Yvaine
20-12-17, 04:34
Hello I don't really know where to start and let me first say that I know that no one really knows what will happen to me, or to anyone. I am just looking for some encouraging words to get me through this really difficult situation in my life.
This all started after I had my baby about 6 months ago. I never really cared or focused too much about my health (as far as being to paranoid with it) up until after I gave birth. One day after all my swelling went away, I noticed that I had a calf pain and something made me decide to Google it. Of course the FIRST thing that came up was blood clots. All it took was one post where someone said their friend died right after having their baby because they developed a clot. Immediately I rushed off to the ER, and got an ultrasound done on my leg. No blood clot. Wish that was the end to this nightmare, but that was just the beginning. Instead of taking the doctors advice and trusting that they did it properly- I went back to Google and read a story about someone getting an ultrasound done and they missed the blood clot. So of course in my mind I thought that exact thing would happen to me to! (As I am typing this I realize how ridiculous this is and how I was behaving but at the time I BELIEVED I had one) eventually after getting checked again and the ER doctor saying "you don't have a blood clot YET" whatever kind if statement that was... I moved on from the blood clot idea and enjoyed my life as a new mom for maybe about a week, until I noticed I had such a horrible stomach pain right next to my belly button. I wanted to cry everytime I would hold my baby and she would kinda kick my stomach a bit, it hurt so bad. I couldn't even twist a certain way. This time I DIDNT Google it and instead of going to my primary care doctor, I went back to the ER. That's when they did a CT scan on my abdomen with and w/o contrast. Turns out I didn't have anything severely wrong with me, I was just blocked up. Thank goodness it was something that was an easy fix. After about a week taking stuff to fix that issue, it wasn't getting any better but worse. So I went back and mentioned I had a CT done and they said they didn't know what more they would do for me but said they will do an x ray to put my mind at ease, so I agreed. Came back everything was fine but I was still blocked up pretty bad. I guess it's common after pregnancy. As I am writing I cannot even remember how many times I went to the ER, all I can say was it was a bit ridiculous. There were a few trips where I couldn't breathe. Literally. So of course I had chest x rays and d dimer blood tests done everything came out fine. I even had the doctors and nurses tell me I am going through postpartum depression. " I am not depressed," I thought to myself. There was one time I was having chest pain and went to my primary doctor. They checked my HR and it was really low. Like in the low 40's and I am no athlete (lol). They did an EKG on my and it looked wonky I guess because she told me to go to the ER. So back I went this time thinking for sure I was dying. So of course they did a battery of tests EKG, blood work, and another chest x ray. Everything was normal. So I went awhile which was probably a week or so then one night in the middle of my sleep I rolled over and I could feel all my blood rushing through my arms my entire body was tingling and my face went numb. I climb out of bed to get water, and as I was walking around, I noticed I was going to pass out. My hearing started to muffle and my vision go. I went back quickly to lay down and woke my husband next to me, telling him I don't feel right. I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out. I went back to the ER, where the doctor was asking me all of these questions ( I do tell these doctors I have been to the ER so many times and what for and what was done) she told me I was having symptoms of a clot, after I told her my fear of one before. So they did some more tests and I had another chest x ray and d dimer and what not. They monitored my blood pressure and ended up telling me this was all anxiety. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even have anything on my mind at the time and this was in the middle of my sleep. So that chapter passed and in between all of these ER visits I saw numerous specialists, cardiologist, vascular, you name it. I started getting awful leg pain to the point where it felt like my legs were deteriorating.. i got an MRI done for pinched nevere in my spine, but there was none. Before that an x ray to look at the discs. I finally figured out my leg issue and am going to physical therapy for it. My pregnancy made my alignment off which is causing all of my pain. Anyways, just when my life was getting back to normal, I googled radiation exposure just because I started thinking about all my chest x rays, CT scan, abdominal x ray and spine x ray... I of course then began to think about ALL my radiatiom.throughout my 25 years of life. I had stomach issues when I was younger and cannot remember the age but I am sure from age 11-15 somehwere i had one. And a couple years ago I had one for severe pain thinking it was my appendix, but turned out to be an ovarian cyst that ruptured. Not to mention all.my dental, and previous chest x rays in my life..
I hate Google because it's pretty much saying I just raised my cancer risk all due to anxiety, which is now giving me even MORE anxiety. I talked to my doctor and she of course lectured me about all my ER visits and told me I don't need to worry and I won't get cancer from it. I am on something now and just started taking it only because I am not thinking rationally anymore. I keep thinking I am going to die from something and won't see my daughter grow up. I feel so selfish because there are people out there that have my fears actually happening to them and they are probably handling it a lot better than how I am, just thinking about it. Any advice for me? Should I really be worried about this? Anything uplifting would be wonderful.
P.S. my heart goes out to anyone else who has HA. It's not fun and just keep the faith everything will be okay. I know it's easier said than done and I need to take my own advice.
Thank you
This all started after I had my baby about 6 months ago. I never really cared or focused too much about my health (as far as being to paranoid with it) up until after I gave birth. One day after all my swelling went away, I noticed that I had a calf pain and something made me decide to Google it. Of course the FIRST thing that came up was blood clots. All it took was one post where someone said their friend died right after having their baby because they developed a clot. Immediately I rushed off to the ER, and got an ultrasound done on my leg. No blood clot. Wish that was the end to this nightmare, but that was just the beginning. Instead of taking the doctors advice and trusting that they did it properly- I went back to Google and read a story about someone getting an ultrasound done and they missed the blood clot. So of course in my mind I thought that exact thing would happen to me to! (As I am typing this I realize how ridiculous this is and how I was behaving but at the time I BELIEVED I had one) eventually after getting checked again and the ER doctor saying "you don't have a blood clot YET" whatever kind if statement that was... I moved on from the blood clot idea and enjoyed my life as a new mom for maybe about a week, until I noticed I had such a horrible stomach pain right next to my belly button. I wanted to cry everytime I would hold my baby and she would kinda kick my stomach a bit, it hurt so bad. I couldn't even twist a certain way. This time I DIDNT Google it and instead of going to my primary care doctor, I went back to the ER. That's when they did a CT scan on my abdomen with and w/o contrast. Turns out I didn't have anything severely wrong with me, I was just blocked up. Thank goodness it was something that was an easy fix. After about a week taking stuff to fix that issue, it wasn't getting any better but worse. So I went back and mentioned I had a CT done and they said they didn't know what more they would do for me but said they will do an x ray to put my mind at ease, so I agreed. Came back everything was fine but I was still blocked up pretty bad. I guess it's common after pregnancy. As I am writing I cannot even remember how many times I went to the ER, all I can say was it was a bit ridiculous. There were a few trips where I couldn't breathe. Literally. So of course I had chest x rays and d dimer blood tests done everything came out fine. I even had the doctors and nurses tell me I am going through postpartum depression. " I am not depressed," I thought to myself. There was one time I was having chest pain and went to my primary doctor. They checked my HR and it was really low. Like in the low 40's and I am no athlete (lol). They did an EKG on my and it looked wonky I guess because she told me to go to the ER. So back I went this time thinking for sure I was dying. So of course they did a battery of tests EKG, blood work, and another chest x ray. Everything was normal. So I went awhile which was probably a week or so then one night in the middle of my sleep I rolled over and I could feel all my blood rushing through my arms my entire body was tingling and my face went numb. I climb out of bed to get water, and as I was walking around, I noticed I was going to pass out. My hearing started to muffle and my vision go. I went back quickly to lay down and woke my husband next to me, telling him I don't feel right. I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out. I went back to the ER, where the doctor was asking me all of these questions ( I do tell these doctors I have been to the ER so many times and what for and what was done) she told me I was having symptoms of a clot, after I told her my fear of one before. So they did some more tests and I had another chest x ray and d dimer and what not. They monitored my blood pressure and ended up telling me this was all anxiety. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even have anything on my mind at the time and this was in the middle of my sleep. So that chapter passed and in between all of these ER visits I saw numerous specialists, cardiologist, vascular, you name it. I started getting awful leg pain to the point where it felt like my legs were deteriorating.. i got an MRI done for pinched nevere in my spine, but there was none. Before that an x ray to look at the discs. I finally figured out my leg issue and am going to physical therapy for it. My pregnancy made my alignment off which is causing all of my pain. Anyways, just when my life was getting back to normal, I googled radiation exposure just because I started thinking about all my chest x rays, CT scan, abdominal x ray and spine x ray... I of course then began to think about ALL my radiatiom.throughout my 25 years of life. I had stomach issues when I was younger and cannot remember the age but I am sure from age 11-15 somehwere i had one. And a couple years ago I had one for severe pain thinking it was my appendix, but turned out to be an ovarian cyst that ruptured. Not to mention all.my dental, and previous chest x rays in my life..
I hate Google because it's pretty much saying I just raised my cancer risk all due to anxiety, which is now giving me even MORE anxiety. I talked to my doctor and she of course lectured me about all my ER visits and told me I don't need to worry and I won't get cancer from it. I am on something now and just started taking it only because I am not thinking rationally anymore. I keep thinking I am going to die from something and won't see my daughter grow up. I feel so selfish because there are people out there that have my fears actually happening to them and they are probably handling it a lot better than how I am, just thinking about it. Any advice for me? Should I really be worried about this? Anything uplifting would be wonderful.
P.S. my heart goes out to anyone else who has HA. It's not fun and just keep the faith everything will be okay. I know it's easier said than done and I need to take my own advice.
Thank you