I guess it's in my genes

[sdoxo]

Just using this post to do a little venting, not looking for any replies, but if you can relate please feel free :)

I had my HA under control for a few months but it has recently come back. But here's the thing, I'm not even sure why I have HA because it damn sure isn't justified. My only downfall is that I smoke, which I plan on quitting very soon. But that's it. I feel terrible coming on here and seeing all these symptoms you guys have and sit there wondering what in the hell I have to be worried about. Literally my only symptom is occasional back pain which I've pretty much had since high school. I'm 26, not overweight and seem to be in pretty good health. But it's like my HA keeps telling me 'well surely something will happen soon' or 'you have something sinister going on its just not advanced enough to give you symptoms.

I had a chest xray last year, breast ultrasounds, intravaginal ultrasound, and I have been doing yearly paps since I was 21. Normal people would be ecstatic to have had these tests and get the all clear, but not us HA sufferers. That would be too easy.

I just wish so badly that I could be normal. And honestly I almost blame my mother. I don't think she has HA, but she has severe depression. To the point where some weeks she will stay in bed for days just sleeping. She is on all kinds of meds, anti depressants and anti physcotics and all that. I guess that's who I get it from.


I don't really know what the point of all this is. I guess I just needed to get it all out. I don't really have anyone to talk to other than you lovely bunch here :) my parents don't understand, and neither does my husband. He tries his best to be supportive but until you've lived it you will never fully understand the hell we all go through.


If you have made it this far, thanks for reading. You people are my saving grace sometimes :)

[Mindprison]

I always thought my genetics were a factor to this as well. Obviously a lot of emotional trauma that happened to me as well that caused the anxiety part, but I think I was destined to have anxiety and depression since it runs on both sides of my family.

Who knows, maybe it's just the world we live in now that's done it to us. More people now are being treated for mental health problems than ever before.

Health anxiety is a beast that is hard to keep down, we beat it before and we can beat it again. It's also something that I don't think many people understand unless they are also going through it. Just have to try to stay positive and make sure it stays down next time.

[sdoxo]

You're right it absolutely is a beast, and a very hard one to tame. I usually try to keep my worries in my head and on here, because like we said not everyone understands what it's like.

Thank you for the kind words :)

[Beautiful disaster]

Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about this same topic. I have had my HA for 30+ years and it began as OCD. In fact, my mom remembers exactly when it began. When I consider her thoughts and all of the self analyzing I have done, I really consider mine to have begun as a cry for attention. And then it turned in to habit. A bad habit that's extremely hard to break and easily triggered. I don't see HA specifically in my family history but definitely depression and anxiety. I don't quite feel that I "inherited " it, so to say, but that it was a learned trait. It's all I really knew and saw in my family. I keep reading how it's the hardest to treat.