Bones556644
29-12-17, 16:03
Hi all, as a general introduction, I suffer with generalised anxiety disorder and this can be triggered off by any number of things. For example, when I was at university I would be severely anxious about failing but would always get top marks. Would get anxious about friendships and people ‘hating me’ or not turning up when we had arranged to meet etc. It blights my life really.
We have bought a house around ten months ago and I just want some thoughts from others on the situation we are in.
We bought a house with a shared driveway, a far bigger house than we would have been able to get with it’s own drive. By a shared drive I mean one where there are two garages at the back via a drive which is only wide enough for one vehicle at a time to drive along. It is long enough for three or four cars to park on it. We were conscious of the fact it is shared and so knocked on the neighbours door before we moved in to get a ‘feel for them’ before we bought. They were lovely and we chatted for a while and they showed us round their house etc. I wasn’t too bothered about the concept of a shared drive before we moved in. On moving day, their van was parked in the shared drive and neighbour comes rushing out saying ‘you can block me in if you like mate’. Again, friendly enough and he helped us move our boxes in to the new house.
When we moved in, and with the benefit of hindsight this was cheeky on our part - we parked on the drive regularly - probably pretty much every day.
Then, about 4 months ago they had scaffolding put up to do their loft conversion and various other works which they spoke to us about beforehand and said ‘we are having this done’ as the scaffolding was to be on the shared drive. Work anticipated to last for six weeks - we can’t really make a fuss about it and we carried on parking just in front of the scaffolding.
We then come back from holiday and they are parking on the drive where we usually park and leaving no space for us to park on it. I get angry but realise there’s not much we can do as no one has a right to park on it at all and we have been parking on it for a while. We would look pretty stupid turning round and saying ‘you can’t park on it’.
Work takes about four months and in this time they have stacked building materials all over the driveway, including on our ‘side’ and continued parking on it, probably as often as we have. They told us that they were having their own drive constructed and would be parking both their cars on their own drive once it is built. They also said that if we wanted we could park on the shared drive at the front as then they could still access their garage (and so could we).
Once all works were finished and drive done, they now park both cars on their own driveway at front of house. We decide not to park on shared drive at all as we were aware of how irritating it got when they parked on it as it is shared land. So for about three/four weeks we park on road and they park on their drive. Shared driveway is kept clear with one or the other of us using it occasionally for parking to load or unload or if there is nowhere else to park ie road is full. This seems like the fairest way and I am conscious of treating others as you wish to be treated etc.
When we have had visitors we knocked on the door and asked if they minded us using the drive for them to park on for a few hours or so. We did this to encourage them to do the same and to try and keep good relations between us.
Yesterday, they knock on the door and ask if we mind if they use the drive today for visitors - we say no of course not as they did for us. Also, they add, they are having a ‘caravan’ delivered today which will be parked on their driveway at the front of their house and they will put one of their cars next to it. They then say that they will use the road in front to park their other car on, keeping the shared drive still clear. We say fine. They say caravan will only be there for a week or so (I think there was some mention of it stretching to two) whilst they clean it and they have sorted out storage which is where it will be long term.
Caravan has turned up and they put it on drive. They haven’t parked their car next to it or in front like they said they would and so both are on the shared drive with their visitor. It has only been here a couple of hours and so I think I am being unreasonable in expecting it all to be sorted out now and driveway clear immediately. There was some murmuring about how he didn’t think there was room for his van/car alongside the caravan. So I am worried that they will be on shared drive for weeks again.
I feel like I am being a bit unreasonable because it is only a short term arrangement. I think with the whole building and covering the shared drive in crap situation this just feels like something else that they are taking the p**s with and feels like we are constantly going to have to give in to their requests. Other half says I need to keep things in perspective, we are expecting a baby and he keeps saying that baby is much more important and if it drags on past the two weeks then we will speak to them. Whenever we have spoken to them in the past they have always been ok and moved if we have asked them to etc.
I struggle with anxiety and so my head just races to worst case scenarios of the caravan being there forever and us just having to accept them parking on the shared drive forever. Which when I write it down sounds a bit silly. I just feel like I can’t relax until the drive is clear again and if this takes weeks it’s robbing me of what could be a nice relaxing maternity leave. I keep looking out the window to see what is happening and stressing about what’s going on. I know that isn’t helpful behaviour but I am struggling to snap out of it and just find myself sitting around for hours brooding on it which isn’t helpful either!
This then means I’m not eating properly or going out much due to wanting to hide away until the ‘situation’ is back to what I am comfortable with.
I should add that we don’t use the drive for access to our garage every day as we don’t park in it. We park outside our house so as to keep shared driveway clear - it is owned half and half.
Anyone offer any words of comfort?
We have bought a house around ten months ago and I just want some thoughts from others on the situation we are in.
We bought a house with a shared driveway, a far bigger house than we would have been able to get with it’s own drive. By a shared drive I mean one where there are two garages at the back via a drive which is only wide enough for one vehicle at a time to drive along. It is long enough for three or four cars to park on it. We were conscious of the fact it is shared and so knocked on the neighbours door before we moved in to get a ‘feel for them’ before we bought. They were lovely and we chatted for a while and they showed us round their house etc. I wasn’t too bothered about the concept of a shared drive before we moved in. On moving day, their van was parked in the shared drive and neighbour comes rushing out saying ‘you can block me in if you like mate’. Again, friendly enough and he helped us move our boxes in to the new house.
When we moved in, and with the benefit of hindsight this was cheeky on our part - we parked on the drive regularly - probably pretty much every day.
Then, about 4 months ago they had scaffolding put up to do their loft conversion and various other works which they spoke to us about beforehand and said ‘we are having this done’ as the scaffolding was to be on the shared drive. Work anticipated to last for six weeks - we can’t really make a fuss about it and we carried on parking just in front of the scaffolding.
We then come back from holiday and they are parking on the drive where we usually park and leaving no space for us to park on it. I get angry but realise there’s not much we can do as no one has a right to park on it at all and we have been parking on it for a while. We would look pretty stupid turning round and saying ‘you can’t park on it’.
Work takes about four months and in this time they have stacked building materials all over the driveway, including on our ‘side’ and continued parking on it, probably as often as we have. They told us that they were having their own drive constructed and would be parking both their cars on their own drive once it is built. They also said that if we wanted we could park on the shared drive at the front as then they could still access their garage (and so could we).
Once all works were finished and drive done, they now park both cars on their own driveway at front of house. We decide not to park on shared drive at all as we were aware of how irritating it got when they parked on it as it is shared land. So for about three/four weeks we park on road and they park on their drive. Shared driveway is kept clear with one or the other of us using it occasionally for parking to load or unload or if there is nowhere else to park ie road is full. This seems like the fairest way and I am conscious of treating others as you wish to be treated etc.
When we have had visitors we knocked on the door and asked if they minded us using the drive for them to park on for a few hours or so. We did this to encourage them to do the same and to try and keep good relations between us.
Yesterday, they knock on the door and ask if we mind if they use the drive today for visitors - we say no of course not as they did for us. Also, they add, they are having a ‘caravan’ delivered today which will be parked on their driveway at the front of their house and they will put one of their cars next to it. They then say that they will use the road in front to park their other car on, keeping the shared drive still clear. We say fine. They say caravan will only be there for a week or so (I think there was some mention of it stretching to two) whilst they clean it and they have sorted out storage which is where it will be long term.
Caravan has turned up and they put it on drive. They haven’t parked their car next to it or in front like they said they would and so both are on the shared drive with their visitor. It has only been here a couple of hours and so I think I am being unreasonable in expecting it all to be sorted out now and driveway clear immediately. There was some murmuring about how he didn’t think there was room for his van/car alongside the caravan. So I am worried that they will be on shared drive for weeks again.
I feel like I am being a bit unreasonable because it is only a short term arrangement. I think with the whole building and covering the shared drive in crap situation this just feels like something else that they are taking the p**s with and feels like we are constantly going to have to give in to their requests. Other half says I need to keep things in perspective, we are expecting a baby and he keeps saying that baby is much more important and if it drags on past the two weeks then we will speak to them. Whenever we have spoken to them in the past they have always been ok and moved if we have asked them to etc.
I struggle with anxiety and so my head just races to worst case scenarios of the caravan being there forever and us just having to accept them parking on the shared drive forever. Which when I write it down sounds a bit silly. I just feel like I can’t relax until the drive is clear again and if this takes weeks it’s robbing me of what could be a nice relaxing maternity leave. I keep looking out the window to see what is happening and stressing about what’s going on. I know that isn’t helpful behaviour but I am struggling to snap out of it and just find myself sitting around for hours brooding on it which isn’t helpful either!
This then means I’m not eating properly or going out much due to wanting to hide away until the ‘situation’ is back to what I am comfortable with.
I should add that we don’t use the drive for access to our garage every day as we don’t park in it. We park outside our house so as to keep shared driveway clear - it is owned half and half.
Anyone offer any words of comfort?