Always worried about cancer

[Amberlight61]

I posted about a month ago over my paralyzing health anxiety fears that I might have ovarian cancer, but I can't find my original post. Anyhow, I finally went to the doctor, had a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound done, blood and urine tests, and all came back fine. Whew!!!

I thought that would be it, and the doc would just tell me I have IBS or something. But then he said at my follow up appointment, "I think we need to take a closer look at your bowels," and ordered a CT scan, which happens tomorrow morning. He is concerned because I had some spotting about a month ago (I'm three years post-menopausal) and although I'm almost certain the blood didn't come from my butt, he wants to check to make sure it really didn't.

Given this concern, along with some other symptoms I've had over the past two months -- some abdominal discomfort, bloating and diarrhea (which I pray is just my IBS come back to haunt me after going through the most stressful summer of my life) -- I can't help worrying that tomorrow's scan is going to reveal something awful, i.e. cancer, especially given my age (56). And of course, the more I worry about my symptoms, the more noticeable they become, so now I don't know if it's my HA making me focus on my abdomen 24/7, or if there really is something serious going on in there. The good news is that I have had no more spotting after that one episode last month.

But I've become so anxious and depressed over the past month, worrying about my health, that my doc had to put me on a stronger anti-depressant, along with an anti-anxiety med last week, because I just wasn't functioning and broke down in tears in his office. That was a week or so after I ended up in ER one night because I felt suicidal. I'm still not really functioning -- can't concentrate on work, don't care about anything, and just want to sit and do nothing except worry, distract myself with TV, escape into sleep, or Google stuff I probably shouldn't be reading. I'll be glad when tomorrow's scan is over with, but also terrified at what it's going to show. And because tomorrow is Friday, it means I'll have to wait until at least Monday to get the results. It's going to be a horrible weekend of worry. :scared15:

[NervUs]

Hope everything goes well!

I've been where you are so many times. Your results will help release you, I am sure!

[Leslie735]

Praying all goes well! I'm sure everything will turn out just fine. *hugs*

[tmckenzie-orr]

Hey I am the exact same when I’m on one of my health anxiety peaks, we always worry about cancer as cancer to us hypochondriacs is a death sentence and we cannot see past that so our brain associates anything abnormal to cancer, Chances are everything is absolutely fine especially women spotting is completely normal doesn’t have to be something bad, And the Ibs symptoms is simply where we work ourself up and worry and it just speeds up our body I’m the exact same I suffer from all them but I know it’s ibs and a lot worse if I start to worry , Try to look past the cancer and try concentrate we all have horrible points make sure you get some CBT theraphy it does help, my health anxiety went away for a few years now iTs back due to stress time, I’m sure everything is fine please don’t worry

[Blonde123]

Big hugs let us know how you get on. Try and relax I’m sure everything will be fine x

[Amberlight61]

Thanks everyone! I just got back from my CT scan -- it was a long wait because an emergency case came in ahead of me.

Of course, the tech couldn't tell me anything about the results, so I can only keep my fingers crossed and pray that all is well. She did say the radiologist usually looks at the scans the same day, and then sends the results to the doctor. But my doctor's office closes at noon on Fridays and doesn't reopen until Monday morning, so it'll be a weekend of nail-biting. I am trying to keep myself busy, though, so I won't think about it too much.

It's true that our minds jump immediately to cancer when something goes wrong with our bodies. And I think it's worse for women, because we also have our reproductive system to worry about. Oddly, I think I could cope with any other diagnosis fairly calmly, apart from cancer. I think it's because cancer is often so insidious, doesn't show symptoms until it's advanced or has spread, and because the treatments are sometimes worse than the disease. It also seems that there's really no foolproof way to prevent cancer, as there is with many other diseases -- it just happens.

Anyhow, I'm praying, praying, praying it's nothing except stress....

[Fishmanpa]

From what you wrote, it certainly does sound IBS/stress related. The doc is just practicing CYA medicine (cover your arse). I have the feeling I'll be able to give you a "Told ya so" ;)

Positive thoughts

[Amberlight61]

Thanks Fishmanpa! I pray that you can tell me "I told you so"! My anxiety is really peaking today -- I was shaking and crying earlier. If the phone rings first thing tomorrow morning, I'll probably have a panic attack while I pick up the receiver. Just trying to focus on other things today but it's hard. Stayed in bed till noon, as it's the only place I can make myself relax, and will probably be back in bed again by 7 this evening.

My big worry is that if the doc tells me there's a suspicious mass or potential tumor inside me, I will have pack a bag and go straight into hospital for however long it takes them to see me, because I wouldn't trust myself to come home with that kind of terror hanging over my head, and not try to do something stupid. I will need to be placed in a locked ward and/or sedated until they can open me up and see what's really going on. I am not joking or being a drama queen, and I will tell the doctor that if he gives me bad news. He can't just send me home to live with that kind of fear for a few more weeks because I won't be able to take it.

However....I am hoping, praying, that the CT scan will show nothing, or perhaps something less worrying, such as a kidney stone or infection or something else that is not life-threatening.

[susie1]

Hi
I have been where you are SO many times. It is the fear that disables. Just keep strong until tomorrow and then you can breath again. let us know how you get on. I am sure it will be fine.x

[pulisa]

The trouble with being our age is that doctors always want to do the CYA approach and this of course always puts the fear of God into us..Waiting for results is horrible but I hope you soon get full reassurance that all is well and your symptoms are stress-related:hugs:

[Amberlight61]

Got my CT results today. Only thing they could find was a "slight thickening" in my transverse colon. Tentative diagnosis is mild IBD, but I have to have a colonoscopy to be sure. Not sure when that will happen. What I don't understand is that I have no pain in that area. My pain is in the lower right abdominal area. Went away for a couple of days, which was nice, but now it's back again. At least I know my liver, kidneys, uterus, etc. are all okay. I've read that IBD and IBS can occur together and both can be worsened by stress....

[Blonde123]

Hi Amber that's great news. Do you feel more relaxed? Im going through an ovarian cancer thought as my pain is in my right lower abdo area. Its like a naggin dull ache on and off. And as someone else says when you get to a certain age Im 42, you start to be aware of age specific illness. Glad your ok x

[Amberlight61]

I know the feeling! I have that same nagging lower right pain. Not really feeling much more relaxed...now I'm worried the colonoscopy is going to reveal something more sinister than mild IBD. I know a CT scan can't see the interior of your colon. This health anxiety is probably doing me more damage than anything else - LOL!

[Blonde123]

Oh no. When’s your colonoscopy?

[Amberlight61]

I don't know yet, but it might not be for weeks. My doc said not to make a follow-up appointment with him before early to mid-January, so I have another couple months to get through. I just hope it isn't going to be around Christmas!!!

The more research I am doing, the more I am suspecting mild Crohn's (which is a form of IBD). Looking back through my life, I have often had digestive problems right from my teens and 20s -- excruciating stomach pains, one year of non-ending diarrhea when I was 30 or so (the doc diagnosed parasites and IBS) -- usually during or after periods of extreme stress. I have also had dry eye and eye inflammations since my mid-teens, which can also be connected to Crohn's. I was also getting eye infections and no one knew why. But that was back in the 1970s, when I don't believe Crohn's was even a diagnosis....

I have also learned that Crohn's can affect the pelvic organs, which might explain the discomfort that seems to be coming from my right ovary. Ultrasound and CT scan showed nothing wrong with my pelvic organs though.

One way or another, I will be very glad when this is all sorted and I know what I'm dealing with. It's a long journey to a confirmed diagnosis....

---------- Post added at 17:22 ---------- Previous post was at 17:20 ----------

Also saw my naturopath today for a consult and acupuncture session, and she is sending me for a blood test for food sensitivities. I have my suspicions that gluten and dairy might be an issue for me.