Doing Well Until Today

[MarkyMark88]

I have been doing well mentally since the last time I posted on here, which was about three weeks to a month ago. I have been happy, keeping busy with friends and activities. I decided to kick my SSRIs and buspirone for the time being until I see my therapist and see what she recommends. (I had really not noticed any mental differences while I was on them except for their side effects.)

Unfortunately, out of nowhere this morning on my 25 min commute to work I experienced three bouts of head rushes accompanied by a strained eyes feeling and butterflies in my stomach. Heart rate slightly had elevated. My breathing felt off and when I got to work I started getting chills and shakes. Fears of underlying conditions again have been running through my head. I took a clonazepam and have been chugging water since arriving to work. I have since calmed a bit by doing a session on the Simple Habit app and have been listening to some Dutch Baroque music.

Why did this happen again??? I have been happy and less worried about health issues. I thought maybe I was FINALLY recovering. Head rushes are some of the scariest out of the blue symptoms I get. It just doesn't make sense and now I feel as though after taking two steps forward I've taken three back just within this morning. Very discouraging.

[ankietyjoe]

File it under 'shit happens' and carry on with your recovery. There is no easy answer to 'why'. Recovery is never linear.

The mantra 'I know this will pass' usually helps me a lot.

[MarkyMark88]

Yes! Thank you Joe. I like both of those mantras.

[ankietyjoe]

I don't really suffer from panic attacks as such any more, although certain situations will cause me to have anxiety.

I used meditation and mantras etc to overcome the worst initial causes of panic and anxiety. Before that, the perpetual triggers would be constant, and a bad day would inevitably turn into a bad week etc etc.

Now I have seen the other side of recovery, it's much easier to rationalise.

For example, I've had a really, really nasty infection this last month (chest, sinus and ear all at the same time) resulting in me having to take antibiotics. For whatever reason, my body decided that the antibiotics were a problem and I had severe, severe anxiety for 3 days or so. Constant adrenaline spikes. Could not sleep a wink and my appetite was killed dead. Knowing that it would eventually pass though, meant I could ride it out, and instead of the fallout lasting weeks, only a few days later I let it go.

It took me a long, long time to realise that I COULD just let things go, but once you do it's a powerful tool.

I don't see recovery as a lack of symptoms, rather a lack of attention given to one crappy day.

Good luck dude.