View Full Version : All by myself :(
hello everyone,
As some of you know, Edward left on his 4 week holiday today. I can't believe how fast time went and that he is gone already!! I spent the day in classes with a mate so was feeling pretty ok about the whole situation then but now that I'm home, I'm feeling very anxious, and I have only been home 30 min!! I just feel so insecure by myself. Even the cat seems sad and is sulking on Ed's seat. :(
I have made some plans to see some mates tomorrow so I know that I will be ok then but it's the idea of being alone in the evenings that really gets to me the most. My mum is coming to stay with me next Thursday and, at first, I was a little skeptical about her coming to stay as we don't always see eye to eye. But now, I am SO happy about her coming as ANYTHING is better than being home alone.
I thought that writing it down might help me feel more positive about it. Thanks for listening!
Sarah
Hi Hon
I will try and pop over to see you aswell, it must be really hard for you when you are used to been on your own, but dont forget i am not far away if you need me.
Will talk to you later.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hey Sarah,
We're all around at various times and can ring you if you want some instant company..
Meg
Hi Sarah
Cheer up chuck, before you know it he'll be back. My husband spends a lot of time away and the joy of when he comes back is sooooo gooood!!
Keep positive, we are all here for you
Elaine xxx
hi Sal, Meg and Lainey,
Thank you very much for your replies. I already don't feel so alone.
Sal - it would be great to see you!! Let me know when you are free, ok?
Meg - I might take you up on that offer if things get bad.
Thanks!!
Sarah :D
I could send you a couple of teenagers over to keep you company, Sarah! ;)
Kate x
Awwww sarah I realy feel forypu, My wife went to a funral up north and was gone for 2 nights. I had 2 kids left with me Kelly 19 and christopher 17, but it was horrible as i was at one of my panic states. and as u say even the dog was down and lost I think animals miss people more than us? the worst time was going to bed alone (without drink) that used to help. Strange isnt it I used to love time alone at one time but I guess when you get realy close to someone you realy miss them bad when they are away. Even if my wife is above an hour shopping in town i phone her lol. take care sarah you will be ok when mum comes, then your week in Paris it will soon go. tc vernon
nomorepanic
01-12-04, 20:14
Sarah
I am more than happy to call you at night if you want a chat [:P]
We will be here for you and don't forget the chat room if you get very lonely.
Plan to do something each evening as that is when you will feel the most lonely.
A big test for you eh?
Nicola
Thank you all for your replies!!
lol Kate - I'm not sure if I'm quite THAT desperate yet!!
Vern - you are so right. Animals miss people as much as we do! Poor Jim hasn't left Ed's seat all day - he hasn't even attacked my dinner yet!!
Nic - I might have to take you up on that offer. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks for the support!!
Sarah :D
wow sarah i forgot ed does all the cooking, no wonder poor pussy dont want to eat your cooking? and how are u gonna have your nightly horlicks he he
Hi Sarah
I know how much you will miss Ed but we are all here for you.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
VERY FUNNY Vern!! :D He taught me how to make Horlicks last night but he left me no food...I guess I'll have to get takeaways - what a shame!! LOL
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Will come over 2moro nite is you are in and we can go to Sainsburys and get you some food in that even you can cook. Aidy is coming over tomorrow so will be dropping him of at work at about 7.30 pm if you want me to call.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello everyone,
Well, things are going OK I guess. I had a friend over on Thursday night which was good fun. We put my tree up and some other Christmas decorations.
I went to the Christmas festival in Durham today with a friend and had a really good time but now that I'm home alone again, I'm feeling really anxious. :( No matter what I do, I can't get the panicky feelings out of my head. The cat is sick as well, don't know why, so am having to deal with him as well. He's a darling and I love him but he is just making me feel even more anxious.
God, I HATE being alone and I'm so mad at myself for not coping very well...
Sarah
Hi Sarah, you are doing just fine, poor puss is fed up as well eh? give him water to drink, see how he goes,i am home alone most nights, hubby works nights, not the same, i know, but as soon as he drives of in his black cab (and i don't want any jokes about london taxi drivers) i feel very alone and the panic feelings set in, i have got kids but they all have their lives to lead thank gooness so i'm basically by myself, gosh i do go on don't i? nyway when he drives off into the sunset firstly i switch my computor on, secondly the tv or my music goes on, lots of lights go on, i get my bed ready for later radio, lamps etc..lots of distractions to make me feel cosy, i go to different websites, i listen to different music, phone anyone who will have me, when does your mum arrive, have you got any christmas shopping yet, if not write lots of lists, plan for your partners return, deep breathes, hot drinks, listen to me, wise old owl, i think not, but get cuddled up with a book and maybe pussy? keep in touch
Hi Sarah
You are doing well Sarah. Remember we are here for you. I'm sorry about Jim but these things always seem worse when we're not feeling our best.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sarah
So sorry about Friday night, wish i could have been there for you but i let it all get to me.
Looking forward to tomorrow as long as Sam is okay but if she isnt feeling too well maybe we could just stay at yours although i am sure she would like to go into Durham.
If we say about 1 that should be fine with us and then take my car and go into town. If really busy we could park at the prison and walk down.
Sounds horrible but if Sam isnt too well tomorrow we will still come over to yours to see how you are doing if okay.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello everyone,
Thank you very much for your replies!! After feeling very panicky yesterday afternoon, I did manage to calm myself down and distract myself. I just wish that I could do it the whole time!!
My poor little cat hasn't been able to eat since yesterday afternoon as he was ill and I'm scared to feed him now in case he's sick again and I have to take him to the vet. I just hope it all works out...
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Well done for calming yourself down and distracting yourself. You know you can do it if you get panicky again.
I'm sorry about Jim. I hope it goes ok at the vets. Cats do pick up minor bugs or infections sometimes, mine do too. I'm sure he will be fine. The vets usually say to keep the on fluids only for 24 hours and then try something light, like chicken or fish.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sarah
hope Jim has picked up a bit.
Sorry didnt get over today as would have liked to go to the Christmas Market in Durham, but think i did the best thing keeping Sam inside all day.
She looks a lot better than she did earlier on today and is now having a hot bath. Cant really afford for her to be off school tomorrow, but if she is ill i know i will have to but that will just add fuel to the fire with my boss and i dont want her to have any reason to have a go at me. Its really bad when you feel like you cant take time of to look after your child because you boss will hold it against you.
Hope you are doing okay hon and the service at church was good.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello everyone,
Sal & Karen - thanks for your posts!
Well, I've had quite an ok day today. I met up with a friend in town and walked around the Christmas market. Shopping always takes my mind off things lol. I have decided to just throw myself into the whole Christmas thing and just go crazy. My whole flat is flashing due to all the lights I have put up and Ed is going to have so many presents that they won't all fit under the tree. All in all, quite a good day. Just hope that I can keep the positive aura up whilst home alone this evening...
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
05-12-04, 19:46
Sarah
You are doing so well so don't give in ok.
Watch TV, come on site, chat room etc and keep distracted.
Maybe you could write something for the site if you feel up to it. Keep you busy anyway lol.
x
Nicola
hi Nic,
Thanks for the support!! I would be up for writing something for the site. What kind of thing were you thinking of?
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
05-12-04, 20:13
Sarah
Meg and I are working on a Relaxation page - sleep, massage, aromatherapy that sort of thing. We are very slow in starting lol (well I am anyway).
If there is anything you can think of that the site needs then let us know and you can write it and get the credit of course.
Nicola
Hi Sarah
Pleased you had a good day, i bet the Christmas Market was really good in durham.
Thanks for offering to have Sam, i am hoping she will be a lot better in the morning but will call you if she isnt. Have already told my child minder that she isnt too well so she is prepared. Not sure what time i will finish work but will call you when i come out and call round for a cuppa if thats okay with you.
See you tomorrow.
Love Sal xxxxx
that sounds good Sal - see you tomorrow hun. :D
hello everyone,
Well, I had another good day today!! I can't believe that I am coping so well. I took the train to Newcastle, went on the metro (unbelievable for me) and met a friend for a few hours of hardcore shopping. I felt a little panicky whilst on the metro on the way back but, apart from that, I felt fine and had a really good time.
It is a little difficult to come home to an empty flat as I am so used to having Ed waiting for me. I just wish that I knew more people in Durham that I could meet-up with. Oh well, I must admit that things are going a lot better than I expected...
Sarah :D
Well done Sarah.
We are all capable of more then we give ourselves credit for .
Love
Meg
nomorepanic
06-12-04, 21:42
Sarah
Remember that panic sufferers are "hard" people and we cope with all sorts and "just get on with it". Well done you for surviving again. It will get easier.
xx
Nicola
hi Meg and Nic - Thanks for the nice comments!! It really means a lot. :D
Well done Sarah. You are doing so well.
How is Jim?
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hi Karen,
Jim is doing well thanks. I had to starve him for 24 hours and he wasn't impressed but he hasn't been sick again since I started feeding him, which is good. I was dreading having to take him to the vet again. He has been sick 3 times since we have had him (11 weeks). I hope there isn't an underlying problem!!
Sarah :D
hello again everyone,
Well, things were going pretty well but have had a really bad morning. Ed called me this morning from Malaysia in tears. He has had a really bad argument with him mum and older brother and they have said a lot of nasty things to him: that he is useless cos he didn't finish his Masters on time, that there is nothing wrong with him or me, that he shouldn't be on medication and is just making a big fuss, that I use him, etc. I feel so awful about this as maybe if I had gone with him this all wouldn't be happening.
His family doesn't really understand what a 'panic attack' is and seem to think that it is something that Ed and I have made up!! Ed was so upset and he told me that he wants to come home. He said that when he told his mum this, she said "Fine, F**K off then!!" I have told him to calm down and have a think about it and that if he wants to come home, then we will try to change his ticket. Am waiting for him to get back to me.
I now feel that I have done wrong by Ed and that his family think the worse of me. They seem to believe that I'm not in Malaysia because I don't love Ed and because I always put myself first, although really I'm not there because I didn't feel up to such a bit journey so soon...
Why can't things just work out for once??
Sarah :(
Hi Sarah
Sorry you're having a bad day. It's unfortunately the case that a lot of people who have never experienced anxiety or panic can't understand and a lot seem unwilling to even try. The important thing is that you and Ed are both there for each other and help each other through it. I know how hurtful it is when parents don't even try to understand though.
I really don't think you have anything to feel bad about. It is often easier for families to blame the partner when they can't deal with a situation like this. Ed knows it isn't true and you also know that you are with him because you love and care about him, and that is all that matters.
I hope he manages to sort things out with his family when everything calms down a bit, but if not hopefully you can sort his ticket out and you'll be able to spend Christmas together.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hi Karen,
Thank you for your post. Ed has decided to stay in Malaysia though I don't think he has resolved anything with his mum or brother. Hopefully it will have all blown over by tomorrow. You are very right when saying that sometimes parents just don't understand.
I'm a little scared cos Ed says that he is feeling very depressed. The least thing we need is for him to have gone to Malaysia with panic attacks and to come back with depression!!
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
I hope Ed manages to resolve the situation with his mum and brother.
I think it is only natural that he will feel a bit low in this current situation and I don't think there is any need to worry about depression at this stage.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hi Karen,
Thanks for your support!! You have made me feel much better about the situation.
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
07-12-04, 18:46
Sarah
It is hard when the ones closest to us don't understand. My mum in particular openly admits that she can't understand all my issues with driving etc and other members of the family just don't talk about it atall.
She tries to help but her words are not enough sometimes as she just says "well I don't know what to suggest". Sometimes you want more than that don't you.
I hope Ed sorts it out but tell him we are thinking of him and he is not alone out there.
Are you coping ok alone ?
Hope to catch up in chat soon.
Nicola
hi Nic,
I'm just hoping that things will be ok when Ed wakes up in the morning. Hopefully, things will have blown over by then.
I am doing pretty well by myself. I am going to spend the day cleaning the house tomorrow as I know that my mum will expect it to be spotless!!
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
You should have called me at work if you were having such a bad day with all that has happened. I know i couldnt have come to see you but at least we could have talked and maybe that would have helped.
Hope you got my text last night explaining about the disciplinary action that was going on today and the reason why i couldnt have called round but even so you should have rang me.
Hope Ed feels a lot better tomorrow, i can understand you blaming yourself and how he must feel without you.
You really dont need this the both of you and in future just remember been you to together at Christmas is all that counts.
Personally speaking they obviously dont know you by saying you dont care about Ed, as seeing you to together is a match made in heaven.
Love Sal xxxxx
hi Sal,
Thanks for your post. I didn't want to bother you today as I knew you were going to be having such a stressful day at work.
Will you be free to pop around tomorrow?
Sarah :D
hello everyone,
Well, things have been going ok I guess. I got very panicky in bed last night but managed to fall asleep finally. My mum arrives tomorrow evening and am getting very nervous about driving to the airport on the motorway. I hate the motorway!! I have only ever driven on it with Ed in the car but hey, it will be good practice I'm sure.
I am spending the day cleaning the house as I know that my mum will expect it to be spotless - what fun.
Hope you are all well!!
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
I'm sure you'll do fine on the way to the airport, it's all good practice, and I guess having your mum round will be a bonus, something for you to look forward to. You sound positive enough about it anyway.
Ed will be fine too, I'm sure. I mean his parents can't be that bad or he wouldn't have gone all that way to visit them in the first place. Family feuds happen all the time, nothing to worry about, he'll probably be having the time of his life by the end of the week.
Hope it all goes well
mico
Hi Sarah
I'm sure you will be fine driving on the motorway tomorrow. You've been doing so well and it will nice for you to have your mum with you for company.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hello everyone,
Well, I have done so well upto now but am currently feeling terrible. I just feel so alone and keep feeling a panic attack coming on. The head is throbbing, my face is tight and stiff and I just feel sick. I am trying to distract myself like I normally do but it just isn't working...
Sarah
nomorepanic
08-12-04, 21:23
Sarah
Are you worried about the motorway drive?
Try re-reading my coping techniques - here they are ....
You must distract your mind from feeling Panicky and frightened whilst driving as you may feel even more frightened as you're in control of a potentially dangerous piece of machinery. Here are a few coping techniques (believe me they work, no matter how mad they sound):
1) Add up number plates - look at the car in front and add up any numbers on the number plate, try to see what car number plate gives the highest score.
2) Select a colour and start counting the number of cars you can see in that colour.
3) Select a make of care and start counting how many cars of that make pass you.
4) Take the letters in a car number plate and work out an amusing phrase for it.
5) Sing! - put some music on and sing along. If you start singing you will automatically start to breathe correctly and it will also take your mind off the problem. This recently worked for me on a long drive and I started to feel panicky. I turned the music up and sang away - it worked!
6) Talk positively to yourself - e.g. "I've only driven shorter distances recently so it's Ok to feel nervous about this journey. I know I will be fine as I always am fine and the feelings of nervousness cannot harm me and always pass. I know I am a good, safe driver and will in time get to enjoy this journey. If I should feel faint, I know that these sensations will pass and that the sooner I relax , the sooner the faint feeling will pass."
7) Distract yourself and start planning a birthday party for XXXX , now who shall we invite, where shall we go, what games shall we play etc.
8) Plan what to spend a windfall on, DIY projects are all useful too. Ensure you need to think about the details of whatever you think about.
9) Talking books are great especially if you have a favourite subject/ author.
You may need to start this thought replacement long before your journey and may need to try several distraction options out before you find the one that works for you.
Music works well for me and singing but I am suffering a blip at the moment.
If it isn't the driving is it that your mum is coming over?
If you want to call me then let me know and I will give you my mobile number
xx
Nicola
Hi Sarah, i am sorry you are feeling bad right now, mum will be with you tommorow so you will have a bit of a distraction there, i bet your house is spotless eh? maybe the thought of driving tommorow is making you tense, it would me, i can't even get into my car at present, it's been parked outside for 4 months rotting, i suppose it will come in time, i'm just concentrating on trying to get out each day, enough about me, try to eat a little meal tonight, maybe a hot chocolate or something a bit comforting? snuggle up and watch tv or read a magazine or book take care
hello Nic and Carlin,
Thank you very much for your posts!!
I think it's a combination of things that are making me feel panicky: Ed, the driving, my mum coming over as we do not always get along and she can be very stressy, etc. I'm also scared that I'm getting ill as I think I am getting a fever. Oh well, hopefully I'll feel better in the morning...
Sarah
hello everyone,
Well, today is the day I have to drive to the airport!!! I wish my mum's flight were getting in sooner while it was still light out. Oh well...
I'm feeling ok today, a lot better than last night anyway!! Will let you all know how it goes.
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
I'm glad to hear you are feeling better today. I'm sure you will be fine with the drive to the airport.
It's quite often the thought of doing it that is worse than the actual drive. At least that's what I found when I drove to Nic's recently. I was really anxious beforehand, but once I was driving I was fine.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hi Karen,
I hope you are right. I should leave in about an hour but I think I might leave earlier cos the longer I wait, the more nervous I get!! I might just take a book with me and read when I get to the airport early. Silly, huh?
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
You've probably left now, but I don't think it is silly leaving early. I do things like that too, rather than sit at home worrying and waiting for the time to arrive.
I always leave early when I'm going anywhere because I don't like rushing and worrying about being late.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I made it to the airport and back. I felt SO bad on the way there and thought I was going to pass out. I kept feeling a horrible sensation go through my head and thought I was going to have a seizure but I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are now back at home safe and sound. [8D]
Sarah :D
Well done Sarah !!
You are capable of so much . Congratulations
Love
Meg
Well done Sarah.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks guys!! I am really proud of myself at the moment!!
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
10-12-04, 17:37
Sarah
Well done you [^] I know how hard it is so you did great!
Lovely to talk to you last night and thanks for calling to let me know that you did it and you were safe and sound.
Hope you have a lovely time with mum.
Was the drive back a little easier with someone to talk to?
Nicola
Hi Sarah
Well done hon, Im real proud of you. Its one thing to do something when you feel a little off but when you fel awful but still do it...thats a serious acomplishment!!!!!
love Sarah
xx
hi guys,
Thanks a lot for your posts!! Yes Nic, the drive back was a LOT easier. It went to so smoothly and we were home before I knew it. Funny how having someone in the car with you makes such a difference!!
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Know i have texted you to say how well you have done, but through feeling anxious, you went on a motorway, at rush hour and did it. You deserve so much praise for that.
Must admit synical that i am was waiting for your call to take you up to pick your mum up. Knew you could do it but thought you wouldnt push yourself, so i got it wrong completely.
You have done so well, bearing in mind i know the road and how busy it gets especially at the time you went to collect your mum.
You deserve lots of congratulations and just shows how well you are doing mate.
If let it be known i have driven for years but when i feel anxious i wouldnt even atempt that route and the time of day you did.
Love Sal xxxxx
hi Sal,
Thanks for your post hun. To be honest, I was VERY tempted to call you and ask you to take me but I just couldn't let myself do that!! I would have been so disappointed in myself had I done that. Thanks loads for the offer - it was nice to know that I had you to depend on!! Hope to see you soon.
Sarah :D
Hey Sarah
You did it and that is all that counts. You know i would have helped you but you didnt need me, proves how well you are doing.
Knowing the route and traffic i am well proud of you and you should be too hon.
Hope it is going well with youre mum.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
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