Panic and your upbringing

[Debs8a]

When seeking councelling for my panic attacks, the one thing that appears to be raised consistently is my childhood and my relationship with members of my family namely my parents.
My parents are extremely disfunctional and since my step mother was bi polar, not a lot of attention was paid to me and my siblings. Instead of taking on the caring role parents were supposed to, they were either indifferent or aggressive or over bearing. I can't remember ever being hugged or told i was loved and i never really went to my parents for help.
There were good points to my childhood, don't get me wrong but as far as child/parent dynamics go there was a serious lack of convention.


Does anyone else have a similar story? Is anyone else's inner child just needing a hug from the person they should have been looked after by?

Debs

[Lindalou64]

well i grew up taking care of my mom she was handicapped,not her fault,we made sure we gave each other hugs daily.i just grew up fast no choice but i know with me has nothing to do with my problem now. its chemical imbalance runs all on my dad side....i would do it again if i had to..............Linda

[Ellen70]

Hello Debs, I think you will find a lot of people with depression and anxiety disorders, had unhappy childhoods.

My parents were good parents but I had an older brother with mental health illnesses who was domineering, violent and manic most of the time. My parents couldn't control him. My mother tried to keep him in check but my father took the easier 'give him everything that he wants, even control of the whole family' method. This method was a huge mistake as it made him even more domineering.

I know my anxiety problems stem mostly from a childhood in a very tense and violent home.

Most psychotherapists will look to your formative years for understanding of your present mental ill health.

My inner child is still suffering from her unhappy childhood but I had longterm psychotherapy and feel a bit better now and can even talk and be civil to my older brother, whereas before the therapy I ignored him whein I visited my parents and hated him passionately.

I am sorry you had neglectful parents.

I think our past can account for a large portion of our mental health problems for not 100% of it.

Regards

Eibhlin

[bubbleblitt]

I was brought up by very strict parents who are also Catholics and took the religion very seriously.Everything in my childhood seemed to be very black and white and I grew up feeling that I had to constantly try and please them and win their approval.Even as an adult I have often thought that I haven't really received any recognition for my achievements.I am sure that this has contributed to my panic attacks as an adult. My parents used to go for days sulking if they didn't agree on something and I remember the atmosphere as a child being very tense, Bev

[Wenjoy]

Hi - I was brought up very very strictly - speak when spoken to and do not answer back. My parents did lvoe me but never told me and anything I did was NEVER good enough for them. i was the black sheep of the family and have grown up not believing in myself and feeling a failure. My hubby of 25 years now loves me unconditionally and has done for 25 years and I still have panic attacks as I feel a failure for being overweight and anxious!!
Wenjoy xx

[bethyboo]

hey there hunny, i cant say i had a bad childhood but my mother has aspergers, my grandmother had severe ocd, i have acute anxiety and mild ocd and have been on medication on and off for 8 years .......also both my children have been diagnosed with tourettes. I think one of the sad facts is that while we would like to think there are answers sometimes its just accepting the way we are. there will always be a link between nature and nurture ie, mental illness and other apsects of 'the spectrum' are proved to be genetic but its also true that the way we are brought up has major influences on our current behaviour and mental states. My upbringing was slightly accentric and my mother is lovely but completely irrational and neurotic lol, i have seemed to inheret my grandmothers illnesses but while it may not be a comfort, just finding out and accepting your past can make u feel less hopeless. there are no immediate cures but it helps to understand that there is always help and others who feel the same. councilling is one of the better things ot do becasue just beign able to talk about ur past and dealing with things that u may have treid to not think abot will definately help u to come to terms with things and accept rather than question why we are the way we are. i hope things work out for u hun xxxxx

[MissChampers]

I didn't have an unhappy childhhood but it lacked love from both my parents and I was always being told I was useless. I remember when I was 4 years old my father was teaching me how to read a school book and because I couldn't remember a certain word he lost his rag and started hitting me. My mother is also as hard as nails and I never remember her ever putting her arms around me and telling me she loved me and she was always miserable. I didn't start having panic attacks until I was 19 (i'm now 35) but I think my lack of self confidence definately stems from my childhood and this has what has bought panic and agrophobia on.

[sulmare]

I think upbringing plays a big part... I have yet to get to the therapist stage and questions and I am dreading making issues out of things that have happened in the past, but I suppose until we can settle the past, it makes it harder to move forward..

[Debs8a]

Its strange how a lot of us who feel that our childhood plays a part in our condition have a parent or family member who suffer a mental illness. My mother is my adoptive mother though so i'm not sure my condition is genetic. I just don't think my folks gave me the tools to cope properly.............