Sepsis fears and terrible health anxiety :(

[snowflake293]

Ok so as well as worrying about this stupid new mole on my arm (which is literally the size of a tiny flea!) I am now worrying I have a deadly infection.

I have a deep cut on my leg that I have had for a week. I went to the hospital to get it seen too and they put butterfly stitches on and told me to see a nurse in a few days to get it checked. Anyway I didn't see the nurse and took the stitches off myself and washed/dressed the wound.

Today the wound looks red round the edges and it still oozing pus. I am so frightened of getting a bad infection and I am scared to go to sleep tonight in case I suddenly get worse. I am terrified. You hear horror stories of people getting awful infections.

To make it worse, and this is the hardest thing for me to type on this forum... the cut is actually more than one cut and its self-inflicted. I know it is a stupid thing to do. I had a problem with hurting myself for years and it got better, but I recently had a breakdown and things have been bad since then. I am doing ok now and have no urges to harm myself in any way at all, but my health anxiety is through the roof.

I was up all night worrying over my new mole and also my leg. I feel so ugly and horrible. I don't know why I do these things to myself, the cutting or torturing myself with these thoughts that I am going to die or I have a deadly illness.

I am back on meds and having CBT next year so I am on the right track but I am just so tired of it.

Going to A&E with a self-inflicted injury was the worse experience of my life. I felt like such a bad person, wasting their precious resources. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but one cut in particular was deep and I didn't want to chance it.

Anyway I just needed to get this out somewhere. I am sorry for posting this but I don't know where else to turn. I am just sat here worrying I am going to pass out and end up being rushed into hospital :(

I have started taking some antibiotics that I had left over from a skin infection earlier this year. They are Flucloxacillin 500mg and I only have 3.5 days worth. I am hoping that will be enough. I know it is stupid and the wrong thing to do but I am really scared of the infection getting worse, but at the same time cause its my own fault I dont deserve to see a dr and waste any more of their time.

So sorry for posting this. I really hope it doesnt upset anyone and if this is the wrong place to talk about this I am happy for it to be deleted.

[tan235]

Hey Snowflake, I cut myself with a knife, (not self inflicted - unless the pumpkin made me do it) - it went deep into the soft tissue of my hand and out the other end, so I have an entrance wound and an exit wound - pretty stupid, it's been two days and I'm panicking because I don't have any inflammation - funny aren't we.
What you're describing is the healing process, it's suppose to be inflamed and it's suppose to be red, plus it's suppose to ooze. IF it's clear, white or even a yellowish colour it's normal. Its when it hurts more, the redness expands, the pus is dark yellow or green and the wound area hurts, - that's an infection.
Self inflicting wounds are hard as you're not going to sterlise the area first or use something clean, you just use whatever will hurt the most. I've done it when I was a teenager and I used belt buckles, glass, what I could find - I stopped when I realised that being kind to myself was far more healing then the pain I felt, as what I wanted with the pain was to heal.
I can't tell you what to do - but I wouldn't take the antibiotics ha ha - but I gather it's too late so take the 3.5 days but probably don't need too - get back to your Dr to get it checked.

[snowflake293]

Hey Snowflake, I cut myself with a knife, (not self inflicted - unless the pumpkin made me do it) - it went deep into the soft tissue of my hand and out the other end, so I have an entrance wound and an exit wound - pretty stupid, it's been two days and I'm panicking because I don't have any inflammation - funny aren't we.
What you're describing is the healing process, it's suppose to be inflamed and it's suppose to be red, plus it's suppose to ooze. IF it's clear, white or even a yellowish colour it's normal. Its when it hurts more, the redness expands, the pus is dark yellow or green and the wound area hurts, - that's an infection.
Self inflicting wounds are hard as you're not going to sterlise the area first or use something clean, you just use whatever will hurt the most. I've done it when I was a teenager and I used belt buckles, glass, what I could find - I stopped when I realised that being kind to myself was far more healing then the pain I felt, as what I wanted with the pain was to heal.
I can't tell you what to do - but I wouldn't take the antibiotics ha ha - but I gather it's too late so take the 3.5 days but probably don't need too - get back to your Dr to get it checked.

Thank you so much for your reply. I was sat here worrying and you have put my mind at rest a little, so thanks :)

I have just had a peek at my wound and it is still the same (not as if its going to magically heal within a few hours lol) the pus is yellow/clear and it smells slightly, not a horrible smell... just a weird smell!

I am going to carry on with the antibiotics just in case. I want it to heal up quickly so I can carry on going swimming (it really helps with my anxiety and depression)

Sorry to hear you used to hurt yourself too. It is really difficult. I did it for years as a teenager then stopped for years... then relapsed last year, then again this year after I had a miscarriage and a nervous breakdown.

I felt really bad earlier and cried and cried. I just feel like such a mess at the moment. My husband is being really supportive though and I had a good chat to him and felt better for it. I feel so bad for people who don't have anyone there to support them when they are feeling so bad :(

I wish I could shift the health anxiety. It haunts me every day and I am so easily triggered, anything and everything seems to set it off! I will get through it though, one day at a time!

Thanks again for all your help :)