I am terrified of getting sick from my child

[rabbitlifts]

Hi everyone,

I have a five month old baby. I am also a weightlifter, I have big plans and ambitions. We have a great sitter and he's very healthy and so far everything's been super good. He is getting all the mandatory vaccinations done.

I am a very goal-oriented person and also I have major health anxiety. One of my worst fears is getting seriously ill and not being able to train, losing all the progress I work so hard for every day. The idea itself of this happening has lead me to have panic attacks more than once so far.

I am so scared that my child will catch something and I wont be able to control things (I get thoughts like "even if I sanitize everything these products dont kill everything...most of them dont even get the viruses and new strains of germs"..."what if our sitter forgets to wash her hands after changing a diaper and then touches everything including the fridge...Im out most of the day so I cannot control what she does") and that I will get seriously ill. I have heard horror stories of illnesses that aren't as serious when you are a child but if you catch them as an adult its extremely serious and recovery is longer. Even the idea of being out of training for two weeks is terrifying and panic-inducing.

Another issue is I didn't have some repeat vaccinations ( I had a negative reaction to a vaccination and my parents were scared to give me some shots) and I dont have the records, so I'm not sure what I'm immune against. And even if I find the records and am "supposed" to have immunity some people still get sick in spite of having had vaccinations at some point so I don't trust that. Unless, perhaps, there was a way to conclusively proove that I had some decent antibodies in my body.
I also have emetophobia which makes this even worse.

These fears make me resent my child. Thats terrible because it's not his fault and it hasn't even happened yet! :doh:It makes no sense and makes me hate myself. My health is the most important thing to me in the world, and my ability to do what I love (train, compete).

I really need some reassurance, positive constructive advice on this issue and some positive accounts/anecdotes to reassure me. :flowers:

***BEFORE YOU REPLY: Some people may want to judge me for having ambitions. But this is a health anxiety forum, not a parenting forum. I am also aware of my own personality flaws, I know I am on the selfish side. I hope you can overlook that and just identify with me as a fellow health-anxiety sufferer. Thank you, I hope you can appreciate my honesty. Hearing some reassuring advice and kindness will probably make me a better mum, because I won't be terrified of my baby as a potential source of sickness.

[ankietyjoe]

You cannot separate having children from getting ill. It's not possible. These things are not in your control and never will be.

You have to put your child and your relationship with your child before your own ambitions.

In the same sentence you stated that you resent your child, and training is the most important thing in the world to you.

Whether this is a parenting forum or a HA forum, I suggest you get professional help for your anxiety before you pass on your fears to your child. Children know when you resent them. There are a lot of parents with HA here, and I don't ever recall any of them presenting such a terrifying portrayal of their relationship with their child.

[cattia]

I'm a parent to three children and I can honestly tell you that the only way to deal with this issue is to try everything you can to tackle your anxiety. When you have kids, you do sometimes pick up bugs from them, particularly in the early years when their immune systems are not so strong. It sounds as though you are obsessive about your training, which is not unusual for those of us with anxiety, we very often have obsessive personalities. However once you have children, they have to take priority over everything else. I'm not someone who thinks that parents shouldn't have their own lives and hobbies aside from being a parent, but sometimes those things have to take second place to the needs of our kids. All of us who are parents have at some point had to miss out on things that were important to us because of our kids' needs. However the good news is that there isn't anything in the world that can be more rewarding than being a parent. Seeing your children grow is more rewarding than any other passtime that there is so all the hard work and sacrifice is more than worth it. It's also true that as parents we have a responsibility to try the best we can to protect our children from the damaging effects of our own anxiety. It makes me very sad and guilty indeed when I see signs of anxiety in my eight year old because I know she has picked up those attitudes and behaviours from me and it makes me realise that I have to try harder to get control of my anxiety so that I don't pass on this suffering to her.

[Phuzella]

Get help for your child's sake

[Careful1]

I agree with all the above... You need to get professional help for the sake of your child.. They pick up on everything.