Relationships and anxiety

[sunset_5]

Hey everyone.

Is anyone else feeling like their anxiety is impacting their relationship a lot?

I am in a pretty new relationship now. I am really, really happy and lucky but I sometimes feel like I can't enjoy it to the fullest because of my looming anxiety. I notice that I am insecure more often than "normal", that I read too much into stuff and I quickly have doubts... about the way I behave in the relationship, or that he might change his mind about wanting to be with me.

I wish I could just let go and live in the moment. :unsure: has anyone been in a similar situation and do you have any advice what I can do to feel more confident about this?

Thank you! :hugs:

[lior]

Hello! Yep, this is pretty standard if you live with anxiety.

It's so lovely you're in a new relationship! Hope you're having lots of fun.

If you work on the root causes of your anxiety, it will ease up these things you're feeling.

If he's the right kind of guy for you, he will be able to handle a certain amount of your anxiety. But - don't let him take on too much, don't let him be responsible for your emotions. You and only you are in charge of your anxiety and how you manage it.

Now that you recognise you read too much into things, when you start doing that, can you catch yourself and stop yourself?

[swgrl09]

I've been with my husband about 10 years now, so it's been a while since I was in your shoes but I was at one point. I give you so much credit for the awareness you do have, as when I started dating my husband, I felt insecure and had anxiety, but hadn't fully put my finger on what was going on with me. I didn't have as much insight into myself yet.

I agree, it's about balance really. It's hard to not put a lot on our partners. With my husband, it took me years before I stopped worrying that he would get sick of me and leave because of the anxiety. At some point, after we had been through so much (my mom dying, family drama, etc) together, I was telling him I was still afraid he'd get sick of it all and he said "Honestly if I was sick of this, I would have left a long time ago." And he said it in a genuinely kind way, not a mean way. But then it clicked and I think I allowed myself to be more honest with him about what I was going through.

I'm not perfect, my anxiety is a part of me but it's only one part. I'm a package deal. I'd be doing myself and the relationship a disservice if I wasn't honest about it. But my husband also sees that I do work on it. I go to therapy, I take medications, and throughout the years I have made progress. And he has his own stuff that makes him not perfect either.

So I think for me it was about acceptance of my own anxiety and working on not being so ashamed of it in my relationship.

[lior]

That's a relationship success story if I ever saw one. Romantic and lovely :) :) and even more, shows how far you've come swgrl in yourself, and how amazing you are. You have a lot to be proud of.

[sunset_5]

Thanks to both of you for your replies.

Yep... I definitely do not want to make him responsible for all my emotions. I do always try to be self-reflective and work on myself. Of course, he has to be supportive and all, but it's not his job to save me.

It's inspiring to read what it has been like for you swgrl. Well done on coming so far. I agree with lior, you have a lot to be proud of! You do have a point there. I think once you "come to terms" with the anxiety; once you are fully aware that this is who you are, a lot of things change.

It's not only being accepted by the partner, but also by yourself. In the first place I think.

It's something I am trying to work on at the moment :)

[swgrl09]

Thank you for both of your really supportive messages! I completely agree that accepting yourself is a HUGE part of it. And honestly it doesn't come easy and there are days I am not very accepting of myself. But I do think I've come a long way. I think it's always a work in progress ... relationships and our own mental health always are. We never stop learning about ourselves and growing. :hugs: