Everyone, The biggest fear may be coming true. [Archive]

raizorpoke

22-12-17, 23:48

Well,

I may have gone and done it. I am suffering the biggest bout of anxiety I have ever faced (please if this is in the wrong section, move rather than remove this post x)

I have started uni in Sept, met an amazing person in November and am now on Xmas break.

I then started getting, about a week ago severe anxiety about one of my biggest fears at the moment, creating a life. Despite my efforts to stay safe by using a condom I have this really weird anxious feeling that I may have gotten my partner pregnant.

After talking to her today, she mentions she has had hot flushes and is feeling really tired. She has been told that this is likely due to her PMS. After the moron (me) googled it came to my attention that hot flushes are early signs of pregnancy, as is fatigue.

She always has irregular periods too, happening between 2-4 months so it will be near impossible to tell if she has missed a period. I return to university January 7th as does she.

She is a kind, loving person and in that comes another issue, I really doubt she would see reason and get an abortion (and believe me even if she does I will be upset because of what she will have to go through, I am not being selfish here). There is no way an 18 year old girl and a 21 year old guy can raise a child.

We haven't even known eachother long enough to introduce to family or parents yet, I came to uni due to my entire year looking for work to no avail and to leave this small isolated rural town.

I just don't know what to do from here. I wanted to love my girlfriend physically and now i feel mentally tormented by the prospect of having to raise a child for 18+ years in a horrible "benefits" environment. Something I have never ever wanted for my child.

I feel like im backed into a corner and haven't got many options anymore.

More than ever NMP, I need help. Please. I feel near suicidal again and I don't like it (duh).

tan235

22-12-17, 23:53

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 00:11

I don't know what to say but I doubt she's pregnant.
It's really hard to get pregnant, especially with irregular periods and if you use protection then it's even harder :)
Keep using condoms, you can talk to her about going on the pill if you guys are serious but I'd still use condoms as sometimes the pill doesn't work so well.
However if she were pregnant you'd figure it out - having a baby is one of the most beautiful things ever, and your life will change yes,but you wouldn't know how you lived before once you have a baby! But... I just don't think she will be but unfortunately I don't have a crystal ball!

Thanks tan, I can imagine it being a great thing for a couple that have; 1) Known eachother for longer than say, 3 months
2) Have any kind of job or can get one
3) Dont live in drastically different locations
4) Have a couple whos parents know either one exists
5) Has families that wouldnt freak out retrospectively

To me it just wouldn't be fair on a child to be bought up by 2 young, dumb and naive individuals that can't even properly look after themselves without their parents.

edit: Tan, that may have come off rude - I genuinly respect and appreciate your input btw.

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 00:13

Careful1

23-12-17, 00:18

If you use condoms I doubt she is pregnant... It's none of my business but if you fear her getting pregnant and a baby is something you don't want at this time esp if the answer would be abortion, you should talk to her about going on the pill. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid a baby 100 percent is not to have sex. If you guys aren't gonna abstain, the 2nd best way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy would be condoms and birth control ALWAYS. There will still be that possibility but it's a very very small possibility.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about... Continue to be safe...

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 00:20

You've been careful, responsible and used a condom and you're concerned she's pregnant? If that's the case, the chances are so extremely low as to not worry. Have you spoken to her about this?

Your anxiety is causing this intrusive thought IMO.

Positive thoughts

I can tell its an anxiety fueled concern, I mentioned this to her and when she told me she was having hot flushes (at 18 years old) and feeling tired I lost control. Again, she was told by her health nurse of whatever title that its likely to be her "PMS", whatever that is.

Ofc you then look it up and see that early symptoms of pregnancy are hot flushes and tiredness...

(CRUDE/MATURE CONTENT BELOW)
I keep doubting myself, I used condoms but then you see that fingering after can potentially cause pregnancy if it was recently after taking off a condom which I have done numerous times.

---------- Post added at 00:20 ---------- Previous post was at 00:18 ----------

If you use condoms I doubt she is pregnant... It's none of my business but if you fear her getting pregnant and a baby is something you don't want at this time esp if the answer would be abortion, you should talk to her about going on the pill. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid a baby 100 percent is not to have sex. If you guys aren't gonna abstain, the 2nd best way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy would be condoms and birth control ALWAYS. There will still be that possibility but it's a very very small possibility.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about... Continue to be safe...

I get that, to be honest If I knew we would both get an abortion it would still be hard for her, either way Im going to be emotionally wrecked as is she. After this potential scare provided its all in our heads (which I pray it is) I will get her to look into birth control as well as. I want to love her physically as well as emotionally without having to worry about this every time.

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 00:26

Talk to her about the pill then. Dude, you really have to look into helping yourself. You'll never realize the emotional closeness you seek if you're constantly distracted and paranoid about this.

Positive thoughts

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 00:29

Its the whole outcome that I expect to happen if she decided to have a child, I feel like it would go something along these lines (best case scenario).

>Decide to keep baby.

>I call my parents and muster up the courage to tell them I have a girlfriend and its looking like they are going to be grandparents. Reaction being mainly disapointment with maybe a small shred of happiness. Maybe hate me for a few weeks but ultimately be as supportive as they can despite money issues atm.

>She calls her mother to do the same, genuinely she may be kicked out the house and have to come live with my in the middle of nowhere.

>Tell our flat mates, shock all round and chatting behind our backs for about a a few months where would then have to drop out of uni, ditching our future prospects behind.

>Living at mine with my gf aimlessly looking for work opportunities that I cant get to support a child, ultimately resorting to some form of benefits, another scrounging family... what a future.

Then I dont know from here. To me, its bleak and genuinly not worth living for me or a child.

---------- Post added at 00:29 ---------- Previous post was at 00:27 ----------

Talk to her about the pill then. Dude, you really have to look into helping yourself. You'll never realize the emotional closeness you seek if you're constantly distracted and paranoid about this.

Positive thoughts

I will do, I just feel like its a moot point right now given the potential of her being pregnant (due to the flushes and fatigue).

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 00:37

Wow... your thread is a vivid description of what an anxiety spiral is like. You've literally created an alternate universe and walked yourself to an outcome that you believe and it just spirals you deeper into the rabbit hole.

It's also a great example of how reassurance is useless in situations like this.

Hope you feel better soon.

Positive thoughts

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 00:56

Side note: Almost collapsed just now, this has really messed me up.

---------- Post added at 00:39 ---------- Previous post was at 00:37 ----------

Wow... your thread is a vivid description of what an anxiety spiral is like. You've literally created an alternate universe and walked yourself to an outcome that you believe and it just spirals you deeper into the rabbit hole.

It's also a great example of how reassurance is useless in situations like this.

Hope you feel better soon.

Positive thoughts

In this instance I think I would have to agree with you. Though, this alternate reality isnt just a random thing I have created, it is based in reality, of the situation I am in with life now and the people I know.

---------- Post added at 00:41 ---------- Previous post was at 00:39 ----------

As people viewing this thread now, ignoring the anxiety part of all this answer me this: Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation? THAT is what I am most afraid of. Raising a child I can't provide the best for.

---------- Post added at 00:55 ---------- Previous post was at 00:41 ----------

The worst part is I know I can't even do anything in this situation. I've ****ed my prospects of life and my future up all because of this.

---------- Post added at 00:56 ---------- Previous post was at 00:55 ----------

If it wasn't so cowardly to do so in this kind of potential situation I would off myself.

Gary A

23-12-17, 01:00

Yeah.

Your partner isn’t pregnant, nor is she remotely likely to be. Stop this nonsense and get on with your life.

Sorry to be blunt but there it is.

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:04

Yeah.

Your partner isn’t pregnant, nor is she remotely likely to be. Stop this nonsense and get on with your life.

Sorry to be blunt but there it is.

I would agree with you fully, its just she hasnt experienced hot flushes before.
I was her first as well so I don't know if that affects things worse.

Gary A

23-12-17, 01:08

I would agree with you fully, its just she hasnt experienced hot flushes before.
I was her first as well so I don't know if that affects things worse.

So let me see if I’m picking you up right here.

You’re saying that you’ve had it off with some girl, worn protection, but just in case she’s pregnant you might kill yourself.

Is that really, honestly and truly, what you’re saying here?

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:10

So let me see if I’m picking you up right here.

You’re saying that you’ve had it off with some girl, worn protection, but just in case she’s pregnant you might kill yourself.

Is that really, honestly and truly, what you’re saying here?

Im saying I would consider it if it wasn't such a cowardly and cruel thing to do in that situation. Which it is, so I won't. Im trying to get across how trapped this is all making me feel.

Gary A

23-12-17, 01:12

Im saying I would consider it if it wasn't such a cowardly and cruel thing to do in that situation. Which it is, so I won't. Im trying to get across how trapped this is all making me feel.

I don’t even know how to respond to such garbage. You had consensual protected sex. The chances of your partner being pregamant are so vast it isn’t even worth thinking of.

Sorry, but I’ve got to say it. Get a grip.

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:15

I don’t even know how to respond to such garbage. You had consensual protected sex. The chances of your partner being pregamant are so vast it isn’t even worth thinking of.

Sorry, but I’ve got to say it. Get a grip.

Not being funny, but having to raise a child for 18 years in a sub-par manner financially and geographically and me being heavily upset about having to do that for the potential childs sake isn't garbage sir.
Suprise suprise, someone who suffers anxiety isn't "getting a grip", sorry man - forgot what this forum is for, getting told to get a grip apparently.

Gary A

23-12-17, 01:18

Not being funny, but having to raise a child for 18 years in a sub-par manner financially and geographically and me being heavily upset about having to do that for the potential childs sake isn't garbage sir.
Suprise suprise, someone who suffers anxiety isn't "getting a grip", sorry man - forgot what this forum is for, getting told to get a grip apparently.

So what am I to say here? Am I to tell you that your concerns are justified? That would just be lying, would it not?

Your concerns are nonsensical. I don’t know why you would want to be told any different.

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 01:24

sorry man - forgot what this forum is for, getting told to get a grip apparently.

You're right. We should play along with your fantasy world :wacko: Sorry Raizor, pointing out reality as opposed to feeding your dragon is what support looks like in the real world.

You go right ahead and go as deep as you want in your rabbit hole. I'll have the "Told ya so gang" at the ready after you dig yourself out.

Positive thoughts

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:24

So what am I to say here? Am I to tell you that your concerns are justified? That would just be lying, would it not?

Your concerns are nonsensical. I don’t know why you would want to be told any different.

Being told why my concerns aren't justified would actually be great. I already know they aren't but I just can't think from a different perspective as to why, in my mind I may of messed up somewhere.

Examples, maybe there was a microscopic hole, one of the times the condom was already slightly un-rolled out the pack but i stupidly used it anyway. My gf is experiencing a new symptom that is atrributed to pregnancy. etc etc.

There are legitimate justifications for what I am feeling, I have locked myself into this mindset and being told catagorically why and what about my thinking is wrong does help.

Being told im a mentally flawed and failing person with health anxiety isnt new to me, I know im annoying, I know im paranoid, it ****ing torments me CONSTANTLY. I don't need to be told to simply get a grip, I already know that.

I genuinly am sorry for coming across rude to you but im fustrated at myself and a potential situation I have put myself in due to stupid condom miss use - another example being on one occasion I forgot to pinch the top.

I must also add that I pull out in conjunction with the condom but I even read thats worse to do so im just at a loss.

Careful1

23-12-17, 01:28

Having been pregnant 4 times and knowing more people then I can count having been pregnant, I can tell you none of us associated hot flashes with oh crap I'm pregnant... fatigue... yeah but there are also tons of other reasons for being extra tired.

I think the most common early signs are.... Nausea, vomiting, tender or swollen breasts, food aversions or cravings, mood swings, constipation and fatigue... obviously a missed period but since she is irregular guess you can't really go by that but light bleeding can be a sign. You don't write that she has any of these things except fatigue... I really wouldn't count hot flashes.

Again it's extremely unlikely having used a condom that she is pregnant, also since her periods are irregular odds are even less likely. A woman has a very short window to get pregnant each month so add all the details you shared with that fact odds are 99.9 percent she isn't so no more worrying over this :)

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:31

Having been pregnant 4 times and knowing more people then I can count having been pregnant, I can tell you none of us associated hot flashes with oh crap I'm pregnant... fatigue... yeah but there are also tons of other reasons for being extra tired.

I think the most common early signs are.... Nausea, vomiting, tender or swollen breasts, food aversions or cravings, mood swings, constipation and fatigue... obviously a missed period but since she is irregular guess you can't really go by that but light bleeding can be a sign. You don't write that she has any of these things except fatigue... I really wouldn't count hot flashes.

Again it's extremely unlikely having used a condom that she is pregnant, also since her periods are irregular odds are even less likely. A woman has a very short window to get pregnant each month so add all the details you stated with that fact odds are 99.9 percent she isn't so no more worrying over this.

I was wondering how ovulation works with irregular periods. In the case of my gf she has them every 2-3 months normally, does ovulation in this case still start 14 days before the next period but in a delayed setting? If so, that would put my mind at ease somewhat because we started intercourse shortly after her period up untill the 15th of Dec.

Gary A

23-12-17, 01:33

Being told why my concerns aren't justified would actually be great. I already know they aren't but I just can't think from a different perspective as to why, in my mind I may of messed up somewhere.

Examples, maybe there was a microscopic hole, one of the times the condom was already slightly un-rolled out the pack but i stupidly used it anyway. My gf is experiencing a new symptom that is atrributed to pregnancy. etc etc.

There are legitimate justifications for what I am feeling, I have locked myself into this mindset and being told catagorically why and what about my thinking is wrong does help.

Being told im a mentally flawed and failing person with health anxiety isnt new to me, I know im annoying, I know im paranoid, it ****ing torments me CONSTANTLY. I don't need to be told to simply get a grip, I already know that.

I genuinly am sorry for coming across rude to you but im fustrated at myself and a potential situation I have put myself in due to stupid condom miss use - another example being on one occasion I forgot to pinch the top.

I must also add that I pull out in conjunction with the condom but I even read thats worse to do so im just at a loss.

Look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad here, please understand that.

I’m honestly, from the bottom of my heart, just trying to put some perspective on things. We all have sex (or used to) and, as with any enjoyable activity, there are down sides.

You have been a responsible adult and taken precautions. All I’m saying is, enjoy your life, enjoy your partner, emotionally and physically, and accept that even though there are risks, you’ve been smart enough to do all in your power to ensure said risks don’t come to fruition.

I really do not know how else to tell you that you’ve been more responsible than most and your worries are completely unfounded.

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 01:55

Look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad here, please understand that.

I’m honestly, from the bottom of my heart, just trying to put some perspective on things. We all have sex (or used to) and, as with any enjoyable activity, there are down sides.

You have been a responsible adult and taken precautions. All I’m saying is, enjoy your life, enjoy your partner, emotionally and physically, and accept that even though there are risks, you’ve been smart enough to do all in your power to ensure said risks don’t come to fruition.

I really do not know how else to tell you that you’ve been more responsible than most and your worries are completely unfounded.

Thank you Gary,
I didn't mean to come across hostile.
Im just incredibly emotional right now.
Im not even scared for myself, its my girlfriend im worried for, its had me in tears.

---------- Post added at 01:46 ---------- Previous post was at 01:35 ----------

Man, I hope this scare never happens again. Ill be so happy to be told "I told you so".

---------- Post added at 01:55 ---------- Previous post was at 01:46 ----------

In theory given:
-Irregular periods
-Condom use
-Pulling out

That is quite a combo for not getting someone preggers isnt it...

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 02:17

As people viewing this thread now, ignoring the anxiety part of all this answer me this: Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation? THAT is what I am most afraid of. Raising a child I can't provide the best for.

You know what? IMO, You're damn straight! If it ever happens, regardless of your circumstances, you do what you have to do to provide for your child. You be a responsible role model and teach them about being good people and following their dreams. You set the example for them. Being the parent of two adult children I'm very proud of, I speak from experience and my heart. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's ultimately the most rewarding.

---------- Post added at 00:55 ---------- Previous post was at 00:41 ----------

The worst part is I know I can't even do anything in this situation. I've ****ed my prospects of life and my future up all because of this.

You're saying that having the opportunity to bring a life into this world and shape a part of their future isn't valuable? See my first answer.

---------- Post added at 00:56 ---------- Previous post was at 00:55 ----------

If it wasn't so cowardly to do so in this kind of potential situation I would off myself.

Respectfully Raizor, As much as I've gone through in my life, that thought never ever crossed my mind. I understand you have anxiety and I understand that's playing a part here, but I really have no words for that train of thought. You asked the question... "Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation?" I ask you...

Would it be fair not to?

Positive thoughts

tryingtosurvive1

23-12-17, 02:25

I seriously clicked on this link thinking someone had ALS or pancreatic cancer!
Cheer up, PLEASE:)

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 02:47

Positive thoughts

"Would it be fair not to"

- I have spent the last year in this area with my parents, rural and I have no car, no money or means to purchace or learn to drive one - without one it is IMPOSSIBLE to locate a job.

I spent 374 days looking, 6 days a week for work to no avail. University was my freedom for that, to develop a career path for me in the future. To bring a child into the world with a 21 year old father and 18 year old mother who CANNOT find work of any sort and cannot provide transport or anything basic for a child.

I would actually argue that yes, it may be fair to spare that life for a child, before it even became a fully fledged human being. Before it even begun to know life. I lifetime of poverty for a child or it not knowing it would even be born. Its worth considering.

I just know though, my gf would not consider abortion.

---------- Post added at 02:47 ---------- Previous post was at 02:46 ----------

I seriously clicked on this link thinking someone had ALS or pancreatic cancer!
Cheer up, PLEASE:)

This has put all my fears into perspective, I almost wish I was worried about these things because at least it would affect me and not an innocent child I would end up being a horrible father to because I couldn't provide for it properly...

girlgryphon

23-12-17, 02:47

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 02:58

Fatigue and hot flashes are much more likely to be PMS than pregnancy. I very much doubt she is pregnant. I had so much anxiety about falling pregnant at your age that I used two different birth control methods to be sure. Have you thought of this? Also, you may want to look into calling a crisis center or texting a volunteer mental health line. It may help you calm down. It WILL be ok.

Thank you, ill call them tomorrow if im still feeling this bad, its 3am now lol.

Provided this is me being an idiot and wrong (which it most likely is) I will be suggesting this to her because I can't keep going through this.
She was told it looks like PMS but she mentioned to me that she hasn't had it before.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 05:28

Raizor, I've been around for the bump on the leg, the mouth thing, etc all the way from AZ. It's been a long haul for you...and you're not getting better. You're only getting worse.

The thing about relationships is that they bring out all the crap in us that we've never dealt with. You've never dealt with your anxiety, intrusive thoughts/OCD, and now that you could actually enter a relationship with someone they're biting you in the ass. You will drive this person away with your irrational fears. Maybe that's why they're cropping up. You're anxious over taking this relationship to the next level, but for you, it manifests itself in this warped HA.

Friend, it's time to get help. It's time to start turning things around. Make that call.

tryingtosurvive1

23-12-17, 07:37

I mean, pregnancy is more likely than most of the things people worry about here, but I agree that this may be anxiety again, and that you do need help.

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 13:23

Yeah I aint going to say pull your self together but will add get help for your anxiety that is all it is nothing more to worry about you took the necessary steps to stop any pregnancy many wouldn't so respect to you for that :) So in the new year start getting some help for your anxiety it's the only way forward now ATB

Catherine S

23-12-17, 13:41

Darksky

23-12-17, 13:50

You are full on catastrophic thinking. Galloping ahead with horrific scenarios when you have no real idea if she is pregnant or not. I've been pregnant and I never had hot flushes...not once. Nor was I tired..ever.

End all this by going to Boots and getting a pregnancy test. You will end all this uncertainty which is what's torturing you.

O_O

23-12-17, 13:54

Get her to take a First Response manual pregnancy test. Those things can detect HCG down to 2. Should clear it up.

MyNameIsTerry

23-12-17, 15:09

Something to consider is a HAer needing reassurance vs a non anxious person who doesn't. If she doesn't feel she needs a pregnancy test, her partners catastrophizing shouldn't take preference in forcing her into one.

Let's remember the probability in this scenario. The OP will be chasing tests every time they have sexual contact otherwise.

Put her feelings first. The rest is about you seeking help for your anxiety.

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 15:28

"Would it be fair not to"

- I have spent the last year in this area with my parents, rural and I have no car, no money or means to purchace or learn to drive one - without one it is IMPOSSIBLE to locate a job.

I spent 374 days looking, 6 days a week for work to no avail. University was my freedom for that, to develop a career path for me in the future. To bring a child into the world with a 21 year old father and 18 year old mother who CANNOT find work of any sort and cannot provide transport or anything basic for a child.

I would actually argue that yes, it may be fair to spare that life for a child, before it even became a fully fledged human being. Before it even begun to know life. I lifetime of poverty for a child or it not knowing it would even be born. Its worth considering.

I just know though, my gf would not consider abortion.

:lac: This spiral is coming when the chances of pregnancy are slim to none. Look at your reaction! If this is how you're going to react to such a microscopic chance, perhaps you're not in the right place to be having a serious relationship that involves sex. Maybe dating Palmela Handerson would be more prudent until you're in a better place mentally and financially.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 15:50

Instead of guessing, perhap a pregnancy test would decide it. Also, if she was, who are you to say how she'd feel about a termination. Being a loving caring person doesn't mean she wouldn't go down that route. You haven't known her long so you don't know how she'd react in that situation.

Cath S

I will be getting a pregnancy test on the 8th of Jan. I guess you are right but it's the fact that I may have to make her face termination that upsets me as well.

---------- Post added at 15:46 ---------- Previous post was at 15:44 ----------

You are full on catastrophic thinking. Galloping ahead with horrific scenarios when you have no real idea if she is pregnant or not. I've been pregnant and I never had hot flushes...not once. Nor was I tired..ever.

End all this by going to Boots and getting a pregnancy test. You will end all this uncertainty which is what's torturing you.

I agree with that, Jan 8th I'll get a test. Though it's the event that it shows pregnant that in worried about. It's like a 50/50 with my future at stake.

---------- Post added at 15:48 ---------- Previous post was at 15:46 ----------

Something to consider is a HAer needing reassurance vs a non anxious person who doesn't. If she doesn't feel she needs a pregnancy test, her partners catastrophizing shouldn't take preference in forcing her into one.

Let's remember the probability in this scenario. The OP will be chasing tests every time they have sexual contact otherwise.

Put her feelings first. The rest is about you seeking help for your anxiety.

I'm never going to force her, she agreed to it to help calm me anyway. Please don't presume that I force my views on her in any way. It won't be every time either as she said she will also go on the pill. It's only because of one occasion where I didn't properly hold the tip of the condom while putting it on that im worried. There was also white stuff on the outside of the condom.

---------- Post added at 15:50 ---------- Previous post was at 15:48 ----------

:lac: This spiral is coming when the chances of pregnancy are slim to none. Look at your reaction! If this is how you're going to react to such a microscopic chance, perhaps you're not in the right place to be having a serious relationship that involves sex. Maybe dating Palmela Handerson would be more prudent until you're in a better place mentally and financially.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

I would agree if it was an every time thing but it just isn't this is the first time I have been worried about this to such an extent.

Fishmanpa

23-12-17, 15:54

I will be getting a pregnancy test on the 8th of Jan. I guess you are right but it's the fact that I may have to make her face termination that upsets me as well.It's like a 50/50 with my future at stake.

This just makes me cringe :ohmy:... YOUR future? YOURS?! You would have to make her face a termination? You have no freakin' say in the matter! I'd really hate to think what you would do if she was pregnant! You're a selfish (*!&%@ :mad: If I could reach through the screen and slap you upside the head I would. This isn't an anxiety issue IMO. It's a moral and responsibility issue!

Sorry folks, this just really gets my goat. I'm out...

FMP

MyNameIsTerry

23-12-17, 16:07

I'm never going to force her, she agreed to it to help calm me anyway. Please don't presume that I force my views on her in any way. It won't be every time either as she said she will also go on the pill. It's only because of one occasion where I didn't properly hold the tip of the condom while putting it on that im worried. There was also white stuff on the outside of the condom

You miss the point. If she doesn't think a pregnancy test is required, that's enough. She isn't dealing with anxiety pushing her into catastrophizing scenarios which are very unlikely to happen.

You believe her hot flushes are related to pregnancy. Her doctor tells them they are not. That's enough for her isn't it?

So by applying pressure because of anxiety you end up making her feel it is needed when no one believes it to be true.

And my point was concerning other members suggesting taking the test which is just feeding an irrational obsession and spilling over into affecting another person.

Shouldn't you be asking her if she truly wants it and if she says no you tolerate the anxiety? Her taking a test to calm your anxiety. But does she even need that test?

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 16:08

Again (as I got no reply) to the OP please get help for your anxiety it doesn't go away on it's own it's treatable though :) ATB

Gary A

23-12-17, 16:47

You do realise that you’re coming across as a selfish ass here don’t you?

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 17:07

This just makes me cringe :ohmy:... YOUR future? YOURS?! You would have to make her face a termination? You have no freakin' say in the matter! I'd really hate to think what you would do if she was pregnant! You're a selfish (*!&%@ :mad: If I could reach through the screen and slap you upside the head I would. This isn't an anxiety issue IMO. It's a moral and responsibility issue!

Sorry folks, this just really gets my goat. I'm out...

FMP

Woah hold on there, I didn't mean to word it like that, I'm trying to say that if she chose to get an abortion after me bring up the points as to why we should I would still be distraught by the whole thing, my bad for wording that terribly. I've told her no matter the decision I'll be there with her.

Sorry about that, I came of like a monster. Also if you read I have stated that it's less about me and more about how I have potentially affected my gf and a potential child so don't go there.

---------- Post added at 17:05 ---------- Previous post was at 17:02 ----------

You miss the point. If she doesn't think a pregnancy test is required, that's enough. She isn't dealing with anxiety pushing her into catastrophizing scenarios which are very unlikely to happen.

You believe her hot flushes are related to pregnancy. Her doctor tells them they are not. That's enough for her isn't it?

So by applying pressure because of anxiety you end up making her feel it is needed when no one believes it to be true.

And my point was concerning other members suggesting taking the test which is just feeding an irrational obsession and spilling over into affecting another person.

Shouldn't you be asking her if she truly wants it and if she says no you tolerate the anxiety? Her taking a test to calm your anxiety. But does she even need that test?

I asked her if she wanted to honesty and she said yes to it.

---------- Post added at 17:06 ---------- Previous post was at 17:05 ----------

You do realise that you’re coming across as a selfish ass here don’t you?

I'm really sorry, please see the response I gave to fish.

---------- Post added at 17:07 ---------- Previous post was at 17:06 ----------

Genuinely sorry guys, I didn't actually mean to put make on there, please take head to everything else I said. I'm scared for my future but most of all it's the other lives I'm most worried for...

MyNameIsTerry

23-12-17, 17:16

If she feels circumstances warrant it, fair enough. My point is about how many HAers are doing battle with an inner demon demanding tests. It may seem an easy test but it's about reassurance which is only reinforcing the obsession. In therapy you would be seeking to confront the anxiety and tolerate it, work on rationalising the thoughts and re framing them, etc.

When it comes to a third party and tests, this should always add in the need to consider our discomfort vs theirs.

I think you still need to look at the anxiety. You catastrophizing your life falling apart on page 1. Many people have started families this way and it's a struggle but one they may not regret later. You are responsible in the way you consider bringing a child into better circumstances but sometimes nature takes over. However your response is highly emotional and your thoughts are falling into negative traps. Through therapy you could learn to halt this and save yourself a lot of the upset you are going through at the moment.

Anxiety, as you know, it's very sneaky. You mentioned her going on the pill. She can still get pregnant then. So, I'm wary of this popping up again if she exhibits or implies she is feeling off and your subconscious throws an intrusive thought out about pregnancy.

Also, this isn't purely your concern. You seem to be putting it all on yourself but she has first responsibility to herself. So, how does she feel about this? Even if it did happen, she takes responsibility for that and everything that follows. Again, this seems like the traps of negative thinking (emotional reasoning sounds likely). Remember, thoughts of wrecking her life are just "what if" scenario type thoughts, she would be doing it to herself if not taking enough precaution. I think this is just about you caring about her because anxiety loves to take what we love the most and create fear around it as it looks for what shocks us into the greatest negative reaction to reinforce itself (certainly this is how intrusive thoughts work).

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 17:16

Look are you going to get help for your anxiety mate?

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 17:24

Look are you going to get help for your anxiety mate?

I have tried before, been on various cocofany of drugs and as you can see, they have done nothing in the long run. I'm beyond repair I think.

---------- Post added at 17:20 ---------- Previous post was at 17:19 ----------

All I have gained from seeking help are drugs and needlessly put my kidneys through stress because of it.

---------- Post added at 17:24 ---------- Previous post was at 17:20 ----------

I could try re rolling the dice again but I'm under enough stress at uni

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 17:25

I have tried before, been on various cocofany of drugs and as you can see, they have done nothing in the long run. I'm beyond repair I think.

---------- Post added at 17:20 ---------- Previous post was at 17:19 ----------

All I have gained from seeking help are drugs and needlessly put my kidneys through stress because of it. Nah I don't buy that sorry no one is beyond help and certainly you have a chance. Ok So the meds haven't helped depends how long you tried them for etc? But why not ask for some therapy and learn coping stratagies you wont know till you try sounds like you are giving up and that is not the wtg :)

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 17:37

Nah I don't buy that sorry no one is beyond help and certainly you have a chance. Ok So the meds haven't helped depends how long you tried them for etc? But why not ask for some therapy and learn coping stratagies you wont know till you try sounds like you are giving up and that is not the wtg :)

To be fair I never tried therapy due to the stigma and fact I was never offered any. Just drugs which I tried for about 3 or 4 months but they weren't doing much for me.

---------- Post added at 17:37 ---------- Previous post was at 17:27 ----------

I'm now ticked off at myself because a few users think I'm an abhorrent moron, even though it was 1 thoughtless sentence. So now I feel even worse

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 17:37

To be fair I never tried therapy due to the stigma and fact I was never offered any. Just drugs which I tried for about 3 or 4 months but they weren't doing much for me. Well tbh 3 or 4 months is nothing on meds really you need longer than that to adjust try different doses and different meds. As for therapy well I have no problem with it if it helps me on the other hand ok you weren't offered so go back to your Gp and ask for it outling as you have done here the meds didn't work. I take it you want to get better? ATB

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 17:39

Well tbh 3 or 4 months is nothing on meds really you need longer than that to adjust try different doses and different meds. As for therapy well I have no problem with it if it helps me on the other hand ok you weren't offered so go back to your Gp and ask for it outling as you have done here the meds didn't work. I take it you want to get better? ATB

I mean yeah, feeling like I'm dying or am about to ruin my gfs life and the life of a child hammers into my mind and wrecks me.

Bigboyuk

23-12-17, 17:50

To be fair I never tried therapy due to the stigma and fact I was never offered any. Just drugs which I tried for about 3 or 4 months but they weren't doing much for me.

---------- Post added at 17:37 ---------- Previous post was at 17:27 ----------

I'm now ticked off at myself because a few users think I'm an abhorrent moron, even though it was 1 thoughtless sentence. So now I feel even worse Welcome to forum life :) Well if its any help I don't think you are a moron just some one who has lost their way help is out there, but some times you have to ask for it so you can recover :) ATB

---------- Post added at 17:50 ---------- Previous post was at 17:47 ----------

I mean yeah, feeling like I'm dying or am about to ruin my gfs life and the life of a child hammers into my mind and wrecks me. You aren't dying and you haven't ruined your gf life and there's no baby try and focus on other stuff now ATB

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 17:51

I genuinely didn't mean to put "have to make her get an abortion" I never meant that at all, it's made me feel like shit now. I meant make in the sense of try to convince using valid arguments. It's weird knowing that the odds are against this happening but the outcome of the slim chance is terrifying.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 18:36

The whole issue here, Raizor, is that you are not ready to enter a relationship. This whole thread proves it. I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I really would like to see you happy, and I don't think that will happen until you make the decision to deal with your anxiety.

Like Terry said, she doesn't need to take a pregnancy test. You need to accept this is about you, not her.

You need to get some therapy. The medication did not work very well before because you didn't take it in conjunction with therapy, you didn't take it correctly, and you psyched yourself out about side effects so much, that you self-sabotaged.

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 19:27

I love her though, genuinely and I know this will be a one off.
She already said she would take one though? I don't understand if she is willing to do it for our sakes then what is the issue.

I have literally never been anxious about this before - as evidenced by 0 of my past posts even being about this.

---------- Post added at 19:27 ---------- Previous post was at 19:02 ----------

The whole issue here, Raizor, is that you are not ready to enter a relationship. This whole thread proves it. I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I really would like to see you happy, and I don't think that will happen until you make the decision to deal with your anxiety.

Like Terry said, she doesn't need to take a pregnancy test. You need to accept this is about you, not her.

You need to get some therapy. The medication did not work very well before because you didn't take it in conjunction with therapy, you didn't take it correctly, and you psyched yourself out about side effects so much, that you self-sabotaged.

All of that was based on my GPs recommendation. He thought I didn't need therapy and thus was never booked for any. I trusted my doctor and hey hey, he failed me. Im registered with a UNI doctor surgery so I doubt they will care either but I will give it a go.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 19:29

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 19:39

If you love her, then get yourself help so you can be in a functional relationship with her. You know your anxiety is not going to just disappear once she takes a pregnancy test. It will pop up again. What's next? She gets a cold sore and you think you're going to mouth cancer again?

With my HA its if I experience something new I will worry about it, if I experience the same issue again I am way more chilled about something. Strangely with other people I am rather level headed. It is only with myself I am so anxious about health issues randomly without reason. This is technically an exception though as I am worried for her. I haven't let on how anxious I am, I don't want to stress her out about it. I won't either.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 19:46

Trust me, Raizor. This won't remain "technically an exception." That's now how relationships work. All of the crap you never dealt with comes out in a relationship, and you are getting your first taste of this now.

I've been with my husband 11 years, and I'm trying to save you some of the crap I had to learn the hard way.

If you want a long-term relationship with someone, and keep it, you need to deal with your own issues, not keep making excuses here.

Annaboodle

23-12-17, 19:51

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 20:11

Hi there. Your girlfriend doesn't need to take a pregnancy test. This is your problem that you need to deal with by tolerating the anxiety you're feeling and then getting some help. I've been in a couple of emotionally manipulative relationships and there are many ways to make someone do something that may not seem like "forcing" to you. Anxiety can unfortunately make us fall into traps and patterns of behaviour that can be so damaging and toxic for our relationships. Acting out in such a state that your GF agrees to take a test to "calm you down" is a form of manipulation on your part. I know you don't realise that. You might say you can't help it - but that's the point others are making about the need to work on your anxiety so that you can.

I don't see how im being that insane as to ask for a pregnancy test.
I feel like I may have made a mistake at some point, she mentions to me fatigue and hot flushes. I suggested a pregnancy test and she agreed. There was no pressure on my part to her and she never said anything to the contrary. I don't get how dipping a piece of paper in pee is that big of a deal when it will clear both our minds. Should I leave it and find out months down the line then?

Ive been getting people on here telling me to get a pregnancy test done and not and its literally confusing tf out of me right now (ty you and everyone thats helping me)

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 20:45

I don't see how im being that insane as to ask for a pregnancy test.

It is because there was no real risk of pregnancy; you wore a condom. It's just mindless reassurance. It doesn't take care of the problem, which is you. Your anxiety spiraled out of control to the point where you were so fixated on it you were imagining abortions. Reassurance feeds the anxiety cycle; it doesn't help to solve the problems. That's why.

Careful1

23-12-17, 20:48

She does not need a pregnancy test but if it will make you feel better and she agrees to take it then get one but are you going to believe the test when it comes out negative or will you still have doubt and continue to worry about this?

A woman has a very short window to conceive each month. Just one mature egg is released during ovulation and only survives 12 to 24 hours. If it isn't fertilized it dies and the body prepares for menstruation.. That fact, the fact that her periods are irregular and the fact that you used a condom makes the chance of her being pregnant HIGHLY unlikely.

Hot flashes really are not a sign of pregnancy and fatigue is associated with many things. Its more likely she is just plain tired!!

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 20:50

It is because there was no real risk of pregnancy; you wore a condom. It's just mindless reassurance. It doesn't take care of the problem, which is you. Your anxiety spiraled out of control to the point where you were so fixated on it you were imagining abortions. Reassurance feeds the anxiety cycle; it doesn't help to solve the problems. That's why.

"You wore a condom" - I did but there were brief instances of penile to vagina contact before full intercourse, I didnt pinch the tip on one condom on one occasion, there were wrinkles on one when I used it towards the middle.

All of these online are seen as do NOTS due to pregnancy risk. not to mention 2 out of 100 couples get pregnant with perfect condom use. let alone mine. Are my concerns realistically THAT obsurd in even this situation? if yes that I would love to hear it.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 21:01

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 21:02

Raizor, again, you are so lost down the anxiety spiral that you're missing the forest for the trees here. You are obsessing. Yes, they are realistically THAT absurd.

You can have her take the pregnancy test. But it will only put your mind at ease until the next time you have sex or the next health concern that you'll freak out over until you get help.

What im saying is, with regards to this pregnancy scare, I have had sex before this relationship begun not long ago and I never had this anxiety then. Why would it start now is what I am wondering :S

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 21:04

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 21:33

Because you found someone you really care about and you see yourself spending more of your life with this person. Like I told you, serious relationships always bring out the crap that we've never dealt with before. If you had a good therapist, they'd tell you the same thing.

What kind of crap? Like, anxiety about them or ?
Like, what new stuff crops up in these situations aside from pregnancy scares, curious.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 21:52

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 22:01

Fears and insecurities pop up, especially those from your childhood. Unresolved issues you've had with your parents pop up, like if you've never set clear boundaries with a parent you will have to once you are in a serious relationship because otherwise they walk over your partner. Or for instance, some people start dating someone like the parent they had issues with, and then try to solve those problems in their partner because they never could with their parent.

You've never dealt with your anxiety. What happens when you get another mouth sore and think it's cancer again? She's going to see that you're not normal about that stuff. She's not going to understand why you're obsessing over it. Not unless she's also an anxious person. If she saw this thread, I think she's freak out. Why is her boyfriend obsessing over her being pregnant when they wore a condom? Does he think that she's ruining his life?

So one day, sooner or later, you're going to get triggered by something and go into your anxiety spiral. You'll have to sit down and explain how it all works to her. Then she will have to decide if she's willing to deal with it. It would be much easier and make her much more willing to deal with it if she knows that you're working on lessening it. It's much better than, "Yeah, I get like this and freak and obsess for months, but after a few months, it will pass, if you can put up with it this long."

You get what I'm saying?

I already told her I have health anxiety and she says she does as well, she will webMD and google everything as well but usually has a more positive outlook from her findings.

She does worry, in fact she was the one that googled and told me that tiredness could be a sign... 2 sides of the same coin in that department but she is nowhere near as worried as me. Also, can I just say Antsy that I genuinly respect what you do for me - I must be beyond fustrating for you to deal with and you could be like some of the others wanting "to slap my head" or telling me to simply "get a grip". Thanks for being more undestanding to my anxiety.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 22:20

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 22:37

Always, Raizor. Even the people telling you to get a grip or slap you are doing it because they don't want a see a smart young guy screw things up. All of us have been there, and just want to be able to have others avoid what we have had to learn the hard way.

I still suggest that you get help though...two HAers getting together... :S

Like I say, she is a hybrid HAer, she will look things up but always look at the positive outcome and be calm about it - she has developed much better ways of dealing with it that I can learn from

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 22:39

Raizor, c'mon on now. After all of this, you can really still keep telling me you truly don't think you need help?

raizorpoke

23-12-17, 23:36

Raizor, c'mon on now. After all of this, you can really still keep telling me you truly don't think you need help?

I defo need help, going to try and persue it again when I am proven wrong again with this pregnancy scare and start uni. Going to be stressful but it will be worth it. I hate this.

AntsyVee

23-12-17, 23:39

Don’t wait. Start now with the free CBT or some self help books. You have to have a positive outlook on wanting to change. Your attitude and willingness to try are half the battle.

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 01:02

Don’t wait. Start now with the free CBT or some self help books. You have to have a positive outlook on wanting to change. Your attitude and willingness to try are half the battle.

You're right, honestly I think I just became complacant with the times im not anxious but just "deal" with it when it comes. I could be taking action to eliminate this anxiety all together.

Its really hard for me mentally to make that first step and I don't know why.

---------- Post added at 01:02 ---------- Previous post was at 00:17 ----------

I just want whats best for people that get involved with me. I do love this girl - I just don't want to potentially ruin her life with this.

AntsyVee

24-12-17, 02:57

Any change is hard. It's always hard to take the first step. It's like dieting. You say, "I'll do it after the holidays. I'll start next Monday" etc., but the longer you put it off the harder it is.

MyNameIsTerry

24-12-17, 06:33

Like I say, she is a hybrid HAer, she will look things up but always look at the positive outcome and be calm about it - she has developed much better ways of dealing with it that I can learn from

That sounds pretty normal to me. The internet is useful for things like this, it's only those who panic over it that have an issue. If she had HA prior to this, it sounds like she has conquered it as she is doing what a non anxious person would do with health information and she deserves a lot of credit for that! :yesyes:

---------- Post added at 06:33 ---------- Previous post was at 06:24 ----------

She does worry, in fact she was the one that googled and told me that tiredness could be a sign...

Of pregnancy? Tiredness is a symptom that can be found in so many health issues that in isolation it's of no value at all. For evidence of that, see the threads on here about a fatigue symptom being found as a cancer symptom.

Confirmation Bias is often a battle with anxiety. You showed it earlier on in the thread by making links between unrelated things. Her tiredness plus hot flashes equalling pregnancy, for instance. A doctor says it's PMS with the flashes. Tiredness can be anything, even just being a bit tired.

I don't see how either of those perceived symptoms would make anything consider pregnancy. Which is where you start linking it to the condom situation. But again, hot flashee were removed from this by her doctor as being PMs instead. A doctor knows a pregnancy symptom, it's meat & potatoes stuff to them.

Now you've got statistics about unplanned pregnancy joining the obsession to validate your fears. Yet are you worried about havin sex with her when she is on the pill? The pill ins't 100% effective either. And this is where Vee is coming from too, you may keep feeding this new theme.

I agree with Vee about this being a product of you having a good relationship. It gives your anxiety a new way to shock you into reacting with fear. Like I said earlier, intrusive thoughts aim for what shocks the most and for this reason on the OCD board we see parents having them about abusing their children, non violent people worrying about violence, etc and on the HA board it mostly about getting ill with something deadly. Your anxiety is just comng at you from a new angle.

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 14:35

That sounds pretty normal to me. The internet is useful for things like this, it's only those who panic over it that have an issue. If she had HA prior to this, it sounds like she has conquered it as she is doing what a non anxious person would do with health information and she deserves a lot of credit for that! :yesyes:

---------- Post added at 06:33 ---------- Previous post was at 06:24 ----------

Of pregnancy? Tiredness is a symptom that can be found in so many health issues that in isolation it's of no value at all. For evidence of that, see the threads on here about a fatigue symptom being found as a cancer symptom.

Confirmation Bias is often a battle with anxiety. You showed it earlier on in the thread by making links between unrelated things. Her tiredness plus hot flashes equalling pregnancy, for instance. A doctor says it's PMS with the flashes. Tiredness can be anything, even just being a bit tired.

I don't see how either of those perceived symptoms would make anything consider pregnancy. Which is where you start linking it to the condom situation. But again, hot flashee were removed from this by her doctor as being PMs instead. A doctor knows a pregnancy symptom, it's meat & potatoes stuff to them.

Now you've got statistics about unplanned pregnancy joining the obsession to validate your fears. Yet are you worried about havin sex with her when she is on the pill? The pill ins't 100% effective either. And this is where Vee is coming from too, you may keep feeding this new theme.

I agree with Vee about this being a product of you having a good relationship. It gives your anxiety a new way to shock you into reacting with fear. Like I said earlier, intrusive thoughts aim for what shocks the most and for this reason on the OCD board we see parents having them about abusing their children, non violent people worrying about violence, etc and on the HA board it mostly about getting ill with something deadly. Your anxiety is just comng at you from a new angle.

That actually makes a lot of sense, I feel like with the pill and condom I would feel a lot safer. I'm also thinking that by now she would be having more obvious symptoms but she is fine. I get what you are saying about the pregnancy test stuff earlier. I'm just trying to be responsible and just find out early despite the odds which would be fine. It's just my HA wants to focus on the worst possible outcome all of the time.

Bigboyuk

24-12-17, 14:55

The more precautions that are taken the better it's not just the mans responsabilty either that's a myth, you actually know deep down it's your HA that needs help with nothing else mate :) ATB

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 16:03

The more precautions that are taken the better it's not just the mans responsabilty either that's a myth, you actually know deep down it's your HA that needs help with nothing else mate :) ATB

Thanks everyone, im planning on returning to the thread when I find out the outcome to close the thread with a monologue of some kind, good or bad outcome.

Thanks everyone for the words and putting up with this monster of a thread.

Bigboyuk

24-12-17, 16:42

Thanks everyone, im planning on returning to the thread when I find out the outcome to close the thread with a monologue of some kind, good or bad outcome.

Thanks everyone for the words and putting up with this monster of a thread. Hey this is a tiny thread compared to some lol and get ready for I told you so Everything will be fine man :) look forward to the update too:shades:

ATB

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 17:25

Hey this is a tiny thread compared to some lol and get ready for I told you so Everything will be fine man :) look forward to the update too:shades:

ATB

Thanks a lot !
Have a good Christmas mate!

Bigboyuk

24-12-17, 18:21

Thanks a lot !
Have a good Christmas mate! Your welcome :) You too mate:D ATB

melfish

24-12-17, 18:38

I don't get how being scared of someone else being pregnant is health anxiety? Shouldn't this be on the phobia board?

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 19:22

I don't get how being scared of someone else being pregnant is health anxiety? Shouldn't this be on the phobia board?

Probably, I didn't know where to put it and it hasn't been moved - plus pregnancy is a medical situation to be fair. I did ask at the start to have the tread moved if it isn't welcome here but it seems ok.

AlexandriaUK

24-12-17, 22:21

raizorpoke

24-12-17, 22:28

Hi no one has asked I don't think but when was her last period and when was the last time you were intimate, if its more than 2 weeks ago you can get tested, if its driving you crazy then I would think its not wise to carry on having relations without a bit more contraception than just a condom, try not to build bridges till you need to cross the river, chill till u no something positive

She came off her period I think the 3rd of December and we did it pretty much every other day, last time being December 15th... However she has irregular periods (every 2 - 3 months) since she remembers so unless she suddenly had a normal one due for some reason then it shouldnt have been her ovulation. I pray that is the case.

And again, after the all clear she said she would go for the pill as well for ease of mind, in addition to the condom I still puleld out shortly before "finishing" as it were to try and be extra safe.

raizorpoke

01-01-18, 22:27

Quick update, still haven't met up with the gf (will be doing so on the 7th). Can't wait to give her a hug - I even told her sorry for being an idiot and letting my worries nearly pressure her into a test which you may not want to take. She expectedly said thats ok.

However, just today she said her arms, legs and neck are aching and she also didn't eat all her dinner because she isnt feeling great. She isn't feeling sick or experiencing nausea so idk. Im worried for her regardless but now more pregnancy signs are cropping up and its getting through to me again... Still don't know if I should stick to my guns and not do a test or only do a test if she wants. We can't use periods as a measure because of how irregular she is which has complicated all this. Feeling scared... However, im dealing with it slightly better.

AntsyVee

01-01-18, 22:30

Uh oh...man, my husband must be pregnant then! He's had body aches all last night, and an upset stomach. He hasn't gotten his period in...hmm...I dunno...I can't think of the last time he got his period!

;)

raizorpoke

01-01-18, 22:39

AntsyVee

01-01-18, 22:43

You just need to do things to keep yourself busy, so you don't fixate on things. What are your hobbies?

Catherine S

01-01-18, 22:46

raizorpoke

01-01-18, 22:49

Take the bloody test, or alternatively you can just keep posting about it for the next 9 months and if a baby appears then you'll know, because this is ridiculous. Either she's playing silly games or you both are.

Nobody is playing "silly games". I have been told conflicting things; don't let your anxiety push her into getting a test and "GET A TEST". Regardless, I have stated a few times that the soonest I could would be the 8th, and its not very nice or smooth to be like "yeah, take a pregnancy test".

Catherine S

01-01-18, 23:01

KK77

01-01-18, 23:32

You have used contraception, therefore the chance of your girlfriend being pregnant is virtually non-existent. However, if your girlfriend is worried about her "symptoms", a pregnancy test is simple and quick. Yet this will not solve your long-term problem, as there will always be a next time unless your anxiety is brought under control.

raizorpoke

01-01-18, 23:42

Most women would want to take a test instead of guessing. Your gf seems to like telling you all about her 'symptoms' while knowing how anxious you are, yet doesn't want to take a test. A bit like dangling the carrot somewhat, why would she not want to put your mind at rest about this? Just pee onto a stick and wait 2 minutes. End of.

You both sound very immature. Grow up, take the test and be done with it for goodness sake.

I really don't like the tone that you're taking. I am not sure if you have bothered to read the thread but if you haven't I recommend doing so before making baseless assumptions. She isn't mentioning pregnancy symptoms to me in the slightest. I am secretly worried about it based on some stupid un-founded reason, I, through my anxious mind am taking her symptoms and twisting them in my mind.

All she said was she isn't feeling great and she is achy, nobody mentioned pregnancy. No disrespect to you but the whole "immature" comment you made is why I am worried. I can't raise a child yet, and I don't want her having to go through that. Call me any name under the sun, not her.

---------- Post added at 23:42 ---------- Previous post was at 23:33 ----------

You have used contraception, therefore the chance of your girlfriend being pregnant is virtually non-existent. However, if your girlfriend is worried about her "symptoms", a pregnancy test is simple and quick. Yet this will not solve your long-term problem, as there will always be a next time unless your anxiety is brought under control.

She isn't worried about her symptoms, I am worried about her symptoms (yes, stupidly).

I feel like after this scare I will take even more care with protection and thus the odds of me being anxious are way less likely.

Catherine S

02-01-18, 00:02

Razorpoke. ..ive followed this thread from the start and that is the reason ive answered as I have tonight. What is it that you want people to say to you?

Fishmanpa

02-01-18, 00:07

I can't raise a child yet, and I don't want her having to go through that.

Is this the same girl you had some "difficulty" with a month ago when you had a "shot at sex"? Perhaps abstaining would be a more prudent and definitive way to prevent pregnancy and worries that were so severe you wanted to off yourself! :lac:

Positive thoughts

KK77

02-01-18, 00:24

If every time your girlfriend misses a period or feels "sick" in the morning you (secretly) equate that with "pregnancy", then I disagree with your statement about being more careful and worrying less. Accidents sometimes happen during sex, and unless you treat your anxiety, you will still feel this way. Or, you can abstain, as Fish suggests.

My point is that anxiety will always find an excuse to rear its ugly head :lac:

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 01:06

Is this the same girl you had some "difficulty" with a month ago when you had a "shot at sex"? Perhaps abstaining would be a more prudent and definitive way to prevent pregnancy and worries that were so severe you wanted to off yourself! :lac:

Positive thoughts

Hey, good to see you are taking me out of context and taking lightly my dark thoughts in that moment, I don't expect any less from the empathetic fishmanpa. No, it isn't the same girl I had a "shot at sex" with, put that assumption away please.

As I said in my PM, which I assumed you had no good rebuttal for I am not surprised you're taking such a cold look on this issue I am having - given your forum signature.

---------- Post added at 01:06 ---------- Previous post was at 01:05 ----------

If every time your girlfriend misses a period or feels "sick" in the morning you (secretly) equate that with "pregnancy", then I disagree with your statement about being more careful and worrying less. Accidents sometimes happen during sex, and unless you treat your anxiety, you will still feel this way. Or, you can abstain, as Fish suggests.

My point is that anxiety will always find an excuse to rear its ugly head :lac:

I have mentioned this before, but there have been numerous cases where I haven't been remotely worried about this - in fact, this is the only time I have been.

Fishmanpa

02-01-18, 01:07

No, it isn't the same girl I had a "shot at sex" with

Speaks volumes... thanks :)

Positive thoughts

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 01:10

Speaks volumes... thanks :)

Positive thoughts

Care to elaborate? Or are you going to carry on with baseless assumptions, with no real argument, maybe try and paint someone you have never met as a moron? Maybe you want to "slap me"? Please, I would like to hear why this "speaks volumes".

I am genuinely sick and tired of your passive aggressive comments, you need to grow up and act your age (yes, that is coming from me).

Catherine S

02-01-18, 01:20

Wow. You need to have a few words with yourself mate. Never...and I mean EVER... go anywhere close to putting Fishman down. Or you'll have most of this forum come down on you. Sort your sex life out and stop expecting us to make you feel better about yourself every time you dip your little wick. Got that? Cool. Moving on. My advice would be that you do too. :lac:

KK77

02-01-18, 01:22

I have mentioned this before, but there have been numerous cases where I haven't been remotely worried about this - in fact, this is the only time I have been.

How do you go from not "remotely worried about this" to your "biggest fear" coming true then? Doesn't make any sense.

I am trying to help you but you're putting up unnecessary walls.

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 01:56

How do you go from not "remotely worried about this" to your "biggest fear" coming true then? Doesn't make any sense.

I am trying to help you but you're putting up unnecessary walls.

Sorry that you feel like I am putting up walls, this biggest fear was realized once I initially started worrying about it in the capacity I am. In previous experiences I never worried about it because I had no cause to. Hope that makes sense.

I always have been terrible at wording things correctly. I genuinely appreciate anyone that is providing help on here! I am going to be seeking help for my anxiety when I return to university. Just having another anxiety attack in this moment.

---------- Post added at 01:56 ---------- Previous post was at 01:51 ----------

Wow. You need to have a few words with yourself mate. Never...and I mean EVER... go anywhere close to putting Fishman down. Or you'll have most of this forum come down on you. Sort your sex life out and stop expecting us to make you feel better about yourself every time you dip your little wick. Got that? Cool. Moving on. My advice would be that you do too. :lac:

Way to prove me right, what a quote "Never...and I mean EVER... go anywhere close to putting Fishman down. Or you'll have most of this forum come down on you". I will have an anxiety support forum "come down" on me?

Maybe you need to look at his attitude towards me - though, as you have a similar one you are probably too blind to see it. He has done nothing but berate me during this exchange, tell me to get over it, told me he wants to slap me, ignores me explaining myself to him over PMs and deliberately decides to go against anything and everything I said. He is the one trivializing me in a certain moment wanting to end myself, he is the one that is painting me in such a bad light and you putting him up on some sort of pedestal is blinding you to the way he has treated ME. I have already thanked him for helping people on this forum but he has always had it out for me.

More so now that I have probably rubbed his religious reviews the wrong way (p.s not getting into a debate, just saying my POV).

Incredible, I have never been to an anxiety support forum with a member that threatened me and talk in such a crude manner. I don't expect people of your age to behave this way, online or otherwise. Also, if you are going to decide to de-rail the post please don't. I would rather you PM me your qualms. Maybe step into the chat room?

Catherine S

02-01-18, 02:09

You've said that you're about to return to university? You are a child. You should respect people like Fishmanpa, who have been through so much in terms of real health issues, as well as life experiences. You are an ignorant boy who appears to know nothing about real life.

My advice to you is to stop arguing with those who are trying to help you and if you can't keep your penis in your pants, we don't really want to know about the possible consequences.

Leslie735

02-01-18, 02:20

Not sure if it means anything but from what you've posted there is pretty much noway she's pregnant. I've been pregnant twice and been married 12 years and have been having sex all that time (with my husband ha!) And the two times we didn't prevent is when we got pregnant and that's with timing out my cycle and trying at the right time. All the other times we either used condoms, pulled out, or I was on the pill. Of course, accidents happen BUT it's not likely at all.

With that said, if you are not ready to be a father and it scares you that much to then you shouldn't be in a sexual relationship because this will keep happening. Sex makes babies and that's how it is. If you are not ready then don't do it. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't want to keep going through this. Good luck!

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 02:23

You're about to return to university? You are a child. You should respect people like Fishmanpa, who have been through so much in terms of real health issues, as well as life experiences. You are an ignorant boy who appears to know nothing about real life.

My advice to you is to stop arguing with those who are trying to help you and if you can't keep your penis in your pants, we don't really want to know about the possible consequences.

It would be easier me to break down everything you just said separately and make it easier for you to digest.

"You're about to return to university?" - Yes.

"You are a child." - No, literally I am legally and biologically not a child.

"You should respect people like Fishmanpa, who have been through so much in terms of real health issues, as well as life experiences." - I am sorry he has been through health issues. Regardless of his "experience", he hasn't said anything to me that isn't boiled down to "get over it".

"You are an ignorant boy who appears to know nothing about real life." - Well done, you now know the root of my worry. It is like you read what I said earlier in the thread! Nice one!

"My advice to you is to stop arguing with those who are trying to help you" - I am not, i'm "arguing" (responding) to you and fishmanpa.

"if you can't keep your penis in your pants, we don't really want to know about the possible consequences." - I am not worried about the consequences for myself. I am worried about the consequences it will have for the girl I adore and a child I can't bring up to the best of my ability. Again, I have always dealt with the fact that there is always a slim chance. This worry was sparked by something I read online - stupid ? Yes. I know. But that is anxiety. You are also acting like I have immaturely done nothing to prevent it when I have taken every measure I possibly can as a man to prevent something like this from happening.

Anything else? Any more berating? Any more passive agression?

It does not feel good does it, it almost makes you mad when you're on the receiving end doesn't it? And please dont quote where I say "I am not worried about the consequences for myself. I am worried about the consequences it will have for the girl I adore and a child I can't bring up to the best of my ability." and then say "if you care about her that much then keep it in your pants." That "keep it in your pants" line is being worn down to the nub now. As a relationship there is a balance of physical and emotional, she and I want both and I don't want to neglect that for her.

---------- Post added at 02:23 ---------- Previous post was at 02:21 ----------

Not sure if it means anything but from what you've posted there is pretty much noway she's pregnant. I've been pregnant twice and Bern married 13 years and have been having sex all that time (with my husband ha!) And the two times we didn't prevent is when we got pregnant and that's with timing out my cycle and trying at the right time. All the other times we either used condoms, pulled out, or I was on the pill. Of course, accidents happen BUT it's not likely at all.

With that said, if you are not ready to be a father and it scares you that much to then you shouldn't be in a sexual relationship because this will keep happening. Sex makes babies and that's how it is. If you are not ready then don't do it. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't want to keep going through this. Good luck!

Thank you Leslie. It is hard to not physically love someone you love. I am worried that a lack of the physical side could potentially lead to her ending the relationship, her not feeling wanted etc. I feel like I am defo going to reduce those moments by a lot to further reduce the chances. As well as discuss other contraceptive methods as well.

swajj

02-01-18, 02:30

You didn’t wear a condom did you?

Catherine S

02-01-18, 02:30

It makes me feel like I'm talking to one of my children to be honest....when they were your age and at Uni. Not about the possibility of getting someone pregnant, but just attitude. Leslie has put it well in her post...more kindly than me, so will make you feel better i'm sure, but basically she's saying the same thing. You need to accept that you are creating this situation yourself, and stop having a go at those of us who are pointing it out to you. Not everybody has sympathy for you with this...if you don't like that, it's tough basically.

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 02:37

You didn’t wear a condom did you?

I did wear a condom, I just have it in my head that something went wrong that I didn't know about after I am pretty sure I wore one that was slightly un-rolled out of the packet.

---------- Post added at 02:37 ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 ----------

It makes me feel like I'm talking to one of my children to be honest....when they were your age and at Uni. Not about the possibility of getting someone pregnant, but just attitude. Leslie has put it well in her post...more kindly than me, so will make you feel better i'm sure, but basically she's saying the same thing. You need to accept that you are creating this situation yourself, and stop having a go at those of us who are pointing it out to you. Not everybody has sympathy for you with this...if you don't like that, it's tough basically.

More kindly? Are you kidding me - You are just berating me along with fishmanpa. You may have the "same message" but one comes from a caring place and yours comes from some warped hatred and assumption that I am a bad person.

Catherine S

02-01-18, 02:59

Warped hatred? Good grief, get a grip. People pointing out your problems do not harbour any warped hatred.

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 03:16

Warped hatred? Good grief, get a grip. People pointing out your problems do not harbour any warped hatred.

Now that your argument has boiled down to "get a grip", quite literally my point this entire time I will bid you adieu. People point out my problems all the time and actually help. You point out problems and leave them there, and not only that you quite literally said the charming line of "every time you dip your little wick". Yet I'M supposed to be the kid?

Yet you harbor no hatred of me? Pick a motive and stick to it or simply don't post. Surprise surprise, being attacked for suffering anxiety doesn't help.

Oh and by the way, maybe you're the one who needs to get a grip after your line of; "you'll have most of this forum come down on you". Nothing like a cheeky bit of cyber threats to scatter around an anxiety forum.

- Peace

Lola-Lee

02-01-18, 03:42

I am not in the "Most of the Forum"
Just sending some peace back your way.:)

MyNameIsTerry

02-01-18, 03:56

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1748731#post1748731

Bump to that thread.

RP - I think what you said earlier shows that you realise this is all in your head.

Honestly, telling a GF to take a test to obtain quick reassurance over an irrational obsession in your anxiety would be something not all women would appreciate. This is one reason why I've said a test is not the answer. If she wants one, that's up to her, but you have to remember it's just feeding anxiety.

Always ask whether the non anxious would want it. It might be quick but then so is logging on here to chase for reassurance and everyone surely understands that is negative behaviour? :shrug:

---------- Post added at 03:44 ---------- Previous post was at 03:43 ----------

I am not in the "Most of the Forum"
Just sending some peace back your way.:)

Neither am I.

2nd January and look at this place. :doh: more work for the Admins.

---------- Post added at 03:56 ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 ----------

RP - something I wanted to mention was about the conflicting advice over the test. There are people on both sides of that advice that just want to help you but we are really all strangers. I don't know you as a member and I recall you came from AZ which I've never used.

We understand the anxiety and help with the thoughts but in reality what you & your GF decide is the important part and what any medical professionals say. If they don't think it's needed other than because it's cheap & quick, they obviously don't believe it's needed (an issue like this can mean doctors see a quick test as a "get you out of the surgery" action. They do it with blood tests all the time). Ask them honestly about probability. If a doctor says it's non existent, that's enough for me and then it's about being honest with yourself over the thoughts you are having.

Fishmanpa

02-01-18, 13:11

Let's look at this shall we? (and I agree with Cath that it's like dealing with my kids when they were being buttheads!):

Referring to me:

He has done nothing but berate me during this exchange, tell me to get over it, told me he wants to slap me, ignores me explaining myself to him over PMs and deliberately decides to go against anything and everything I said. He is the one trivializing me in a certain moment wanting to end myself, he is the one that is painting me in such a bad light and you putting him up on some sort of pedestal is blinding you to the way he has treated ME. I have already thanked him for helping people on this forum but he has always had it out for me.

Earlier in the thread, you asked for a response "IGNORING THE ANXIETY PART".

I gave the response:

As people viewing this thread now, ignoring the anxiety part of all this answer me this: Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation? THAT is what I am most afraid of. Raising a child I can't provide the best for.

You know what? IMO, You're damn straight! If it ever happens, regardless of your circumstances, you do what you have to do to provide for your child. You be a responsible role model and teach them about being good people and following their dreams. You set the example for them. Being the parent of two adult children I'm very proud of, I speak from experience and my heart. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's ultimately the most rewarding.

---------- Post added at 00:55 ---------- Previous post was at 00:41 ----------

The worst part is I know I can't even do anything in this situation. I've ****ed my prospects of life and my future up all because of this.

You're saying that having the opportunity to bring a life into this world and shape a part of their future isn't valuable? See my first answer.

---------- Post added at 00:56 ---------- Previous post was at 00:55 ----------

If it wasn't so cowardly to do so in this kind of potential situation I would off myself.

Respectfully Raizor, As much as I've gone through in my life, that thought never ever crossed my mind. I understand you have anxiety and I understand that's playing a part here, but I really have no words for that train of thought. You asked the question... "Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation?" I ask you...

Would it be fair not to?

You responded with:

I will be getting a pregnancy test on the 8th of Jan. I guess you are right but it's the fact that I may have to make her face termination that upsets me as well.It's like a 50/50 with my future at stake.

To which my response was:

This just makes me cringe :ohmy:... YOUR future? YOURS?! You would have to make her face a termination? You have no freakin' say in the matter! I'd really hate to think what you would do if she was pregnant! You're a selfish (*!&%@ :mad: If I could reach through the screen and slap you upside the head I would. This isn't an anxiety issue IMO. It's a moral and responsibility issue!

Sorry folks, this just really gets my goat. I'm out...

FMP

Add to the mix that you say you really love this 18yo girl but a month ago you were jumping into bed (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211000) with another girl!

I stand by my opinion and statement which I stated privately. Since you're making that public, I'll express my opinion on the matter.

You're freaking out about choices you made. My feelings are and have always been, if you old enough to have sex, you're old enough to be responsible enough should a pregnancy occur, precautions or not.

Anxiety doesn't give you the right to tell a woman (or anyone) what to do with her life, especially when it concerns bringing a life into the world. Anxiety doesn't make you have attempted sex outside of the girl you love. Most of all, anxiety doesn't give the excuse to act like an immature child, stamping your feet when you get reality as opposed to tea and sympathy.

This is an issue of responsibility and morals as opposed to an anxiety issue IMO. YOU made choices that YOU'RE having a difficult time with. DEAL WITH IT! Get help with your anxiety so you can look outside the little me, me, me anxiety box that is your world currently.

I'll ask publicly not to mention me nor refer to me gain. I'll happily do the same.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

Bigboyuk

02-01-18, 13:44

Fishmanpa while I agree with what you say may I say (and this is not aimed at the OP!)
there are many 14 year olds that get girls pregnant because of XYZ and they do one when they find out the girl is pregnant. sorry but no 14 year old is repsponsable to look after a baby let alone them selves they might be teenagers but they aren't adults to me this makes sense. In the Op's case (not sure if he is ready to take that responsibility on that's if their is a pregnancy which many of us on here doubt! So test or wait those are the options available to him and his gf if they both agree. ATB

raizorpoke

02-01-18, 14:04

Let's look at this shall we? (and I agree with Cath that it's like dealing with my kids when they were being buttheads!):

Referring to me:

Earlier in the thread, you asked for a response "IGNORING THE ANXIETY PART".

I gave the response:

You responded with:

To which my response was:

Add to the mix that you say you really love this 18yo girl but a month ago you were jumping into bed (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211000) with another girl!

I stand by my opinion and statement which I stated privately. Since you're making that public, I'll express my opinion on the matter.

You're freaking out about choices you made. My feelings are and have always been, if you old enough to have sex, you're old enough to be responsible enough should a pregnancy occur, precautions or not.

Anxiety doesn't give you the right to tell a woman (or anyone) what to do with her life, especially when it concerns bringing a life into the world. Anxiety doesn't make you have attempted sex outside of the girl you love. Most of all, anxiety doesn't give the excuse to act like an immature child, stamping your feet when you get reality as opposed to tea and sympathy.

This is an issue of responsibility and morals as opposed to an anxiety issue IMO. YOU made choices that YOU'RE having a difficult time with. DEAL WITH IT! Get help with your anxiety so you can look outside the little me, me, me anxiety box that is your world currently.

I'll ask publicly not to mention me nor refer to me gain. I'll happily do the same.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

I will give the same treatment I did Cath, I will try and break down and respond to everything you say.

"I agree with Cath" - Not surprised.

"You know what? IMO, You're damn straight! If it ever happens, regardless of your circumstances, you do what you have to do to provide for your child. You be a responsible role model and teach them about being good people and following their dreams. You set the example for them. Being the parent of two adult children I'm very proud of, I speak from experience and my heart. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's ultimately the most rewarding."

- I agree, and at that time reading that while in an obnoxious panic, that scared me further but yes - now that I am SLIGHTLY more level headed I will have to try and make things work in this situation. Getting kicked out of my house would be irrelevant in this situation. At this moment I agreed with you, you were being incredibly helpful.

"You're saying that having the opportunity to bring a life into this world and shape a part of their future isn't valuable? See my first answer"

- Again, I feel like when you responded to this you didn't feel like I took your first response to heart. I really did, but what I was getting at was how my potentially stupid decision (based on my un-warranted/anxiety driven fears) also messed up my current future pathway. More so because of how I don't know how my parents would react in the situation. If I KNEW they would be supportive of me then to be fair I would have never went on to worry as much. However, I get what you were trying to say and had 0 qualms with you here.

"Respectfully Raizor, As much as I've gone through in my life, that thought never ever crossed my mind. I understand you have anxiety and I understand that's playing a part here, but I really have no words for that train of thought. You asked the question... "Would it be fair to raise a child in this situation?" I ask you...

Would it be fair not to?"

- This was a great way of responding to my silly comment at the time, I genuinely felt trapped in that moment suffering all manner of panic attacks. I did also respond to that "would it be fair not to" comment more directly but you may not have seen it. Regardless, I still had no qualms.

"This just makes me cringe ... YOUR future? YOURS?! You would have to make her face a termination? You have no freakin' say in the matter! I'd really hate to think what you would do if she was pregnant! You're a selfish (*!&%@ If I could reach through the screen and slap you upside the head I would. This isn't an anxiety issue IMO. It's a moral and responsibility issue!"

- This is where it hits the fan. I agree wholeheartedly that what I typed in that moment appeared worryingly selfish, HOWEVER - as I have already explained to you where I say "make her face termination" I genuinely meant that from a place of discussion and convincing rather than physically dragging her down to the abortion clinic and making her. As, logically speaking it would be the best option for EVERYONE in the situation and not just myself. Now, I did also say "My future" at steak and that I did mean, however it does not mean I am not thinking about other peoples futures as I have already vented about my more real worry about my gf and a potential child that wouldn't get the up bringing that it deserves. I would disagree that I should have 0 say whatsoever in a serious matter that took 2 consenting people to do.

"You're freaking out about choices you made. My feelings are and have always been, if you old enough to have sex, you're old enough to be responsible enough should a pregnancy occur, precautions or not. "

- I'm not freaking out about the CHOICE, as I would choose to do it again and again, what I'm freaking out about is something that I read online that I may have done by complete accident, very much akin to stupidly googling a symptom. The freakout comes from a place of having such a world turning event and me convincing myself i'm about to go through with it. Yes, having sex brings the odds of having a kid into the picture but when you read that you could have jeopardized your chances and made it all the more likely due to some silly oversight then its more concerning. Hence why this thread started in the first place.

"Add to the mix that you say you really love this 18yo girl but a month ago you were jumping into bed with another girl!"

- Yes, that looks bad from the outside but there was a whole long story about that and there is no point getting into it. It really isn't as cut and dry as it seems. A LOT of life drama plays into my situation which is why i'm stressed out as a standard.

"Anxiety doesn't give the excuse to act like an immature child, stamping your feet when you get reality as opposed to tea and sympathy. "

- I don't feel like I have been as immature as you make out to be, you stated at the start you agreed with Cathrine who legitimately insulted me in one of her posts for one. You yourself have stated you wanted to slap me due to a misunderstanding and the way I worded one of my responses poorly. Which is what I messaged you about and you decided to ignore it and stick to your own interpretation, despite the fact I wrote the response and knew its intended meaning. There is a difference between tea and sympathy, reality and being outright cold to someone.

"This is an issue of responsibility and morals as opposed to an anxiety issue IMO. YOU made choices that YOU'RE having a difficult time with. DEAL WITH IT! Get help with your anxiety so you can look outside the little me, me, me anxiety box that is your world currently."

- Again, this interpretation that you have of me is due to you deciding to ignore the correction to the post I made to you. For one, I know my body and this IS an anxiety issue. WE made choices (no issue with responsibility, we're BOTH responsible) that I am FINE with BUT something silly got stuck in my brain and I was convinced will result in a life. I am not in a me, me, me box. I am in a we, we, we box.

I wish I could look you in the damn eyes so I could tell you that my concern truly lies with those around me before myself and it is only due to my anxiety fueled mind and rushed typing and miss-interpretation that this conversation has ended up here.

And I am sorry, I WILL be using your name if and when appropriate. However, I am never going to use it for slander or negative things. You have done great things for people on this forum and on behalf of them, I thank you. It is just in this instance with me I have been feeling attacked by you and Cath rather than told any kind of "reality". Just look at the amount of people on this thread that have taken the "reality approach" and done it well.

Wish you the best also.

- Peace