I just need to ramble...

[Clydesdale Epona]

The thing I am currently struggling with isn't actually something that is making my health anxiety go "oh god we're gonna die!" But it is still something that is making me incrediblely anxious and upset and I just feel like maybe I need to someone, anyone even if its you guys.

All my life that I've tried I can safely say I have never had a nice sexual encounter. I'm trying to explain in little detail but basically any form of penetrative sex has been beyond painful.

I really think I might have Vaginimus(which is the involuntary tightening of the pelvic muscles) all of the symptoms sound like me and I've known about it for months but I just can't seem to tell anyone, I've tried and failed with the doctors and what I mean by that is I simply can't bring myself to ask or talk about it, I also haven't told my partner and can't seem to tell him.
I'm not sure whether its embarrassment or more that I don't want to accept it (considering I'm typing this out I think I can rule our embarrassment haha)

I've had the same partner since the start and he's amazing, he has no problem reaching out for help and really wants to but anytime he asks me what's wrong I just shrug it off and tell him its nothing. I really don't want to disappoint him if it turns out to be true and then have to go through long-winded treatment which will entail both psychical and emotional pain.

I just really needed to ramble guys :weep: so thanks for even being here to listen :hugs:

[goldie84]

Hi there!

I'm not sure what the condition is that you wrote out but I feel like I can relate in a way. Vaginal sex can be uncomfortable or painful sometimes and for me, I find it is probably because I am very uptight. I am happily married but found I could only enjoy sex after a few drinks which makes me realize that I am just ALWAYS anxious and have a hard time being relaxed. That may be the case for you also. Have you tried lube? We have to use it..but it helps a ton. Also, TMI, but we got a vibrator to use during and that helps relax the vaginal muscles... and it feels great. Just a suggestion.

[Clydesdale Epona]

Hi Goldie,
Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it :)

We have tried pretty much everything you can think of,

Loads of lube, a vibrator too(also tmi :roflmao:) foreplay that lasted hours ect.
With vaginimus there's nothing you can do to cure it yourself, its pretty successful to cure with treatment but I don't think I have the strength to go to my gp, talk to my partner about it and start both psychical and emotional therapy for it because I can't seem to accept it within myself? x

[AntsyVee]

Go to your gynecologist. They deal with this kind of thing all the time. Make sure you know what you've got before you assume its one diagnosis and give up on sex for a lifetime. There are new medications out there, especially meds to help with vaginal pain because of menopause.

[Clydesdale Epona]

Hiya Antsyvee,
I'm going away for Christmas but in the summer time when I come back I'll see if i can get an appointment with a female gp and move on there, my biggest problem is telling my partner because i can't seem to find the right time, i'm visiting him for Christmas so i'm not sure whether to tell him through text or leave till we're in person.
The treatment is effective it can just last months to a year or two and i don't want to have to put him through that you know?

I really appreciate the support :) x

[AntsyVee]

Yeah, I get it, but that’s what being a partner to someone is all about. What if you had another illness that made sex not an option? There are other things you can do sexually while you undergo treatment. Personally, I’d rather take the time away from it to have my partner get treatment and enjoy it afterwards than never enjoy it.

[Clydesdale Epona]

You are absolutely right :)
I talked to him briefly about it this morning and i'm going to hopefully get support when I visit him during the holidays and he wants to go with me when I seek help x

Thanks for the continued support I really appreciate it :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I get it, but that’s what being a partner to someone is all about. What if you had another illness that made sex not an option? There are other things you can do sexually while you undergo treatment. Personally, I’d rather take the time away from it to have my partner get treatment and enjoy it afterwards than never enjoy it.

Ignorant bloke stepping in for a moment, please be gentle :sofa:

Years ago I had a mate at work who's GF couldn't have vaginal penetrative sex because of something she experienced earlier in life (she had surgery for it, I'm not going to mention it because it's irrelevant to the OP's worries) and it left her in pain during sex from scaring.

They were a long term committed couple and stayed that way. Life just served them a kick in the nuts and they were forced to work around it. It did get him down at times and a chat sorted it out but he loved her and that's what kept them together.

You've tried all these things so in his mind I expect he has questions too. You are already trying to work around it together so it being out in the open is a next step and I agree with Vee on this, it's what being a couple should be about. If you are in long term relationship that old marriage vow "in sickness and in health" is automatic to your situation because you love each other and I'm sure you would want to support him and rather be not keep any upset inside himself? It might even help him because he might wonder about his role in this?

And now.. I run like lightning from a women's issues thread like the scared amateur I am! :blush:

[Clydesdale Epona]

Thanks Terry I really do appreciate it!
I'm not going to come after you because I really appreciate a males perspective and basically any help I can get :roflmao:
I don't seem to have any trouble talking about it which is why I can tell its not through embarrassment, I think I'm just not at a place to talk about it to people I know because or a GP because I don't want it to be real, as its psychological I feel i'm letting him down with it even though its curable, i'm talking to him about it now and its going well :)