No idea where it goes, hate living this way, GUIDE ME PLEASE

[AnxiousTeen97]

I recently turned 20. Since 11 or 12 my life has been all ups and downs, had good times, had to go through hell. It all started with the vision problems, to this day I do have that problem! A double vision on nearby objects that are unfocused, I will give a simple example: The PC screen and the hand. If I put my hand in a distance between my face and the PC screen whenever I am focused on the PC screen the hand will appear blurry and doubled, but if I switch the focus to the hand the hand goes back to normal but the background is blurry/doubled. I have had over thousands of symptoms I can assure you. It would take days to explain everything here. My heart beats fast during the day like 90-100+ bpm. It lessens during the nights. I am in pains due to my posture and mild scoliosis. Whenever I lay on my left side it feels like my heart beats slower and sometimes even interesting and I get a weird feeling mostly on my throat. I do feel like out of breath most of the time, that area on the upper stomach (where the ribs divide) feels weird like full. Guess what I do not look sick on the outside! I have done SO MANY tests that I feel like doctors are useless.
I've had every heart test possible.
CT of head.
Tons of blood tests.
I would feel out of breath and dizzy/weak while trying to sleep but thankfully that has gone away now, SO MANY symptoms I have had even worse.
I have come to a point where I curse everything, am I so hated by the creator?
Not knowing what you have, not being able to know let's say, constantly thinking about the worst scenarios, the worst possibilities, why do others have to worry about different problems like every normal person, especially at my age.
Nothing helps.
I am trapped.
From heart attacks to strokes, to cancers, to autoimmune illnesses, to every possible fatal illness out there.
I do not have enough money to go through every tests at private hospitals, since the last summer I quit visiting doctors and internet pages. But nothing has helped. If there is something to happen, THEN LET IT HAPPEN ALREADY SO I KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS, TIRED OF EVERYTHING.
I am crying right now because of not knowing what to do. I AM SO TIRED PSYCHOLOGICALLY, GUIDE ME PLEASE.

[tan235]

I'll be honest and maybe I didn't read your post correctly but I don't see any major issues, I'm not doubting you at all but my hand is blurry if I focus on the screen and not my hand - I just tried it, the brain can't physically focus on two distances so that seems normal to me and unfortunately anxiety creates all kinds of strange phenomenon, and we are way more sensitive than others out there, we notice everything!
I can feel my heart beating in my stomach, I freaking out and went to the Dr about this and he was amazed and said it is supposed to beat there but you are not supposed to feel it, it's just being super sensitive to stimuli.
I will read your post again but all I can say is that nothing seems out of the ordinary to me other than you are noticing every single little thing ... take some deep breathes, you don't want to be like this for 20 years like me!

[au Lait]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. A lot of the symptoms you described are actually either normal or physical side effects of chronic anxiety. That probably explains why doctors haven’t found anything on any of the tests; because other than anxiety there isn’t anything wrong with you. Is there anyone you can speak to about your anxiety? There are quite a few resources online that you could try as well, such as CBT based programs. Anxiety can be scary and incredibly frustrating but it can get better. Once you start tackling your anxiety a lot of the physical symptoms will start to fade away.