Messy
28-11-17, 08:06
Hi,
To cut a long story short, back in the summer we had a miscarriage after quite a complicated and difficult time trying to get pregnant. It was awful for all of us, and for my wife especially, she was heartbroken. Still is. Luckily we have a great family around us who have made things easier, but I don't think either of us realised just how horrible something like that is.
My wife started to panic massively about her health. Immediately in the aftermath of the miscarriage she started having panic attacks and losing her breath, and became convinced that she had a blood clot which was causing her breathlessness, so we got into what felt like a neverending cycle of trips to the doctors, the walk in centre and then to A&E where they ran test after test and kept telling her she was fine and it was anxiety. It took its toll on me as well, will never forget how horrific it felt to have to run home from work after getting a call from my mother in law saying they'd rushed her into A&E.
She never believed the doctors who were telling her she was ok. She kept saying that there was something 'not right' and for all we all tried to tell her that it was part of the natural process, she never believed it and the trips to the doctor, worries about her health just seemed to grow and grow.
Now five months on, we're still there. Blood clot, DVT, pains that she thought were something sinister, now strange periods where she has her usual period then continues spotting for a few days, stops, then starts again - which now she thinks means she has cervical cancer.
To be honest, I've started really struggling with this. Last night we had an argument about it and I feel bad because I know I SHOULD be supporting her and being calm, rational - but my problem is that I'm the same. I catastrophise things, feel stress symptoms like palpitations etc and I'm feeling like I can't deal with it. I'm starting to feel myself blaming her for making me feel like I am, too. I feel like much more of this and I'm going to collapse in a heap. I feel like ever since it happened, I've been day to day living terrified about her. What if there is something wrong? What if she's right? What if the doctors are wrong? What if she's not there anymore? But I feel this anger inside me, that I've never been able to cope with the actual miscarriage - I don't even think about it really, just her, how much I love her and how sick I am of her not accepting that every doctor says she's fine and constantly finding new ailments to obsess over. I just want us to start recovering but it seems every time I think that's starting to happen, something new comes up and we're waiting on more tests or another trip to the walk-in centre, or something. And after months of it, it's getting too much and putting a strain on everything.
To be honest, partly I just wanted to type this out for my own sanity, but it would be interesting to hear if anyone else has any experience of this. :)
To cut a long story short, back in the summer we had a miscarriage after quite a complicated and difficult time trying to get pregnant. It was awful for all of us, and for my wife especially, she was heartbroken. Still is. Luckily we have a great family around us who have made things easier, but I don't think either of us realised just how horrible something like that is.
My wife started to panic massively about her health. Immediately in the aftermath of the miscarriage she started having panic attacks and losing her breath, and became convinced that she had a blood clot which was causing her breathlessness, so we got into what felt like a neverending cycle of trips to the doctors, the walk in centre and then to A&E where they ran test after test and kept telling her she was fine and it was anxiety. It took its toll on me as well, will never forget how horrific it felt to have to run home from work after getting a call from my mother in law saying they'd rushed her into A&E.
She never believed the doctors who were telling her she was ok. She kept saying that there was something 'not right' and for all we all tried to tell her that it was part of the natural process, she never believed it and the trips to the doctor, worries about her health just seemed to grow and grow.
Now five months on, we're still there. Blood clot, DVT, pains that she thought were something sinister, now strange periods where she has her usual period then continues spotting for a few days, stops, then starts again - which now she thinks means she has cervical cancer.
To be honest, I've started really struggling with this. Last night we had an argument about it and I feel bad because I know I SHOULD be supporting her and being calm, rational - but my problem is that I'm the same. I catastrophise things, feel stress symptoms like palpitations etc and I'm feeling like I can't deal with it. I'm starting to feel myself blaming her for making me feel like I am, too. I feel like much more of this and I'm going to collapse in a heap. I feel like ever since it happened, I've been day to day living terrified about her. What if there is something wrong? What if she's right? What if the doctors are wrong? What if she's not there anymore? But I feel this anger inside me, that I've never been able to cope with the actual miscarriage - I don't even think about it really, just her, how much I love her and how sick I am of her not accepting that every doctor says she's fine and constantly finding new ailments to obsess over. I just want us to start recovering but it seems every time I think that's starting to happen, something new comes up and we're waiting on more tests or another trip to the walk-in centre, or something. And after months of it, it's getting too much and putting a strain on everything.
To be honest, partly I just wanted to type this out for my own sanity, but it would be interesting to hear if anyone else has any experience of this. :)