oxoshannon
12-12-17, 22:55
So I wrote a post earlier about having a strange feeling like I was about to faint - I've felt odd since then, funnily enough my sinuses have been killing me so I think it's all related to some congestion in my ears/sinuses that it happened...hey, looked at me rationalising things?!
Anyway! I had a bit of a moment today walking to and from the doctors. My Grandad passed away in February, I felt so scared today that I just spoke out loud and said "Grandad, please just give me a sign that I'm okay" - I find comfort in speaking to him sometimes.
I walked into the doctors surgery and I looked and saw one of his old friends, it just seemed like a strange but comforting sign. I hadn't seen this man since my Grandads funeral and there he was, and it just made me feel okay.
Then on the way back I thought about something I hadn't in a while. I always used to see white feathers when I felt bad, I would take that as a sign that my Grandad was there looking after me. I haven't seen any in a while, I realised it's because I stopped looking.
Then I was like IS THIS ANOTHER SIGN......that I stopped looking, so I stopped seeing. This could be translated into a way of looking at my health anxiety, stop looking and I'll stop feeling, I'll stop worrying, I'll STOP.
It hit me and I again felt comforted and okay for a moment. Maybe I will look at it this way, if I stop looking for reasons to feel unwell, eventually I will stop.
I'm trying to tell myself to wake up tomorrow and have a good day...and maybe I'll see a little white feather.
Anyway! I had a bit of a moment today walking to and from the doctors. My Grandad passed away in February, I felt so scared today that I just spoke out loud and said "Grandad, please just give me a sign that I'm okay" - I find comfort in speaking to him sometimes.
I walked into the doctors surgery and I looked and saw one of his old friends, it just seemed like a strange but comforting sign. I hadn't seen this man since my Grandads funeral and there he was, and it just made me feel okay.
Then on the way back I thought about something I hadn't in a while. I always used to see white feathers when I felt bad, I would take that as a sign that my Grandad was there looking after me. I haven't seen any in a while, I realised it's because I stopped looking.
Then I was like IS THIS ANOTHER SIGN......that I stopped looking, so I stopped seeing. This could be translated into a way of looking at my health anxiety, stop looking and I'll stop feeling, I'll stop worrying, I'll STOP.
It hit me and I again felt comforted and okay for a moment. Maybe I will look at it this way, if I stop looking for reasons to feel unwell, eventually I will stop.
I'm trying to tell myself to wake up tomorrow and have a good day...and maybe I'll see a little white feather.