gracie1030
08-12-17, 18:48
I know many of you are going to say I need to get diagnosed by a professional. While I know this, I'd like to know if the things I describe sound like OCD behavior.
So, I have always been super obsessive. About bad things, but also about good things too. For example, i got into these youtubers when I was young. I was obessed to an almost pathetic amount. I'd spend almost all day on the computer practically worshipping them, stalking their accounts, writing fan fiction.. I was basically deluded enough to think they were my soulmates.
I have done this with so many topics, but also bad topics. I was a hypochondriac a while ago. I thought I either had heart failiure, arthritis, anemia, or something of the like. I went to the doctor and they said I was fine, but I just thought they didn't take enough tests to find something wrong with me. I obsessively researched the symptoms, as well.
That turned into my obsession with schizophrenia. At first I was just interested in the condition, but then my psychiatrist told me that as a very last resort, if the other meds didn't work they'd give me antiepilectics. I didn't know what that meant and they mysteriously didn't tell me because they thought it would make me anxious. I looked it up and it's another term for antipsychotics.
Only after that was my obsession that i had schizophrenia. It was all I thought about for months on end. When I had hypnagogic hallucinations before I fell asleep I would freak. I got bad tics, felt super crazy, felt depersonalization, couldn't breath, felt paralyzed, and so many other things.
Then I met my boyfriend and things started to get much better. I didn't obsess nearly as much. However, my new obsession was what major I was going to major in. I know it's an important decision, but I was obsessed. I'd research the requirements obsessively, look up job prospects, and I'd spend hours a day doing this. I thought if I chose the wrong major my life would be ruined. It caused excitement about the future, but also fear and much anxiety. Im only a freshman.
Lastly, I have done this forever, but I obsess over what mental disorder I have. I fear that I'm faking everything. I feel guilty. I feel like I'm just making stuff up, but I'm not at the same time. I fear I'm just a lazy piece of shit looking for excuses. That is why I'm writing this long post. I just desperately want an answer. A diagnosis. I don't know why.
So, I have always been super obsessive. About bad things, but also about good things too. For example, i got into these youtubers when I was young. I was obessed to an almost pathetic amount. I'd spend almost all day on the computer practically worshipping them, stalking their accounts, writing fan fiction.. I was basically deluded enough to think they were my soulmates.
I have done this with so many topics, but also bad topics. I was a hypochondriac a while ago. I thought I either had heart failiure, arthritis, anemia, or something of the like. I went to the doctor and they said I was fine, but I just thought they didn't take enough tests to find something wrong with me. I obsessively researched the symptoms, as well.
That turned into my obsession with schizophrenia. At first I was just interested in the condition, but then my psychiatrist told me that as a very last resort, if the other meds didn't work they'd give me antiepilectics. I didn't know what that meant and they mysteriously didn't tell me because they thought it would make me anxious. I looked it up and it's another term for antipsychotics.
Only after that was my obsession that i had schizophrenia. It was all I thought about for months on end. When I had hypnagogic hallucinations before I fell asleep I would freak. I got bad tics, felt super crazy, felt depersonalization, couldn't breath, felt paralyzed, and so many other things.
Then I met my boyfriend and things started to get much better. I didn't obsess nearly as much. However, my new obsession was what major I was going to major in. I know it's an important decision, but I was obsessed. I'd research the requirements obsessively, look up job prospects, and I'd spend hours a day doing this. I thought if I chose the wrong major my life would be ruined. It caused excitement about the future, but also fear and much anxiety. Im only a freshman.
Lastly, I have done this forever, but I obsess over what mental disorder I have. I fear that I'm faking everything. I feel guilty. I feel like I'm just making stuff up, but I'm not at the same time. I fear I'm just a lazy piece of shit looking for excuses. That is why I'm writing this long post. I just desperately want an answer. A diagnosis. I don't know why.