Deep seated beliefs of unworthiness due to anxiety

[leil]

Hi,

I have anxiety - GAD but also around fears of inadvertently causing harm to come to others. I'm on the waiting list for CBT and have been seeing a therapist in the meantime to teach me skills for coping/reducing the anxiety, however we both agree that whilst it is helping, psychology therapy is still required to deal with the underlying beliefs that are still there.

I was trying to explain to my husband how I feel and it really is like I am my own worst enemy! Whatever I do it's like I'm constantly berating myself and blaming myself for anything and everything, even really minor things I'll blow them up out of all proportion and things that aren't even my fault I'll find ways to blame myself. I drag things up from the past and also blow them up into a big deal. So when it comes to doing anything fun/relaxing/for me I'll have this feeling that I don't deserve it; I might have made mistakes in the past and what if I could have possibly been responsible for harm or upset to someone else at some point then I shouldn't deserve to be happy etc etc. My husband was like but you're so caring and thoughtful and always put effort into making other people happy etc. but I can't focus on this, only on perceived shortcomings and what ifs.

It's starting to really grind me down as I just want to be able to let it go and allow myself to feel happy. I'll have good days but then something will happen or the doubt will creep back in. I wondered if anyone else can understand this mindset and if anyone has any tips for trying to get past this? Thanks

[Chick100]

Hi,

I have anxiety - GAD but also around fears of inadvertently causing harm to come to others. I'm on the waiting list for CBT and have been seeing a therapist in the meantime to teach me skills for coping/reducing the anxiety, however we both agree that whilst it is helping, psychology therapy is still required to deal with the underlying beliefs that are still there.

I was trying to explain to my husband how I feel and it really is like I am my own worst enemy! Whatever I do it's like I'm constantly berating myself and blaming myself for anything and everything, even really minor things I'll blow them up out of all proportion and things that aren't even my fault I'll find ways to blame myself. I drag things up from the past and also blow them up into a big deal. So when it comes to doing anything fun/relaxing/for me I'll have this feeling that I don't deserve it; I might have made mistakes in the past and what if I could have possibly been responsible for harm or upset to someone else at some point then I shouldn't deserve to be happy etc etc. My husband was like but you're so caring and thoughtful and always put effort into making other people happy etc. but I can't focus on this, only on perceived shortcomings and what ifs.

It's starting to really grind me down as I just want to be able to let it go and allow myself to feel happy. I'll have good days but then something will happen or the doubt will creep back in. I wondered if anyone else can understand this mindset and if anyone has any tips for trying to get past this? Thanks

Hi leil.

Its the anxiety leading you into this, and distorting things, what you are going through is NOT the truth or the reality. It seems our minds can drag up the worst things imaginable when we are in this state. But they are only thoughts .

I´m sure seeing a psychologist will help you get past this and on a better footing.

I have some self help books written many years ago by a ground breaker at the time, but her works are very well rated even today. The book that might help you understand what is happening with you is called " Self help for your nerves"· and the author is Dr Claire Weekes.
She really explains all about what nerves can do and ways to overcome them.

I hope you get your help soon, and begin to understand that your thoughts aren´t your reality. :hugs:

[leil]

Hi Chick100, thank you so much for your reply and support. It's nice to be reminded that my problems are my thoughts and not reality as sometimes it's hard to believe or accept that!

That book sounds good, I'll definitely look it up, thank you :)