incunables
27-11-17, 18:13
I have a growth on my tonsil that I've always had. It has started changing over the last week, and is now bright red at the end with a tiny white patch. That, combined with a lump in my throat feeling, has me convinced it's cancer (obviously). Now, I have never been right about any of my self-diagnosis. I don't have leukemia, MS, brain cancer, Parkinson's, malaria, etc., so I'm trying to give the spots time to heal and not to panic about this, but it's really, really hard. I've gotten better about dealing with symptoms that could be mental, but anxiety doesn't cause red and white spots on polyp, so I can't dismiss it as just me. I'm terrified to go to the doctor because of what they might tell me, but I'm also terrified of letting myself stay here and Google all afternoon. I went for a run last night, and am supposed to have class in a couple of hours, if I can make myself leave Dr. Google and actually go. I'm then meeting someone at the gym tonight. Those things are really good for me, but right now they're not enough. I'm trying to resist this spiral, but it's sucking me in and I'm not sure what to do. What works for you when you're right on the brink? The hole I'm staring into is just so dark, and I want to avoid it if I can.