I am SO SICK OF THIS!

[laura84]

Just when everything looked a little rosier I've had a day of panic. I am tired of the relapses. I have the most wonderful life but with these intrusive thoughts I just can't seem to enjoy it! It just seems so pathetic that there are people out there who have faced such terrible hardships and I start obsessing about sex...surely there are worse things to be fearful about!

I'm so sick of questioning myself when there is no answer. I keep thinking I'm gay or a paedophile when I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality and lesbian experiences, I just know it's not who I am, and I know that I'm not a paedophile! Yet I still go over it my mind: the endless what if's the constant "could I be?" "What if I am?" "but I love my boyfriend...and I love sex with him" "but what if" WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF! It's exhausting and induces such terrible panic. I know that if these were real feelings they wouldn't be so completely terrifying, but I just can't seem to escape them. I've never considered myself bigoted or homophobic, and I just can't seem to explain why these terrible thoughts of paedophillia pop up, but they do and I'm just lost.
I'm so tired of all this.:weep:

[ade]

oh laura hunny bee
i understand the way it grinds you down,and i am sorry you feel so frightened and just want to send you all the love under the sun
keep in touch,i am here for you whenever i can be
with genuine love ade xxxxxxxxx:flowers:

[PUGLETMUM]

hi laura,
im so sorry also that you are feeling like this, and as you've said its ruining your lovely life! please DONT LET IT!!!! we can all beat these demons, okay i have had these feelings like you but i have NEVER ever told anyone EVER, but im sharing it with you so you feel better. after i had my baby (9 yrs ago now) i also started worrying about this peadophile thing and i was absolutely devastated, but you just have to remember that thinking something does not make it REAL. you can think these things and KNOW you will NOT act on them. as distressing as they are they are JUST thoughts nothing more. itfeels weird to hear that someone is so upset by these feelings but i was myself but i never articulated them as im sure you can undersatnd! for the fear that people would reject you, anyway lar=ter on i started to worry abouT 'hurting' her, then i saw a woman on tv who had worried about strangling her kids all throughout their early years and i felt better coz i didnt feel alone anymore.
these thoughts will pass if you just try very hard NOT to be frightened of them, i know this is easier said than done, but if you want to enjoy what youve got you've got to stop beibg FRIGHTENED of them and see them for what they are - part of anxiety and nothibg more!!!

all the best to you love from emma

[michellemumof4]

Hi Laura - firstly BIG HUGS

I took had intrusive thoughts and it is a nightmare mix that with anxiety and oh boy , what worked for me was instead of what if , i said so what !!
I Knew i wasnt going to do what i was thinking , like you the thoughts were totally against who i was ,,,,,,,, if you need to talk pm me or we can chat in room

good luck love