Health Anxiety and Contamination Phobias

[Lev1985]

Hello All,

I am about to tell you my story which I hope will act as a kind of therapy for myself (still waiting on the CBT referral from the NHS - only been waiting since April :whistles:).

Anyway, I have suffered from health anxiety all my life, even when I was a wee lad I always seem to remember checking my body for lumps and bumps and being overly worried about the least thing.

As I grew older these worries intensified. I was on a holiday with my friends when I was in my late teens and I got really sick, I panicked so much I convinced myself I was having a heart attack. I even took myself off to a hospital to be checked much to the amusement of my friends.

Then came the HIV worry. I used to work in a lab which tested HIV (I was in no way near this stuff but I still managed to convince myself that I had somehow been infected). I got tested and as predicted all came back okay. Next worry....

rabies, after seeing how horrible this disease can be (after watching some dodgy tv doc), I convinced myself that I had contracted this whilst holidaying in hungary. A stray dog was walking past me and I was convinced saliva from it got on me and gave me this condition. Anyway....once I got over that I moved onto brain tumours, heart attacks etc etc. I am constantly checking lymph nodes and my body for lumps and bumps.

Then came the contamination fears. I began to worry about asbestos and I have had a few meltdowns whereby I was convinced we had this in our house and this was coming from the floor tiles and ceiling (house is rented but needs some tlc) and anyway this would be on my mind at all times. I am not so much worried about myself regarding this, its my kids that I worry about, the thought of them getting some asbestos related disease because of me makes me feel sick.

Then the most recent, lead from old paint. Some of our paint has been chipping away to reveal the previous coat underneath. Again, a few meltdowns about this but I am trying to see it rationally. If it was so dangerous and if it was such a problem why are people my folks age still alive, healthy and well. I am trying to restrain myself from asking for reassurance (my wife is ever so patient with me).

I am just so sick and tired of worrying all the time. I am on 100mg of sertraline which I have been on for years. I have been to my doc about CBT and I am awaiting to hear from the hosp with an appointment.

Anyway sorry for going on, I just wanted to put how I was feeling down in words to try and make my self feel a bit better.

[Careful1]

I can defiantly relate. My mom used to call me a hypochondriac often when I was younger.. Before I even knew what death was or had any real understanding of it, I used to cry before bed and tell my mom I was afraid to go to sleep because I would never wake up. My step dad spent many nights curled at the bottom of my bed. One time I recall, I was around 6 years old (my mom and siblings still bring this up and laugh about it to this day) we were driving some where and all of a sudden I started screaming like someone was killing me absolutely hysterical saying my heart stopped!!! My mom was laughing telling me if my heart stopped I would be dead and not able to tell them my heart had stopped. I didn't understand that because I didn't really understand how death worked. In any case, she was right... I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, afraid of something but what I did not know... When I got older, I realized those were panic attacks... I was a hypochondriac and I wouldn't let her drink out of my cup or me out of hers... I use to wipe off her kisses telling her she was giving me germs etc. Its just the way I was/am.... It calmed way down when I got into my teens but went full blown in my early 20s when my heart arrhythmia's were misdiagnosed as anxiety and panic attacks... For years my anxiety ruled me... When I think about all the testing and scans I have had that were not needed and all the time I wasted being paranoid and unhappy, it makes me sick. Not to mention I feel like my behavior messed up my son. He is the exact same way I was/am. He is a hypochondriac, a germaphobe (sp?) and he has bad OCD. He washes his hands so much that they are so dried and cracked that they hurt him and sometimes bleed. He is 18 years old and has been like this since a child... I blame myself...

I finally got it under control and was anxiety free for almost 7 years... That is until around April of this year... I started getting very strange symptoms. They thought from my symptoms that I had some sort of liver disease.. Cirrhosis to be exact but many tests later it was determined that I dont have Cirrhosis or that they can tell anyway. Basically, I have no answers and it terrifies me as my symptoms get worse and worse... This has triggered my health anxiety and I am terrified of that as well. I do not want to go back down this road but feel powerless to stop it... At the moment I feel utterly hopeless...

Anyways, just wanted you to know that I can relate... I hope your appointment for therapy comes soon...

[Lev1985]

Hi Careful1, thank you for your reply. It is nice to speak with fellow sufferers because the only people I can confide in about my condition is my Wife and Mum but even then I feel they struggle to grasp what I am going through. I hope you find some answers to your problems too