Sol-lude
21-11-17, 13:04
Hi all,
First off this might end up quite a lengthy post and i'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore.
My fiancé and I have known one another for the best part of 10 years through work and got on great and had a crush on her pretty much from the word go. Great woman, happy, cheery, cheeky, loveable and overall I got on great with her. However she was in a 7 year relationship had home etc so never really thought anything was going to happen. I got on with life as did she however in that time she found out her BF had been cheating and using the playstation to do so. They continued to live together and got on with their own lives. She was also in an accident New Years day 4 years ago broke her back and was in the hospital for quite some time and through my own selfishness and focus on my then current relationship I didn't even visit her and feel guilty to this day I didn't because deep down I knew I loved her.
Fast forward a few years I became lost in a relationship I felt was going nowhere and ended things. I found comfort in discussing things with my now current fiancé and she was also recently single things just seemed to fall into place happier than I could ever imagine was possible and would do anything for her. She had however built a strong relationship with someone she dated after she was in hospital which I acknowledged and accepted. However at the start of our relationship I was feeling quite uncomfortable with their relationship and found she had spent a night at his (apparently nothing happened) I then was out on a night out with brothers and had danced with a couple of girls nothing happened nothing exchanged no numbers names etc
After a number of issues we had at the start whereby finding her meeting her ex behind my back and having a lot of time with him I found a bit of security in speaking to a friend who had always been a friend (or whi I thought was a friend) whereby nothing had happened who was trying to give advise based on how I was feeling. My partner found messages between my friend and I discussing the situation and ensued a fight etc.
Further to this although quite early on in the relationship we had gone through a miscarriage whereby I felt like I was being pushed away and she was spending time with her ex.
Further down the line we agreed to draw a line in the sand and that would be the end of what happened and continue on our relationship. We then found out she had fallen pregnant again and I was over the moon couldn't believe it happy as can be. I still stayed with parents and she with her ex (I also wasn't allowed in the house although part owned). My partners mum was decorating a flat she had bought and intended moving into and she offered for us to rent which we did...helped with getting the flat decorated and organised etc and we moved in soon after. The flat was away from my home town about 25 mins away and back to my partners childhood town. There were the odd argument and I found that she had still been in touch with her ex on a number of occasions and there were a number of fall outs but we continued looking forward to our baby being born.
The time came and we had our son and loved him to bits celebrated him and happy as could be. I had cut ties with the person I thought was a friend long before now as I felt that was the route to some of the arguments due to the fact she told my partner I had cheated on her with her. (side note I have not cheated on anyone I had an experience whereby someone cheated on me and I swore I would never do that to anyone and to this day I can safely say I have never cheated on any partners) Not long after we got him home this "old friend" popped up and had contacted my partner saying our son was ugly that he has down syndrome and that my son couldn't be mine. All lies of course. So I was glad that I had cut ties with someone who could be this nasty.
My partner always said she would rather have her own home again as she feels she would be more secure. We had been looking for a home and I had money saved for getting a mortgage on my own anyway and with my partner putting the deposit down my funds went to fees and filling a lot of the house with the necessities.
Through this I had also bought an engagement ring and proposed on the doorstep the morning we got the keys. This seemed to be overshadowed by a friend of ours having proposed a few weeks before and my proposal was deemed to be "just because he done it".
Further arguments ensued and got to the point she had lifted her hands on numerous occasions. She had over our time together threatened to take her life and when she tried to do this I had tried to remove the blade and she had cut herself. I was told to leave and went back to work full of worry and regret. I got home and took her to the hospital that night. The lifting of the hands had been going on for weeks and had come to a friends night out where I had introduced my fiancé to one of my new work colleagues. I work in an office and get accused of flirting with everyone in my work although all are mainly older and have families (including grandkids) bar one younger female who is getting married next year and 7 months pregnant. There is only one other man in the office. So after I had introduced her to the work colleague she stormed off and insisted something was going on. The hands were lifted to me yet again and to this day and for the rest of my life I will regret what I did I swung my hand back and hit her. She fell to the ground and further arguments continued. Although after this no hands had been lifted up until around a month ago.
I had been talking to her mum about what had been going on I felt I couldn't talk to anyone else not friends or family of my own and begged her not to say anything as my fiancé and mum hadn't long got back on speaking terms. I still talk to her mum but even she doesn't know what to do and has felt the distance and horribleness from my fiancé.
My fiancé had agreed that she would go to the doctors and did so they referred her to a psychologist and had a meeting, the next meeting she asked me to attend which I did but the psychologist asked me one question and nothing that meant anything she was then advised that she would go to another psychiatrist which she went to one appointment and has not been back since. She does work nightshift at 12 hours a pop. She also got tablets which made a difference and was increased to a high dose but suddenly just stopped one day. Things are progressively getting worse.
My friend recently went through a breakup of marriage and came to me for advice and I listened but I also discussed how I was feeling and I had fallen out with my fiancé and sent screenshots of an argument we had. Which he didn't say anything horrible against either of us but just hoped we would sort things. My fiancé found these screenshots and thinks I have been saying horrible things about her which I haven't I was just looking for advise. This was the most recent time she had lifted her hands I've not done anything bar try and avoid the swings.
I feel like I cant spend time with friends or feel like if im late home by 5 minutes an argument will kick off. I forced myself to go out for a drink with my friend which was a continual argument. However these arguments seem to spark up and disappear within days like nothing happened and im left wondering what happened.
More recently I had got home and I help around the house I don't see myself as lazy and would never expect someone else to pick up after me so I do the cooking when I get home, I also do washing hovering etc and see that as part of what I should be doing its not my fiancés responsibility to do all this and me to sit on my back side. Its my home too I do what needs done. However my fiancé continually tells me that she used to do all that in previous relationships and doesn't know why she doesn't in this one. I remind her she has a family now and its not just as easy as that any more.
(sorry waffling here)
When I had sorted the dinner and sat down before my fiancé left for work she told me she was having the tattoo of my name removed off her as she feels branded and that no one would come near her, whereby my tattoo which has both hers and out sons name on is too hard to see. I then found a message on her phone from her and to her ex asking if he was available to meet the day she was getting the tattoo removed. I confronted her about this and it gets ignored like she hadn't done anything wrong. I have since been distant as I felt I was about to explode. Then last night I told her that the continual ultimatums and nastiness has to stop and tried to show her that the messages she sends are hurtful and demeaning. However things were put to rest and she said she has to remind me that she has anxiety and depression which I accept but feel that only so much can be blamed on this.
This morning it had been confirmed that the works xmas meal is booked so I checked with my fiancé and she is working however so she isn't worried I have told her I would go to the meal and be home before she is away to work and we have our son however she has since gone down the route of nasty messages and completely ignoring what I've said. Told me I should go out dancing with all the women I can just don't take any home (I would never dream of this)
She is saying that im destroying the relationship because I slag her off and that she wishes I had actually got with the friend that said I had cheated. Comparing our relationship to my past relationship saying ours is inadequate compared to ours.
She is stopping dropping hints about weddings (although I have tried and booked meetings with companies and paid to go to shows that she openly admitted was avoiding). She has said she is going to stop dropping hints about another baby again begging her to go to hospital due to medical reasons before we can think about another baby which she has ignored only up until recently.
There are so many other details I may have forgotten but this so far has taken me over an hour to put together and some of it may not make sense. I just don't want to lose the woman I love or our life or family but feel im being pushed to a point where I have no other option. I don't know if I can take much more.
First off this might end up quite a lengthy post and i'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore.
My fiancé and I have known one another for the best part of 10 years through work and got on great and had a crush on her pretty much from the word go. Great woman, happy, cheery, cheeky, loveable and overall I got on great with her. However she was in a 7 year relationship had home etc so never really thought anything was going to happen. I got on with life as did she however in that time she found out her BF had been cheating and using the playstation to do so. They continued to live together and got on with their own lives. She was also in an accident New Years day 4 years ago broke her back and was in the hospital for quite some time and through my own selfishness and focus on my then current relationship I didn't even visit her and feel guilty to this day I didn't because deep down I knew I loved her.
Fast forward a few years I became lost in a relationship I felt was going nowhere and ended things. I found comfort in discussing things with my now current fiancé and she was also recently single things just seemed to fall into place happier than I could ever imagine was possible and would do anything for her. She had however built a strong relationship with someone she dated after she was in hospital which I acknowledged and accepted. However at the start of our relationship I was feeling quite uncomfortable with their relationship and found she had spent a night at his (apparently nothing happened) I then was out on a night out with brothers and had danced with a couple of girls nothing happened nothing exchanged no numbers names etc
After a number of issues we had at the start whereby finding her meeting her ex behind my back and having a lot of time with him I found a bit of security in speaking to a friend who had always been a friend (or whi I thought was a friend) whereby nothing had happened who was trying to give advise based on how I was feeling. My partner found messages between my friend and I discussing the situation and ensued a fight etc.
Further to this although quite early on in the relationship we had gone through a miscarriage whereby I felt like I was being pushed away and she was spending time with her ex.
Further down the line we agreed to draw a line in the sand and that would be the end of what happened and continue on our relationship. We then found out she had fallen pregnant again and I was over the moon couldn't believe it happy as can be. I still stayed with parents and she with her ex (I also wasn't allowed in the house although part owned). My partners mum was decorating a flat she had bought and intended moving into and she offered for us to rent which we did...helped with getting the flat decorated and organised etc and we moved in soon after. The flat was away from my home town about 25 mins away and back to my partners childhood town. There were the odd argument and I found that she had still been in touch with her ex on a number of occasions and there were a number of fall outs but we continued looking forward to our baby being born.
The time came and we had our son and loved him to bits celebrated him and happy as could be. I had cut ties with the person I thought was a friend long before now as I felt that was the route to some of the arguments due to the fact she told my partner I had cheated on her with her. (side note I have not cheated on anyone I had an experience whereby someone cheated on me and I swore I would never do that to anyone and to this day I can safely say I have never cheated on any partners) Not long after we got him home this "old friend" popped up and had contacted my partner saying our son was ugly that he has down syndrome and that my son couldn't be mine. All lies of course. So I was glad that I had cut ties with someone who could be this nasty.
My partner always said she would rather have her own home again as she feels she would be more secure. We had been looking for a home and I had money saved for getting a mortgage on my own anyway and with my partner putting the deposit down my funds went to fees and filling a lot of the house with the necessities.
Through this I had also bought an engagement ring and proposed on the doorstep the morning we got the keys. This seemed to be overshadowed by a friend of ours having proposed a few weeks before and my proposal was deemed to be "just because he done it".
Further arguments ensued and got to the point she had lifted her hands on numerous occasions. She had over our time together threatened to take her life and when she tried to do this I had tried to remove the blade and she had cut herself. I was told to leave and went back to work full of worry and regret. I got home and took her to the hospital that night. The lifting of the hands had been going on for weeks and had come to a friends night out where I had introduced my fiancé to one of my new work colleagues. I work in an office and get accused of flirting with everyone in my work although all are mainly older and have families (including grandkids) bar one younger female who is getting married next year and 7 months pregnant. There is only one other man in the office. So after I had introduced her to the work colleague she stormed off and insisted something was going on. The hands were lifted to me yet again and to this day and for the rest of my life I will regret what I did I swung my hand back and hit her. She fell to the ground and further arguments continued. Although after this no hands had been lifted up until around a month ago.
I had been talking to her mum about what had been going on I felt I couldn't talk to anyone else not friends or family of my own and begged her not to say anything as my fiancé and mum hadn't long got back on speaking terms. I still talk to her mum but even she doesn't know what to do and has felt the distance and horribleness from my fiancé.
My fiancé had agreed that she would go to the doctors and did so they referred her to a psychologist and had a meeting, the next meeting she asked me to attend which I did but the psychologist asked me one question and nothing that meant anything she was then advised that she would go to another psychiatrist which she went to one appointment and has not been back since. She does work nightshift at 12 hours a pop. She also got tablets which made a difference and was increased to a high dose but suddenly just stopped one day. Things are progressively getting worse.
My friend recently went through a breakup of marriage and came to me for advice and I listened but I also discussed how I was feeling and I had fallen out with my fiancé and sent screenshots of an argument we had. Which he didn't say anything horrible against either of us but just hoped we would sort things. My fiancé found these screenshots and thinks I have been saying horrible things about her which I haven't I was just looking for advise. This was the most recent time she had lifted her hands I've not done anything bar try and avoid the swings.
I feel like I cant spend time with friends or feel like if im late home by 5 minutes an argument will kick off. I forced myself to go out for a drink with my friend which was a continual argument. However these arguments seem to spark up and disappear within days like nothing happened and im left wondering what happened.
More recently I had got home and I help around the house I don't see myself as lazy and would never expect someone else to pick up after me so I do the cooking when I get home, I also do washing hovering etc and see that as part of what I should be doing its not my fiancés responsibility to do all this and me to sit on my back side. Its my home too I do what needs done. However my fiancé continually tells me that she used to do all that in previous relationships and doesn't know why she doesn't in this one. I remind her she has a family now and its not just as easy as that any more.
(sorry waffling here)
When I had sorted the dinner and sat down before my fiancé left for work she told me she was having the tattoo of my name removed off her as she feels branded and that no one would come near her, whereby my tattoo which has both hers and out sons name on is too hard to see. I then found a message on her phone from her and to her ex asking if he was available to meet the day she was getting the tattoo removed. I confronted her about this and it gets ignored like she hadn't done anything wrong. I have since been distant as I felt I was about to explode. Then last night I told her that the continual ultimatums and nastiness has to stop and tried to show her that the messages she sends are hurtful and demeaning. However things were put to rest and she said she has to remind me that she has anxiety and depression which I accept but feel that only so much can be blamed on this.
This morning it had been confirmed that the works xmas meal is booked so I checked with my fiancé and she is working however so she isn't worried I have told her I would go to the meal and be home before she is away to work and we have our son however she has since gone down the route of nasty messages and completely ignoring what I've said. Told me I should go out dancing with all the women I can just don't take any home (I would never dream of this)
She is saying that im destroying the relationship because I slag her off and that she wishes I had actually got with the friend that said I had cheated. Comparing our relationship to my past relationship saying ours is inadequate compared to ours.
She is stopping dropping hints about weddings (although I have tried and booked meetings with companies and paid to go to shows that she openly admitted was avoiding). She has said she is going to stop dropping hints about another baby again begging her to go to hospital due to medical reasons before we can think about another baby which she has ignored only up until recently.
There are so many other details I may have forgotten but this so far has taken me over an hour to put together and some of it may not make sense. I just don't want to lose the woman I love or our life or family but feel im being pushed to a point where I have no other option. I don't know if I can take much more.