just need to vent

[jill]

Hi All

I just need to vent.

A while back my mum was having pain in her chest.
She was sent to the hospital to have her heart checked
and they gave here an exray.
That day they said everything was fine just make and
appointment to see your GP.
In the meantime she has had a mammer gram and a
camra put down her throat.
She has been told the she has a hiatus hernia,
She was over the moon with this because it is somthing
that she can deal with. (she thought that she had the
big C:(
In the last week 2 letters have arrived, one from the exray
of hear chest saying they have found signs of a recent inffecton.
The other from the mammer gram saying they have found
somthing. She has gone to the hospital today over the mammer
gram, but has not had time to deal with the other.
My anxiaty levels are getting higher. During the day I can try
to think positive thoughts, but last night when I was asleep
I cannot control the way I think. Symptoms of anxiaty woke me up.
I was sooo angry, I thought, don't do this to me now I need to
be there for my mum.
What you all have to understand is that my mum is not just my
mum, she is my best friend.
When I first started with PA my mum was my rock but I could see she was hurting:(she was so upset seeing me go through it all so I don't tell her anything now.
She is going through hell right now,( I know what she is thinking:(

I am really hurting right now and have alot of emotions running
around in my head. One of these being guilt.
I feel guilty because I'm thinking of my own health, but
thats only because I want to be strong for my best friend
and help her get through this.
I know I have to keep those positive thoughts going and
I will because my best freind needs me.

Thank you all for reading this it has helped just writing it dowm.
You are all special people and no matter what life throws at you
Remember you are not alone.

LOVE JILLXX


Friends are those rare people who ask how
we are and then wait to hear the answer. (Thats my mum)

[Karen]

Hi Jill

I'm sorry to hear of your Mum's health worries. I am sure anyone would be worried when someone they love might be ill and when you have anxiety anyway it just makes it worse.

You have been doing so well and I know you will be strong for your Mum. There isn't any need to feel guilty about talking to and worrying your her in the past. She is your Mum so she is bound to be concerned about you. I think it's great that you have such a close relationship.

Remember we are all here for you.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[sal]

Hi Jill

So sorry hon to hear about your mum, must be awful one minute feeling relief then receiving those two letters. Lets just hope they find nothing to distressing for either of you and hold on to the fact they have treated her so quickly.

As for your anxiety, it is only natural you are going to feel like that. When you havent been around your mum you are going to let it all out and feel anxious, but i am sure knowing you that when she needs you, you will by no way let her down. Even if you are feeling terrible, you wil put on a brave face and show her you can be strong for her. I have every faith that when needed you will be there 100%.

Dont feel guilty that you arent coping with it, as you are, and feeling anxious is how so many other people would feel, that is so normal.

Hope things get better for you and remember we are all here to support you. Remember how strong you can be with it counts.

Lots of love and hugs Sal xxxx

[vernon]

hi jill, so sorry about your mum and lets hope ots just routine and nothing to bad. hope mum and u are ok i will pray for u both take care vernon

[lainey]

Hi Jill,

It is only natural that you worrying about your mum,you would worry whether you had anxiety or not. Don't feel guilty about it,it's you your way of dealing with what is a worrying time for you.

You must try and think positively, as to the infection they discovered on the x-ray that will be treatable with medication. You will know about the mammogram today and know what you are dealing with.

I know what you are going through as my hubby has had cancer this year but thankfully he had the all clear in Sept, my anxiety started when he was ill and now he is better it's still there and driving me nuts(not literally,lol).

I know what you mean about feeling guilty worrying about your own health, but don't , your mum will understand as she is aware of your anxiety.

I hope you have good news today, thinking of you, always here if you need a chat.

Take care

Elaine xxx

[seh1980]

Hi Jill,

I just want to wish you and your mum all the best hun - I hope it all works out in the end!!

Sarah :D

[pips]

Hi Jill,

So sorry to hear about your Mum. I know exactly how you feel sweetie. My Mum is my best friend as well. I would be exactly the same in your position.

Please don't feel guilty though you are doing all you can. You are bound to feel more anxious and panic more it's only natural. I't always worse when we try to go to sleep as well our mind wanders.

Your mum will understand and Im sure she is so proud of how you are coping.

You take care of yourself,

Let me know how things go.

All the best,

Love PIP'S Keep up those POSITIVE thoughts!!!!! You are doing well!!

[Meg]

Hi Jill,

Anyone who has a loved one would be feeling anxious with delayed and uncertain news like that . Keep optimistic.

Both infections and breast abnormalities can be treated very effectively.



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[jill]

Karen, Sal, Vernon, Elaine, Sarah, Pips, Meg,

Thank you all soooo much for your support and
your kind words.
I just forgot for awhile and let those negative thoughts
creep in.
Mum is ok, they gave her the needle test and she gets
the results on Monday, as for the other letter, doctor
phoned her and told her to come in. She is there now
so I'm waiting for her to phon me to tell me how she
got on.
I am thinking positive, positive and it seems to be working,
Some symptoms are still there but I don't care.
As long ans mum is ok thats all that matters.

Thank you all again for your post they mean so much to
me:D:D You all know how to make a person feel better.

TAKE CARE ALL

WISHING YOU ALL WELL

LOVE JILLXXX

[nomorepanic]

Hi Jill

Sorry to hear this news :(

I hope things go ok for your mum and we are always here if you want a chat or just to let us know how you feel.

Don't let it knock you back ok as you are doing so well.

Big hug to you and mum.

xx

Nicola

[jill]

Hi Nic,

I cannot thank you enough, not just for your
reply to my post, but for this site as well.
It's not only post to me that has got me this
far, but all the information on this site and post
to other poeple.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart
and my mum thanks you:D:D

LOTS OF LOVE JILLXXXX

[nomorepanic]

Jill

We have a great bunch of people here who all support each other and you are contributing greatly to that too.

So, thank you for your support on here for me and others.

I hope your mum is doing ok?

xx

Nicola

[lainey]

Hi Jill

How are you feeling today chuck?
Hope everything goes ok with your mum on Monday, keep positive and take care.

Elaine x

[jill]

Hi All,

It was not good news:(

I don't want to go into detail, so I will just say
that she is going to hospital on Tuesday for an op,
and it WAS what my mum thought:(:(

All I can say know is that this site and all the special
people on here have tought me well, I'm still trying to
keep those positive thoughts, no PA but alot of anxiaty.

I sit here crying because without the help of this site
and the special people on here helping me get this far with
PA,I don't think I would have been strong enough to help my
mum get though this. You have all helped me be the strong
person I am today, and on New Years Eve when she gets the
all clear I will come back to this post and thank you all again.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

WISHING YOU ALL WELL

TAKE CARE ALL

LOTS OF LOVE JILLXXXXX

[Meg]

Hi Jill,

We're all thinking of you ..

Keep optimistic and remember how far surgery has come these days .

Do keep crying when you feel the need to - it will prevent panic rising .

You take care of you too. We're here for you.

Love
Meg

[Karen]

Hi Jill

I'm sorry it wasn't good news. As Meg says, surgery has advanced a lot so try to think positively, although I realise it isn't easy.

We are all here for you.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Jill

So sorry to hear this news. I really feel for you and have a tear in my eye too cos I know it must be so painful for you and I can picture you sat there.

If there is anything we can do then let us know but please stay positive - however hard that is and you will cope.

Come on here and let us know how she is doing and send her our love and best wishes.

You are a strong person and you will find the strength to cope with this I know.

xxx

Nicola

[carlin]

Jill,
Love and best wishes to both you and your mum, stay as strong as you can.

[lainey]

Hi Jill

Sorry to hear the news about your mum, if ever you need to chat you can pm me as I have been through a lot with my husband this year and know what you are going through. I am sure she will be ok just try and stay positive for yourself and for her.
Thinking of you and always here if you need a chat.

Take care of yourself

Elaine xxx

[jill]

Hi All,

Mum is out of hospital, she had a mastectomy,
I cannot get over how well she looks,
She is almost back to her nomal self:D
I feel sad that she had to go through this.
Stll keeping those positive thoughts going.
She WILL get the all clear on New Years eve.

Mr Panic tried to wake me up the other night,
but I was sooo tied I told him to p*** o**
and went back to sleep. I had been with mum
from monday in the hospital haveing the centanol,
then 730 in the morning in the hospital again, stayed
all day and got home at 930 that night.
one of my triggers is being tierd.
Had a few horrible symptoms of anxiaty alot
of them was when I was visiting mum.
again you have tought me well and they do
not last for long:(

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A FAB CHRISMAS

LOTS OF LOVE JILLXX

[nomorepanic]

Jill

Great news that she looks so well. I bet it is a big weight lifted off both your minds and now she can start to get better again.

A girl at work had a mastectomy recently and she is fine but very tired all the time but she does look well despite this.

I am so pleased you sorted Mr Panic out and told him where to go.[}:)]

You are doing so well and thanks for the update.

Try to get some rest yourself now won't you as tiredness can be a trigger for panic/anxiety too.

Big hug to you and mum and send her our love please.
xxx

Nicola

[jill]

Hi All


GOOD NEWS:D:D:D:D
Mum got the all clear and she is feeling
alot better.

Since new year I myself have had days when I feel
100%.
Thank you all for your support.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

LOVE JILLXXX

[Karen]

That's fantastic news Jill. I'm glad your mum is ok and you are feeling better.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Great news Jill

I am so happy for you both.

Good news that you reached 100% too - let's hope it stays that way.[^]

Happy New Year to you

xx

Nicola

[lainey]

That's great news Jill, I was thinking of you New Year's Eve.

So glad that your mum is feeling better and that you have got there, well done you. It can't have been easy but you've done brilliantly.

Love Elaine x

[Meg]

Jill,

Both you and Mum have done so well in coping with all of this.

All best wishes for a peaceful and healthy 2005.


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance