Rebecca_12
05-12-17, 20:16
Hi All,
I'm Rebecca and as my post suggests, I'm new to the site. I decided to take some action today in the form of joining NMP as - like we all do - i have reached a place where i just cannot go on with the thinking that i have around my health.
The health anxiety i experience today has become more noticeable in the past 18 months, there has been no specific trigger - i think its always been there i have just thought it's normal and also normal not to trust what your doctor says... i have always felt it was my own responsibility to make sure i'm 'OK' becos the doctors are incompetent and were basically a means to end to get some tests done or for me to get a referral to see a specialist.
Rewind 18 months ago, my boyfriend and I were trying to get pregnant, i went to the doctors becos nothing was happening and i was convinced that I couldn't get pregnant and that i had PCOS (or something) despite not having the typical physical symptoms. My doctor said to me that he doesn't think i have pcos and off i toddled unsatisfied with not being diagnosed with something and feeling 'fobbed off'....cue private consultation. Had my private appointment - mentioned pcos to him, he also wasn't concerned, had the scan - low and behold i had polycystic ovaries (not the same as full blown PCOS but it was good enough for me) so in this moment, it was reinforced to me that not only the doctors were wrong and could potentially be wrong in future, but that in future i would not accept any thing but hard evidence in the form of scans, bloods, consultations with specialists to relay my amounting fears of various conditions and that the inevitable demise of my health was my own responsibility...bit dramatic, no? Since then i have multiple scans on my ovaries ( looking for ovarian cancer) found a cyst on one of them - weekend ruined! Scans on my boobs, CT scan for a cyst on my eye, i couldn't tell you the number of blood tests or consultations i have had, appointments with NDT specialists ( thought i could have tonsil cancer - i don't just a hell of a lot of plaque causing my gum to bleed) the list goes on...yet find it hard to get to the gym to quell my anxiety and feel a little more like i can cope :shrug:
So - i have 2 appointments on Thursday, one to check a mole (im not sure its a mole, im just guessing) as im worried its skin cancer and the second for my boobs (again) to check for, wait for it....breast cancer. Its utter madness but its a cycle that i am well and truly stuck in. Not to mention quite a lonely one. It's like i feel a overwhelming need to control everything - uncontrollable things - but in the process i'm losing the plot! And i feel like depression could be around the corner if i dont take this by the horns. Has anyone found that therapy or CBT helps?
I hope your evenings are going well. Just wanted to share a little bit of my story with you all :)
Thanks for reading,
Rebecca x
I'm Rebecca and as my post suggests, I'm new to the site. I decided to take some action today in the form of joining NMP as - like we all do - i have reached a place where i just cannot go on with the thinking that i have around my health.
The health anxiety i experience today has become more noticeable in the past 18 months, there has been no specific trigger - i think its always been there i have just thought it's normal and also normal not to trust what your doctor says... i have always felt it was my own responsibility to make sure i'm 'OK' becos the doctors are incompetent and were basically a means to end to get some tests done or for me to get a referral to see a specialist.
Rewind 18 months ago, my boyfriend and I were trying to get pregnant, i went to the doctors becos nothing was happening and i was convinced that I couldn't get pregnant and that i had PCOS (or something) despite not having the typical physical symptoms. My doctor said to me that he doesn't think i have pcos and off i toddled unsatisfied with not being diagnosed with something and feeling 'fobbed off'....cue private consultation. Had my private appointment - mentioned pcos to him, he also wasn't concerned, had the scan - low and behold i had polycystic ovaries (not the same as full blown PCOS but it was good enough for me) so in this moment, it was reinforced to me that not only the doctors were wrong and could potentially be wrong in future, but that in future i would not accept any thing but hard evidence in the form of scans, bloods, consultations with specialists to relay my amounting fears of various conditions and that the inevitable demise of my health was my own responsibility...bit dramatic, no? Since then i have multiple scans on my ovaries ( looking for ovarian cancer) found a cyst on one of them - weekend ruined! Scans on my boobs, CT scan for a cyst on my eye, i couldn't tell you the number of blood tests or consultations i have had, appointments with NDT specialists ( thought i could have tonsil cancer - i don't just a hell of a lot of plaque causing my gum to bleed) the list goes on...yet find it hard to get to the gym to quell my anxiety and feel a little more like i can cope :shrug:
So - i have 2 appointments on Thursday, one to check a mole (im not sure its a mole, im just guessing) as im worried its skin cancer and the second for my boobs (again) to check for, wait for it....breast cancer. Its utter madness but its a cycle that i am well and truly stuck in. Not to mention quite a lonely one. It's like i feel a overwhelming need to control everything - uncontrollable things - but in the process i'm losing the plot! And i feel like depression could be around the corner if i dont take this by the horns. Has anyone found that therapy or CBT helps?
I hope your evenings are going well. Just wanted to share a little bit of my story with you all :)
Thanks for reading,
Rebecca x