Really thought I was better..

[sdoxo]

So it's been a while since I've posted in here, and I thought things were going really well. Obviously not since I'm back here lol. I got married at the end of October, and I think that's why I've been okay. I've had so much going on with the wedding, honeymoon and my school I haven't had time to be anxious. But now that all has settled and I feel it all coming back.

My worst days are the days that my husband isn't home, which is a few times every week. When he's home he takes my mind off of all the negative.

But right now I'm fixated on our daughter. She is 6. For the past almost year I have been dealing with her lymph nodes. She has them in the front and the back of her neck. Now she has been sick on and off but when she's not sick they are still there. I know they can stay for a while sometimes. But my irrational brain is thinking well what if I just look over it and she has something mmore sinister going on. I would never forgive myself.

I know it's crazy but I just can't shake it..

[lofwyr]

My son, when he was 8, got englarged nodes on the back of his neck. They stayed that way for four years! It drove me nuts, but they are gone now, and he is a strapping 19 year old who is healthy as can be.

[sdoxo]

Oh man! Four years is a very long time lol. I think a lot of my anxiety stems from her uncle. My husband's brother had neuroblastoma when he was 4 then again when he was 16, and passed from it. I think that is just always in the back of my head.

[Mindphaser]

Yeah I have the similar situation with my HA. I've just cured my HA about testicular cancer, had some good days and then suddenly my mind reminded me i have a lump on my back (probably for a long time, but the more I'm obsessed with it, the less I'm sure), went to dermatologist, she said 99% benign hemangioma. But I just can't believe her, it's like my mind doesn't allow me. I've read some shit on the google that nodular melanoma is similar to it, and just cant get it out of my mind. I'm going to surgeon on thursday to cut it out but then it's gonna be hell of a waiting for results. My dermatologist says that excision is unnecessary but I can do it to calm down my anxiety. My life is a rubble lately. Sometimes i wanna just scream and cry.

[lofwyr]

Very sorry to hear about your husband's brother. Things like that always sit in the back of the mind. I lost a friend unusually young to colon cancer, and it sat with me for a long time.

But we drive on. I would urge you to take your daughter in if you think there is an issue, always better to be safe than sorry. But I did that with my son, and pushed to see a specialist, an endocrinologist. The Doctor looked at the swollen glands, and very brusquely asked me why I was even there? He was rude, but he was right. I made it happen, I obsessed over it for years, and finally in the end, I was wrong, and the three doctors who had looked at him were right.

Be well, and love your girl, but don't obsess over it. They pick up on more than you realize.

[sdoxo]

I know you are right, just the irrational brain taking over the rational part. I took her to the doctor about them soon after they showed up and then again a few months later bc they were still there. Neither doctor seemed concerned so I just left it at that.

It's hard to put your anxiety on the back burner when it comes to your children. I keep my anxiety hidden very well from her. I usually only check them when she's sleeping. I haven't messed with them in a few weeks just bc I know it fuels my anxiety if they are still there.

Thanks for your reply, it's always good to know you're not the only one :)