Mature - Embarrassing issue, serious cause?

[raizorpoke]

So, I managed to get a shot at sex yesterday and I heavily embarrassed myself. Im 21 and legit couldn't maintain an erection with a condom on, I was also slightly tipsy and was very nervous as the person I made out with is in my accommodation so I was and am worried about reactions and getting caught.

Could any of this cause my pathetic inability to keep an erection. She's cute and I really like her but the second I need to go get a condom my erection just goes limp. This has probably ruined my chances and idk how I can improve on this.

Or if there Is a serious issue behind it. I was very anxious as well.

[tmckenzie-orr]

Haha I know the feeling when I was younger always used to get that problem so just stopped wearing them ha ha , seriously though it’s a off put for many people , plus if you over think and focus on hating the condom you will go limp,

[raizorpoke]

In this instance she wanted me to have a condom on, I could go without but she asked me to stop so I did. Idk what's wrong with me. It's probably one of the most embarrassing possible things to happen.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Alcohol is a good culprit as is feeling pressure to perform.

To be honest, if she doesn't want you just because of this, she's not worth it anyway. Women have their own performance problems and for any partner to ditch them just over one of these things that happens, they are either pretyy intolerant or just after a quickie anyway.

Very embarrassing no matter what side you are on with performance problems but also sadly common with mental health...been there and, sadly, Not done that/her! :doh:

[Annaboodle]

Booze can be a culprit. If it was me and I liked the person I wouldn't care about this kind of thing. I'd also be quietly impressed by any bloke who voluntarily uses a condom (rarer than you think). Most people are decent, and I doubt very much she'd say anything to anyone else. I don't actually think that women talk about their sex lives in detail as much as some people think.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't actually think that women talk about their sex lives in detail as much as some people think.

What???!!! All this Sex & The City and Loose Women on the TV and it's all a lie?! :D

Katie Price talks enough about her bedroom antics (car park, park bench, bus stop, or any other place she's been "at it") for the rest of us! :winks:

[raizorpoke]

I like the person and everything and this is why I am embarrased. This is literally the first time (and potentially) only intimate encounter and I blew it.

Just the fact I couldn't do the best for her. I still provided in ways I still could and she seemed to like it but I would have felt way better for her sake if I could do everything. Makes me feel like less of a person.

I was really anxious about the whole experience as well as there was a constant ~"getting caught" mentality in my mind which idk if that can affect it.

[swgrl09]

Aw don't beat yourself up over this, I'm sure it happens to tons of guys but nobody talks about it. I agree that alcohol can be a contributing factor for sure. Also for what it's worth - I was with a guy and this happened a few times when we were first together. Guess what? I married him. It was really no big deal. If she's worth it, she will look past it.

Also make sure you are using the right size condom and putting it on the right way.

[raizorpoke]

I feel like it was the thought of it happening so unexpectedly and having to rummage around, find the right way etc. That and the anxiety. I just feel like something is really wrong with me.

She is a very sweet girl and everything too.

[Annaboodle]

What???!!! All this Sex & The City and Loose Women on the TV and it's all a lie?! :D

Katie Price talks enough about her bedroom antics (car park, park bench, bus stop, or any other place she's been "at it") for the rest of us! :winks:

Well obvs Katie Price - that's all true. And us girls 'n pillow fights.

[MyNameIsTerry]

You want to do your best but one thing you will certainly learn in life is that without the other person prompting you into what they like, there is a fair bit of guesswork going on. Your partner has the same thoughts & worries. Whether you really do all you can is something to learn about from each other over time. It's probably only in porn movies that everyone is screaming the house down every time...not that I would know about those! :blush::winks::whistles:

Sounds like maybe some performance anxiety here. That can certainly cause such problems.

---------- Post added at 02:46 ---------- Previous post was at 02:45 ----------


Aw don't beat yourself up over this, I'm sure it happens to tons of guys but nobody talks about it. I agree that alcohol can be a contributing factor for sure. Also for what it's worth - I was with a guy and this happened a few times when we were first together. Guess what? I married him. It was really no big deal. If she's worth it, she will look past it.

Also make sure you are using the right size condom and putting it on the right way.

Yes, don't do like I did and pull out a banana to put it on. :D

[Brunette]

Next time have the condom ready. I'd also suggest getting her to put it on you, then you don't have to stop and think about it.

[Ben1989]

Mate, been there. When I was super nervous the equipment failed me.

The added anti-climax of a condom just adds to that. I have a friend who fancied the hell out of this girl we used to go to school with. When it came down to it he had the exact same issue. He was just too nervous.

Also, alcohol writes me off! haha

---------- Post added at 15:17 ---------- Previous post was at 15:16 ----------

There's a lot of pressure on the lad to perform