View Full Version : Health anxiety destroying me and my family
Hi
I've been reading the forum for a while now but only today picked up the courage to post because I am so ashamed.
Health anxiety has crippled me for the last few years. It started a few years ago after being diagnosed with PTSD. That I've got a handle on but the HA sends me into a spiral and I dont know where to start. Just now it is the Aussie flu pieces in the paper. My husband has a serious heart condition and I work in a large hospital and am terrified that I'll bring it back to him. I've even considered leaving so I couldn't infect him.
I've been off work for two weeks and am almost a recluse because of it. I can feel the hysteria building as I'm due back at work tomorrow and cant face going outside.
But it isn't just that. I have the most terrible thoughts. My husband was seriously ill and almost died, my dad had bowel cancer and almost died after his bowel ruptured during surgery. But they didn't. They came through. And I'm too busy being terrified of what ifs to count my blessings of what wasn't.
A colleague's mum died before Christmas and I dreaded speaking to her as I was scared I'd say the wrong thing. My compassion was overclouded by how I couldnt bear it if it had been me. My family are so precious to me and all this about the flu jab not working in the elderly terrifies me as I watch their every sneeze.
How do folk cope when it's not just their own health they are worrying about? Where do I even start to fix this as it seems instead of enjoying my family I'm hiding away terrified of bogey men.
First, can you wear a surgical mask at work? I see people wearing them all the time at medical facilities during flu season. And given that you have your husband's health to consider it seems reasonable to do so. I'm sure you know to wash your hands often and not to touch your face.
Do you see a therapist or counselor about your fears? It sounds like you would benefit from outside help. We can't control everything around us and trying to do so only creates anxiety and fear. It definitely can be debilitating. I'm having anxiety about getting the flu. I think many people feel this way here. I wash my hands a lot and have antibacterial wipes in my purse! Ugh! I hate flu season!!
I can relate!
HA is a selfish disease, in it is completely self-centered. The way I experience HA isn't always the same, but there are times- when I am REALLY scared- that I go completely inward and withdraw and want nothing to do with anyone else or even life, really. In those situations, I try to fake it til I make it, going out when I don't want to, getting engaged in something when I don't want to. For some reason, I am actually better with "friends" (b/c I don't really have many, lol) than family. This drives my husband crazy!!! He gets really frustrated with me at times, and I understand.
Your post displays a lot of insight, and you can use that as a strength. When you know you are being self-centered, remind yourself that that is not how you want to be and reach out to people. You can take moments each day to "count your blessings" or think of the ways that you are lucky. Build moments in the day when you have family time.
You can't change what's already gone down, but you can behave differently in the future. At first, you might not be all in, but it will get easier with time. THere was a point when I first developed HA that I wouldn't even make plans b.c my immediate thought was, I don't know if I'll be here, or I might be sick (cancer fearer here!). Even if I have such a thought now, I don't indulge it b/c what's so hard about changing plans if the worst happens? It's not hard at all!!! While I am still struggling with HA, a lot of it is due to our own behavioral patterns and letting ourselves get stuck there. If you challenge your HA impulses, they would weaken and wither. It takes work and time, though.
Thank you both for replying. And thank you for not judging me harshly for being so self absorbed.
Chris, thanks for the suggestion. I've contacted our local mental health team as here you self refer to see about the prospect of some sort of therapy. I've a phone assessment on the 11th to see what service would be most beneficial and then the wait is around 8 weeks. They were really nice too, organising the phone assessment as it's in the middle of a busy health center and the CPN didnt want to put me under anymore pressure and maybe cancel.
NervUs, thanks for the understanding. It's reassuring to know that others have similar responses to events. At night, I've actually thought I was going mad. Tonight you gave me the courage to sit down and tell my other half just exactly what goes through my head. The silly thing is he kind of already knew, I was so terrified of looking weak to him and he already had me sussed! So thank you.
Mindprison
04-01-18, 01:11
Everything will be fine. Its amazing how the media puts another word in front of something as common as flu and all of a sudden we're supposed to believe its the plague and millions will die.
As far as im concerned its all scaremongoring to sell papers. Just because its a different strain of flu doesn't mean its all of a sudden death for anyone who catches it.
Flu of any kind carries risks for vulnerable people but doctors will be equipped to deal with it.
The big one I remember was swine flu. Several of my friends got it and thought it was the death of them. A week later they were back to normal thanks to prompt treatment.
If we got through swine flu, i doubt this will be any different.
That's very true. It would be nice if the news articles reported on all of the people who got the flu and recovered easily. Instead we are inundated with all of the scary stuff that feeds our anxiety! For people like us who are sensitive to this kind of information, it just makes for a very difficult winter!
You need therapy if you were truly diagnosed with PTSD. As a fellow PTSD sufferer, no one gets past PTSD without some form of help. In addition to seeking therapy, I also recommend this book:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. It will show you why your PTSD manifests itself in HA for many people, and why getting some help is so needed.
ankietyjoe
04-01-18, 10:13
You need therapy if you were truly diagnosed with PTSD. As a fellow PTSD sufferer, no one gets past PTSD without some form of help. In addition to seeking therapy, I also recommend this book:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. It will show you why your PTSD manifests itself in HA for many people, and why getting some help is so needed.
Couldn't agree more, I don't think the PTSD and HA are unrelated.
My partner has serious, serious PTSD (prolonged childhood abuse and nearly died giving birth to our youngest), and it can be complex and difficult to treat depending on the severity.
The illnesses your loved ones have could be perceived as kind of 3rd party trauma, and even witnessing their suffering is trauma in itself (trust me, I know this).
I would suggest treating everything as a whole.
Thanks for the replies,both are very helpful. I dont know how to multi quote so this reply is a bit convoluted.
AntsyVee, I was in therapy with a psychologist for two years after my diagnosis. I was discharged as I had stopped having the syptoms that drove me to seek help. No flashbacks, nightmares. I could recognise my triggers and either avoid them or anticipate them. My health anxiety started about 18 months after being discharged. I had a mole grow on the sole of my foot. Every article I read said that shouldnt happen, I was terrrified. It was cut out and came back negative, it was due to a hormonal imbalance I was having. But the underlying fear never left after that.
Couldn't agree more, I don't think the PTSD and HA are unrelated.
My partner has serious, serious PTSD (prolonged childhood abuse and nearly died giving birth to our youngest), and it can be complex and difficult to treat depending on the severity.
The illnesses your loved ones have could be perceived as kind of 3rd party trauma, and even witnessing their suffering is trauma in itself (trust me, I know this).
I would suggest treating everything as a whole.
Unfortunately in my area the NHS board doesnt treat them as a whole. But I think you're right and that is what I need. I did wonder if the PTSD was now just manifesting itself in a different form.
In our area, we have a community mental health team that treats low mood, various anxiety disorders, phobias etc. For the most part it's self referral. You speak to a psychiatrist at your initial assessment who draws up a plan. You rarely see them again, the treatment/sessions are done by community psychiatric nurses.
More complex disorders need a referral from your GP to psychiatric services. Unfortunately unless you're threatening harm or self harm the wait is between 12 and 18 months depending on condition. If the CMHT think that's the route you need, they recommend to your GP he do a referral.
Because I've been discharged, I need to go back to the beginning again.The downside of the NHS here is while free at point of need it is slow, protracted and often not joined up. If I could pay for it I could have access to three or four different professionals within a week or two.
I'll definetly try to source the book recommended as I really dont want to waste months with these thoughts going round my head. In a way I'm fortunate as I dont have the type of HA where I will go round in circles tearing apart medical opinions. With my mole the results were enough to accept it was normal. My issues seem to stem from when medical opinion cant answer my question or give a guarantee. I think that does stem from the PTSD as one of the issues that came up as a trigger for me was loss of control.
Thanks for the replies,both are very helpful. I dont know how to multi quote so this reply is a bit convoluted.
AntsyVee, I was in therapy with a psychologist for two years after my diagnosis. I was discharged as I had stopped having the syptoms that drove me to seek help. No flashbacks, nightmares. I could recognise my triggers and either avoid them or anticipate them. My health anxiety started about 18 months after being discharged. I had a mole grow on the sole of my foot. Every article I read said that shouldnt happen, I was terrrified. It was cut out and came back negative, it was due to a hormonal imbalance I was having. But the underlying fear never left after that.
Unfortunately in my area the NHS board doesnt treat them as a whole. But I think you're right and that is what I need. I did wonder if the PTSD was now just manifesting itself in a different form.
There is something called "complex PTSD". That's what I have, technically. Complex PTSD means that PTSD occurs in individuals who have multiple events of exposure to trauma. For example, if a person was involved in one horrific car accident, and that's the only bad thing that happened to them, that would be PTSD. Take my example though: I grew up in a home exposed to neglect and abuse; I was in a horrific car accident; I had a coworker murdered; and I found the body of my best friend (and I'm only in my late 30s). I was doing pretty well after each of these events as I sought counseling after each one. But by the last one they had all compounded to make my last bout with PTSD almost debilitating.
The mind can only take so much stress. You may have gone through trauma again with mole thing. It certainly seems like your PTSD is still an issue.
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