View Full Version : HIV Fear
Hi,
I dated a girl for about 6 months and we have since split up. We had unprotected sex most of the time and now im worried I might have contracted HIV.
I've no real reason to assume she has it. Single mum and apparently only a couple recent boyfriends to speak off. But she did tell me she had an abortion with a previous boyfriend.
So now we have split I am sitting here worried about HIV.
Should I ask her if im at risk or go and get a test done, which im terrified of doing.
Any thoughts would be welcome. She is black and I'm the only white guy she has dated.
I'm just sat here feeling very low convinced I could have it :weep::weep::weep:
Hi aren't you married now? Seriously if you are concerned go and get tested The chances are very slim and use protection just to be on the safe side :) Think you are over worrying and HIV if you did have it can be easily and effectively treated now a days too ATB
ankietyjoe
03-01-18, 19:58
I don't see anything you've said that indicates a risk, her having an abortion, her being a single mother OR her being black.
Rather than risking offending her by asking, if you're worried then get a test yourself and then let her know if it's positive (which it won't be).
paranoid-viking
03-01-18, 20:50
Hi,
I dated a girl for about 6 months and we have since split up. We had unprotected sex most of the time and now im worried I might have contracted HIV.
I've no real reason to assume she has it. Single mum and apparently only a couple recent boyfriends to speak off. But she did tell me she had an abortion with a previous boyfriend.
So now we have split I am sitting here worried about HIV.
Should I ask her if im at risk or go and get a test done, which im terrified of doing.
Any thoughts would be welcome. She is black and I'm the only white guy she has dated.
I'm just sat here feeling very low convinced I could have it :weep::weep::weep:
Chances are slim. Most people dont have HIV. But remember also that HIV now in 2017 is not the same as getting it in 1985 and 1990. Back then it was a death sentence. But after 1996 and up to today it is not and there are medicines that makes it possible to live a long and healthy life with HIV. It is not a death sentence for those who takes the medicine. I dont think many people in the developed world develpos AIDS and dies from it these days.
Hi aren't you married now? Seriously if you are concerned go and get tested The chances are very slim and use protection just to be on the safe side :) Think you are over worrying and HIV if you did have it can be easily and effectively treated now a days too ATB
Hi, yes I will get tested and I know the risk is low but I'm simply terrified of a bad result and what it would mean.
It's not a black thing either but I remember getting tested several years ago and they asked if I dated a black girl ever. It's not a racist thing else I wouldn't have mentioned it, or indeed dated her.
Hi, yes I will get tested and I know the risk is low but I'm simply terrified of a bad result and what it would mean.
It's not a black thing either but I remember getting tested several years ago and they asked if I dated a black girl ever. It's not a racist thing else I wouldn't have mentioned it, or indeed dated her. Of course and it's pretty normal to have some worry about it think most ppl would be worried regardless of any MH condition :) I don't think it's a even spread as such across various groups of ppl certain groups are simply at more risk than others but it's not a race issue eg: under developed countries and poor countries that haven't got the education system etc in place may have more cases than a developed country. Let us know the results when you find out, for now stop worrying you will be fine :) ATB
Thanks bud. Will let you know ..... Just gathering the courage to get myself there....
Thanks bud. Will let you know ..... Just gathering the courage to get myself there.... Np mate,sure in your own time you will get there :) ATB
ShaunRyder
04-01-18, 11:53
It will be highly unlikely you have HIV. I had this worry a few months back, worried myself for weeks, would keep saying to myself I would go to the walk in clinic but put it off everyday making myself more worried, in the end I just made myself go and it wasnt really that bad, all tests were fine. Once you make yourself go you will feel much better about it all.
Dave_Lister
05-01-18, 21:58
HIV is a very hard virus to transmit heterosexually through vaginal sex. It is estimated that 1 in 1-2000 encounters get infected vaginally through intercourse.
You could go and visit an STI clinic and they can do a rapid test where they prick your finger, and they have the result to you in a minute. I have done this myself, and though it is very scary for us HA people, once it is over, it is a huge relief.
How long has it been since your last encounter? I ask because the rapid test takes about 6 weeks after your last encounter to be conclusive.
A Gen 4 duo test will be 100% conclusive after 4 weeks exposure. I am not sure if they will offer this test to you in your region in a rapid form though, but I would ask.
Don't be frightened. I know it is hard, but your ex doesn't fit the profile of having HIV (ie: IV drug user, prostitute etc) so I am certain you are ok, but I know that if you are like me, you will not be able to move on until you get a negative test result so try to get the courage up and get it done pal!
Thanks Dave. Building the bravery and will look to do it next week... I am bricking it though I have to be honest.
1min test will do for me.
Thank you for your support!
You're more likely to get a standard STI like Herpes or the clap over HIV... glove up mate in future!
Too add it's not a one min test it's 20 mins but can be done while you wait in the clinic :) think it's called POC test. HTH ATB
Gonna try go today. To say my bricking it is a massive understatement
Dave_Lister
08-01-18, 20:13
Good lad!
Let us know what happened!
Still havent been..... Im just so crap with fear!
I have had a chat with my former partner and she told me the following
a) She had a clean Sexual Health Check in Jan 17.
b) She met a boyfriend in the early 2017 and ended up having an abortion in April.
c) She had a one night encounter with a former boyfriend
And then me...
So appreciate any thoughts? Risk is low? I'm just bricking it I really am.
:weep::weep::weep:
So appreciate any thoughts?
Based on your history, nothing we say here will help. You'll worry until either you take the test or something else comes along to replace this worry or add to it. Just being real man....
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
12-01-18, 12:48
If you removed the anxiety how would you feel about it? Would you see getting tests as responsible to yourself and future/current partners or would you see it as non required?
Dave_Lister
12-01-18, 18:22
Still havent been..... Im just so crap with fear!
I have had a chat with my former partner and she told me the following
a) She had a clean Sexual Health Check in Jan 17.
b) She met a boyfriend in the early 2017 and ended up having an abortion in April.
c) She had a one night encounter with a former boyfriend
And then me...
So appreciate any thoughts? Risk is low? I'm just bricking it I really am.
:weep::weep::weep:
Unfortunately nothing we can say to you will calm your fears, because the HA cycle will always find a "what if" to taunt you with.
You are going to have to have a test to move on, although I do not believe you have anything to worry about as I have stated in my previous post.
Just "man up" and go get it done. You will be fine, trust me on this.
Okay Dave. I will force myself. So bloody terrified but I'll do it.
Thanks all for your support.
Okay Dave. I will force myself. So bloody terrified but I'll do it.
Thanks all for your support.
:yesyes: I'll have the "Told ya so gang" on standby :winks:
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-18, 02:24
If you removed the anxiety how would you feel about it? Would you see getting tests as responsible to yourself and future/current partners or would you see it as non required?
And then what? Will you accept It without issue or worry about all the possibilities it could be flawed?
And then what? Will you accept It without issue or worry about all the possibilities it could be flawed?
No I'll accept it and move on, I really will!
---------- Post added at 08:33 ---------- Previous post was at 08:32 ----------
:yesyes: I'll have the "Told ya so gang" on standby :winks:
Positive thoughts
Thank you buddy... I hope your right!!!!
Dave_Lister
13-01-18, 18:54
You’re going to be fine. Just do it!
You will feel like a weight has been lifted off of you.
okay last thing.
Im planning on going Thursday, but tonight (my OCD health anxiety playing up) I remembered one thing.
One night we had sex, I noticed a small amount of blood on me. She thought she had finished her period, but there was a small bit left.
Its only just occured to me tonight and now im back a few steps. Any reassurance much appreciated, I know you must be sick of me by now, esp Dave ;)
Thank you for everything by the way
You are going to be fine :) Remember this is a MH condition and it needs to be treated so after you get your results back please go and get help for your HA :) And let us know how you get on don't delay it any further mate ATB
WiseMonkey
15-01-18, 23:46
Yes the fourth generation HIV Ab/Ag is very quick and accurate, it can detect the antigen (which occurs earlier 3-4 weeks after contact) and then the antibodies from week 4 onwards.
This test is free and anonymous at the Aids clinics.
MyNameIsTerry
16-01-18, 01:36
You are going to be fine :) Remember this is a MH condition and it needs to be treated so after you get your results back please go and get help for your HA :) And let us know how you get on don't delay it any further mate ATB
Yep, the issue is the anxiety. Being pushed by irrationality to get tests isn't going to go away by this test.
This is why I ask whether there are grounds for a test because people are saying have it to ease your mind (reassurance-seeking compulsion) which we would say is only reinforcing the anxiety. There has to be a practical reason that any non anxiety suffer would be doing rather than only HAers.
WiseMonkey
16-01-18, 07:04
Yep, the issue is the anxiety. Being pushed by irrationality to get tests isn't going to go away by this test.
This is why I ask whether there are grounds for a test because people are saying have it to ease your mind (reassurance-seeking compulsion) which we would say is only reinforcing the anxiety. There has to be a practical reason that any non anxiety suffer would be doing rather than only HAers.
If you've had unprotected sex with a partner, it's being responsible to have an hiv test before you move on. There's always more than one person in a relationship, so it's protecting them as well as getting reassurance for yourself. Of course it's preferable to use condoms but if you're planning a pregnancy, both partners need to be tested and be in a monogamous relationship.
MyNameIsTerry
16-01-18, 07:36
If you've had unprotected sex with a partner, it's being responsible to have an hiv test before you move on. There's always more than one person in a relationship, so it's protecting them as well as getting reassurance for yourself. Of course it's preferable to use condoms but if you're planning a pregnancy, both partners need to be tested and be in a monogamous relationship.
It may be practical to consider a test before another relationship but that's not what the OP is worrying about, it's whether he already has it. Being practical would have meant ensuring your new partner didn't have HIV before you starting having sex.
This is why I asked him to consider whether he will question the test. Many HIV worriers just start obsessing over anything from a botched test to someone tampering with them.
The irrational thinking can be seen in the first post. Abortion, skin colour, etc non of which would be a factor to the non HAer and that thinking is part of the greater problem that won't be addressed by this test as Dave mentioned.
In terms of next relationship, I agree, but not for the current worry.
Dave_Lister
16-01-18, 22:28
It may be practical to consider a test before another relationship but that's not what the OP is worrying about, it's whether he already has it. Being practical would have meant ensuring your new partner didn't have HIV before you starting having sex.
This is why I asked him to consider whether he will question the test. Many HIV worriers just start obsessing over anything from a botched test to someone tampering with them.
The irrational thinking can be seen in the first post. Abortion, skin colour, etc non of which would be a factor to the non HAer and that thinking is part of the greater problem that won't be addressed by this test as Dave mentioned.
In terms of next relationship, I agree, but not for the current worry.
Terry is right about questioning the test. I did, but I learned to believe the results. It is an HA thing.
Terry is right about seeking assurance and testing, but in this instance I think it is warranted not because I think the OP has anything to worry about, but to be responsible for future partners.
HIV isn't like going and getting a CT scan for a brain tumor because unlike a brain tumor HIV is spreadable through sexual contact although, heterosexual contact does carry a minimal risk as long as it is not anal sex, which is where the most risk occurs sexually.
Have you had the test yet?? ATB
Have you had the test yet?? ATB
Not yet im afraid. But I have a 11am appointment tomorrow and I know they discuss it with me first so im hoping I have the courage to go through with it, i really do.
Logic and facts tell me I took a risk with the same girl for a few months, but the odds are low.
Just pray to god that its okay!! I'm NEVER putting myself in this position again!!!
Not yet im afraid. But I have a 11am appointment tomorrow and I know they discuss it with me first so im hoping I have the courage to go through with it, i really do.
Logic and facts tell me I took a risk with the same girl for a few months, but the odds are low.
Just pray to god that its okay!! I'm NEVER putting myself in this position again!!! Mate you aren't doing your self any favours by putting it off, you need now to get it out of the way, then you can move on :) And yeah you are right and that's good logic to apply the odds are very low I will be ready with the rest of 'I told ya so gang' you will sail though this and wonder what all the commotion was all about :yesyes: ATB
So? (Told ya so gang on standby)
Positive thoughts
Hi all,
I did the tests. Blood and urine. Unfortunately they wouldnt do a 'rapid' test because im classed as low risk. So I have to wait till Tues/Weds to hear. Apparently they send you a text sms with the results if clear. Else they ring you if you need treatment for something. Feck I'm praying for the SMS rather than the phone call!
So, i've a few days to keep panicking and prob no sleep.
I'll see how the weekend goes and if its bad ill try find a private clinic or something and pay for a test.
---------- Post added at 16:12 ---------- Previous post was at 16:06 ----------
On the plus side, the nurse felt im being over anxious and reckons ive nothing to worry about, but they would say that. Well she said im 'low risk'.
Without doubt so far these are the darkest days of my life.
I spoke with my former partner and she had blood test recently for a cosmetic op and said they were fine.
I suppose on a plus point Ive got it done and now one more week of pain full waiting.
I had panic attacks on the way and defo had one whilst waiting to be seen.
I NEVER want to go through this again..!!
Thank you all for your support, you have been very kind! Obviously any words of encouragment from this point on will be most welcome!
Hmm find that hard to believe that they didnt run a poc test (especialy as you have HA which you should have mentioned) if only to give you peace of mind, my advice is don't waste your money on a private test just keep your self busy and distracted and as Fishmanpa says we are on stand by to say told you so :) everything will be fine! ATB
Maybe its a cost saving thing. I even offered to pay but she said they wouldnt do it because i was low risk
It's probably because you are low risk and cost doesn't come in to it :) Have you been screened for STI's too? I know you are clear and so do the other posters on this thread so take that on board mate :) ATB
It's probably because you are low risk and cost doesn't come in to it :) Have you been screened for STI's too? I know you are clear and so do the other posters on this thread so take that on board mate :) ATB
Thank you mate. I am just about keeping calm while I wait. Dave gave me a good tip for OraQuick. I'm going chemist tomorrow in london on way to work. My local doesnt stock them.
I'm doing my level best to stay calm and positive. Hope I sleep.....
Guys thank you for all your kind advice and reassurance. Keeping me sane!!!
---------- Post added at 20:15 ---------- Previous post was at 20:11 ----------
Sorry forgot to say yes I did the full screen.
One thing I do have for last couple weeks is sore foreskin on top on one side. I went to docs and she said it doesnt look like thrush. Looking at symptoms for STI it doesnt fall into any of those either and the last time i had sex was end of October for 1st week in November.
Weird.... And I suppose its played on my mind too, compounding the HIV fear a bit.
Thank you mate. I am just about keeping calm while I wait. Dave gave me a good tip for OraQuick. I'm going chemist tomorrow in london on way to work. My local doesnt stock them.
I'm doing my level best to stay calm and positive. Hope I sleep.....
Guys thank you for all your kind advice and reassurance. Keeping me sane!!!
---------- Post added at 20:15 ---------- Previous post was at 20:11 ----------
Sorry forgot to say yes I did the full screen.
One thing I do have for last couple weeks is sore foreskin on top on one side. I went to docs and she said it doesnt look like thrush. Looking at symptoms for STI it doesnt fall into any of those either and the last time i had sex was end of October for 1st week in November.
Weird.... And I suppose its played on my mind too, compounding the HIV fear a bit.It's np mate :) Glad you are thinking more logically now:shades: As for the sore foreskin lets just say it's probably too much :whistles: and like you say doesn't fall in to a STI/HIV cat either so it's all good! And the OraQuick sounds ideal too let us know if it helps ATB
Quick question everyone.
I had the test Thurs at 11am at the clinic. The bloods etc then get sent to the hospital for analysis (by 1pm the nurse said) and the nurse at the clinic told me I would recieve my results on Tuesday.
The results get sent back to the clinic who issue notification.
If there was anything come up they would ring me. So im obviously sitting here shaking like a leaf worried to death.
Would it be fair to say if I haven't had a call on Monday, I can start to calm down and assume im okay? I'm thinking the hospital would notify the clinic on Monday if there was a positive result?
Im just beside myself with worry here.
The other thing is im sure they would ring me if it was something else like Chlamydia, but they are not allowed to say over the phone so i'll have a heart attack going to the clinic on the way.
All reason leaves your head when you panic..... and im really anxious today.
I would say so. There is nothing to worry about, just wait till Tuesday now :) Not much else you can do it's a waiting game now. You will be fine and as always The told ya so gang are on stand by!! it's all good ATB
I would say so. There is nothing to worry about, just wait till Tuesday now :) Not much else you can do it's a waiting game now. You will be fine and as always The told ya so gang are on stand by!! it's all good ATB
Thanks bud, can't tell you how much you guys are getting me through this. Worse period of my life.
Thank you....
Okay on train to work. Today and tomorrow are key days. I’m absolutely panicking about receiving a phone call because it means one of my results is not good, but obviously I be in panic mode over which.
I’m already in full panic mode, heart beating like a freight train, dry mouth, just anticipation a bad result.
Honestly I don’t know how I’m coping, waiting for this. I’m just praying for that sms txt msg!!
Damn this is hard. If I don’t hear anything today, I’ll still be in full panic mode but maybe it means that nothing wrong?
Supposed to get results tomorrow. Would they wait to give me bad news tomorrow? Surely they would ring earlier.
WiseMonkey
29-01-18, 09:27
Hi,
If you don't hear, then contact them, be proactive. Then you can break open the champers :)
Dave_Lister
29-01-18, 15:54
Just try to stay busy, and keep your mind occupied on other things.
You are going to be fine.
Hi,
If you don't hear, then contact them, be proactive. Then you can break open the champers :) The clinic will be proactive watch this space Pete will get a sms tomorrow and it will be all good :)
IT'S NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yahoo::yahoo:
I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :yesyes::yahoo::yahoo::yesyes:
Guys, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! I don't know how to thank you all, especially Dave with his very kind private messages.
You have all stood buy me, literally got me through this!!!!
I was in an all day meeting next to my Chief Exec, praying I wouldnt get a phone call. Literally shaking with nerves all day.... The around 4pm, I got the BEST sms msg of all time!!!!!!
Oh my days, the RELIEF!!!!!!!
You guys have been with me, holding my hand in the trenches. I don't know how I can thank you except to say I will be there wneh you need me, just like you all have!!!!
I really thought I was gonna get bad news!!! Just hope it's not a mistake and they ring me tomorrow.
Boy im gonna sleep soundly for the first time simce before christmas tonight!!
Guys, THANK YOU!!!!!!! :bighug1:
Here's your well deserved....
https://media.giphy.com/media/144sPQzQMN4SIg/giphy.gif
Positive thoughts
Well Pete I Knew you would be ok :bighug1: Don't even think that they have made a mistake, soak up the joy my friend which is overflowing and move on from this and Told Ya So:shades:
Well Pete I Knew you would be ok :bighug1: Don't even think that they have made a mistake, soak up the joy my friend which is overflowing and move on from this and Told Ya So:shades:
Thank you buddy. Seriously happy and absolutely knackered....
Celebrating by coming home, and settling in front of TV with a cuppa and a 4 pack of Morrisons custard donoughts!
I don't care how fattening they are, ive hardly eaten since the test.
I'll sleep tonight. But I tell you something, i'd still be in this horrible place if it wasnt for you guys, pushing me to take the test, with me the whole way. It's no way to live with the doubt, it really isn't.
Thank you, thank you all :bighug1:
Dave_Lister
29-01-18, 21:04
Well done Peter!
I'm so happy for you! It has made my day!
Well done Peter!
I'm so happy for you! It has made my day!
Thank you kind sir. Couldn't have done it without you. :bighug1:
GiovanniNL
30-01-18, 15:22
Congratz Peter!
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