivid , I've gotten to a point now if I won a pound on a scratch card I'd panic and ring home to see if everyone is alive , Ive created my own personal hell on earth , not everyone has that talent .:D
Thank you so much for the replies, it makes a huge difference to know I’m not the only one whose head behaves like this. I don’t feel quite so isolated with my affliction.
I’m actually feeling much better today – I had been worrying that my husband may have prostate cancer (I saw a poster about it, and it sent me into a spin). So last night I actually bit the bullet, and asked him if his waterworks were OK. He replied that they were fine, no changes, nothing out the ordinary. And I believe him. He wouldn’t lie about something like that. So that was the most enormous relief.
So I’ve now ruled out bowel cancer (his colonoscopy was clear), stomach cancer (he only got indigestion that one time), brain tumour (he had a headache a few weeks ago, but it went away and hasn’t come back). And now he doesn’t have any symptoms that would suggest prostate cancer.
I’m fully aware he could develop any of these things in the future, but as of today, I’m not worrying about them. But it’s only a temporary peace – as soon as there’s a headache, indigestion, spending a penny (you know, those normal things that regular folk don’t worry about), I’ll be back to tailspin again. I try to hold up an imaginary STOP sign (like a lollipop lady would hold) and visualise this whenever the HA tries to capture me.
But for now, or at least today, I’ve been able to forget about health and think about Christmas …….. I treasure days like these.
I try to hold up an imaginary STOP sign (like a lollipop lady would hold) and visualise this whenever the HA tries to capture me.
But for now, or at least today, I’ve been able to forget about health and think about Christmas …….. I treasure days like these.
Whatever works for you is good enough. It's positive to hear that you fully understand the vicious cycle anxiety creates and that we can't live our lives in this way or we'd be totally miserable. Anxiety wants us to worry about the bridge way before we get to it - and sometimes will never even cross.
I don’t know if other people feel the same – but when I’m having a good day (like today) the whole “health anxiety by proxy” issue seems small, manageable and distant. But if I suddenly face a trigger, it can overwhelm me, rather like suddenly being swept out to sea. I’m working to nip each trigger in the bud, bash it over the head with the STOP sign, and then knock it away from me (rather like hitting a ball back across a tennis court) before it gets chance to overpower me.
Sounds so simple, doesn’t it!!?!
I’m still doing quite well today. I’m using the visualisation techniques to banish any thoughts about health. I have to work quite hard to do this, and it tends to give me a headache, but I’d rather have a headache than be in a health-related panic.
I’ve just spoken to my husband, he mentioned he had just popped home. He often pops home throughout the day, so there’s nothing unusual there. But I’m fighting the urge to ring him back, and double check that he didn’t pop home for health reasons. I can conquer this. Or at least today I think I can.
Posting here really helps.
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