I can't do this anymore..

[Panda22]

Today i travelled to my parents home (they live in a different country) with my brother and sister. The week before i lost sleep with worry about it. It started good, drive there went fine, waiting at airport fine, the flight fine too.

But then at the airport there... they wanted to go drink some coffee. I felt panic coming up and started feeling super weird. Like so out of it. Sick to my stomach, unreal feeling, dizzy and like i just had to get out of there..

Then the ride to my parents home 2,5 hours i felt anxious but tried to distract myself.. Now i'm at their home and i feel so very out of it again. Just feel sick to my stomach, depressed, anxiety symptoms, nervous and some derealization... I don't know how i'll get through this week i just want to go home again...

I'm so done with this.. i don't know how to discribe it but this is the worst feeling in the world. What can i do??? Ive been having panic attacks for years it still hasn't gotten better.. please i need help

[ana]

I'm so sorry you feel like that. I completely understand and relate to how you feel. I've been where you are now for the past 17 years.
All the symptoms you describe are classic anxiety symptoms. It sounds like your mind is protesting against seeing your parents for the holidays, for one reason or another. You may or may not be consciously aware of this reason, but your mind feels overwhelmed and is trying to get you out of that situation (hence the depersonalisation) and back to 'safety'.

Try and take something (benzos?) short-term, just until you're home again. If at all possible, try and find something enjoyable to do, proving to your mind that you're in no danger.
As to what to do... just keep at it, there's nothing else I can say. Keep going. Anxiety can make your life living hell, but it can't kill you. Don't fight it, work with it, prove it wrong, show to yourself that you don't need it. It's a long, winding road to recovery, but persist, find what works for you, what relaxes you and makes you happy, and slowly but surely, the anxiety will fade. :)

[Panda22]

Thank you. It feels like hell, i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone

Sorry to hear you have it for 17 years, hope it starts getting brighter for you too :(

The mind feeling overwhelmed and causing unreality feelings makes sense. My mind feels so tired and i can't focus on anything

I take oxazepam but don't want anything that makes me feel even more out of it now, im trying natural calming tablets now see if they do anything

When i'm back from this holiday my doc said i can start antidepressants. I feel like i need some help from medication because these feelings are not ok.

One more reason i want to go home.. i love my parents so much but i feel horrible.. as soon as i'm in a new place my mind completely freaks out and causes panic

Anyone else recognize this?

[ana]

Anti-depressants offer a lot of relief, so I'm sure you'll find the right ones that work for you. I also feel unsettled in new places or/and the places where I've had panic attacks previously. Every panic attack creates a mini trauma. :(

Thank you, I've been coping well on and off throughout the years, but if and when it'll improve for good, I have no idea. I've realised that what really matters is living your life the way you want it to, rather than waiting for anxiety to go away and leave you alone.

Feel better :)