Caseyg89
30-11-17, 20:41
Hi everyone!
It has been a while since I posted on here. I ended up being induced and had my baby at 41 weeks. He was 8 pounds 7 ounces and unfortunately caused me some significant tearing. For the first few days, I had relatively low health anxiety. This past week it came back. I have had HA since January, feared over 14 different types of cancers and have had 2 endoscopes, 2 colonoscopies, an abdominal MRI, chest x-ray, chest CT scan, 8 ultrasounds, 3 occult blood tests and many other blood tests. I have OCD which is severe. Any of the duplicate tests I went through was because I didn't believe the first. I have been fearing stomach cancer for about 10 months and had two endoscopes. As always, the reassurance is so temporary. I finally saw the GI thus week for the results of the biopsies and she told me that all came back great. She told me she would have seen stomach cancer, but I can't seem to believe it. I am still having some symptoms which can be seen in stomach cancer, so I fear that it was missed by 2 endoscopes. I have had two sessions with a psychologist for severe OC D and I wanted to share some of the key points with you.
1. Reassurance seeking feeds the beast. As much as we love it, it does not do any help. At what point has seeking repeated reassurance gotten anyone over health anxiety? I don't reassurance seek from family, friends etc, but I am addicted to reassurance seeking through medical tests. The high I feel when I am told it is not my biggest fear makes it a habit and addictive. When we seek reassurance, we negatively reinforce the behaviour so that we need more of it. For me, reassurance from my GP was originally enough, then I was okay with non-invasive tests, then I needed thorough tests. Not one of these attempts to reassurance seek has gotten me over my HA.
2. We need to learn to tolerate uncertainty. This is especially true if you have OCD, like myself. One thing individuals with HA really struggle with is uncertainty. Our health, medical tests and doctors are never and will never be a 100% guarantee. This causes me so much stress. The number of times I have asked a doctor for 100% guarantee this is not cancer is ridiculous. This is my personal biggest struggle. This is why fo me, two endoscopes with biopsies have not "proven" to me that I do not have stomach cancer. There is no certainty, but I need to learn to be okay with "pretty damn unlikely". For example, statistically 5 in a million people my age get stomach cancer, with this, I need to also take into account risk factors, which I do not have, so this reduces the likelihood, I also do not have the red flag symptoms but instead symptoms that are more ambiguous, I have not had serious progression over the past 10 months (which would likely be expected), I have also had two endoscopes come back with no indication (and endoscopes are the main method of diagnosis) and none of the other tests I have had have shown anything suspicious either. Now even with all of this information, there is no 100% certainty. Highly unlikely and I need to learn to recognize this.
3. Google, "thinking traps" and the "OCD cycle". Understnad what thinking traps you use when you start worrying. I am notorious for catastrophising. I am now trying to identify this when I start worrying about a symptom that I typically catastrophise symptoms and that I need to think more logically.
4. Take a look at the CBT resources that many people on here post about and share. My psychologist has me writing out "evidence that supports my fear", "evidence that contradicts my fear' and a more balanced statement. For example: evidence that supports my fear- I have some symptoms that can be seen in stomach cancer. evidence that contradicts- my symptoms can be seen with many other, more likely conditions and my doctors have tested me and told me it's not cancer. More balanced thought will contain the two parts and could be put on a cue card as a reminder.
5. All safety seeking behaviour needs to stop. This includes body checking, test seeking, doctor shopping, googling, reassurance seeking etc,
Hope this can help some of you!!
It has been a while since I posted on here. I ended up being induced and had my baby at 41 weeks. He was 8 pounds 7 ounces and unfortunately caused me some significant tearing. For the first few days, I had relatively low health anxiety. This past week it came back. I have had HA since January, feared over 14 different types of cancers and have had 2 endoscopes, 2 colonoscopies, an abdominal MRI, chest x-ray, chest CT scan, 8 ultrasounds, 3 occult blood tests and many other blood tests. I have OCD which is severe. Any of the duplicate tests I went through was because I didn't believe the first. I have been fearing stomach cancer for about 10 months and had two endoscopes. As always, the reassurance is so temporary. I finally saw the GI thus week for the results of the biopsies and she told me that all came back great. She told me she would have seen stomach cancer, but I can't seem to believe it. I am still having some symptoms which can be seen in stomach cancer, so I fear that it was missed by 2 endoscopes. I have had two sessions with a psychologist for severe OC D and I wanted to share some of the key points with you.
1. Reassurance seeking feeds the beast. As much as we love it, it does not do any help. At what point has seeking repeated reassurance gotten anyone over health anxiety? I don't reassurance seek from family, friends etc, but I am addicted to reassurance seeking through medical tests. The high I feel when I am told it is not my biggest fear makes it a habit and addictive. When we seek reassurance, we negatively reinforce the behaviour so that we need more of it. For me, reassurance from my GP was originally enough, then I was okay with non-invasive tests, then I needed thorough tests. Not one of these attempts to reassurance seek has gotten me over my HA.
2. We need to learn to tolerate uncertainty. This is especially true if you have OCD, like myself. One thing individuals with HA really struggle with is uncertainty. Our health, medical tests and doctors are never and will never be a 100% guarantee. This causes me so much stress. The number of times I have asked a doctor for 100% guarantee this is not cancer is ridiculous. This is my personal biggest struggle. This is why fo me, two endoscopes with biopsies have not "proven" to me that I do not have stomach cancer. There is no certainty, but I need to learn to be okay with "pretty damn unlikely". For example, statistically 5 in a million people my age get stomach cancer, with this, I need to also take into account risk factors, which I do not have, so this reduces the likelihood, I also do not have the red flag symptoms but instead symptoms that are more ambiguous, I have not had serious progression over the past 10 months (which would likely be expected), I have also had two endoscopes come back with no indication (and endoscopes are the main method of diagnosis) and none of the other tests I have had have shown anything suspicious either. Now even with all of this information, there is no 100% certainty. Highly unlikely and I need to learn to recognize this.
3. Google, "thinking traps" and the "OCD cycle". Understnad what thinking traps you use when you start worrying. I am notorious for catastrophising. I am now trying to identify this when I start worrying about a symptom that I typically catastrophise symptoms and that I need to think more logically.
4. Take a look at the CBT resources that many people on here post about and share. My psychologist has me writing out "evidence that supports my fear", "evidence that contradicts my fear' and a more balanced statement. For example: evidence that supports my fear- I have some symptoms that can be seen in stomach cancer. evidence that contradicts- my symptoms can be seen with many other, more likely conditions and my doctors have tested me and told me it's not cancer. More balanced thought will contain the two parts and could be put on a cue card as a reminder.
5. All safety seeking behaviour needs to stop. This includes body checking, test seeking, doctor shopping, googling, reassurance seeking etc,
Hope this can help some of you!!