HughLaurie
25-06-07, 21:00
60 minutes ago I trawled the web, landing up here through google, websites about angina and finally Wikipedia. What caused me to start looking in the first place was the extreme chest pain I suffered (in silence as not to worry my girlfriend) during the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film last Saturday. Yes it was crap, but that probably wasn't the cause.
In those 60 minutes, 30 of which were spent drinking the alcohol I often turn too when "feeling poorly", I've gone through all the phases: suspicion ("this site's bound to be full of hypochondriacs who'll know nothing about how I feel) to optimism ("hey, that's just like I feel"), to elation ("good lord - I'm not mad after all"), to misery ("all those years thinking I was mad"). Now I'm somewhere close to realistic.
I am very nearly 28, fairly physically fit, eat well and am successful in the sense that I have a wonderful girlfriend of 3.5 years and run a really great little company. However, ever since my teens I have suffered from something that has been variously diagnosed as "being possessed", "bipolar disorder" and "schizophrenia". I've found these diagnosis's a problem but have nonetheless worked really hard with a combination of lifestyle and occasional medicine to fight it off... and I've never really won.
I am often stressed (I work far too hard!!!) and every so often this results in me going completely crazy in the classical sense. My muscles tense and shake, twisting me up like Stephan Hawking; I start thinking of death; sometimes I attack and bite myself; I twitch; I speak loudly and bizarrely to myself; my inner voice starts to think horrible things about the people I pass... Basically everything goes a bit weird and the symptoms can last a couple of days, especially if partnered with depression.
Without even noticing it until reading this forum, this has made me reclusive (because I arbitarily, and wrongly, associate certain types people with my anger, so I don't want to see them), avoid watching action movies (because it causes chest pains), and has even made cutting meat very difficult (because of my pre-occupation/fear of having my throat cut). I also drink a fair amount of spirits when I'm my own to numb myself against this craziness.
Thankfully my girlfriend is awesome and, even though it clearly upsets her, she puts up with my "madness" and puts a brave face on things if need be. However, last weekend the chest pains got bad enough to really scare the hell out of me... something more than a little intensified by always having been obsessed with dying when I'm 27: it's my 28th this week!
I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow to double-check my heart is okay, but in the meantime I hope this site will help me to start to come to terms with something a lot of you appear to be suffering from. I hope with time I can give something back.
Cheers and all the best,
"Hugh"
In those 60 minutes, 30 of which were spent drinking the alcohol I often turn too when "feeling poorly", I've gone through all the phases: suspicion ("this site's bound to be full of hypochondriacs who'll know nothing about how I feel) to optimism ("hey, that's just like I feel"), to elation ("good lord - I'm not mad after all"), to misery ("all those years thinking I was mad"). Now I'm somewhere close to realistic.
I am very nearly 28, fairly physically fit, eat well and am successful in the sense that I have a wonderful girlfriend of 3.5 years and run a really great little company. However, ever since my teens I have suffered from something that has been variously diagnosed as "being possessed", "bipolar disorder" and "schizophrenia". I've found these diagnosis's a problem but have nonetheless worked really hard with a combination of lifestyle and occasional medicine to fight it off... and I've never really won.
I am often stressed (I work far too hard!!!) and every so often this results in me going completely crazy in the classical sense. My muscles tense and shake, twisting me up like Stephan Hawking; I start thinking of death; sometimes I attack and bite myself; I twitch; I speak loudly and bizarrely to myself; my inner voice starts to think horrible things about the people I pass... Basically everything goes a bit weird and the symptoms can last a couple of days, especially if partnered with depression.
Without even noticing it until reading this forum, this has made me reclusive (because I arbitarily, and wrongly, associate certain types people with my anger, so I don't want to see them), avoid watching action movies (because it causes chest pains), and has even made cutting meat very difficult (because of my pre-occupation/fear of having my throat cut). I also drink a fair amount of spirits when I'm my own to numb myself against this craziness.
Thankfully my girlfriend is awesome and, even though it clearly upsets her, she puts up with my "madness" and puts a brave face on things if need be. However, last weekend the chest pains got bad enough to really scare the hell out of me... something more than a little intensified by always having been obsessed with dying when I'm 27: it's my 28th this week!
I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow to double-check my heart is okay, but in the meantime I hope this site will help me to start to come to terms with something a lot of you appear to be suffering from. I hope with time I can give something back.
Cheers and all the best,
"Hugh"