NewYorkgirl
04-01-18, 14:11
I think this is more of a thinking out loud post. Having suffered from HA for at least 10years ( longer probably but I wasn't aware it was such a thing) I'm now at a stage where I'm wondering how much time, energy and joy at life has been wasted over the years. My HA has changed and morphed over time. The 'stage' I seem to be in lately is thinking if I enjoy life, look forward to something, plan something, then my worst fear will happen (the C word) This extends to reading story's about women my age with children having these illnesses. These stories render me panic stricken with obsessive thoughts of missed diagnosis, untreatable diseases and leaving my children. I have my regular smear booked for the 16th and I'm in turmoil about it. U will go but I am actually imagining scenarios of terrible news and the aftermath. Followed by a rational thought of why should anything be wrong, swiftly followed by ahh you thought there was nothing wrong so now there absolutely will be (see what I mean about these obsessive thoughts!) Does anybody else have these chain of thoughts, is this 'Normal' for HA?..i think I just want to see what other people's experiences are. Not for reassurance but for understanding this demon that has squatted in my head for too long. I'm working towards an eviction. Thank you for reading this long post 💜