View Full Version : Let's go easy on people about reassurance seeking and triggering
Hi! I have been coming to this site for a decade now and I can honestly say it has helped me more than all the many doctors and therapists I have seen. I have reached out during my darkest moments and received support from people who truly understand- and often suffer from the exact same symptoms and fears. It has brought me back from the brink many times. I am so grateful.
People on here have made me see - when no one else can - that my problem is in fact anxiety.
I think psychologists call it peer to peer support and I really think it is genuinely properly helpful and not at all the same as the reassurance seeking which we all do at the doctor's (and which does perpetuate the cycle).
The reason this is so different is because when you read about what others are going through - and it is often just the same as you - and you reassure them, you are also reassuring YOURSELF. You are learning about the true nature of your own problem.
When I read someone's post it is usually 100% clear to me that their problem is anxiety not the illness they fear. It makes me reflect on my own situation and symptoms in a way a doctor never can.
And yet: I've noticed people getting told off a lot for reassurance seeking (which we know to be "bad"), and triggering others.
It is hard to see how anyone can post anything on here without talking about their symptoms. But myself I find that far from triggering because it is usually perfectly obvious their anxiety is playing tricks. I find it enlightening: the brain can produce some really scary symptoms! Maybe my brain is doing the same!
And as for reassurance seeking I think that what people get from this site is a different type of reassurance. It isn't medical expertise it's understanding and empathy and a sense that you are not alone.
I just think we should go easy on people and not be so quick to tell them off. This should be a safe place where people can voice their maddest fears.
But mainly just: THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL SITE!
Xxxxx
I agree to an extent, but the problem with reassurance is that it becomes a kind of mental drug. It gives you a huge high when you first get it, but the more you get the less it affects you. Then, also just like a drug, you need more and more of it to feel any affect.
Annaboodle
23-11-17, 10:35
I know what you mean OP. It is difficult though when you see reassurance seeking specifically on here becoming such a big part of someone's HA cycle, in addition to reassurance seeking from doctors, etc. When that happens I believe that it needs to be pointed out for the benefit of the poster, as happens here. As long as it's done in a respectful way then that is a good thing I think.
Double_Rainbow
28-11-17, 02:59
I agree with the initial poster. Most people coming here are already in the dark place and know it, so no need to be unduly harsh on them. I know, I've seen it all as far as HA goes (hello AZ:D) But, the common effort of AZ, zoloft, therapist (in that order) helped me to get my life back (for the most part, even off zoloft now, and used to be on 200 mg). I am very grateful that AZ members were kind and tolerant to my irrational fears, and I'd really like to hope that it will stay that way for others too.
fma11122345
28-11-17, 04:03
I agree...Im a reassurance junky my slfe :(
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For me personally, sometimes it helps to get a swift kick in the proverbial, to be told I'm being ridiculous. It's a wake-up call, a jolt back to reality. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I am with melfish on this one folks, why? Because if you keep giving reassurance it only feeds the cycle to the member(s) who are suffering from their HA condition which while we actually think we are helping them we are only making them worse.So by giving them a sharp kick could do more good than harm :) ATB
Dunkelheinburger
28-11-17, 12:28
I can't see how reassurance can ever be a bad thinge
I think there's a big difference between giving reassurance and support to people in genuine distress and continuing to give reassurance to people who want attention.
I can't see how reassurance can ever be a bad thinge Trust me it can be very harmful in certain circumstances. ATB
---------- Post added at 13:11 ---------- Previous post was at 13:10 ----------
I think there's a big difference between giving reassurance and support to people in genuine distress and continuing to give reassurance to people who want attention. There's a difference for sure pulisa :) ATB
I've come on here many times because I've been in states of mental distress and worrying about stuff and the care and support I've had has been great at helping me cope with upcoming appointments or mental anguish, etc. Obviously there's a point where it can go overboard but sometimes it really does help to hear from others experiences, or to get advice about something in particular. Or even just knowing others have been in the same position with the same symptoms that have turned out to be nothing.
I think it's hard to say if someone is specifically looking for attention because we all come here for different reasons and there's a very fine line between the two.
However, we can only really get so much reassurance from a forum. The doctors, medical examinations and medical tests are supposed to be the ones to reassure us. I have seen instances where others got a bit abrupt with the poster about their anxieties, but it depends on the way someone gives their input or responds, as I think there is a way someone can still be firm but understanding.
Of course, those of us who have severe health anxiety know that seeking constant reassurance is bad, and yet we don't have the reassurance we need from the doctors (a five minute visit really doesn't help those spiralling thoughts). I'm currently seeking help for health anxiety among other things but I know it's a super long process and I wouldn't necessarily say people who come here are looking for attention, just perhaps some peace of mind.
paranoid-viking
28-11-17, 16:54
It is a difficult topic; and as I have registered me myself have been triggering others with my obsessive fear of the worst of cancer diseases.
Then it is the thing about reassurance seeking. Someone post here that if one is worried abut diseases one should go here and not the medical sites or tabloid press; and I would most certainly say one should avoid some of the awareness sites which has the ost horryfying and frightening stories imaginable.
And so I did for a while earlier this year when I felt better.
But then - yes then I cama across the horror here on NMP. One poster had been told by his GP that the eyes were slightly yellow and then he posted the pictures of his eyes asking people for reassurance("please say I dont have jaundice" post). And then - but then - the next day he informed us that he had jaundice confirmed. And by then the poster disappeared from this forum and has not been heared from since.
That was a major trigger for getting my fear of pancreatic cancer back in full force. I examined my eyes and googled jaundice and just like that my fear was back. Because of a post here on NMP. Not anything from Daily Mail, medical sites or awareness stories. But here on NMP. I am not saying that people should not post pictures of body parts here;it is up to the admins to decide if that is proper; but it is clear that such things are frightening. Very very frightening.
Just to finish let me say that I hope that guy is fine and that it was nothing seriuos.
But perhaps this site is not for all hypocondriacs. Cause after all; people with HA will also get sick and die. It will be selfish for me to wish for all roses and puppys to have me relaxed. As a brilliant member here have said; HA is indeed a selfish ilness.
---------- Post added at 17:54 ---------- Previous post was at 17:40 ----------
I think there's a big difference between giving reassurance and support to people in genuine distress and continuing to give reassurance to people who want attention.
I think it is a bit unfair assumption that people in here are narcistic or borderline narcisist wanting attention. Of course such people exist; people making up ilness; mental og physical; yes there are even people making up cancer diseases for the sake of attention; but I give people the benefit of doubt. People(like me)whose trapped in a cycle of fear of serious ilness or death wants to be calmed down; they are desperate and the fear of ilness are eating them up mentally. We want to live normal life and be free of destructive thought of ilness and death. And if it become quite frequent posts I understand that someone can suspect that they just want attention. But I give such the benefits of doubt until proven otherwise or if someone is obviously trolling.
Agreed with the OP! I have noticed lately people posting in the forums and getting hashed on for seeking reassurance. HA is hard, REALLY hard. I have been in a dark hole with mine for the last 3ish years. I've always had HA but it took a turn about 3-4 years ago. Its nothing I wish on anybody. It takes over your life. I can't speak for other HAers but I know that my fears can be irrational and I know I bring them on myself quite often. I know reassurance seeking is considered bad but when you are deep in a fear and feel like your going to suffocate you just want ANYONE to tell you that what you are going through is normal or someone has been through it too. You just need that while you are waiting for the next Dr. appointment or test. I know because that is me right now. I posted a thread in the female board about a breast issue. Its been up 2 days and no replies. Its sending me into a bad spiral because I'm afraid nobody else has experienced my problem before and that means its going to be bad. I'm seeing my Dr. on Friday but until then I was hoping for a little comfort. Unless you experience or have experienced HA, you can't understand what its like. Its awful, it takes over your life pretty much. I'm just rambling at this point really, but just wanted to say I agree with the OP. Thank you for posting! :yesyes:
paranoid-viking
28-11-17, 17:26
Agreed with the OP! I have noticed lately people posting in the forums and getting hashed on for seeking reassurance. HA is hard, REALLY hard. I have been in a dark hole with mine for the last 3ish years. I've always had HA but it took a turn about 3-4 years ago. Its nothing I wish on anybody. It takes over your life. I can't speak for other HAers but I know that my fears can be irrational and I know I bring them on myself quite often. I know reassurance seeking is considered bad but when you are deep in a fear and feel like your going to suffocate you just want ANYONE to tell you that what you are going through is normal or someone has been through it too. You just need that while you are waiting for the next Dr. appointment or test. I know because that is me right now. I posted a thread in the female board about a breast issue. Its been up 2 days and no replies. Its sending me into a bad spiral because I'm afraid nobody else has experienced my problem before and that means its going to be bad. I'm seeing my Dr. on Friday but until then I was hoping for a little comfort. Unless you experience or have experienced HA, you can't understand what its like. Its awful, it takes over your life pretty much. I'm just rambling at this point really, but just wanted to say I agree with the OP. Thank you for posting! :yesyes:
I agree on that, and some posters are hard on me too. It all depends on context. But the most important point here is: what then if ones own begging for reassurances is triggering and frightening others in here; as with the example of the jaundice post this summer? Even though we are suffering; and God kknows I am suffering; I have wasted so much time on this s*it and neglected my beloved ones because of my obsessive fear of cancer; we do have a responsibility for each other when we are a community of HA sufferers. One can compare it to a community of recovering alcoholics; one of them slipping away can influence another to go off the rail again and so on. It is not an easy subject.
When we post the fear and symptoms that we may have, we should try to be a bit sensitive. And I for example am not going to provide links to the horror stories of the cancer I fear that I have found out there in Googleland out of concern for others here. And I am certainly not going to post any pictures of my eyes or any other parts of the body even if I am concerned about the look of it. For that I rather pay extra money for asking an online doctor.
A kind word or rationality when accepted is not a bad thing. Pages and pages of irrationality no matter what is said and ignoring all rationality and efforts of reassurance is detrimental to all involved and is the catalyst for this thread IMO.
Positive thoughts
I agree with what many have said on here about the importance of support for others and also reflecting and noting cycles of anxiety and reassurance-seeking. I'm guilty as charged of seeking reassurance if you look at my posts from years back.
I think we have to remember that for many, this battle is long-term (myself included) and progress may not show up in a matter of weeks, months, or even years sometimes. But when you zoom out and look at the bigger picture we can get there!
So my only advice to anybody reading this is to just consider how you deliver your message. I think there are clear and firm ways to deliver a message to somebody without being rude, harsh, or overly mean. It's hard to walk that line sometimes. It's also equally important to know in yourself when to step back personally despite how much you want to help.
Also agree with the OP. I have been on this forum a long time (was registered under another name before this one) and don’t post much now because it just seems to be a less supportive place than it used to be. People really just wanted reassurance from other posters who had experienced similar symptoms that had a totally benign origin. Admittedly, posters posting multiple threads about their symptoms and not really engaging in discussion can be tiresome, but no one has to read or reply if they don’t want to.
The thing is, rationally we all know that seeking reassurance is detrimental and counterproductive, but at the particular point when we’re posting, we are often so hyped up with anxiety, that someone telling us to stop reassurance-seeking because it is bad for us is not really helping. People post on here so that they don’t have to go surfing the net to find a reason for their symptoms, and find it really helpful if someone says, “oh yes, I had xyz and it turned out to be ibs and anxiety”. That can stop acute HA in it’s tracks. I also find it helpful if someone posts statistics showing how unlikely it is that an anxious OP has acquired a frightening illness. Personally, I find reasoned, logical argument more helpful than just being told not to keep seeking reassurance.
Disclaimer: Perhaps because I don’t post much, I have never actually personally experienced anything other than supportive posts on threads I’ve started, but I am very reluctant to start a thread now because in the back of my mind I am concerned that people will be harsh and that is not what I come to this forum for. Instead, I just advance search my concerns and read the responses on threads started by others with similar worries.
Also agree with the OP. I have been on this forum a long time (was registered under another name before this one) and don’t post much now because it just seems to be a less supportive place than it used to be. People really just wanted reassurance from other posters who had experienced similar symptoms that had a totally benign origin. Admittedly, posters posting multiple threads about their symptoms and not really engaging in discussion can be tiresome, but no one has to read or reply if they don’t want to.
The thing is, rationally we all know that seeking reassurance is detrimental and counterproductive, but at the particular point when we’re posting, we are often so hyped up with anxiety, that someone telling us to stop reassurance-seeking because it is bad for us is not really helping. People post on here so that they don’t have to go surfing the net to find a reason for their symptoms, and find it really helpful if someone says, “oh yes, I had xyz and it turned out to be ibs and anxiety”. That can stop acute HA in it’s tracks. I also find it helpful if someone posts statistics showing how unlikely it is that an anxious OP has acquired a frightening illness. Personally, I find reasoned, logical argument more helpful than just being told not to keep seeking reassurance.
Disclaimer: Perhaps because I don’t post much, I have never actually personally experienced anything other than supportive posts on threads I’ve started, but I am very reluctant to start a thread now because in the back of my mind I am concerned that people will be harsh and that is not what I come to this forum for. Instead, I just advance search my concerns and read the responses on threads started by others with similar worries.
Agree with everything you said! Exactly!
:D That’s a first for me Leslie!
If members were reassured by comparing anxiety symptoms and their HA was stopped in its tracks then that would be very positive. Those who will only tolerate responses which suit what they want to hear makes them hard to help. "Help" comes in many guises and if you post on a public forum you can't say that you don't want to be challenged and only want repeated reassurance if you truly want to make progress.
I agree with the OP and Leslie. Thete doesn't seem any pontoon being a member if it us not to give or receive some type of reassurance but i can also xee it is frustrating if advice and help is not taken on board.
If members were reassured by comparing anxiety symptoms and their HA was stopped in its tracks then that would be very positive. Those who will only tolerate responses which suit what they want to hear makes them hard to help. "Help" comes in many guises and if you post on a public forum you can't say that you don't want to be challenged and only want repeated reassurance if you truly want to make progress.
Yes, true! But this is a health anxiety board. Its kinda what its made for wouldn't you think? A place for us HA folk to collect together and talk about it, seek advice/reassurance, and compare. Its hard to talk about our anxiety with people don't understand it because then you're made to look crazy and difficult. I can't talk to my family and friends about my HA because they don't understand. I come here and facebook groups to talk to others who do understand what I am going through. I'm not coming here or groups or wherever to be made to look ridiclous for the way I feel. We can't help it. Some want to get help and move past this but there are some of us who just cant' grasp that at the moment. You can't force it on them. I have been "working" on my anxiety quite a bit lately but I'm still having my difficulties and during those times all I want is a little reassurance to see me through until I can get it addressed properly.
I've got HA too but I don't post about it. I suppose there are 2 sides to HA-those who want to talk about it and compare symptoms and those who are ready to go beyond this in order to recover?
A kind word or rationality when accepted is not a bad thing. Pages and pages of irrationality no matter what is said and ignoring all rationality and efforts of reassurance is detrimental to all involved and is the catalyst for this thread IMO.
Positive thoughts
Well yes. But health anxiety is a mental disorder. Therefore, by definition, it does not rest upon rational thinking.
That does not mean rational words are not appreciated (and the occasional kick up the proverbial too!). But sadly it's true- having the rational pointed out once or twice (or 200 times) is never enough because health anxiety is a mental disorder. However that doesn't mean the replies we get (over and over again) are not enormously helpful because what they are really saying is this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
And that is priceless.
I've got HA too but I don't post about it. I suppose there are 2 sides to HA-those who want to talk about it and compare symptoms and those who are ready to go beyond this in order to recover?
Exactly, there are some of us (general not pointing any fingers) that are just not ready to take that leap. Its a scary one and I recently took that leap but it took 3 years for me to get there. That doesn't mean my HA automatically comes to a halt and I'm ok now. It takes a lot of work and set backs. Some of us are more outward about our anxiety than others and either way is fine. You have to do what is best for you. But people who talk about it shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. We appreciate advice and a good kick in the rear at times but most of the time we just want to hear that others have been in our shoes. It goes a long way! I can definitely say that I have been reassured to the point I've let go of some issues before. So sometimes the reassurance or whatever, really does help and takes away the anxiety for a while.
Catherine S
28-11-17, 21:37
So jojo....how would you handle a person that's been posting about the same symptoms and asking for the same advice for many years? Would you say that would be classed as an unhealthy mindset? I would, and this kind of poster is exactly who some of the long standing members seem to be taking to task as it were.
Nobody here sets out to put people off posting and we know symptoms come into it, of course they do, but mostly it's the people who are still worrying about and asking about the very same symptoms they have been asking about for a looong time. Because they know they've exhausted every avenue with doctors and tests and family and friends so they come here...to us, and yes, we are here to make them feel better but after many years what more can any of us really say?
These are the people who create frustrations among long time members who have tried their best to help over many years.
And yes, unfortunately there are also some...very few thankfully, who are here for their own entertainment. Sad but true, but ultimately it's up to the admins to control the forum and not the members, and having learned from my past experiences, I now avoid any threads I think are in that category.
Cath S ☺ x
The name of the site is "No More Panic". You can replace "Panic" with GAD, HA, OCD or any one of the variations that are posted about here. The name also implies that those here are here because they want to get better.
If it were called "Tea and Sympathy for Panic" I could understand that being the signature item on the menu. However, at least from my experience, with very few exceptions, every single post is asking and even crying in desperation for help. Real help IMO means real life professional help with a mental health professional or being in a mental place where you can actually work on an online course like the FREE CBT4PANIC or some other self help course.
Sadly, what happens here more often than not is that the Tea and Sympathy fill the dragon's belly for a short time until he gets hungry again and the cycle just repeats ad nauseum.
Yes, it's great to know you're not alone but reassurance seeking becomes a trap within the rabbit hole you're in and makes escape even more difficult if not impossible for some.
Positive thoughts
What I don’t understand about a lot of this thinking is the bizarre concept of people almost asking to be left alone wallowing in their anxiety. Why, for goodness sake, would anyone want to do that?
It is a medical fact that reassurance seeking is part of the cycle of anxiety, receiving countless reassurance is detrimental to ones dealings with anxiety. Ask any psychologist or any mental health professional, they’ll tell you the same thing.
If you post a thread seeking reassurance, and you’re told to stop doing so, that’s actually the best advice you can get. People call it “harsh”, but I find it much more “harsh” to pat someone on the head, give their anxiety a cookie and allow them to waltz off on their ever lengthening path to absolute misery.
No, I’m quite happy to advise on what is proven to aid in defeating anxiety. I’m not here to throw it a treat.
The name of the site is "No More Panic". You can replace "Panic" with GAD, HA, OCD or any one of the variations that are posted about here. The name also implies that those here are here because they want to get better.
If it were called "Tea and Sympathy for Panic" I could understand that being the signature item on the menu. However, at least from my experience, with very few exceptions, every single post is asking and even crying in desperation for help. Real help IMO means real life professional help with a mental health professional or being in a mental place where you can actually work on an online course like the FREE CBT4PANIC or some other self help course.
Sadly, what happens here more often than not is that the Tea and Sympathy fill the dragon's belly for a short time until he gets hungry again and the cycle just repeats ad nauseum.
Yes, it's great to know you're not alone but reassurance seeking becomes a trap within the rabbit hole you're in and makes escape even more difficult if not impossible for some.
Positive thoughts
You seem to be making an argument against the existence of this site! And yet I have found it such an incredible lifeline. Really. It has provided such support. And I hope others feel the same.
You cannot stop members offering "tea and sympathy" and comparing their own experiences to yours. But you also can't stop members who have a more direct and sometimes harsher tone posting either. Both must be accepted if you're going to post on a public forum of diverse mental health problems. NMP isn't a closed group of only HA sufferers.
So jojo....how would you handle a person that's been posting about the same symptoms and asking for the same advice for many years? Would you say that would be classed as an unhealthy mindset? I would, and this kind of poster is exactly who some of the long standing members seem to be taking to task as it were.
Nobody here sets out to put people off posting and we know symptoms come into it, of course they do, but mostly it's the people who are still worrying about and asking about the very same symptoms they have been asking about for a looong time. Because they know they've exhausted every avenue with doctors and tests and family and friends so they come here...to us, and yes, we are here to make them feel better but after many years what more can any of us really say?
These are the people who create frustrations among long time members who have tried their best to help over many years.
And yes, unfortunately there are also some...very few thankfully, who are here for their own entertainment. Sad but true, but ultimately it's up to the admins to control the forum and not the members, and having learned from my past experiences, I now avoid any threads I think are in that category.
Cath S ☺ x
I am that person! If I knew how to handle me I wouldn't be suffering from this awful condition. I know it's frustrating to witness. But here, I hope, there are people that understand.
Catherine S
28-11-17, 22:41
Lol! If you are 'that person' you don't post about it often...I don't either, but isn't that sort of the point? :huh::D
Cath x
Lol! If you are 'that person' you don't post about it often...I don't either, but isn't that sort of the point? :huh::D
Cath x
I want to post about it every day. I certainly could. But I save it up for when I need it most (lately that has been quite a lot).
When I see posters going over the same ground again and again, seemingly totally unreachable and immune to reason I feel so sorry for them - because I understand. I have this disorder. I'm right in that black place with them. And it is frustrating as hell!
Catherine S
28-11-17, 23:01
Well I hope you eventually reach a place where you're not suffering quite so much. I don't think anxiety and panic or depression ever leaves any of us completely, and we learn to cope with the bad days and rely on eventually having more good days than bad. Who'd be us?
Take care jojo x
nomorepanic
28-11-17, 23:03
The site was created for sufferers of Panic Attacks but was taken over with HA sufferers.
I had / have no real control over that as it is the nature of the beast.
I can be quite harsh in my replies sometimes - not meaning to be hurtful but meaning to be assertive and give another perspective.
What I do NOT like though is those members that repeatedly ignore ALL advice given and don't even have the decency to thank people for replying. I also dislike those that you take the time to reply to and they never reply back or just move on to the next problem.
It doesn't take many seconds to post a reply and say "Thanks for the reply".
Ignorance is rude in my opinion and there is no need for it even when you suffer with a mental health issue.
The site was created for sufferers of Panic Attacks but was taken over with HA sufferers.
I had / have no real control over that as it is the nature of the beast.
I can be quite harsh in my replies sometimes - not meaning to be hurtful but meaning to be assertive and give another perspective.
What I do NOT like though is those members that repeatedly ignore ALL advice given and don't even have the decency to thank people for replying. I also dislike those that you take the time to reply to and they never reply back or just move on to the next problem.
It doesn't take many seconds to post a reply and say "Thanks for the reply".
Ignorance is rude in my opinion and there is no need for it even when you suffer with a mental health issue.
Actually I have always noticed your replies: they are calm and sensible and not at all harsh.
Health anxiety does seem to be the biggest part of this site doesn't it? But I think that's because it is actually a really big problem. And probably getting bigger too. Google is a double edged sword.
---------- Post added at 23:11 ---------- Previous post was at 23:09 ----------
Well I hope you eventually reach a place where you're not suffering quite so much. I don't think anxiety and panic or depression ever leaves any of us completely, and we learn to cope with the bad days and rely on eventually having more good days than bad. Who'd be us?
Take care jojo x
Indeed, who would be us?
Thank you Cath
What I do NOT like though is those members that repeatedly ignore ALL advice given and don't even have the decency to thank people for replying. I also dislike those that you take the time to reply to and they never reply back or just move on to the next problem.
It doesn't take many seconds to post a reply and say "Thanks for the reply".
Ignorance is rude in my opinion and there is no need for it even when you suffer with a mental health issue.
This is the central issue. And it is the best answer to the title of this thread ;)
You seem to be making an argument against the existence of this site! And yet I have found it such an incredible lifeline. Really. It has provided such support. And I hope others feel the same.
It's an argument against this as a replacement for real life help. Yes, it's great to know you're not alone and cathartic to write out your thoughts and fears but when it becomes a replacement for real life help, it's detrimental.
There are many here that have been here for years and years and years and they're no better off now then they were when they started. I do get it. There are just some folks that are that ill and this is their only source of contact. But for those that reap the benefits of the resources and work hard, healing is very possible. In fact, there is a FB group of ex members dedicated to healing. Reassurance is highly discouraged.
Positive thoughts
It's an argument against this as a replacement for real life help. Yes, it's great to know you're not alone and cathartic to write out your thoughts and fears but when it becomes a replacement for real life help, it's detrimental.
There are many here that have been here for years and years and years and they're no better off now then they were when they started. I do get it. There are just some folks that are that ill and this is their only source of contact. But for those that reap the benefits of the resources and work hard, healing is very possible. In fact, there is a FB group of ex members dedicated to healing. Reassurance is highly discouraged.
Positive thoughts
Agreed. Real life therapy is also very important. This can be seen as complimentary therapy though perhaps?
Agreed. Real life therapy is also very important. This can be seen as complimentary therapy though perhaps?
Any therapist worth their salt would tell you to avoid reassurance seeking and posting. In fact, that's why you see me ask that question time and again and 99.9% of the time either the poster hasn't told their therapist or are going against their professional advice.
That being said, being recovered and helping others, especially having been through it, can be beneficial.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 02:34
And so I did for a while earlier this year when I felt better.
But then - yes then I cama across the horror here on NMP. One poster had been told by his GP that the eyes were slightly yellow and then he posted the pictures of his eyes asking people for reassurance("please say I dont have jaundice" post). And then - but then - the next day he informed us that he had jaundice confirmed. And by then the poster disappeared from this forum and has not been heared from since.
That was a major trigger for getting my fear of pancreatic cancer back in full force. I examined my eyes and googled jaundice and just like that my fear was back. Because of a post here on NMP. Not anything from Daily Mail, medical sites or awareness stories. But here on NMP. I am not saying that people should not post pictures of body parts here;it is up to the admins to decide if that is proper; but it is clear that such things are frightening. Very very frightening.
Just to finish let me say that I hope that guy is fine and that it was nothing seriuos.
But perhaps this site is not for all hypocondriacs. Cause after all; people with HA will also get sick and die. It will be selfish for me to wish for all roses and puppys to have me relaxed.
If this were the case, you could never have peer-to-peer support groups. This board is covered in triggers because it's about what triggers who and not a blanket of everything triggers everybody.
Even in closely managed face-to-face groups you would have to hear other people's worries, just not to the extent & detail on here (it's just not allowed). And in therapy you will be confronted with things.
You can never escape it all. There are no "safe spaces" in places like this - unless you create a very specific place just for specific people but then it's just a mini clubhouse for those guys and everyone else loses out.
But it's true what you say too, some people struggle just logging onto this site for these very reasons.
---------- Post added at 02:21 ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 ----------
If you post a thread seeking reassurance, and you’re told to stop doing so, that’s actually the best advice you can get. People call it “harsh”, but I find it much more “harsh” to pat someone on the head, give their anxiety a cookie and allow them to waltz off on their ever lengthening path to absolute misery.
No, I’m quite happy to advise on what is proven to aid in defeating anxiety. I’m not here to throw it a treat.
That's a good example of black & white thinking.
Why is it "tea & sympathy" vs. being overly harsh passed off as being direct? It's shades of grey. You can challenge thinking without being harsh, as many therapists do as it's not professional to talk to your clients like they are shit on your shoe, and you can reassure without "patting heads".
Why is it one or the other? That tells me it's more about the people on either side believing this because it's just not the reality. Being harsh has nothing to do with being direct and some people just want to take out anger. But feeding reassurance is also wrong. There has to be balance and that's why face-to-face groups just don't allow what you see on here.
---------- Post added at 02:30 ---------- Previous post was at 02:21 ----------
Agreed. Real life therapy is also very important. This can be seen as complimentary therapy though perhaps?
Therapists encourage peer support groups, peer support groups are doing a lot more than most in the UK as this area is so badly funded. But the difference is that they are guided by someone trained. This place is a runaway train with rules that are frequenly broken & re-broken by those asked to follow them. In guided support, their rules are strict as they recognise how detrimental it can be not to follow them.
(this isn't a criticism of Admin by the way, you don't have the resources to do it)
So, people misuse places like this. Look at the difference between the boards. The HA board differs to some of the others.
Therapists well know that disengaging & avoidance are bad too and isolating yourself breeds a lack of self esteem. My therapist encouraged me to join a face-to-face peer support group for this very reason so I think it depends on the person and what they are struggling with.
I also believe it's no coincidence that I went to over a years worth of weekly meetings and didn't come across what I see on this HA board and how NMP-like sites are frequented by large numbers of HAers when compared to non HAers. I suspect they go online rather than seek out sesions wih rules that stop hese behaviours.
---------- Post added at 02:31 ---------- Previous post was at 02:30 ----------
You cannot stop members offering "tea and sympathy" and comparing their own experiences to yours. But you also can't stop members who have a more direct and sometimes harsher tone posting either. Both must be accepted if you're going to post on a public forum of diverse mental health problems. NMP isn't a closed group of only HA sufferers.
I agree, subject to the respect rules when it comes to direct or otherwise.
---------- Post added at 02:34 ---------- Previous post was at 02:31 ----------
I can be quite harsh in my replies sometimes - not meaning to be hurtful but meaning to be assertive and give another perspective.
You've always just come over as assertive to me. I don't regard you as harsh and if I ever have it would have to be a rare ocurence as I can't think of any times. :flowers:
The site was created for sufferers of Panic Attacks but was taken over with HA sufferers.
I had / have no real control over that as it is the nature of the beast.
I can be quite harsh in my replies sometimes - not meaning to be hurtful but meaning to be assertive and give another perspective.
What I do NOT like though is those members that repeatedly ignore ALL advice given and don't even have the decency to thank people for replying. I also dislike those that you take the time to reply to and they never reply back or just move on to the next problem.
It doesn't take many seconds to post a reply and say "Thanks for the reply".
Ignorance is rude in my opinion and there is no need for it even when you suffer with a mental health issue.
Every anxiety forum I’ve been a part of has become dominated by HA sufferers. FMP, KK, I think maybe Gary, and some others and I discussed why this phenomenon of the prevalence of HA on one of FMP’s posts. Of course no one has all the answers for it, but it is disturbing. I hope mental health practitioners take note, because there are obviously many in need professional help. More resources need to be allocated to it.
I think reassurance can be helpful. As others have said just hearing someone else confirm that they have experienced the same symptoms as you and it was because of anxiety helps you believe that your symptoms are due to anxiety to. For me, the symptoms I experienced and which made me believe that I had developed one serious condition or another were always accompanied by my unshakeable conviction that it was impossible for anxiety to cause those symptoms. So to hear that there were people who had experienced exactly the same symptoms as me and it was all due to anxiety was enormously reassuring for me. It also got me out of the “this is definitely cancer, there is no way anxiety could cause these symptoms” way of thinking long enough for me to gain some perspective. When that thought came I was able to counter it by reminding myself that well actually anxiety can cause those symptoms because someone else or all those other anxiety sufferers had them too. So yeah reassurance can be healthy to a point
---------- Post added at 18:03 ---------- Previous post was at 17:33 ----------
Having a “mental disorder” does not excuse the individual from using good manners. I refuse to accept that. Basically because I had the same “mental disorder” for 3 years but I never lost the ability to say “thank you” or “I appreciate the advice” or whatever else one says to acknowledge someone who has taken the time to give advice, regardless of how useful or useless the receiver finds it to me. I expect that someone will now say that some people’s anxiety is so severe that they can’t think rationally enough to respond with manners. I’m calling bullshit on that one in advance. My anxiety was severe...very but I never lost the ability to thank someone.
---------- Post added at 18:05 ---------- Previous post was at 18:03 ----------
Then there are the “anxiety sufferers” who don’t actually have anxiety. But we aren’t allowed to mention them so I’ll leave it there lol
I agree with all you say, swajj and you illustrate the "healthy" way to use an HA forum. I also can't bear the old excuses being wheeled out to gloss over rudeness. We all should take responsibility for our mental health.
So there seems to be quite a lot of criticism of this site and what it provides. And yet here we all are, using it!
For those that think most posters are seeking reassurance and that reassurance is bad, what do you think is an acceptable and helpful way of using this forum?
And fishmanpa, I'm glad you get something out of helping others because your pithy to-the-point replies are often the most helpful of all! Because, as Melfish pointed out, sometimes a kick up the bum is what is needed. (Even though that, too, is reassurance in a sense!!!)
I use this site to try to help others. I've had a lifetime of living with an ED,OCD and anxiety. I am also a carer-I have 2 adult children on the autistic spectrum who live at home. I hope I have life "experience" to help people but obviously not if my advice is considered too harsh. Maybe it's a generation thing?
You have a wealth of experience pulisa. I always find myself agreeing with you. I think people can have a very good understanding of anxiety without ever being an anxiety sufferer. My husband, who deserves a medal for his patience during my 3 year bout, has a very good understanding of it. Without his support I wouldn’t be recovered now. But only someone who has actually suffered with it can understand how it becomes all consuming. And every single on of those people will tell you that it never took away their ability to say thank you.
---------- Post added at 18:48 ---------- Previous post was at 18:33 ----------
How should this board be used?
It should be a place where people can come to get help and advice. It isn’t the place to come for a medical diagnosis. We aren’t doctors. It isn’t the place to come for counselling. We are not psychologists or psychiatrists. It isn’t the place to come because you feel like yanking someone’s chain. Really? Getting off on stirring up a bunch of anxiety sufferers. Get a clue.
I think there is an expectation though. If someone goes to the trouble of giving you advice acknowledge it. You don’t have to acknowledge everyone who tries to help, just a “thanks everyone” will do. Also answer questions. How can people here help you if you refuse to answer important questions? It is also important to try and help yourself. If that means booking an appointment with a therapist, and it usually does, don’t put it off or pretend that you have been seeing one. Finally, give back by trying to help others here.
If you do those things then you might find that when you are experiencing a rough patch a lot more people will try to advise and help you. If you need proof of that then look around the board. The evidence is there.
Dunkelheinburger
29-11-17, 09:50
I see little point on being on a mental health forum if you're not prepared to give unconditional comfort and reassurance. So what if some experts say its unhelpful. It shouldn't be up to us to judge. Not everyone can afford a therapist. Its not just health anxiety but medication and general stuff people want reassurance for. If you don't want to give reassurance, don't answer those seeking it.
So you believe that my psychiatrist was wrong when he refused to discuss my symptoms and reassure me that they weren’t indicative of some serious disease? Hmmm maybe I would have recovered sooner if he’d done that. Or maybe I wouldn’t have recovered at all..lol
Dunkelheinburger
29-11-17, 10:18
Yes sir, I believe he was wrong
So you believe that my psychiatrist was wrong when he refused to discuss my symptoms and reassure me that they weren’t indicative of some serious disease? Hmmm maybe I would have recovered sooner if he’d done that. Or maybe I wouldn’t have recovered at all..lol
No! Of course your psych was quite right. But posters and responders on NMP are not psychiatrists or doctors. They cannot offer therapy or autoratative medical opinion. And I don't think most people come here seeking those things. What they - what I (!!) - hope for is understanding, kindness, and for perhaps the blinding obvious to be pointed out (e.g. "Your worry sounds irrational " etc).
Xx
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 11:00
Reassurance seeking has never been an element of my anxiety. But a really big one of mine has always been avoidance.
Avoidance can be normal, people do it everyday. So can reassurance as people do it for many reasons when they feel unsure and want a second opinion e.g. at work asking if you are doing something right. Balance is important in them both or you slip into it affecting you and that's without anxiety.
But something to perhaps consider is where your anxiety is at. What stage. I've found a a you progress in recovery you gain mental strength and learn how to confront your negative self sabotaging behaviour. But flooding yourself when you are most vulnerable can be too overwhelming and in terms of avoidance a therapist understands this and builds it in.
I had to go off work as I was so stressed by my environment. That's avoidance. The alternative was a daily kicking and the inability to even try to tackle it. I knew going off meant my anxiety would look for other triggers in my home life, it did and I greatly worsened.
So, that seems to argue going off work was a bad move. But I couldn't cope in w I re either.
Therefore perhaps the same happens with reassurance? Initially it's too hard but over time you confront it and change? The site has constant new members so it's hard to tell without considering individuals and forgetting about the board itself. But it does means help from GP, therapist and/or self help to get you there and not all are at that point.
Jojo - the site is what it is. Ideally I would like to see this place led by trained group leaders like in the face-to-face groups. Rules stuck too, no arguments. The groups I went too stopped endless bumping by stopping the individual and changing the direction of conversation into something more healthy.
As far as members go, I think it should be used for support, helping you/guiding you to re frame problems and explaining where you may be going wrong. The latter is subject to a bunch of untrained people not being trained and opinion may not align with medical facts. We need to adjust regarding reassurance where a member isn't moving forward and stop feeding it but without frustration and accepting it may be part of the condition due to severity.
I also think there is a role in diagnosis. Why? Because so many GP's don't understand mental health and we can't access someone higher without a fight. This means telling people facts from reputable sites so they can see it is possible and then engage with their doctors about it. If I didn't do that, I would still have been stuck thinking I was going mad due to OCD that I didn't know existed. We can signpost people to this. There are themes in such as OCD that seem unlikely and some suffer in silence dreading they are becoming a monster due to ignorance in the general public and also because of media stereotyping.
Dunkelheinburger
29-11-17, 11:09
Psychiatrists say that women are more compassionate than men. They got that right. This discussion proves it. I think its a problem that the majority of psychiatrists are men. Women have intuition and are much better at the job.
I see little point on being on a mental health forum if you're not prepared to give unconditional comfort and reassurance. So what if some experts say its unhelpful. It shouldn't be up to us to judge. Not everyone can afford a therapist. Its not just health anxiety but medication and general stuff people want reassurance for. If you don't want to give reassurance, don't answer those seeking it.
But surely telling that poster that seeking reassurance is detrimental to their recovery is then the better approach? It’s not judging, it’s giving the best advice possible consistent with medical fact.
Comfort and reassurance are fine in small doses, but I have to believe that, primarily, people come here for help in ridding themselves of their anxiety, or at the very least get a handle on it. That’s not going to happen if a particular poster is repeatedly seeking reassurance and receiving it, then disappearing only to turn up later seeking more. That’s not helping, it’s hindering.
Personally, I’m only “harsh” with people who I deem to be ignorant. Someone who’s genuinely looking for help and interacting on a level to do so won’t receive “harsh” replies from me. People who ignore questions, evidently fabricate stories and attempt to manipulate the board, however, yes, I’ll be “harsh” with them.
Why not? They may have anxiety, but I have yet to witness “being ignorant, manipulative and lying” listed as a symptom of anxiety. That behaviour cannot and should not be excused by anxiety. It should be called for what it is. If people want to ignore and or excuse that behaviour, kudos to you, but that’s just not me.
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 11:28
Psychiatrists say that women are more compassionate than men. They got that right. This discussion proves it. I think its a problem that the majority of psychiatrists are men. Women have intuition and are much better at the job.
I want my mum! :hugs::biggrin:
Perhaps more men are in those roles due to women still playing catch up in work? I reckon there will be more female therapists & counsellors where less training is involved.
I don't mean those women aren't able to reach the same standards but that they are more interested in those roles than men perhaps are whereas psychiatrists just dole out drugs from what I've seen which isn't helping and requires as much empathy as your average politician. Maybe it's choice? Maybe the women qualifying as doctors just see better roles in other branches of medicine?
If you consider roles in our CMHT teams, I would put my money on the nurses doing all the heavy lifting on a consistent basis over a psychiatrist who wanders from patient to patient writing out a script and buggering off for lunch.
That's a good example of black & white thinking.
Why is it "tea & sympathy" vs. being overly harsh passed off as being direct? It's shades of grey. You can challenge thinking without being harsh, as many therapists do as it's not professional to talk to your clients like they are shit on your shoe, and you can reassure without "patting heads".
Why is it one or the other? That tells me it's more about the people on either side believing this because it's just not the reality. Being harsh has nothing to do with being direct and some people just want to take out anger. But feeding reassurance is also wrong. There has to be balance and that's why face-to-face groups just don't allow what you see on here.
Who said anything about talking to people like “shit on the end of your shoe”? All I said was that people should be advised on not reassurance seeking. I do talk to people like that, yes, but frankly, the people who I speak to like that do a fair job of treating people like dog shit as well, so I don’t know why they should be spared.
Annaboodle
29-11-17, 11:34
Psychiatrists say that women are more compassionate than men. They got that right. This discussion proves it. I think its a problem that the majority of psychiatrists are men. Women have intuition and are much better at the job.
That's a shame if that's your experience. I haven't found that to be true at all (in "real life" or on Internet forums). I know the most amazingly compassionate men and women.
Dunkelheinburger
29-11-17, 11:47
Wow! This is an awesome forum
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 11:57
Who said anything about talking to people like “shit on the end of your shoe”? All I said was that people should be advised on not reassurance seeking. I do talk to people like that, yes, but frankly, the people who I speak to like that do a fair job of treating people like dog shit as well, so I don’t know why they should be spared.
You didn't, I was showing one end of the "it's tea & sympathy or direct" point.
There's a whole spectrum of responses from one end to the other, it's not a selection of two methods in dealing with others as it seems to keep being suggested by some.
When we say either or, those on either side get labelled in the process. "Tea & sympathy head patters" are enablers and "direct" become unpleasant gobs. Neither are right.
Wow! This is an awesome forum
It really is! I just think it's important to remember to always be kind to people who are suffering
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-17, 12:05
Wow! This is an awesome forum
It's quite possible to feel compassion for strangers. Society would be a horrible place if not.
Doesn't all the help for people we don't know demonstrate it? Reassurance given by people you often have never even spoken too but understand your struggles is a good indication of how we care as it's taking the time to help from those who avoid giving reassurance.
Dunkelheinburger
29-11-17, 12:20
Psychiatrists say that most people with MH problems are women but most of the posters here are men. Is that an anomaly or an OCD thing? If I had OCD I think most psychiatrists would tell me not to post because that's feeding a compulsion. Damn, maybe I got ICD too
Psychiatrists say that women are more compassionate than men. They got that right. This discussion proves it. I think its a problem that the majority of psychiatrists are men. Women have intuition and are much better at the job.
Actually in real life I find men to be just as compassionate as women. It is interesting, though, that most of the "cross posters" on here do seem to be men.no idea why that might be...! :shades:
paranoid-viking
29-11-17, 18:02
If this were the case, you could never have peer-to-peer support groups. This board is covered in triggers because it's about what triggers who and not a blanket of everything triggers everybody.
Even in closely managed face-to-face groups you would have to hear other people's worries, just not to the extent & detail on here (it's just not allowed). And in therapy you will be confronted with things.
You can never escape it all. There are no "safe spaces" in places like this - unless you create a very specific place just for specific people but then it's just a mini clubhouse for those guys and everyone else loses out.
But it's true what you say too, some people struggle just logging onto this site for these very reasons.
I see your point, but should people feel free to post whatever they want even though it may be triggering others anxiety? Should I just throw away my princips of not linking to the frightening stories I have read online out of consideration for others here? No; I will not do that. I think that is wrong because after all it is me of my own free will who has been stupid enough to read those horror stories. So I should be responsible for my fellow men on a forum like this. But not every posters seem to think like this; it s obvious. And I have obviously triggered other with what I have written and I take take responsibility for that.
I really really dont like that people post pictures of body parts in here. But then again I am ust a member not an owner so it will be up to those in charge to decide if that is proper on an anxiety forum.
It's an interesting topic to discuss since my therapist I'm seeing currently actually advises not to google symptoms or go on forums because seeking reassurance doesn't always help the problem. As someone who has pretty bad health anxiety I do agree it can just lead you into an endless spiral and cycle, but I do believe there have been times where it's settled my mind where the doctors have failed to do so (but that's more on the health system in the country not being up to standard more than anything)
But what about when you have something you're worried about that's already been diagnosed (not talking about cancer persay but something like a medical condition, or a lump or polyp or something similar), and your anxiety is through the roof worrying about it because there's nobody to support you through that period of time waiting for other appointments and so on. I'm not saying people necessarily have to diagnose you or act as your doctor, but sometimes it helps just to know someone has been through something and everything is okay.
As I said, I'm seeing a therapist atm (6 weeks into appointments) and I wouldn't say I'm far into this recovery process at all, I'm still as bad as I am when I started but I'm starting to understand the signs and triggers of my anxiety and more about the process of the anxiety cycle. I know I have many avoidance and safety measures that I take in order to help me feel better, and one of them does happen to be seeking advice from others or on a forum. Sometimes I feel it helps, but it really does depend what kind of help you're seeking in particular. If you're asking about something you've previously asked about a hundred times and you've had all the tests in the world that came up clear, then yeah I'd say you're probably not gonna get the comfort you need from the forum as nothing will change your thoughts or feelings. But for others, who just come seeking support and maybe some reassurance to get you through the months you don't generally get it (for example waiting for appointments, tests, having symptoms you've not had before that you want to understand or someone new to anxiety and panic), it really really helps.
Maybe that's just my take on it though lol, obviously I don't see every post on here all the time so I'm only going on how I use the forum and how I like to reassure others if I can help them if they're going through something I've indeed been through myself.
I think asking for reassurance and then accepting the reassurance and moving on is completely different from repetitive reassurance- seeking and cherrypicking advice to suit the "requirements" of the OP. The argument will be that people with HA can't help it and this is the nature of HA etc etc but how on earth can you hope to make progress if you put up a mental brick wall to any suggestions that your behaviours are perpetuating the cycle? If you're not ready to move on from constant reassurance-seeking why not just admit it rather than ignore posts or get irate when responses don't go your way?
As it has been pointed out in my grief group, there is no way to get 100% reassurance ever. ( I don’t have HA, but the cycle of anxiety is pretty much the same). Life is risky. You can play it safe your whole life and shitty things can still happen to you. Learning to deal with life is learning to deal with this insecurity. For us PTSD sufferers, it’s dealing with the fact that no one is ever 100% safe. For you HA sufferers, it’s that you’re gonna get sick sometimes and you’re just gonna have to accept it.
As it has been pointed out in my grief group, there is no way to get 100% reassurance ever. ( I don’t have HA, but the cycle of anxiety is pretty much the same). Life is risky. You can play it safe your whole life and shitty things can still happen to you. Learning to deal with life is learning to deal with this insecurity. For us PTSD sufferers, it’s dealing with the fact that no one is ever 100% safe. For you HA sufferers, it’s that you’re gonna get sick sometimes and you’re just gonna have to accept it.
:yesyes:Agree with you.
Good topic. I like reading everyone's opinions and seeing things from another POV.
It's hard sometimes to walk that line between giving reassurance and letting someone know they're in an anxiety flare up. Overall I feel like people here are pretty good about it. I still sometimes struggle with figuring out if I'm truly being helpful or just adding fuel to the flames. Even telling someone "no, you're fine, it's just anxiety" could potentially be a form of reassurance if they take it that way.
I have to admit that when I first started lurking here I almost didn't register as a user because I felt that some of the replies were a bit lacking in empathy. But from observing the way people react to those replies, I've noticed that some people do respond well to that kind of wake up call. I still personally prefer a gentler approach when interacting with people. But I totally understand how others would prefer a good kick in the pants. People are in different stages of recovery, and there is no singular way to recover.
The only thing that truly gives me pause here would be when people belittle other's HA (or OCD or GAD or whatever the case may be) fears. It's one thing to say "hey, your fears aren't rational," and another to make someone feel stupid for a thing that is largely out of their control. Especially when, let's be real, to a non-HAer ALL of our fears seem ridiculous. Does it really do any good to qualify our fears as completely ridiculous verses slightly less ridiculous? The entire point is that we're all being irrational, and we know it already. That's why we're here. Yes, we all need to be reminded of that from time to time. But we don't need to be made to feel embarrassed for having an anxiety disorder that causes us to experience outrageous fears. (sorry this last part is kind of random and tangent-y, and not directed at anyone in particular. just based on things that I've noticed in the past in other threads)
MyNameIsTerry
30-11-17, 02:42
I see your point, but should people feel free to post whatever they want even though it may be triggering others anxiety? Should I just throw away my princips of not linking to the frightening stories I have read online out of consideration for others here? No; I will not do that. I think that is wrong because after all it is me of my own free will who has been stupid enough to read those horror stories. So I should be responsible for my fellow men on a forum like this. But not every posters seem to think like this; it s obvious. And I have obviously triggered other with what I have written and I take take responsibility for that.
I really really dont like that people post pictures of body parts in here. But then again I am ust a member not an owner so it will be up to those in charge to decide if that is proper on an anxiety forum.
Some people find the word cancer triggering. How can anyone therefore talk about it if you have to consider what is triggering to all?
Within my GAD I had major issues with work. So, people discussing problems at work were triggering for me. Do we say they can't discuss these issues? That forces some of the forum.
How about the domestic violence seen on boards like GAD? The worries of being a sexual abuser on GAD or OCD boards? They are triggering for those who have been through such terrible things.
There are some obvious ones you can void like pics, links to horror stories (unless on a discussion thread where we do get into stuff away from those likely triggered)
If someone has been triggered or is worried by what they have seen or read, surely they should be allowed to discuss it here so we can help? Why not in the case of HAers?
The level of detail could be key to this. I found face-to-face groups shutdown a lot of the detail seen on here. They see it as doctor territory and are wary of legal issues with peer advice in their presence. It only takes one bad case to see some grubby little lawyer looking for a fee to chase a charity over someone they couldn't control.
I get triggered by some stories with gruesome deaths, but I would not stop someone else from posting about it if they needed to discuss their grief and other feelings. It is not their responsibility to avoid my triggers; it’s my responsibility. Actually, we all shouldn’t avoid dealing with our triggers, but learn to put them in their proper place. If I think I can’t deal with it, then I don’t click on it.
I get annoyed when people blame others for their triggers.
It's true, avoiding your triggers usually strengthens them.
paranoid-viking
30-11-17, 17:06
The thing about the claim that anxiety forums tend to be dominated by those with health anxiety. I guess that is because it is the most common of anxieties. I mean; an expert; I read; claims that something like 15% of an averge population has health anxiety, but that is only CONFIRMED numbers. I guarantee there are a lot of people in denial about being hypocondriacs. Som it may be as much of 30% of the population, maybe even more.
And that is why there is so much focus on cancer and other ilnesses in the click and tabloid media. They know that the hypocondriacs are clicking on it.
The thing about the claim that anxiety forums tend to be dominated by those with health anxiety. I guess that is because it is the most common of anxieties. I mean; an expert; I read; claims that something like 15% of an averge population has health anxiety, but that is only CONFIRMED numbers. I guarantee there are a lot of people in denial about being hypocondriacs. Som it may be as much of 30% of the population, maybe even more.
And that is why there is so much focus on cancer and other ilnesses in the click and tabloid media. They know that the hypocondriacs are clicking on it.
Just a peek at the number of people viewing the HA section of the forum at any given time affirms what you're saying.
Positive thoughts
I think the numbers of HA sufferers are rising due to the fact that information is so easily available on the internet. In the past, you had a medical worry, you went to the doctors, got feedback/medication/mind put at ease/referred on for extra tests and went on your way. You generally accepted what you were told. Obviously some still worried about things and went back to the doctors but most accepted it.
Now, the minute you have a worry, you Google it and all sorts come up including worst case scenarios (usually at the top of the search engine) and stories. Is it any wonder HA is the top of an anxiety forum? Most people have probably been scared by a Google health search at some point, not just HA sufferers!
This is something I've said before and I'll reiterate it now. Part of why I think there are so many HA posts is because we find this site while we are in a googling spree/spiral. It's the nature of HA! That's how I discovered NMP - googling some health problem many years ago and seeing posts show up in my results. I followed the links and found this community.
So I really believe a lot of the newer posters in the HA forum are sometimes already in that irrational state that I was in when I found NMP. I know that's a generalization and not all new members are in that state of mind, but I can understand why there might be more than other areas of the forum. Along the same vein, we then compulsively come back and post again and again as an extension of the same patterns.
It can take years to break the cycle. It did for me. And I still have HA and fall into it sometimes. So it's just something to consider when interacting with people on the HA forum.
paranoid-viking
30-11-17, 19:14
I think the numbers of HA sufferers are rising due to the fact that information is so easily available on the internet. In the past, you had a medical worry, you went to the doctors, got feedback/medication/mind put at ease/referred on for extra tests and went on your way. You generally accepted what you were told. Obviously some still worried about things and went back to the doctors but most accepted it.
Now, the minute you have a worry, you Google it and all sorts come up including worst case scenarios (usually at the top of the search engine) and stories. Is it any wonder HA is the top of an anxiety forum? Most people have probably been scared by a Google health search at some point, not just HA sufferers!
Tell me bout it. But as I understand, some people are paying for having a search result on top right? Because if I google a very normal condition, a nightmare story about pancreatic cancer comes up as the second. Is it because so many hypocondriacs are looking at it or could it simply be that someone is paying for having this horryfying story there?
I agree with OP.
This site has helped me quite a bit, but I have read some harsh posts on here.
If you have nothing helpful to say, then just don’t respond.
People come here because they are likely having irrational fears. Sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way.
I agree with OP.
This site has helped me quite a bit, but I have read some harsh posts on here.
If you have nothing helpful to say, then just don’t respond.
People come here because they are likely having irrational fears. Sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way.
Yes! But also I've noticed, from reading through here, that we all have quite a different concept of what "reassurance" means. To me, just saying "from where i am standing your fear sounds irrational " is reassurance..... simply because it reassures me that my problem is anxiety (yet again). But is that ok reassurance or the "bad" sort? So confusing!
But my main point is we should always try to be kind. That's all.
Dunkelheinburger
01-12-17, 01:38
Hi Mel good post.
Jojo wrote a lovely appreciation of this forum with a simple request which should have been accepted with gratitude. Instead he had people disagreeing which is so unkind. I don't been on this forum long time but I've noticed there are persons who are more interested in making opinions heard than helping people. That is so mean and selfish.
As Mel says, if you think giving reassurance is bad for HA, then don't give any! You are not obligated to reply. Leave it to the nice people here
And if you want to stand by your argument, then admit that ODC sufferers should not be posting because it feeds a compulsion.
All pretty simple really. End of story. Finito. Schluss. Wan le.
MyNameIsTerry
01-12-17, 02:02
Tell me bout it. But as I understand, some people are paying for having a search result on top right? Because if I google a very normal condition, a nightmare story about pancreatic cancer comes up as the second. Is it because so many hypocondriacs are looking at it or could it simply be that someone is paying for having this horryfying story there?
Yeah, they likely are. They may be purchasing traffic. It's about selling so they are just advertising their sites. But he is the thing - only HAers are that concerned, the rest of the population jus roll their eyes and write it off as BS.
So, as one person in a world full of injustices you have a choice 1) fight the world or 2) harden yourself and become one of us who don't give a flying one. Then once you are no longer bothered by them, you can choose to campaign for change or live your life & forget about them.
Wouldn't you rather be happy?
Part of my GAD was triggered by war, terrorism, civil unrest, etc. What do I do? Throw the TV out, never buy a newspaper, stay offline, live on a desert island? No, I learned my way out of this element of my anxiety and now I can take it or leave it without giving a care. Campaigning to change these elements of the world, are largely out of my control. Maybe I could join political groups to work for change...but that doesn't mean it will ever come so it's clearly better to remove your anxiety around these issues than be old & grey, still suffering and the world still haven't changed.
I think your focus on these issues is feeding your obsessions. Whether this is because you have personal reasons to be committed to campaigning against them, I don't know, and if you do that's great but I think it's also detrimental to your mental health and you need to find a way to resolve that. If it's not about campaigning for some reason, I suspect your any is using it against you for reinforcement by making it of great importance to you.
---------- Post added at 01:58 ---------- Previous post was at 01:54 ----------
I think the numbers of HA sufferers are rising due to the fact that information is so easily available on the internet. In the past, you had a medical worry, you went to the doctors, got feedback/medication/mind put at ease/referred on for extra tests and went on your way. You generally accepted what you were told. Obviously some still worried about things and went back to the doctors but most accepted it.
Now, the minute you have a worry, you Google it and all sorts come up including worst case scenarios (usually at the top of the search engine) and stories. Is it any wonder HA is the top of an anxiety forum? Most people have probably been scared by a Google health search at some point, not just HA sufferers!
People went to libraries and looked in medical books or purchased them. Have you ever seen One Foot In The Grave? Victor Meldrew thumbs through his own book and picks out dangerous diseases from finding spots on his body. His wife tells him not to look in the book as it will just scare him and he will pick some horrible condition and obsess over it. Sounds like HA to me! That was pre-internet.
It's just made it easier. So, it makes it worse.
And we're on a social site. We know more of our fellow sufferers when pre-internet we were isolated and charity meets were also thin on the ground.
---------- Post added at 02:02 ---------- Previous post was at 01:58 ----------
The thing about the claim that anxiety forums tend to be dominated by those with health anxiety. I guess that is because it is the most common of anxieties. I mean; an expert; I read; claims that something like 15% of an averge population has health anxiety, but that is only CONFIRMED numbers. I guarantee there are a lot of people in denial about being hypocondriacs. Som it may be as much of 30% of the population, maybe even more.
And that is why there is so much focus on cancer and other ilnesses in the click and tabloid media. They know that the hypocondriacs are clicking on it.
We have a 1 in 4 lifetime statistic. That covers all anxiety & panic disorders. A 15% statistic of the current population is far higher than this. This is just the UK though.
I went to over 52 meetings for anxiety sufferers. We barely ever discussed the issues seen on this board. It seems quite strange to me that I never came across HA. This is one reason I suspect HAers are more likely to hang out on forums where obsessive reassurance seeking can't be controlled unlike in face-to-face meets where trained coordinators just won't let you take over sessions for it.
Hi Mel good post.
Jojo wrote a lovely appreciation of this forum with a simple request which should have been accepted with gratitude. Instead he had people disagreeing which is so unkind. I don't been on this forum long time but I've noticed there are persons who are more interested in making opinions heard than helping people. That is so mean and selfish.
As Mel says, if you think giving reassurance is bad for HA, then don't give any! You are not obligated to reply. Leave it to the nice people here
And if you want to stand by your argument, then admit that ODC sufferers should not be posting because it feeds a compulsion.
All pretty simple really. End of story. Finito. Schluss. Wan le.
But it's not pretty simple. I don't think that disagreeing with others is being unkind; it's just offering an alternative viewpoint. If a person really wants help, a wide variety of responses can be great. There is often something to get out of each one of those points.
---------- Post added at 19:30 ---------- Previous post was at 19:26 ----------
I went to over 52 meetings for anxiety sufferers. We barely ever discussed the issues seen on this board. It seems quite strange to me that I never came across HA. This is one reason I suspect HAers are more likely to hang out on forums where obsessive reassurance seeking can't be controlled unlike in face-to-face meets where trained coordinators just won't let you take over sessions for it.
This is interesting, too. In my grief group, we have some people who have developed HA on top of their PTSD because they experienced a traumatic death due to a medical condition. But I've been to other groups for anxiety and depression, and I've never seen hardly any HA sufferers either.
I think maybe it's because a lot of people who suffer from HA don't seek mental help. So many really believe they have a medical problem. Also, there is more stigma about seeking mental health. It may be easier for them to seek medical help.
Dunkelheinburger
01-12-17, 04:18
Hi Antsy
I like your icon.
What you say about HA is interesting. I just looked at posts over the past two hours and the bast majority are HA. I can see older members here getting a bit fed up with them.
I'm sure you're right that many with HA either waste the doctors time or google or use this forum instead of seeking therapy. Yet the HA sufferers here all know they got HA.
I rarely reply to HA posts because I don't know what to say. I find it hard to relate to a condition I've never personally experienced. Have experienced most of the rest though
Thank you.
Sometimes, I find is easier to respond to HA posts because it’s simpler for me to see how irrational they are, since I don’t have it.
Totally agree on the last 3 posts, but will say in moderation is good yes be kind but if a blunt kick is needed then that's fine too :)
[QUOTE=Dunkelheinburger;1740561]Hi Mel good post.
Jojo wrote a lovely appreciation of this forum with a simple request which should have been accepted with gratitude. Instead he had people disagreeing which is so unkind. I don't been on this forum long time but I've noticed there are persons who are more interested in making opinions heard than helping people. That is so mean and selfish.
As Mel says, if you think giving reassurance is bad for HA, then don't give any! You are not obligated to reply. Leave it to the nice people here
And if you want to stand by your argument, then admit that ODC sufferers should not be posting because it feeds a compulsion.
All pretty simple really. End of story. Finito. Schluss. Wan le.[/Q
Sadly not. The nice people giving repeated reassurance aren't really being helpful at all in terms of managing HA. Caseyg's latest post probably explains this much better.
[QUOTE=Dunkelheinburger;1740561]Hi Mel good post.
Jojo wrote a lovely appreciation of this forum with a simple request which should have been accepted with gratitude. Instead he had people disagreeing which is so unkind. I don't been on this forum long time but I've noticed there are persons who are more interested in making opinions heard than helping people.
Like you are doing you mean?
---------- Post added at 18:18 ---------- Previous post was at 18:05 ----------
Unless you have read every post ever written by the members here you have no way of knowing how helpful or unhelpful they have been to certain members here. You don’t know the history and so you are largely uninformed. There are members who frequent here who other members have spent hours even months and years trying to help. I can’t be bothered explaining to you why it gets to the point where people get frustrated at having all their advice and help totally ignored and react accordingly. I’ll put my hand up to admit that I have on occasion been guilty of doing so. But there are more than a few posting on this thread who have done the same.
Dunkelheinburger
01-12-17, 09:26
Since this topic seems far more complicated than it looked at first, I thought I'd post link to this thread by a nice lady who had counselling for HA, very timely and relevant
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211044
Precisely. You will have read what she says about reassurance-seeking then?
Antsy posted a reply on another thread with a link to an interesting article. Well worth the read because there is a bit of "Catherine" in everyone here.
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...s-1623649.html
One of the things it stated as an issue is "laziness". IMO, it's spot on. It's WAY easier to seek reassurance than tackle the dragon head on. It's way easier to consult Dr. Google than it is to go to the doctor. It's way easier to believe the lie the dragon is telling you than it is to slap it upside the head.
There's a thread from a member screaming "HELP ME!" followed by them saying reassurance isn't working.
This forum is chock full of examples that reassurance does not help the sufferer. I'll say it again.... There's a comfort in knowing you're not alone and it can be cathartic to write out your fears and thoughts but the road to healing starts from within and it's in real life, not on an internet forum. Posting is easy compared to doing what really needs to be done.
Which will you choose?
Positive thoughts
Antsy posted a reply on another thread with a link to an interesting article. Well worth the read because there is a bit of "Catherine" in everyone here.
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...s-1623649.html
One of the things it stated as an issue is "laziness". IMO, it's spot on. It's WAY easier to seek reassurance than tackle the dragon head on. It's way easier to consult Dr. Google than it is to go to the doctor. It's way easier to believe the lie the dragon is telling you than it is to slap it upside the head.
There's a thread from a member screaming "HELP ME!" followed by them saying reassurance isn't working.
This forum is chock full of examples that reassurance does not help the sufferer. I'll say it again.... There's a comfort in knowing you're not alone and it can be cathartic to write out your fears and thoughts but the road to healing starts from within and it's in real life, not on an internet forum. Posting is easy compared to doing what really needs to be done.
Which will you choose?
Positive thoughts
Can I choose both?
Pulisa is correct in saying we aren't being helpful by constantly reassuring a poster we may think we are in essence we aren't HA mindsets don't accept this be easier if they did, but they don't sure reassure and then move them on to the next step to get help wether that be therapy, meds or both that's the kindest way to help them I think :) ATB
I wholeheartedly agree with the first poster. I think this sub section of the forum should definitely have a sympathetic, understanding tone. Yes, at times, it is necessary to point a HA poster towards seeing more rationally and I understand that people sometimes have to be firm with them. Like people in our real life, whom we've confided our fears to, have to be firm.
However, this sub section is by title, for HA sufferers (whatever the original intention of the forum as a whole was). HA sufferers have many similarities/crossover/comorbitities with other anxiety disorders (such as some of the physical sensations of anxiety/reassurance seeking/protective ritual behaviours etc), however we do have things unique to this side of anxiety as well , which only true HA sufferers really, truly understand. Many people may think its ridiculous and selfish to work yourself into a depression spiral thinking you are going to die from a particular ailment, especially when the doctor gives you the all clear. However, when you're in a complete panic, and are not believing the doctors, it is difficult to dig yourself out. It takes a lot of support and willpower. Most get there though. That's why gentle prodding towards support from outside agencies such as counsellors and referrals to GPs for help is so key in our role in supporting our fellow HA sufferers.
I've often wondered why there is much more of a harsh tone taken with certain HA sufferers on this forum. I'm not mentioning names but I'm thinking of two recent threads in particular. Some posters seemed to think the HA sufferers rude and ungrateful. However, they were in the midst of a spiral. Anxiety as a condition is one of self absorption by its very nature. We go into ourselves and over think things. That's why Eizabeth Wurtell in 'Prozac Nation' talks about it (and depression) being conditions which irritate others who are not affected. It's because it zaps the energy of the sufferers and supporters. This is why a forum like this is so important as it's safe and (should be) unjudgemental. Yes, point the poster towards seeking proper help but recognise when they are unable (at that moment) to see the truth. They will, probably, in time, revisit and reflect on your words, which will help later on when they're ready. Comments Like, 'you are going to ruin your family'...'affect your kids/marriage' etc could make someone feel more guilty and isolated. Most HA already worry about this issue without having it pushed in their faces.
I think ultimately, it is due to the history of how HA gas been seen in the past...the title hypochondria. It's made to seem not a proper mental illness (which it is), a younger, more annoying sibling of OCD or depression. One that can be batted away with, 'you are ok, just get over it'...'don't Google.' Easier said than done.
Can I choose both?
Can an addict choose both?
Look... reassurance is a part of human nature. It's something that we've been exposed to and part of since childhood when we're comforted by our parents and throughout our lives.
With HA it's another animal all together. That's why I call it the dragon. It's like the need for reassurance becomes an all consuming firestorm.
If people want to serve tea and sympathy, so be it. Great discussion but it's kind of like politics and religion.
Positive thoughts
I wholeheartedly agree with the first poster. I think this sub section of the forum should definitely have a sympathetic, understanding tone. Yes, at times, it is necessary to point a HA poster towards seeing more rationally and I understand that people sometimes have to be firm with them. Like people in our real life, whom we've confided our fears to, have to be firm.
However, this sub section is by title, for HA sufferers (whatever the original intention of the forum as a whole was). HA sufferers have many similarities/crossover/comorbitities with other anxiety disorders (such as some of the physical sensations of anxiety/reassurance seeking/protective ritual behaviours etc), however we do have things unique to this side of anxiety as well , which only true HA sufferers really, truly understand. Many people may think its ridiculous and selfish to work yourself into a depression spiral thinking you are going to die from a particular ailment, especially when the doctor gives you the all clear. However, when you're in a complete panic, and are not believing the doctors, it is difficult to dig yourself out. It takes a lot of support and willpower. Most get there though. That's why gentle prodding towards support from outside agencies such as counsellors and referrals to GPs for help is so key in our role in supporting our fellow HA sufferers.
I've often wondered why there is much more of a harsh tone taken with certain HA sufferers on this forum. I'm not mentioning names but I'm thinking of two recent threads in particular. Some posters seemed to think the HA sufferers rude and ungrateful. However, they were in the midst of a spiral. Anxiety as a condition is one of self absorption by its very nature. We go into ourselves and over think things. That's why Eizabeth Wurtell in 'Prozac Nation' talks about it (and depression) being conditions which irritate others who are not affected. It's because it zaps the energy of the sufferers and supporters. This is why a forum like this is so important as it's safe and (should be) unjudgemental. Yes, point the poster towards seeking proper help but recognise when they are unable (at that moment) to see the truth. They will, probably, in time, revisit and reflect on your words, which will help later on when they're ready. Comments Like, 'you are going to ruin your family'...'affect your kids/marriage' etc could make someone feel more guilty and isolated. Most HA already worry about this issue without having it pushed in their faces.
I think ultimately, it is due to the history of how HA gas been seen in the past...the title hypochondria. It's made to seem not a proper mental illness (which it is), a younger, more annoying sibling of OCD or depression. One that can be batted away with, 'you are ok, just get over it'...'don't Google.' Easier said than done.
I agree with you Poppy. Yes we all know reassurance doesn't help, and new sufferers may not have realised that yet. I also think that some of the posts are very harsh towards some sufferers but not others. If a poster annoys you with their constant reassurance seeking, then don't post any replies. Some posters seem to get a kick out of ridiculing the sufferer. When you are in a spiral, even though you know what you have to do, the thought of doing it is so frightening it sometimes feels impossible. Believe me it's not 'laziness' it's abject fear. I feel this is very difficult for non sufferers to understand. I don't want to have HA, I wish more than anything it had never visited itself upon me, and if it was as easy as just switching it off then I would. Eventually for most people after a period of time, logic starts to kick in and you start getting on top of it, but until then it's nigh on impossible to get yourself to see sense no matter what anyone else tells you about how irrational you are being, and comments like you are going to affect your kids and family, why are you ruining your life etc etc are really not helpful. We all know we are ruining our lives and being reminded of it just drives you further down in to the hole of despair and self hatred.
:winks:I agree with you primula, unless you have experienced HA it is hard to understand the absolute terror you feel. I know even my husband couldn’t understand that. He would say, as my family and friends would say “worry about it when there is something to worry about”. No one could understand why I was worrying about an illness that I hadn’t even been diagnosed with.
As to the rest, some people come here and never venture outside of their own threads. Others, even though they have anxiety, spend many hours trying to help other sufferers. So when these people experience setbacks members are more inclined to help them through their dark periods.
There are quite a few people posting on this thread who have lost their patience with the 2 members I think poppy is referring to. I think they need to remember their own comments on those members’ threads before being critical of others members’ comments. Not that they were unjustified in becoming frustrated with certain members. Only a saint would have kept their patience.
Finally, I post on 3 other forums and have done so for years. None of them are health related. I won’t say the “t” words as it is not allowed here but I know one when I see one. :winks:
Dunkelheinburger
02-12-17, 01:09
deleted
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 15:06
One of the nastiest things I experienced in here was when I was expressing my fear of taking endoscopy and one poster came in and was literally bullying me for the fear -yes, bullying and said that I should be shamfull and "think aboutt what cancer patients are going through". Yes, because cancer patients are suffering more than me I should feel asheamed of my own anxiety. I kkindly asked the poster to go away; but he kept doing it; he did not call me a p*ssy but it was something along the line. And he kept throwing this even to another poster in the same thread. I was shocked to say the least. The mods closed the thread because I complaint about what I percieved as abusive attitude.
So; I mean; shall those off us suffering from the most devastating and socially disabling forms of health anxiety feel asheamed and except to take abuse from other posters here?
One of the nastiest things I experienced in here was when I was expressing my fear of taking endoscopy and one poster came in and was literally bullying me for the fear -yes, bullying and said that I should be shamfull and "think aboutt what cancer patients are going through". Yes, because cancer patients are suffering more than me I should feel asheamed of my own anxiety. I kkindly asked the poster to go away; but he kept doing it; he did not call me a p*ssy but it was something along the line. And he kept throwing this even to another poster in the same thread. I was shocked to say the least. The mods closed the thread because I complaint about what I percieved as abusive attitude.
So; I mean; shall those off us suffering from the most devastating and socially disabling forms of health anxiety feel asheamed and except to take abuse from other posters here? That's totally not acceptable and you shouldn't have made a complaint out of courtesy the thread should have been closed and the perpertraitors warned to stop their behaviour it but guess the mods cant always see every thread so agree that was totally uncalled for, some new members might have been scared off terrible. The point I am making about reassurance is it's ok to reassure but to constantly reassure can only make matters worse for the OP so I now stop doing it, once is all I do now :) ATB
One of the nastiest things I experienced in here was when I was expressing my fear of taking endoscopy and one poster came in and was literally bullying me for the fear -yes, bullying and said that I should be shamfull and "think aboutt what cancer patients are going through". Yes, because cancer patients are suffering more than me I should feel asheamed of my own anxiety. I kkindly asked the poster to go away; but he kept doing it; he did not call me a p*ssy but it was something along the line. And he kept throwing this even to another poster in the same thread. I was shocked to say the least. The mods closed the thread because I complaint about what I percieved as abusive attitude.
So; I mean; shall those off us suffering from the most devastating and socially disabling forms of health anxiety feel asheamed and except to take abuse from other posters here?
You want to rake up old trash, do you? You're obviously still feeling bitter and angry about me asking whether you were a snowflake or china doll for saying an endoscopy is "torture" without "sedation". I at no point said you should feel "ashamed" of having anxiety. You were referring to the discomfort/pain of endoscopy due to sedation/pain relief "not being available in Norway".
You're extremely argumentative yourself and seem to dwell on "slights". If you have any further complaints then contact Admin instead of doing it on someone else's thread :lac:
---------- Post added at 15:37 ---------- Previous post was at 15:32 ----------
That's totally not acceptable and you shouldn't have made a complaint out of courtesy the thread should have been closed and the perpertraitors warned to stop their behaviour it but guess the mods cant always see every thread so agree that was totally uncalled for, some new members might have been scared off terrible. The point I am making about reassurance is it's ok to reassure but to constantly reassure can only make matters worse for the OP so I now stop doing it, once is all I do now :) ATB
Oh he did report my post, thanks.
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 15:47
You want to rake up old trash, do you? You're obviously still feeling bitter and angry about me asking whether you were a snowflake or china doll for saying an endoscopy is "torture" without "sedation". I at no point said you should feel "ashamed" of having anxiety. You were referring to the discomfort/pain of endoscopy due to sedation/pain relief "not being available in Norway".
[/COLOR]
Oh he did report my post, thanks.
Yes, calling someone suffering violently from anxiety, whose been closed to being institusionolised for "china doll" and "snowflake" is downright mean and has no place on a board for anxiety suffer. Note that I dod not mention it was you so you are the one exposing yourself. Yes, what you wrote was abusive. It is not about you personally, but I used it as an excample of what is not acceptable on a board for anxiety sufferers. If other peoples mental suffering is provoking you then thos board may not be for you.
Yes, calling someone suffering violently from anxiety, whose been closed to being institusionolised for "china doll" and "snowflake" is downright mean and has no place on a board for anxiety suffer. Note that I dod not mention it was you so you are the one exposing yourself. Yes, what you wrote was abusive. It is not about you personally, but I used it as an excample of what is not acceptable on a board for anxiety sufferers.
It was not abusive. In your mind maybe. And YOU are the one dredging up old shit. I'm not afraid of anyone "exposing" me because I was expressing a view which you took offence to. When you post controversial opinions, expect controversial replies.
I found your post highly exaggerated and theatrical to the point of disrespecting the cancer sufferers you were comparing yourself to. And YOU were making that comparison - not ME...
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 16:01
It was not abusive. In your mind maybe. And YOU are the one dredging up old shit. I'm not afraid of anyone "exposing" me because I was expressing a view which you took offence to. When you post controversial opinions, expect controversial replies.
I found your post highly exaggerated and theatrical to the point of disrespecting the cancer sufferers you were comparing yourself to. And YOU were making that comparison - not ME...
Controverisal? Why was there NO OTHER posters resorting to abusive name calling and asking me to reflect on what cancer patients feel so that I should shut up about my anxiety? NO OTHER PSOTERS? YOU! You are demonstrating perfectly what this thread is about. So having anxiety and being close to having your life destroyed is disrespectful to cancer sufferers? Were my suicide attempts when I was 16 and which led my to temporarily being placed in an institution disrespectful to cancer sufferers too? Yes; that happened in my life! I have not written it before, I have put that past in my youth behind me but I feel forced to bring that up when you write such thing.
You are basically sayin I should feel asheamed of having anxiety because of how cancer sufferers feel. That is what it all boils down too. An name calling - I can not even believe that someone resort to that on this board and going away with it.
:
Yes, name calling IS abusive. Let me remind you of rules on this forum:
Treat others how you expect to be treated. Members will remain courteous to all other members including administrators. Please remember that you are a guest on No More Panic.
While debating and discussion is fine, No More Panic does not tolerate rudeness, insulting posts, personal attacks or purposeless inflammatory posts. The decision on what is appropriate will be made by the administration team and that decision is final.
Harassment of members is not tolerated. Please respect the member’s wishes if they want to be left alone. Deliberate provocation of other members or consistently high jacking threads may result in a ban.
And I told you to leave me alone and you did not. You even have to keep on posting your opinions of me oin a reply to fish. That is not leaving other posters to be left alone and it is disrespectful to other posters.
Controverisal? Why was there NO OTHER posters resorting to abusive name calling and asking me to reflect on what cancer patients feel so that I should shut up about my anxiety? NO OTHER PSOTERS? YOU! You are demonstrating perfectly what this thread is about. So having anxiety and being close to having your life destroyed is disrespectful to cancer sufferers? Were my suicide attempts when I was 16 and which led my to temporarily being placed in an institution disrespectful to cancer sufferers too? Yes; that happened in my life! I have not written it before, I have put that past in my youth behind me but I feel forced to bring that up when you write such thing.
You are basically sayin I should feel asheamed of having anxiety because of how cancer sufferers feel. That is what it all boils down too. An name calling - I can not even believe that someone resort to that on this board and going away with it.
You are lying, I'm afraid. Or extremely deluded. I repeat, YOU were comparing the pain and "torture" of an endoscopy to a cancer sufferer's ordeal. So you can carry on with the melodramatics.
You are speaking to someone who also suffers with mental health problems - not Santa Clause :lac:
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 16:08
You are lying, I'm afraid. Or extremely deluded. I repeat, YOU were comparing the pain and "torture" of an endoscopy to a cancer sufferer's ordeal. So you can carry on with the melodramatics.
You are speaking to someone who also suffers with mental health problems - not Santa Clause :lac:
I was not comparing my fear to anyone else! I did not mention that at all!
And by calling me deluded you are rsorting to name calling again. And you keep on going by callin me melodramatic. This is classic and typical bullying of people suffering a mental health problem.
So if you have mental health problems why are you being abusive and ask me to shut up about my fear because of how cancer patients are suffering.
"Leave you alone"? So I don't have the right to respond with my own opinions and comments? Are you living on Uranus? You seriously need to grow up, PV!
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 16:10
Please respect the member’s wishes if they want to be left alone.
Can you please follow that rule? I am not going to bring that point up about that post again. I was not excpecting you to come back. I was polite enough to not even mention your user name, just using an excample of what I find inappropriate. But I will leave it like that and please kindly ask you to LEAVE ME ALONE as one of the forum rules.
I, personally, am thankful for this forum and the re-assurance really does help me.
We're all different and seek re-assurance and 'tackling the beast' differently. When I'm starting to head back into a spiral this site is my first port of call and the re-assurance helps more than I can say
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 16:11
"Leave you alone"? So I don't have the right to respond with my own opinions and comments? Are you living on Uranus? You seriously need to grow up, PV!
Abuse, abuse and utter abuse! There is limitations to how you are allowed to respond to other posters here, and name calling is one of them. Have you noticed that I have not done ANY name calling on you?
Have you finished yet? You take anything you don't like as an example of abuse and bullying it seems...
paranoid-viking
04-12-17, 16:14
Have you finished yet? You take anything you don't like as an example of abuse and bullying it seems...
No, I dont. I have debated with hundreds of others in here, and you are the only one resorting to such behaviour. One or to have been harsh, but still respectfull in their behaviour. Why dont you respect my wishes which is even STATED IN THE RULES OF THE BOARD TO LEAVE MEMBERS ALONE
No, I dont. I have debated with hundreds of others in here, and you are the only one resorting to such behaviour. One or to have been harsh, but still respectfull in their behaviour. Why dont you respect my wishes which is even STATED IN THE RULES OF THE BOARD TO LEAVE MEMBERS ALONE
If you mention an "argument" you had with me in a disrespectful and slanderous way (ie, lie and exaggerate) then I will respond to you in kind. That is not bullying or trolling you. That is my right, whether you mention me by name or not ;)
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